Gnomy tells all: stories from his lifetimes throughout the universes

Once upon a time long ago, the creator gods and goddesses decided to make Earth their home. They moved to the picturesque area that would one day become Greece. These gods built their palaces at the top of Mt. Olympus, on the peak of the greatest mountain in a region of majestic mountains.

Zeus, who was the undisputed king of this divine pantheon and who delighted in the title of Lord of the Sky, loved the pure and lofty region. He built his throne there, in a sunny palace placed high above the clouds.

Despite the heavenly location, the creator gods filled their time with earthly hedonistic pleasures. When they weren’t capriciously interfering in the lives of humans or other beings, they spent their time eating ambrosia, drinking nectar and indulging heavily in consumption of wine and beer. This lack of moral inhibition and absence of good judgment led to many problems.

One of those problems was a love of gambling.

This preoccupation with games of chance seems odd since each god could surely have influenced the outcome of any betting games. Perhaps the real enjoyment was seeing how long they could endure disabling their powers of magic to make the games actually a gamble, not a foregone conclusion.

The favorite betting game at that time, indulged in by both humans and gods, was throwing dice made from bone or clay.

Now at this particular festival of Dionysia, the gods started celebrating the cultivation of grape vines early in the day. They kept their wine consumption at a high level throughout the day’s rituals, processions and events. Even the normally thoughtful Artemis and Persephone had been overindulging with wine.

They got the hilarious idea to create a new animal based on the whim of the dice.

Artemis is the daughter of Zeus and is the protector of animals, so you would think she would know better. Persephone is the goddess of springtime and innocence, so again, you would think she would conduct herself in a more responsible manner.

However, screaming with laughter, the two goddesses decided to randomly roll the dice three times and build an animal based on the traits that came up. And what an odd miscellaneous assemblage of traits came up.

First, there was the bill and webbed feet of the duck. Second, the tail of a beaver. Third, the body and fur of the otter.

Artemis and Persephone started their design work. They threw in a few extra odd animal traits, just for more of a challenge. They decided the animal should lay eggs, instead of giving live birth like almost all other mammals. It would dive and swim in the water, instead of just floating on top of the water.

The two goddesses added a few more unusual ideas just for fun. The animal would have no stomach so it had to eat all day long. The animal would be small to make it look less threatening yet have spurs on its back feet filled with deadly venom. Finally, they came up with the funniest name they could devise and called the new animal a platypus.

Although their creative skills were distorted by alcohol, their enthusiasm was not. By the end of their work session, they had come up with a platypus test design.

Falling over each other with hilarity, Artemis and Persephone went to Zeus and asked if they could keep what they had invented. Despite their general silliness and drunken mood, they knew that they had to ask Zeus about adding a new animal to the collection of mammals. Zeus was the principal god, so what he decreed as acceptable is what would be allowed.

Zeus took a long look at the animal, then looked at the goddesses. He decided he would rather deal with putting a platypus on Earth than deal with the ill humors of two inebriated deities, so he agreed that they may keep the platypus.

There were several requirements, though. First, the animal was not a plaything, meaning it must be given enough agility to allow it to survive. He also decreed that the animal must be confined to Australia, where developing humans were used to strange and dangerous creatures. The goddesses agreed.

Artemis and Persephone woke up the next morning and nursed their hangovers. They had completely forgotten about their casual throw-of-the-dice animal design. However, Zeus insisted that they redesign and complete their platypus animal project.

After strong coffee and much grumbling, the two friends realized that their creative design session had resulted in a very poorly planned prototype. They consulted other gods and goddesses to help in overcoming the many design flaws. After much derision and scolding directed at the two goddesses, the group went to work. They reshaped the platypus animal until it was finally functional.

The entire pantheon of gods gathered to celebrate the special animal and view its release into the outback. It’s true the deities spend too much time drinking wine and gambling, but they were good at their jobs when they needed to be. They were proud that their combined ingenuity had saved the platypus design.

To be honest, there has been much astonishment that the thrown-together platypus still survives through millennia. It has turned out to be a very hardy animal, needing only small, occasional design modifications.

Artemis and Persephone get together once every million years or so to lead what they call a celebration of the platypus. It is in reality a celebration to rejoice at how well what had seemed like poor design actually turned into an incredibly clever project.

The platypus has been an unexpected hit here on Earth. Humans can’t seem to get enough of the quirky little beast. Australians, who are excellent at coming up with their own reasons for a party, spend an entire month celebrating the mysteries of the platypus every year. The platypus, and the celebration of the platypus, are a permanent part of the planet. One could even say that the platypuses lived happily ever after.