Giant Robot Reincarnation?!

“Uwaaaa! It’s so beautiful!” I cried out in delight.

December 24^th. Christmas Eve. The big day.

We were currently standing in front of the central park of 433 Eros’ residential area. The park was aglow with an entrancing spectrum of Christmas lights, juxtaposed against the snow-laden trees. Soft flakes of snow fell gently from the sky, swirling around a brilliant Christmas tree that sat at the park’s center. From the top of the tree, a crystal angel surveyed the entire festival like a guardian.

“Isn’t it, gao~n? This is some of my finest work yet! Praise me, praise me, gao~n!” Zehra was, remarkably, not wearing her usual sloppy outfit and lab coat. Instead she had on jeans, and a thick-knit yarn sweater striped in red and green. Emblazoned on the center of the sweater was the visage of a roaring golden lion, rendered in colors that entirely clashed with the rest of the design. The lion was wreathed by blinking LED lights in various colors. I’m not sure if the concept of ‘ugly Christmas sweaters’ existed in this war-torn world, but Zehra had somehow encapsulated it perfectly.

“Normally I would discourage you from praising Mistress excessively, but she did outdo herself this time.” Vicky’s outfit was just as garish as Zehra’s, in a different sense. She was clad in a red one-piece strapless dress made of plush velvet, with a low-cut neckline and a hem that barely covered her ass. The hem and collar of the neckline were lined with fluffy white fur. On her arms she wore elbow gloves of the same velvet, each topped by a ring of white fur. On her feet she wore ankle-high black boots, polished so finely they reflected the Christmas lights around us. The outfit was topped off by a floppy, pointed red hat with a brim of white fur, and a white pom-pom at the end.

Yes, Vicky was wearing the holy grail of Christmas outfits: a Sexy Santa costume. The outfit hugged her curves perfectly; as with the maid costume, it suited her TOO well.

I wondered at the history of this outfit. In my old timeline, modern depictions of Santa Claus didn’t really kick off until Coca-Cola used them in advertising in the 1930s. The timeline of this world diverged from my own in 1932, which seemed like too little overlap for modern cultural conceptions of Santa to take root. When I asked Zehra about this, she just laughed.

“You’re the one who designed that outfit, gao~n!”

“Huh? Me?”

“As Lisichka, I mean. It was one of the outfits you made Kometka wear all the time!” She grinned mischievously and pinched Vicky’s butt, causing the latter to squeal.

I looked at Vicky sympathetically, feeling a pang of guilt. So this is my fault?! Please forgive me, Vicky…

“Oh, are we groping Vicky? I wanna join!” Teles sprang forward, ducking behind Vicky and grabbing both her breasts. “What’s all THIS about? Unfair! It’s unfair how stacked you are!” Yes, Teles was PHYSICALLY groping Vicky. Apparently, as of yesterday, she had obtained her own Telepresence Doll, and her potential for causing mischief had skyrocketed geometrically. Like Zehra, she took much pleasure in mocking her former boss.

By the way, Teles dressed in a green lacy blouse and black skirt. It wasn’t an especially fancy outfit, but compared to her usual look she seemed dressy. Simple outfits suited her straightforward personality, after all.

“As much as I enjoy seeing you two torment Vicky, please give the poor girl some space.” Miette sighed, half-joking. I turned to look at my own date for tonight. She was wearing tight black pants, a white shirt, fingerless gloves, and an unzipped leather jacket emblazoned with a flaming skull on the back. Sitting crookedly atop her head was a black pilot’s cap, trimmed with gold. She looked the part of a punk biker chick perfectly, and it made me swoon.

By the way, my outfit was no slouch either. I had designed an ice-blue party dress, with snowy white icicles hanging from the hem. From each of my ears hung a pendant shaped like a large crystalline snowflake, and a shimmering white-blue tiara sat atop my head. On my feet I wore glassy blue high heels, perhaps not unlike those of Cinderella. When she first saw this outfit a few minutes ago, Miette had complimented me, which sent my heart aflutter.

So there you had our odd little ensemble: the mad scientist in an ugly Christmas sweater, her Sexy Santa maid, a bratty childlike AI in a skirt, a punk biker chick, and a jittery ice princess. We headed for the gates of the Christmas Festival, towards the night of magic and romance we had been anticipating for so long. I stole a glance at Miette’s face, and her radiant smile melted my heart into a puddle of joy.

*****

“Mmm! It’s so delicious!”

The food at the stalls of the Christmas Festival was simple fare compared to what I had experienced in my old life, but it had a rustic charm. Zehra, Vicky and Miette were all currently biting into piping-hot apple dumplings, and if Miette’s expression of pleasure was any indication, it was very tasty.

Teles and I couldn’t eat, so we watched the other three jealously. Oh well, at least as a robot I don’t have to worry about dieting anymore. In Earth-normal gravity, my Gravity Frame body weighed almost sixty tons, so I would likely shatter any scale I stepped on. Even my Telepresence Doll body weighed twice as much as a human my size, owing to the large amount of metal in its chassis.

As Miette finished off her dumpling, I noticed some of the apple filling had spilled onto her cheek. “Oh, Miette, you’ve got something on your…” I began.

“Hmm?” She looked at me, tilting her head. On the spur of the moment, I leaned my head forwards and lapped off the bit of sticky apple with my tongue. Since I couldn’t chew and swallow it, I simply rolled it around on my tongue, as if trying to taste it.

Miette’s face turned beet red. “Sveta… wh-wh-” She stammered, apparently unable to form complete sentences.

I turned my head and coughed politely, allowing me to eject the bit of apple. I turned back to her and smiled. “Just cleaning your face, my dear pilot.” I beamed a radiant smile at her, and her blush deepened. Zehra and Teles were watching us both intently with knowing smiles, and Vicky was fidgeting.

Suddenly, another voice rang out. “My, aren’t you two having fun?”

I turned to see Laria and Captain Savitskaya standing here, holding hands and smiling at us. Both Miette and I sprang to our feet and saluted sharply.

“Now now, none of that. I’m off-duty today, so please treat me as simply a friend.” the Captain said awkwardly. She cut a rather incongruent figure; this is the first time I’d ever seen her out of uniform. She was dressed in a white t-shirt, an unbuttoned flannel shirt over that, and denim short shorts. Combined with her tanned, muscular body and her buzzed haircut, she seemed INCREDIBLY butch.

I… never knew the Captain had this side to her…

Laria sighed. “I was afraid you’d elicit this reaction. You really need to get out more, dear.” To contrast her date, Laria sported a black strapless cocktail dress, with an open slit that showed off her left leg. It was a graceful, feminine look that suited her perfectly.

Wait… DEAR?! Did she just call the Captain DEAR?!

The Captain looked at Laria, smiling gently. “Hey, I wanted to go somewhere more private. There’s be less of a fuss that way.”

Laria smiled right back. “Absolutely not! If I’m to draw you out of your shell, you must take that important first step. Consider it a part of your training, dear.”

Amazing! They’ve been an item for, what, two weeks at most… and they already seem like an old married couple! Is this the power of romances between older women? Technically Laria was only ten years old, but in AI years she had to be like fifty.

Miette and I were both fidgeting uncomfortably. The conflict between the image we held of our Captain as a stern authority figure and her current presentation as a soft butch gently arguing with her girlfriend was practically shorting out our brains. The other three members of our party didn’t seem bothered by it, though.

“Oh, did you two finally hook up? Congratulations, gao~n!”

Laria winced. “I’m a bit bothered by how you said ‘finally’ there, but I will accept your congratulations sincerely.” She gave a small bow, the very picture of feminine elegance. The Captain just grinned sheepishly.

“Congratulations indeed.” Vicky added. “Please name your first child after me.”

“I’m… not even sure how that would work…” the Captain muttered. “By the way, I see you’re in yet another ridiculous outfit.”

“Ah, well. As my Mistress demands, so I must obey.” Vicky said without a shred of embarrassment. She really was getting too used to all this. The Captain wasn’t sure how to respond to that, considering she was the one responsible for Vicky’s servitude in the first place. There was an uncomfortable pause as they stared at each other.

Teles broke the awkward mood, offering the Captain one of the remaining apple dumplings. “Hey hey, try one of these! The humans seem to like them a lot.”

“Ah, thank you.” Happy for an excuse to change the subject, she took the dumpling and bit into it. The filling surged out and smeared on her cheek.

“Oh my.” Laria said. “Dear, hold still for a moment.” She produced a handkerchief and wiped the Captain’s face clean.

Miette elbowed me in the ribs. “See, THAT’S how you’re supposed to clean someone’s face!” she whispered.

I stuck out my tongue at her. “Seems way less fun.” The faintest tinges of a blush still clung to my dear pilot’s face, so I didn’t regret my actions in the least.

*****

Since the Captain and Laria were having trouble socializing with everyone, we invited them to join our little party and see the festival together. They gladly accepted.

“By the way, could I ask you all to call me Katya?”

We all stared at the Captain, mouths agape.

“Since we’re off duty.” she added. “There is no need for professional forms of address.”

“K-Katya…” I mumbled, conflicted.

“Sure thing, gao~n!” Zehra was entirely unbothered, as usual.

“No problem.” Vicky said. As an ex-commander herself, she already had some measure of kinship with the Captain.

“Can do, Katya!” Teles said cheerfully, rambunctious as always.

Miette just looked like a deer caught in headlights. I sympathized.

“By the way,” Laria said, studying me, “that’s quite a nice outfit, Sveta. Although I feel like you’re stealing my thunder a bit with the ice motif.”

“I don’t wanna hear that from someone with the busty figure to fill out a cocktail dress.” I shot back. “If anything, I should be jealous of YOU.”

We both stared at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing. After a moment, everyone else joined us. That’s how the ice princess and the ice queen successfully…

…wait for it…

…BROKE THE ICE!!

Okay, okay. I’ll apologize for that pun. Please don’t give me the cold shoulder.

Anyway, that’s how my date with Miette suddenly became a surprise double-date, with three third wheels. I didn’t really mind, because being surrounded by friends just made the night even more delightful. All of these people were precious to me, and I was blessed by their presence.

Of course, I was still planning out my big moment. I had a mission to fulfill, after all.

Operation Confess to Miette and Smooch Her… ENTERING PHASE TWO!!