Gardenia of Blooming Desire

'Filth.'

That word lingered in my head, as I stood idle in this garden. I was both petrified and frightened at the same time. The words of a noble, especially a noble whose existence was as important as half of the country, the word of Young Lord meant either heaven or hell, as he could make you an everlasting saint bestowed with beautiful gifts. He could also give u suffering worse than torture. And this was the first time I had experienced the power of Young Grand Duke's words.

I never thought he would threaten me right away. I did make a blunder, but I was merely praising him, even though I was purely in daze. He looked delicate, his golden hair showered by morning sun made it bedazzling. He was crouching with his feet slightly tiptoed. He smiled as he caressed the white petunia with his slim fingers and I could barely hear his soft voice, but it was like a tickle to my ear. He was almost like an oil painting that I could only watch while imagining the moment when I could touch the golden boy inside the painting, caressing his hair and smooth cheek.

So I was unconsciously praising him and his beauty, and I still had no regret about it. But, Young Lord found it offensive and glared at me. I snapped out of my daze and saw his glare for the first time. He was still beautiful even when he glared. I even saw his face blushed clearly. He looked like a kitten trying to unsheathe his claws. But I didn't want trouble, so I apologized, thinking that Young Lord would just turn away.

But he actually threatened me.

'I will return you to that slave merchant.'

I was petrified and frightened when I heard 'return' and 'merchant'. I remembered a few days ago, when I was still in his cart, I only ate musty fruits and stale bread that nobody knew when that bread was made. I only drank water once a day, while traveling under the scorching hot sun. I saw many adults and kids die out of hunger and thirst. I didn't want to be like that. Not after I experienced a few days of luxury like this.

I was frightened to my bone, and then I remembered that Young Lord was still the Lord of the Grand Duchy. He might look soft, but he was powerful, at least to my life. I couldn't be playful, thinking that he would accept my praise and then joked with me, or eased up to me. I realized that I just crossed my boundary for once.

The anger was real, the threat who came out from someone as beautiful as Young Lord felt real, and I was in real panic. I kneeled and planted my face to the stone pave. I realized my boundary as a slave who had spoken too much.

Surprisingly, Young Lord forgave me without punishment. I thought, for a second, Young Lord did care about me to some extent. Since my life was as worthless as a crippled horse. It gave me the illusion of a Young Lord who cared for me and thought of me more than a discardable servant. Then the hope was smashed when that sentence came out from his mouth.

'As Young Grand Duke, I do not lack money. I lacked tolerance to filth.'

Yes, he was the powerful Young Grand Duke whom I reminisced hold major power to some of the business who employed the people inside the workers hut according to Jean and Dirk. To him, I was also the slave employed by him, which was more than enough grace for me.

But I was filthy. Maybe that was why he said he didn't let me wear the same clothes everyday, it would make me look filthier than I already was. Maybe that was also the reason why he distanced himself and why he always looked cold to me whenever he was conscious about my presence. I expected it, but it did hurt.

Down casted, I walked out of the garden to get my breakfast and took my new clothes. Anne said: "Young Lord had bestowed you thirty sets of clothes. You need to change everyday, he hated when someone wore the same clothes in front of him for more than a day."

I was stupefied and asked: "Even you? Mrs. Anne?"

She rolled her eyes, "Clearly, all the maids and butlers have twenty sets of uniform that was always clean. You had to wash your own clothes later."

"…. Yes ma'am." I replied. When Young Lord said he didn't lack money, I never thought he was this rich, more than all of my previous masters' wealth combined and he was clearly younger than me.

I shuddered; it was true that I should not make another blunder. It was dangerous to offend him.

I followed the schedule given by Mrs. Anne everyday. First, I greeted Young Lord in the garden if he allowed it. Second, I stood near the dining hall and waited for him for breakfast. Third, I stood near his classroom and waited for him until he finished. Then I needed to follow his demand, while also reminding him to eat lunch as he often forgot his lunch. That was easy.

Well, it should be easy. When I saw Young Lord walking in the corridor to the dining hall, I greeted him, "Good morning, Young Lord. Her excellency Grand Duchess is waiting in the dining hall."

Young Lord stopped his stride and glanced at me with such cold eyes, which made me shivered. I lowered my head. We stayed like this for a while until Young Lord left me. I took a deep sigh.

'I guess he really does not like me.'

Young Lord mostly ate in silence, it was the Grand Duchess who was chattering to him dotingly. If I did not see Grand Duchess' condescending gaze yesterday, I would think that Grand Duchess was an amiable person. She was almost like a different person to Young Lord.

"How is your new servant? Is he coming to your liking?" asked the Grand Duchess. I tensed up, since I was outside the dining hall, I could only eavesdrop while anxiously waiting for Young Lord's answer. I remembered this morning's accident and felt bad premonition was near.

Young Lord did not answer it hastily, instead, there was a moment of silence until I heard his soft voice say, "He is fine."

I sighed in relief, at least, today, I did not lose my head.

"He is, however, a bit rough and foul mouthed, he offended me once. He was not pleasant to look at," said Young Lord.

I tensed up and the fright that was dissipating entered my body once more. Young Lord really hated me. He boldly told such complaint to Grand Duchess. I gulped, my body felt cold, especially around the neck. I couldn't imagine what kind of punishment I would get, fired, whipped, burned, or guillotine? Either way, they were all frightening.

'No, I don't want to die. I don't…'

I remembered the moment when my parents threw me to the ship when I was around six or seven years old. The only word they said to me was 'Live'. That was the reason why I persevered. To let my life end because Young Lord was dissatisfied, I left out a bitter smile.

'If I am going to die like this, what was the point of giving me hope in the first place? Why did he smile when I met him for the first time.'

I remembered the first day I met him in the garden. That bright, golden shine and beautiful smile had blinded me, as if I saw an Angel who graced me with his presence. And now, will this angel be my death?

"I see," I heard Grand Duchess finally said, "I will dispatch the butler to purchase a new servant. I will personally punish him for his offense," said Grand Duchess lightly. She chuckled and continued, "Do not worry, my beautiful son. I will give him the punishment he deserves for offending you."

My feet went soft as I leaned to the wall. Grand Duchess said it as if my life was worth nothing. She spoke lightly, but the malice she bore within her words sounded like a death sentence.

"Punishing him would be sufficient, mothe-- mom," Young Lord responded quickly, "But I would punish him personally. I hope mom will not be concerned by my method of punishment."

"My dear son wanted to personally punish him? Then, your mom will be overjoyed," said Grand Duchess. I wiped the cold sweat on my forehead. I believe Young Lord would not be as cruel as Grand Duchess. I did not know how scary Young Lord could be, but Grand Duchess' aura was bone shattering, her sentence felt like a death sentence, I could never imagine someone would be more frightening than her.

Young Lord went to his classroom without looking back at me, thus, I followed him in silence. He entered the class while ignoring me. I stood in front of his class in the same position as yesterday and waited until he finished the class. I knew I had imprinted in my mind that I could not be closer to Young Lord if I did not want to lose my head. But the thought of being a stranger made my heart feel stuffy. That stuffy feeling that was almost alien to me finally resurfaced.

It was the same feeling when my parents threw me on the ship, I did not cry, but my heart felt stuffy. It was also the same feeling when my first master abandoned me, even though he was the one who treated me humanely. When this feeling finally resurfaced and started hurting, I bit my lower lips, holding out the pain inside my chest.

'Did I really hit the bottom line?'

I waited until Young Lord finished his class and followed him quietly, dared not breath heavily, nor raised my head. Young Lord stopped in front of his room before speaking coldly, "You should be grateful because I saved you this morning," he said with his back facing me.

I bit my lip, he must be joking. Even though I was stupid, but no idiot would be grateful to be punished and possibly decapitated by his own master. But I had no power here, I could only abide to Young Lord's words, "This servant… thank Young Lord for--"

"Who allowed you to speak just now?"

I shut my mouth before lowering my head again.

Young Lord glanced at me and said, "I can cut your throat for this offense, but I am an amiable person. I will let you to accompany me, but you are a mute unless I allow you. That is your punishment, understand?"

"Yes, Young Lord, this servant--"

"I cannot be bothered by your voice," said Young Lord. He opened the door and ordered me one more thing before closing the door, "Every four in the morning, you will wait for me in the garden. You're dismissed today."

I nodded and left the east tower with dread. Young Lord had prevented me from speaking. It was not long before he would be mute for real.

'Cut my throat? Burn my mouth so I cannot speak?' My body was chilled by the possibility.

Realizing how harsh Young Lord could be, I had to push this strange feeling back. I shall not blabber, I knew that already. But even if I became a mute, I was not sure how long I could survive in this grand duchy before losing my head. Even worse, Young Lord might be the one that sentenced me to death.

I did not care how low I need to be, no family, became a slave, used and sold again and again. I did not care. Since I was thrown into that ship, I only had one thing in my mind. Survive, I need to survive.

Young Lord was the only key to me surviving this place. As long as he was happy, I could live. Thus, I made a resolution to myself, the first act that would ensure my safety.

'Young Lord must know my importance.'