Gardenia of Blooming Desire

I stood in silence, hearing her singing as if a siren had enchanted and drifted my consciousness away. I approached her slowly, afraid that she might got scared because of my presence.

Merry glanced at my direction and stopped singing, her confidence that was melted with tenderness dissipated instantly and she turned into meek and silent girl I was familiar with. I was a bit disappointed, because I wanted to hear her singing voice.

"You can continue, don't mind me," I said.

She blushed and shook her head. She jumped from the big stone to the ground, but her feet slipped, "Watch out!" I rushed and immediately grabbed her hand and took her to my embrace.

"Uh… um…"

"Are you okay?" I asked. My breath was heavy, this river was deep and cold, and none of us were an adept swimmer, if she really fell to the river…

"I'm okay… Ramuja, can you… release me?" Merry was in my embrace for a while, her head was on my chest, this position was indeed not right. I released her and she took a deep breath.

"Be careful next time," I warned her again. She was lucky that I was here.

Merry casted his eyes down, she looked pitiful, "I always sing in this place whenever the moonlight is bright, usually… there is no incident," she paused and stole a glance at me and continued, "M--maybe because I'm nervous."

"Nervous? Why?"

"Because…" Merry paused again, she stole a glance few times, then suddenly retreated, "I--I need to go, see you tomorrow, Ramuja."

She ran to the house, leaving me here alone.

A flash of thought came to my mind, I could feel her heartbeat thumped in her soft chest. Even after a while, her heart beat even harder. It was… similar to my heartbeat when Young Lord's face was so close and the tips of our noses were touching. My heartbeat was uncontrollable and I thought it would burst anytime.

'No… there is no way she has feeling for me, I'm just a slave, who would fall in love with a slave.'

I reminded myself not to overthink and wished too much. Just like my relationship with Young Lord, sometimes I felt like we were so close, but I knew it was just a wishful thinking. I sat on the big stone and stared at the moonlight again, so that I could imagine his face even when I wasn't with him.

'Young Lord… he probably has Crown Prince or a woman in his heart…'

Again, I had to swallow the bitter pill, no matter how much I tried, I couldn't be close with Young Lord.

'My freedom is the only way… for Young Lord to see me as human, right?'

***

I took a deep breath and carried another log on my back. I could feel my back almost gave up, since it was extremely heavy. But I got used to this hard labor sooner than I expected. It was a hard job, but definitely better than being physically and mentally tortured in the grand duchy.

It was near winter, thus, my job carrying logs doubled than the regular quota. However, Grand Duke was kind enough to double the food ration for all the workers to compensate the doubled quota.

'He was very generous, but he rarely went to the grand duchy mansion. My life would probably be easier if he was there. At least Grand Duchess wouldn't dare to torture me.'

I finished my quota today and took my basket. I immediately queued for the workers food ration.

However, not long after I queued, I saw Grand Duke's guard approached the workers. Everyone became stiff and stopped their idle chat, because duke's guard was not good news. Whenever grand duke called someone, that person will always get fired.

I was calm though, I was a slave owned by grand duchy, so he didn't even need to call me if he wanted to ditch me. Just say the words and my head will immediately fly. I did nothing offensive though, so I was composed and continue queuing.

"You, come!" the guard suddenly pointed at me.

I was confused, as I thought I did nothing wrong. "You! Fast! Grand Duke wants to see you!"

I gulped, no, Grand Duke wasn't cruel like his wife, he wouldn't kill me. There must be some misunderstanding here. I reluctantly followed the guard to duke's room. I entered the room and immediately trembled, as I smelled the familiar aroma of tobacco. My previous master was very fond of tobacco and smoked a lot. He would also burn my skin with his cigar in various places.

I kneeled in front of him and said, "This slave answering Grand Duke's call."

Grand Duke Harion sat on a leather chair, with stared at me for a while, from below, I could describe his appearance as stern and serious. He had that deep stare similar to Young Lord, white skin, although not as pale as his and the same mole under the left eyes. Even in his 30s, he still looked handsome.

"You're my son's slave that I bought in that market, right?" he asked.

"Yes, Milord."

"Then, why are you here? Who ordered you to leave my son?" he asked.

I was tongue-tied, this question… if I said Grand Duchess was the one who sent me here, would he be angry? She was his wife nonetheless. Grand Duke seemed to guess the answer based on my silence.

"My wife, Grand Duchess threatened you to leave my son, right?"

I trembled, whenever I heard Grand Duchess name mentioned I immediately kneeled even lower. I dared not answering that question, fearing my life was in the verge of one swipe.

"I take your silence as a yes," Grand Duke said, he then tapped my hand with his boots, "Then, did you take the gold offered by her?"

"This servant…" I stopped, because the fear suddenly crawling up, blackening my consciousness. I swallowed my fear, but my hands didn't stop trembling. I was this nervous because I did in fact take the gold and left Young Lord. Grand Duke would never forgive me. But I couldn't lie either, because he could just ask his wife about me.

"This--this servant… took the gold, but hadn't use it yet," I said. I closed my eyes, waiting for that torture.

"I see… then, you passed," Grand Duke said lightly. I looked up, expecting a scary monster in front of me, but what I found was Grand Duke Harion smiling to me. Yes, smiling to me, a slave.

"Milord? This… this servant doesn't understand…" I said dumbly.

"You're honest, if you answer otherwise just to impress me with your loyalty, I'd stop your breath right now," Grand Duke explained. He took a bag of coin and threw it away to my front. This action was similar to Grand Duchess, but I didn't get the same pressure as when I was with her.

"Take that as your first payment, you're now my people," Grand Duke smiled. He looked dignified and mighty, but he wasn't suppressive like his wife. I felt like I saw a mirage, an illusion of a kind noble. The one who wouldn't abuse his power to stomp someone like me.

"This servant… doesn't understand," I said again.

Looking at my dumb face, Grand Duke chuckled. He drank his wine and called the guard, "Give me a contract."

The guard quickly opened a box and handed a piece of paper with some writings in it and a bottle of ink to Grand Duke. It was the noble writing that I couldn't understand at all. I saw Grand Duke inspected it and finally gave it to me.

"This servant cannot read, milord."

"It's a contract, you'll be my secret subordinate. I will give you payment and protection. What you need to do is to follow my instruction," Grand Duke's eyes flitted with cautiousness, "Since you are my son's slave, then my instruction for you is to report all his activities to me, report any slight change of his behavior and the most important thing…"

Grand Duke stared me with his solemn gaze, this one gaze made my back stiff, "… you shall never betray him. Once you betray or hurt him, I will be the one who feeds your body to the dogs."

"This servant dared not and never thought so, Milord!" I exclaimed confidently. This one I never doubted. Never flashed on my mind the thought of hurting Young Lord or betrayed him.

'Because he is… the one I will follow forever.'

"Then, dip your thumb in this ink and imprint it here," Grand Duke pointed at one spot under the writings.

I hesitated, because I couldn't read, I was afraid that he would trap me into some web trap that I couldn't escape.

'But given his instruction, he seems to be really sincere with Young Lord…'

I took a deep breath, dipped my thumb to the ink and imprinted it on the paper. I was officially Grand Duke's subordinate in secret.

Grand Duke smiled in satisfaction. He took the contract and put it in the same box.

"Now, before I let you leave, do you want to ask about anything?"

"This servant... wants to know why Milord Grand Duke and Grand Duchess… treated this servant differently," I asked while kneeling even lower, to the point that I almost prostrated, fearing that my question would offend him.

Grand Duke went silent, I dared not to inquiry even further and decided to excuse myself. However, Grand Duke finally answered just before I excused myself, "We are never on the same side, her priority and mine is different," he said solemnly, "I cannot protect you from her, but I can assure you that you will not die under my lead."

"Now, you shall leave, when my son is back from his supposed training in royal palace, I will immediately transferred you back to him," Grand Duke said.

"Yes, thanking milord's generosity. This servant excused himself."

I walked out with the bag of gold coin in my pocket. There were a lot of questions in my head, but I naturally couldn't inquire it now. All I could do was taking Grand Duke side as my warranty, so I could accompany Young Lord.

I hold the bag of coins in my pocket tightly and walked away from Grand Duke's tent.

'With this, someday I can buy my freedom from Young Lord.'

'Then I can stand by his side, as a human being.'

'Young Lord… all this for you.'