Gacha Gacha Hero

“Who is that beautiful girl?” Luke was craning his neck around the corner.

A beautiful young woman was strolling through the merchant stalls by the East Gate.

Ash joined him. “That’s Charity.”

Luke leapt back like he had been bit by a snake. “Oh shit! That’s Charity?” He turned back. His previous interest had evaporated. “So that’s what they mean by the prettiest flowers have the sharpest thorns.”

“Huh?”

“Oh nothing. Just something I read in a book once.”

Ave joined them. “Let me guess, another one of your friends from when you were kids.”

“Yeah.” said Ash.

“And we can’t just talk to her.” Ave stated.

“Nope.” Ash shook his head.

“And there’s also a chance that she’ll recognize Luke and alert the guards. Am I right?”

“Yes.”

“Your unpopularity is the biggest obstacle that we’ve had to face so far.” Ave frowned.

“Listen I know things have been awkward but you have to believe me this time. That’s Charity. She’s the meanest girl in the entire town. Her only joy is making other people miserable. I once saw her marking down all the dress sizes in a women’s clothing store.” said Ash.

“She used to put chalk in my milk when we were in school.” Luke joined in.

“One time she locked the door to the bathroom and hid the key right after lunch.” Ash continued. “Even after we got in we found out she had stolen all of the toilet paper.”

“She once bullied a girl so much she had to leave and go to a new school in a different city.” said Luke.

“That one is unconfirmed. But we did never get to talk with her before she left.” Ash turned back to Ave. “She will sell us out the guards as soon as she can if only so she can watch us run.”

Luke nodded in agreement.

“Are you sure about that? That all sounds very… childish.” Ave looked skeptical.

“If there’s any chance I’ll wind up in the Castle Dungeon she will do everything in her power to make it happen.” said Ash. “Being responsible for other people’s unhappiness is one of her two hobbies.”

“Maybe it’s not as bad as Ash says. But I would still rather not meet her, looking like this.” Luke tried to hurriedly brush some of the dirt off of his clothes.

“Fine.” Ave crossed her arms. “And let me guess again. I’m going to have to be the one to distract her aren’t I?”

Luke grabbed Ash’s arm. “Maybe we should go to one of the other gates Ash. We can’t sacrifice her to Charity. Nobody deserves that.”

Ash looked concerned. “I don’t know what we’re going to do. I don’t think that there’s anything in the world that I could summon that would distract her long enough for us to get away. What about you Luke?”

Luke waved his hands. “I don’t have the energy. Even if I did Charity was never appreciative of my gifts.”

Ave rolled her eyes. “How old are you two?”

“Seventeen.” They both replied.

Ave sighed. “By the gods. You know that in our society you two are adults. You two are grown men. You’ve spent half the day running from the guards, coming up with one elaborate escape plan after another, and now the two of you are hiding in an alley because you’re afraid of some girl that was mean to you in school?”

Ash and Luke looked at each other.

Ash spoke. “She’s right you know.”

“She is?” Luke questioned.

“She is.”

“She is!”

“Look at us. We’re grown men.” Ash thumped his chest.

“We’re adults.” Luke stamped his foot.

“We’re big strong boys!”

“I’ve got hair growing in my armpits!”

“We shouldn’t be hiding back here. We should be out there! Facing our problems!”

“That’s right!” Luke agreed. “It’s only Charity. It’s not like the last thing she told me before I left was that I would never make it in the big city and one day I would have to run back home to Star Town like a coward.”

“Yeah. It’s not like she can read our minds and pick out our greatest insecurities.” said Ash.

“Haha ha ha heeee…” The two of them shared a pained laugh.

“Okay!” Ash exclaimed. “I’m gonna do it! I’m going to go out there and distract her so that you two can sneak by.”

“Great.” said Ave.

“Good luck.” Said Luke.

Ash turned to the street. Then he turned back around. He pointed a finger at Luke.

“Unless you would rather go?” He said.

“Me? No. I was never as good at distracting people as you were.” said Luke.

“Maybe this would be good practice for you.” said Ash.

“I think we should let the expert handle it.” Luke waved at Ash.

“Are you sure?”

“You’ve got this buddy.”

“Okay.” Ash turned. “Here I go.”

Then he turned back around.

“What about the North Gate? It’s not really that far. If we run all the way there we could be out of town by nightfall.” Ash explained.

Luke nodded. “That’s true. Maybe a little cardio would lift our spirits. And it’s not like we could run into any more Guards than we already have.”

Ave crossed her arms. “Are you going to go or not?”

Ash held up his hands. “Fine. I’m going. I’m going.” He stepped to the end of the alley.

Ave and Luke waited as he stood there fidgeting. Ash looked up at a bird flying overhead. Then down at a snail on the ground. Then he looked straight ahead for a few seconds.

“Are you okay?” Luke asked.

“I can’t move.” Ash replied. “My legs are stuck. I am paralyzed with fright. Luke, my best friend-”

“I’m not going out there.” Luke cut him off.

“No. Not that. Would you… give me a push?” asked Ash.

“A push?”

“Just to get me out into the street.”

“Sure.”

Luke stepped behind Ash and put his hands on Ash’s shoulders.

“Ready?” He asked.

“No.” Ash replied.

“Here you go!”

Luke shoved. He shoved harder than Ash expected. Ash was actually lifted a few inches off of the pavement into the air before he caught himself and stumbled out into the street. Ash took a firm step forward, and right before anyone saw him, dodge-rolled behind a wagon.

He stage-whispered to the others.

*Sighs from everyone*

Luke called back to him.

Ave shushed them both.

Ash looked relieved.

asked Ave.

Ash wavered.

She exasperated.

Luke added under his breath.

Ave continued.

Ash whispered back.

Luke asked.

said Ash.

Ave asked.

Ash replied.

Ave face transformed into something… determined.

“You two sneak ahead.” She stepped out into the street.

Luke called after her. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to make sure she doesn’t ignore me.”

#

Charity examined a set of hairpins. The Jeweler on the other side of the counter gave her a strained smile. Charity made sure to put each pin back down in the wrong place on the display rack. The pins themselves were gaudy, but they looked expensive. Good for impressing people at a distance. If Jack were here she would use him to undersell some of the more expensive pieces in front of the Jeweler, then leave without purchasing anything. Later she could send Ted in and buy some of the cheaper hairpins. Then she would pawn the lot and wait to see what the Jeweler’s new prices were after a week.

She pulled a hairpin off the display rack. There was a hairline crack between the gold setting and the enamel. Charity knew the Jeweler would love to know about this. Before she could speak…

“Platina there you are.” someone said.

Charity turned. There was a young woman standing next to her. She had a plain face. (No foundation. Creases at her eyes. Slightly older. Athletic. A military uniform. From out of town. Slightly too close. Common upbringing. The smell of sweat. She had been running recently. Hair down in front of her face. She didn’t seem to notice. She was looking Charity directly in the eyes. Her statement was a casual greeting. This girl had obviously made a mistake.)

Charity turned away from the girl back to the jewelry stand. (It was best to ignore her for now.)

“Come on Platina don’t be like that. It’s me.” said the strange young woman.

*Sigh*

(This young woman was obviously too stupid to know when she should just walk away. Charity would have to put her in her place.)

“Who are you?” Charity let slip between a smile. (Irrelevant. Get her talking.)

The plain young woman held up a hand. She covered her mouth. “Sorry. I mistook you for someone else. You can understand my mistake. You’re not as pretty as her.”

*The sound of an entire universe grinding to a halt*

“What did you say?” Charity’s smile turned to ice.

“I said you kind of look like her. But I was mistaken.” Ave pointed to Charity’s outfit. “There’s no way she would have ever worn something like that in public.”

“Excuse me!?” (Stay calm. Find out who she is. Then let her have it.)

“Oh you don’t need to ask to be excused. I know that people out here in the country don’t get taught proper manners but that’s not your fault.” Ave politely patted Charity on the shoulder.

“Who do you think you are?” said Charity. (No mercy.)

“Me? I’m a Royal Guard.” Ave straightened her shoulders so her uniform was in full view. “I’m in town on business.”

#

Ash and Luke were peeking between some bushes across the street.

Ash whispered.

Luke colluded.

#

Charity took a deep breath. She straightened her shoulders. (This girl had no idea who she was messing with. She needed to go on the attack.)

“Really. What kind of business if I may ask?” She said. (identify. Organize.)

“You may not.” Ave replied smartly.

Charity licked her lips. They were surprisingly dry. “Then may I ask you what your name is?”

“Of course citizen. My name is Ave, Le Tenat Ave Standardabweichung if you want my full name and title.”

“You are…” Charity paused. (Low rank. Was she from out of town?)

“Did you need me to write that down for you? I understand that people in small villages sometimes have a hard time with names from more cultured cities.” said Ave.

“There’s no need. I assure you that I have an excellent memory for names.” Charity leaned in closer to Ave. “And for faces. I’ll make sure to remember you.”

“You would be the first.” said Ave.

“Perhaps I should write to your commanding officer? Make sure that they know what a good job you’re doing in our fair town. I’m sure that I could give them lots of details about your activities.” (Let the chain of command do the work for me.)

“You’re welcome to do so. But my superiors probably won’t read it.”

“Why is that?”

“They’re not in the habit of opening letters from nobodies.” said Ave.

Ave could feel Charity trying to melt her with her eyes.

“How dare… do you have any idea who I am?” There was hostility in Charity’s voice now.

Ave’s mouth was a frown concealing a smirk. “I’ve never heard of you and as soon as I walk away I’m going to forget all about you.” As she said it, Ave stepped to the side and marched past Charity like a soldier on parade.

#

Luke and Ash were waiting for Ave just past the East Gate.

“That was a rush.” Ave took a second to catch her breath.

“I’m glad that you… enjoyed yourself?” Ash said.

“Did you see the look on her face? She hated me. She looked like she wanted to kill me.” Ave panted.

“Great. Now let’s get out of here before she decides to follow through on that.” said Ash.

“I’ve never abused my authority like that before. It was amazing.” said Ave.

“Well good… job?”

Luke turned to Ave as they walked. “Aren’t you a Royal Guard? Didn’t you ever push people around when you worked in the Palace?”

“No. Never. My job was to stand still and wait until I was needed.” said Ave.

“Sounds boring.” said Luke.

“It was.”

Ash looked at the two of them. “Well let’s hope that there’s no more excitement today. Come on. My house is down the road.”

The three of them turned and jogged down the road.