LIGHTNOVELONLINE 2. Acceptance
Soon enough, Gorsazo noticed that Steven was outside the carriage now.
Seeing Gorsazo coming towards him, Kivamus wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his tunic, hoping Gorsazo didn't notice. He took another look at his long-time advisor and mentor in the early morning light. Gorsazo looked to be in his early to mid-forties, perhaps, with a full head of graying hair. He had the build of a scholar and looked to be of a similar height as him.
"You are awake now, my lord."
"I am. But can you please stop calling me 'my lord'?"
"Of course not, my lord! It would be shameful not just for me, but for all my family, who have faithfully served your family for generations now! I can't do that." He paused for a while, then said, "But may I ask why? You have never asked me not to call you 'my lord' in the past."
"I am not sure I could explain it even if I tried." Steven sighed. "Let's just say that last night was a… revelation, of a sort, for me."
"I know that the past few days must have been very difficult for you, my lord. And, when you kept drinking so much, even though I tried to stop you many times…"
"Wait, wait, I need to…" Steven couldn't stop himself from throwing up everything he had in his stomach, as if hearing about drinking had reminded his body about the excessive drinking that Kivamus had done in this body.
After a while, when he felt like there wasn't anything more to throw up, he slowly walked a few steps away from that place and sat down on the grass nearby, nearly falling on the ground in the process.
"Here, my lord." Gorsazo offered him a water skin that he was carrying.
Steven washed up his face and felt a little better. Damn that drunkard Kivamus! he thought. Couldn't the guy have stopped drinking sooner? He took a deep breath of the fresh morning air. "Thank you for the water, Gorsazo."
"My lord is thanking me? That is new," muttered Gorsazo. "While you do seem better, my lord, you also seem… different."
Steven decided that saying anything about Earth would not only be met with disbelief but could also lead to him being labeled insane. And life on a whole new planet, particularly in the medieval era, was going to be hard enough as it is, without him needing to add something like being considered crazy.
"I am indeed feeling much better, Gorsazo. The past week has been very difficult for me to accept and adjust to, and the drinking that I did last night certainly didn't help it. But I also came to a revelation that being miserable about it wouldn't change the situation I'm in. You already know that going to live my whole life in a remote village in a corner of the kingdom was not what I wanted for my life, but if I don't accept it, my life is only going to be even harder. So, I've decided to accept everything that has happened recently, including all my past life as Steven, and from now on, I will try to live my life peacefully in… uh, what's the name of the place we are going to, again?" Steven asked embarrassedly, having forgotten the name of the place after the recent drinking by Kivamus.
"It's Tiranat, my lord. And it's very good to see that you are not going to be repeating last night's drinking. Am I right, my lord?" Gorsazo said with a small smile on his face.
Steven felt as if he might need to empty his stomach's contents again if he kept hearing about alcohol. "Ugh… don't even remind me about it. And no, I'm not going to be repeating that anytime soon. I just regret that you needed to be uprooted from your life in Ulriga too, along with me."
"It's... okay, my lord. My children have grown up now and don't need me as much these days. It would have been a different matter if we had to leave a few years in the past, right after my wife had died." Gorsazo had a faraway look in his eyes. "It is not that I won't miss my home and my children, but it is my duty and also my desire to see to your well-being. Maybe in the future, I will consider going back to Ulriga, but that's after you have adjusted to a new life in Tiranat. I have seen you grow up from a little baby, and it would be shameful for me if I just left you alone now, right after you were uprooted from your home and would need help in adjusting to a completely new place."
"And you don't even know how true the last part is," Steven muttered under his breath.
Steven vaguely remembered from Kivamus's memories that Gorsazo's wife had died soon after her fever didn't go down for many days. It was so unfortunate that if they had some simple antibiotics or even common medicines like ibuprofen or paracetamol, it might have saved her life. But he realized that life on Earth in the medieval ages was likely just as difficult, and they didn't have modern medicines in that era either. "Thank you Gorsazo, for coming along with me and also for taking care of me all my life," he said earnestly. He knew how valuable the help of someone like Gorsazo would be in adjusting to a new life in such a vastly different place, and era.
Gorsazo waited for a moment, and said, "My lord, seeing you drowning yourself in alcohol day after day broke my heart. I tried so hard to help, to say something that would make you stop, but nothing worked. I confess, the thought of returning home to my family, after accompanying you to Tiranat, did cross my mind. I thought that if listening to my advice won't help you, then maybe the absence of it would make you reconsider." He looked at Kivamus carefully for a moment. "However, now it seems like my concern wasn't really needed since today you seem better than you've been in ages, my lord. I think I haven't seen you this relaxed and calm since the day you found out that you wouldn't inherit the title of duke. So I have to apologize for thinking about leaving you alone, my lord."
Steven realized how difficult it must have been for Gorsazo to see someone he cared for like his own child, trying to drink so much like he wanted to die. From the few memories of Kivamus that Steven had seemingly inherited, he knew that Gorsazo was the person who had put in the most effort in trying to raise him since Kivamus was a child. Although Kivamus himself was not grateful for it, Steven knew how important Gorsazo was in his life. Even if the patchy memories he had now about this world were of Kivamus, not of Steven himself, he decided to thank Gorsazo anyway.
"Don't worry about it Gorsazo, you don't need to apologize for it. I know I didn't make it easy for you either. I apologize as well, for causing you to worry so much. Trust me, I'm going to live very differently from the past," Steven said with a smile, not intending to repeat the drinking habits of Kivamus anytime soon.
"Thank you, my lord, but you don't need to apologize to me. It is my duty and an honor to serve you," Gorsazo said while bowing to him. "By the way, my lord, earlier when you said you would accept your past life as… Steevenn, you meant Kivamus, not this… Steevenn, right?" Gorsazo asked with a completely normal voice and a calm face.
"Uh, yeah, of course. Haha, I meant my past life as Kivamus. Of course. Hahaha…" Steven tried to laugh it off, only now realizing his earlier mistake. But it seemed to him that somehow, Gorsazo understood more than he was letting on, even if there was no way he could have known about the existence of Earth or London. Having taken care of Kivamus since he was a child, meant that Gorsazo knew the duke's son better than anyone else, and would catch on to such slip-ups easily. He didn't know what the norms were in this country about dealing with people who were seemingly possessed, but it couldn't be pleasant. He had to try not to make such a mistake again.
And it did remind him that he needed to start thinking of himself as Kivamus, not Steven. And until he could find a way to return to Earth, he was going to be living as the newly made baron, Kivamus, the third son of the Duke of Ulriga. Not that it was going to make living in this world any easier, he thought, while he tried to bite some rock-like hardtack biscuits that Gorsazo had offered him.