Fourteen Moons

“Alright, we’re done for today,” Revus states as he contently hands me the rough, brown papers. I take them from his hand and notice a perfect score on top of it.

“Finally!” I holler as I slump back into my chair at the dining table, “With this, I’m done…”

“Took longer than I would’ve liked, but congrats on finally passing.”

I roll my eyes, then eagerly ask, “So you’ll give me the elements now?”

“Yes yes,” Revus confirms, “We’ll start our lessons whenever you’re ready.”

“Yes!” I shout as I clench my fists and raise them into the air. I burst from my chair, run around the table to Revus, and hug him. “Thank you thank you thank you.”

He chuckles lightly as he embraces me, “I didn’t do anything, you’re the one that put the effort into learning the basics.”

I pull away from Revus, look at him, and retort, “Yeah, but I wouldn’t have been able to do that without you teaching me,” I smile, “So, thank you.”

“First,” Revus holds out his index finger, “you haven’t obtained the elements, merely earned my approval to receive them.” He raises a second finger, “Second, now that you’ll be obtaining the elements, things are going to become much more difficult.” He raises a third finger and smirks, “Third, you’re not saying ‘sleep you’ anymore?”

I grin, “I still am, but I figured, at least for now, I’d properly thank you for helping me.”

Revus looks away and scratches the back of his head, “Sure, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Maybe not to you,” I state, “but I’ve wanted to use the axioms…” I pause for a moment, “for a long time.”

“Alright,” Revus says as he claps his hands, “Let’s not get too emotional.”

I faintly smile, “Can we start right away?”

“Like I said before, whenever you’re ready.”

“Then let’s head outside!” I joyfully bellow as I turn around.

Revus puts his hand on my shoulder and grips tightly. Dang it. I was hoping he’d ignore it. “Inside,” he hisses.

I sigh, turn to face him, and ask, “Can’t we go outside just this once?”

“No,” Revus sharply refuses.

“Please,” I complain, “I’ve been in here for weeks now. I haven’t even-”

“If you don’t want to practice inside,” Revus proclaims, “then we just won’t practice at all.” 

I puff my cheeks out and pout, “Jerk.” I sigh, droop my arms down, and hunch over, “Fine, we’ll stay inside then.”

“Good, then go sit on your bed,” Revus orders as he stands up.

I look back at the window and see the green foliage blowing in the wind under the bright light of the sun. I want to fly outside too… I sigh, face my bed, and walk over to it. I climb onto my bed, and prop myself up by placing my arms behind me. Okay, I’ll ask him about it today.

“Alright, the first step in receiving the elements is…” Revus trails off as he looks at me.

“What?” I ask as I raise an eyebrow.

“What’s the first step?” he asks.

“Are you serious?” I bark, “I just took a test on this, so can’t you just show me how to grace my soul?”

“Fine,” Revus sighs, “We'll go through each step as you get there.”

“That’s fine by me,” I state, “but how do I gather my spīīr?”

“Let me see your hand,” Revus says as he holds his hand out in front of me. I place my hand in his. His hands are so much bigger than mine… I glance up at him. As he places his other hand over mine, I look back down and see my hand sandwiched between his.

“I’m going to channel some spīīr into my hands. You need to remember the feeling of it,” Revus explains, “Once you have a feeling of it, you must gather the spīīr within you and channel it into your wings.”

“Okay,” I reply.

“Close your eyes and concentrate on the feeling that surrounds your hand,” he continues. I nod and close my eyes. “Okay, let’s begin.” A moment later, I start to feel a smooth energy radiate around my hand. The energy evenly and calmly rotates around my hand, never fluctuating. After sitting there for almost a minute, the energy disappears as Revus pulls both of his hands away from mine.

As I open my eyes, Revus asks, “Were you able to feel my spīīr?”

“Yeah, it felt like you were moving it around my hand.”

“Good, it seems like you’ll have no issues gathering your own spīīr if you were able to tell that much.”

“So I just need to-”

“Slow down there,” Revus interjects, “Before you get ahead of yourself, I’ll show you how I grace my soul. Then I’ll watch you to make sure you’re doing it correctly.”

Revus moves to his bed, sits down, and crosses his legs. I’ve seen this before.

“So this is what you were doing while I was learning to fly,” I announce.

“That’s correct,” Revus answers, “In order to properly cultivate the elements, it’s best to grace your soul regularly.” He interlocks his fingers, straightens his back, takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes. “This is how I grace my soul, but you can do it however you want,” he explains. He opens his eyes and looks at me, then elaborates, “I recommend doing whatever is most comfortable. If you don’t want to interlock your fingers, you can rest them on your legs, or cross your arms.” He smirks, “I’ve even seen someone grace their soul while hanging upside down.”

“That’s… a bit much, isn’t it,” I say as I furrow my brow.

“Sure, but it’s up to you,” he answers, “Just do whatever helps you concentrate.” I nod as he continues, “Now I’ll turn around and grace my soul. I want you to watch how my wings change during this time. Your goal is to try and replicate this with your wings, understand?”

“Yeah,” I reply before Revus turns around. 

A brief moment later, four beautiful, black wings sprout from his back, a dark glitter emanating from them. His two upper wings are large in size, and are similar in shape to mine, with the difference being that the four tips of his wings are pointed, while mine are rounded. His lower wings are vastly smaller in size, and only have two pointed tips. A transparent vein-like pattern is vaguely visible on the wings. The upper wings have a single vein that starts near his back and, as it travels up the wings, breaks off, with each one leading to a circle. The lower wings have a similar vein-like design, with each vein leading to its own circle. The upper wings both have nine circles while the lower wings have three circles.

“Here I go,” Revus states. He takes a breath and I watch as his wings start to glow a faint, but beautiful yellow. Slowly, the glow is pulled from around his wings, into them. Gradually, the yellow energy starts to spread throughout the vein-like pattern of his wings. As the veins fill, the radiance from his wings grows stronger, until the yellow glow reaches each circle, and begins to fill them as well. Once each circle is filled, his wings maintain their beautiful glow, until eventually it slowly starts to fade.

Revus exhales, and states, “That’s what gracing your soul looks like. It might look a bit different for each fairy due to the different types and elements they possess, but the process is the same.”

“It was pretty,” I mumble, “seeing your wings like that.”

“Ah,” Revus scratches the back of his head as he turns around, “Thanks, but my wings aren’t… pretty.”

“What do you mean? Of course they are,” I retort, “I kind of wish mine were also-”

“EVETTA!” Revus roars, louder than I have ever heard him. I cower back as I stare at him, my heart racing from his sudden outburst. “Never. Never say that you want wings like mine…” He lowers his head as his words quiet down, “Not even as a joke.”

What’d I… “Revus,” I mutter as I reach my hand out toward him. “I’ve been wanting to ask you for a while now.” I take a deep breath to calm myself. “A fairy’s wings portray the inside of our souls, and each element has its own color, fire is red, and water is blue.” I watch as Revus droops his head as his body begins to slump. “I’ve seen you use all of the elements… so your wings should have twelve different colors, right? But your wings are black.”

I crawl out of my bed, kneel down on the floor, and look up at Revus’ glum face. “There’s no element with black as its corresponding color though…” He distraughtly looks away as I inquisitively ask, “Revus, why are your wings black?”

“I’d…” Revus mumbles quietly.

“What?”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” he repeats slightly louder.

“Please,” I plead, “I hardly know anything about you and you always say you’ll tell me later but…” I trail off. “We’ve been living together for over two months now and I know almost nothing about you. So please.”

“It’s the same for me,” he mutters, “I don’t know much about you… from before. We both have things we’d rather not talk about.”

I stare at him for a moment, “Fine.” I stand up, climb onto Revus’ bed, lean against the wall, and take a deep breath. I hold my breath for a brief moment, look up toward the ceiling, and sigh, “I… used to be a boy and I lived in a place called Svelta… with my mom.” I smile lightly and pause for a moment. “I had a rough childhood. For a long time, I wanted nothing more than to be loved by my mom…” my smile fades as tears begin forming in my eyes, “so much so, that I gave up my eye, ear, and even an arm, all to satisfy her… to be loved by her… but….” I glance over at Revus who is staring at me with trembling eyes and biting the side of his lower-lip.

I quickly look down and continue, “The nightmares… are memories of when I’d lose my eye…or,” I touch my left arm with my right, “… my arm…” I gulp, then wrap both of them around my body, and take a shaky breath, “I-”

“That’s enough,” Revus interrupts. I look up and see his sorrowful gaze. His hand is lightly grasping my arm. He lets go, awkwardly coughs, then says, “Okay. I’ll tell you, but…” He takes a deep breath, “Just know that I’m… different.”

“Because of your wings?”

Revus nods, and clears his throat, “Yeah. You see… When a fairy is born, their wings lack color, because their soul is empty, but that’s not why their wings are white.” He calms his breathing then asks, “You… remember everything from your previous life… right?”

“Yeah,” I nod. But what does that- “Wait, you don’t mean-”

“The more white on a fairy’s wings, the more memories they retain from their previous life,” Revus explains.

“So…” I glance at his wholly black wings, “You… don’t remember anything from your last life?”

Revus shakes his head, “Not exactly,” He smiles faintly, “I told you, I’m different.”

“But you just said-”

“I know…” He takes an unsteady breath and continues, “When an enōōfen dies, their spirit doesn’t immediately get placed within a bud. It takes time. And during that time, the memories attached to that spirit will begin to fade.”

He falls silent. I tilt my head and begin to get an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.

“Regardless of how much time passes between death and rebirth,” Revus continues as he locks eyes with me, “a newborn fairy will always have both black and white on their wings.” What? I look back at where my wings would be. But then- “Because their spirit will always retain the most important memories from their life their wings will have white, but because they always lose memories, their wings will always have black.”

I look back at Revus as he says, “Evetta, you and I… we’re both different.” He pauses for a moment, “You, based on your wings, appear to remember everything from your previous life, something that has never occurred for a fairy.”

I gulp, “Then what about you? Do you not-”

He shakes his head again, “Like I said, fairies will always remember something from their previous life.” He gulps, looks up, and takes a deep breath, “My wings being all black means that I… I don’t have a previous life.”

I stare at Revus for a bit, my mouth slightly agape. He matches my gaze, tilts his head slightly, like he is awaiting my response. “Pfft,” I start laughing, “That’s it?”

Revus’ face shows brief shock, then makes a bittersweet smile, “Yeah… that’s it… I don’t have a previous life. I’m-”

“What’s so bad about that?” I ask, my laughter dying down. “In fact, not having a past life might be better than keeping terrible memories.”

Revus’ bittersweet smile, shifts to a frown as he looks down. After a few seconds, he looks up and smiles, “Yeah, but not having a past life makes me more like an enōōfen than a fairy.”

I smile, “Really, that’s what you’re worried about?” I wipe a tear that is forming in my eye and look at Revus, “Whether you have a previous life or not, I’m glad that you’re here for me in this one. Without you…” I quietly mumble, “I’d probably have died already…”

Revus’ expression softens a bit. “Yeah, you might be right… and thanks,” he mutters gently. “Now, go ahead and try to grace your soul, I’m… going to start making lunch.” He still sounds upset…

“Alright,” I reply as Revus gets off his bed. I get up and return to my bed as he walks toward the kitchen, his wings disappearing as he crosses the room. So he wasn’t reborn like a typical fairy… “Hey Revus,” I call out as he looks back at me. “How old are you?”

“I’m turning twenty-one in a few months,” he states, “Why?”

“I’m sixteen,” I reply, “So you’re only a few years older than me.”

“What’re you talking about, you were just born,” Revus corrects as he places his hand on his chin and looks up, “But, I guess that’s still only a few years older than you.”

“Twenty years is only a few years?” I question, raising my eyebrows.

“Sure, fairies can live for thousands of years,” he explains, “So the difference between four and twenty is almost nothing.”

“Right…” I smile faintly, then jump up from my bed quickly, “Wait, thousands!?

“Yeah, thousands,” he smiles as he turns to start preparing lunch.

That’s going to take some getting used to… I sit back down on my bed and look up. …Living for thousands of years. I can’t even imagine. What do you do with all that time?

“Let me know if you’re having any issues gracing your soul,” Revus calls from the kitchen, pulling me from my thoughts.

“I will.” I cross my legs, straighten my back, and interlock my fingers. Okay, this feels alright. I shift around, getting as comfortable as I can. I manifest my wings and take a deep breath. First I have to feel my spīīr. I exhale, close my eyes, and try to detect the energy within my body. I quietly sit for several minutes, calmly breathing in and out. I… don’t feel anything.

I open my eyes, deflate, and ask, “Revus, how do I feel my own spīīr?”

He turns to look at me, “Not finding it?”

“I… don’t think so,” I mutter.

He wipes his hands, and walks over to me. “Let’s try this then,” he says as he places a finger on my back. “Having something to focus on might help, so try to gather your spīīr on my finger. I’ll lightly channel some spīīr into your back to help you find yours easier.”

“Okay,” I mutter as I get into position again. I relax myself, and concentrate on the energy stemming from Revus’ finger. I feel a soft tingle as the smooth energy lightly flows into my back. “I think I feel something, but it’s not the same.”

“That’s fine,” Revus answers, “You spīīr will be different from mine, but if you can feel it, then try to move that energy toward your back.”

“Alright,” I say as I concentrate on the soft feeling and try to gather it. It’s warm, and kind of… fluffy? The more of the soft energy I collect, the more comforting it feels. I begin to shift it toward my back and, gradually, move the energy to Revus’ finger. No, that’s wrong. I need to move it into my wings. I begin to redirect my spīīr into my wings but, the more I try to fill my wings, the more resistance I feel, almost like I am trying to force a large object into a tiny hole.

After struggling for a bit, I open my eyes and collapse on the bed, breathing heavily. “That’s… more tiring… than I thought it’d be.”

“You did well for your first attempt,” Revus states, standing next to my bed. He turns, walks back toward the kitchen, and adds, “Keep practicing. Your sense, control, and understanding of spīīr will develop as you continue. Once you grace your soul, we’ll move onto creating your axsel cores.”

“Sure,” I pant. I glance over at him. He looks like he’s doing a little better now. I sit up and begin trying to grace my soul for almost half an hour, taking breaks whenever I become too tired.

“Lunch is done,” Revus calls, “Come eat, you can continue after.”

“Alright,” I wheeze as I force myself off my bed. I trudge over to the table and sit down. On the table rests a bowl and a cup. The bowl is filled with diced cubes of various colors with shredded pieces of light and dark meat mixed within. The cup has a thick, purple liquid, and a straw poking out. A salad and… I’m not sure what this is. I grab the cup and murmur, “It’s cold?” I look up at Revus and ask, “What is this?”

“It’s called an īīsej,” Revus answers as he sits down across from me. “It’s a type of fruit drink. I know you don’t like the cold, but I hope it suits your taste.”

“Mmm…” I briefly stare at the purple beverage, bring my lips to the straw, and take a sip. The thick, sweet, icy juice fills my mouth with a delicious oliot flavor. “It’s good,” I state as I take another drink, but stop as my head starts to feel cold.

“Don’t drink too fast,” Revus chuckles, “and make sure you eat too.”

“Yeah yeah, I know.”

We both sit there eating our lunch, as an awkward silence fills the room. I look up at Revus and see him quietly eating his food. He glances up and I instantly look away. This is weird… I finish my bowl, take another sip of my īīsej, look up, and see Revus already done with his food.

“So you used to be a guy,” Revus remarks, breaking the silence.

Cough. Cough. I choke on my drink. Cough. “Was that… necessary?”

Revus smiles faintly, “Sorry, I wasn’t really sure how to ask that.”

I look down at my food and clench my fists, “Does that make me weird?”

“Hmmm…” Revus ponders for a moment, “I certainly struggle to imagine it.” I knew it. “But I don’t think that makes you weird.”

“But I used to be-”

“Sure, but that’s the case for a lot of fairies,” Revus interrupts.

“What?” I stare at him. A lot of-

“Yeah, just because you used to be a boy or a girl doesn’t mean that’s what you’ll be after being reborn,” Revus explains, “There’s plenty of fairies just like you.”

“So… I’m not weird?” I ask anxiously.

“Does being a girl make you weird… no,” Revus rejects, then smirks, “But you’re definitely weird.”

“Oh? Is that so?” I sassily ask, furrowing my brow.

Revus looks away, then back at me, “And helplessly clueless too.”

“I am not,” I bark.

“Oh yeah,” Revus remarks as he raises an eyebrow. I don’t like that look. “Remember the first time you took a bath,” Revus states, “when you were done, you had no idea what to do with your hair.”

I feel my face start to heat up as I argue, “Well, that was unavoidable. I’ve never had long hair before.”

“There’s also your lack of interest in wearing girls’ clothes,” Revus continues.

“Also unavoidable.”

Revus smiles, “I’ve had my suspicions for a while now about your situation,” he states, “but I didn’t want to ask.”

“Why not?”

“Because… there’s things about myself that I don’t want to talk about,” Revus mutters, “things that I don’t want you to know about me.”

“Then you don’t have to tell me,” I reply.

“Sure, but that wouldn’t be fair to you,” he remarks. “If I’m asking about your past, but keep mine hidden…” he chokes up. “So, I just… didn’t ask.” He smiles, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine…” I gulp. We sit there quietly for a few moments, until I inquire, “Will you tell me if I ask?”

Revus’ eyes narrow before he looks away, “I’d rather not, but… You’ll find out eventually, whether I want you to or not.” He looks back at me, “So, can you wait until then?”

“How long will I have to wait?”

“You’ll find out once we return to your family,” Revus replies, “So, a few months…”

“Okay,” I declare, “I can wait until then.” I stand up and bring my dishes to the sink. “The drink was very good, sleeps.”

Revus smiles as he walks up next to me, shaking his head, “You’re welcome.”

I walk over to the cushioned chair under the window, sit down, and stare at the picturesque view. I rest my chin on my hand and, after sitting thoughtfully for a moment, sigh, then glance at Revus. If only he’d let me go out and fly for a bit, but… “Have you learned anything new about the enōōfen?”

Revus flinches. He definitely did. “So, what’d they do this time? Take another tree? Clear more of the forest?” I ask. He continues to silently wash the dishes. I sigh, “Can’t you tell me?” I pause for a second, then continue, eyebrow raised, “At least that way I’ll be less willing to go outside and fly.”

“Fine,” Revus groans as he finishes at the sink. He walks over to me, and takes a seat on the other cushioned seat.

“I know you don’t like me worrying over things.” Although that seems pretty pointless. “But if you tell me, I’ll be more understanding of your decisions.”

“You say that, but then you try to find a loophole in my reasoning,” Revus glares.

I smile, then elbow him lightly, “What can I say, you’re so strict that I wouldn’t be able to do anything otherwise.”

Revus shakes his head, “Can you at least try not to make things more difficult for me?”

“Sorry, but…” I look up at the forest canopy, “I’m thinking about being more selfish than I used to be.”

Revus looks at me confusedly, then inquires, “Than in your past life?”

I smile bitterly, “Yeah, I did a lot for others.” I listlessly bring my hand to my left eye, “So I’d rather do things for myself more now.”

“Don’t think for one second that by hearing this I’ll let you out to fly,” Revus bluntly comments.

I snap my head at him, “Please.”

“No,” he flatly declines. “Now, do you want to hear more about the enōōfen or not?”

“You’re no fun,” I pout as I look back out the window. The bright sun, filtering through the luscious green foliage and gracing the colorful flora with its warmth.

Revus chuckles, “And you sound like your mom.”

“My mom?” I question as I return my focus to him. Now he is vacantly looking out of the window.

“Yeah, that’s something Lady Vestele would’ve said.”

“Vestele…” I murmur under my breath as I lower my head. My new mom. Not my old mom. Not-

“Alright, so about the enōōfen,” Revus says, pulling me from my thoughts, “Yes, the enōōfen are becoming more active.”

I look up at Revus and ask, “How so?”

“They’ve constructed a building,” Revus answers.

“Why would they do that?” I inquire, “I thought they were looking for us.”

“I’d guess that it’s so they can stay here during winter.”

“Right…” I mutter as I put my hand on my chin. It would be better to stay here than return- “Where’s the closest enōōfen city?”

“Leave the forest and cross the mountains,” Revus answers as he points toward the backside of our house. “It’s a few weeks of travel so they likely don’t get much time to search for us if they’re spending all their time traveling.”

“So there’s going to be more of them now?”

“Yeah,” Revus nods, “It won’t be long before we’ll have to leave.”

“Leave…” I murmur. I glance around the house, at the workshop, kitchen, bed space, living space, and the two doors leading to the washroom and the flower chamber. “It’s kind of sad.”

“Alright, I’ve told you about the enōōfen, you’ve eaten lunch,” Revus states, “So get back to gracing your soul. The sooner you do the sooner-”

“Yeah yeah,” I interrupt as I wave my hand in front of my face, “I get it.” I turn and look out the window one more time before I stand up.

As I walk over to my bed, Revus says, “You’ll have plenty of time to fly once we leave.”

“Right,” I mutter as I climb onto my bed and get back into position.

I begin meditating, focusing on the warm, fluffy energy within myself. I gather it, collecting what feels like massive bundles of fluff, and try to channel it into my wings. As I try to force the soft energy into my wings, I am met with a wall preventing me from sending any of the energy into them. I continue my attempts for a couple of hours until I collapse on my bed, breathing heavily. What am I doing wrong? I can gather it, but it won’t do what I want. Is there something wrong with my wings? Or maybe it’s my spīīr that’s the problem. I turn my head toward Revus and see him setting up his easel. He made it look so easy… I look back at the ceiling and place the back of my hand over my face. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this…

“Tired already?” Revus inquires.

I remove my hand from my face and wheeze, “Just… Can I… really do this?”

“Oh? And after all your attempts learning the words,” Revus states, “you’re giving up already?”

“Maybe… I am?”

“Are you that stuck?”

“It feels like… no matter… how much spīīr I gather,” I pant, “It won’t… go into my wings.”

“Alright, time for some more advice,” Revus comments as he grabs a bottle and walks over to me. He conjures a large ball of water and says, “I imagine your issue probably looks something like this.” Revus then moves the ball of water to the tip of the bottle. He places his hand on the backside of the liquid sphere and begins to push the water into the bottle. I watch as little water enters the bottle, most of it remaining outside the container.

“My spīīr…” I point at the ball of water, “feels bigger than that,” I sit up and question, “So how do I… solve the problem?”

“Interesting,” Revus replies, eyebrow raised, then continues, “There’s two ways to do it, one simple, and one difficult” Revus holds up two fingers. “First, the simple. Gather less spīīr and slowly channel it into your wings,” he says as he sends a thin stream of water through the bottle’s opening and slowly begins to fill it. Okay, that doesn’t seem too hard.

Revus walks into the kitchen, places down the bottle, and returns with an empty cup. “Second, the difficult. Wing Lūūtis,” he ponders for a moment then continues, “You can think of it as opening, or maybe, unlocking your wings.” Revus holds the cup up and then brings a large stream of water into it. As he fills it up, he states, “It’s an advanced state you can achieve where you have more control of your wings.”

“Wow,” I murmur as I glance back at my wings.

“It makes channeling spīīr into them easier,” Revus explains, “but the real benefit is that it greatly enhances your element axioms.”

“How do I do it?” I eagerly ask. “Can you show me?”

“Please, I may be pretty adept at controlling my spīīr, but I’m not even close to performing lūūtis,” Revus remarks. “Lūūtis is something that only a handful of fairies ever achieve.”

“Then why’d you tell me?” I bitterly sulk.

“There’s no harm in telling you,” Revus states. “And… Nevermind.”

I sigh, “So, basically, I just need to stop forcing too much spīīr into my wings?”

“Pretty much,” Revus answers as he walks back into the kitchen, draining the water in the sink. He walks back to his easel and says, “Now, continue practicing while I get a picture for your parents.”

“Is that necessary?”

“Once you meet Lady Vestele, you’ll understand.”

“Fine,” I chuckle as I assume my gracing position and close my eyes.