First Song

The window was still open to the night air as I looked at the message I’d just sent to Casey, and it was making me cold. I closed it, with a small shiver. Sabina was running from shoulder to shoulder, though she seemed to be tiring as her little jumps became slower and slower.

I stared at my phone, willing a new message to appear. It had already been a whole thirty seconds – why hadn’t she replied to me? My brain was starting to come up with all kinds of worst case scenarios.

After another minute of waiting, I turned off the lights and slipped into bed. My phone was nestled beside me, the glowing screen angled towards me for any signs that she was replying. Muse’s changes were still making me really sleepy, and I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

Slumber was just creeping over me when my phone buzzed. The shot of adrenaline made me snap awake again and I couldn’t snatch the device up quickly enough.

SeaKo34: O M G

SeaKo34: You are so cute

SeaKo34: And Sabina looks adorable

Hmm. I’d forgotten about Sabina. Where was she? I looked around my room but she’d disappeared. Maybe she was finding a pile of clothes to curl up in. My sleepy fingers were tapping out a reply before I realised what was happening.

Me: Not as cute as you

I read over what I'd sent without my brain's permission and I felt all the heat drain from my face.

Fuck! Why would I say that? How do I delete it?

I tried all the normal methods to try to remove message, but nothing seemed to work. I just wasn’t familiar enough with the app to know if it was even possible.

Sighing in frustration, I buried my head beneath my duvet and wished for the bed to swallow me up. Why did I have to mess everything up?

My phone vibrated again, but I refused to look at it – instead, I would hide.

The second time it buzzed I couldn’t resist any more. I braced myself for what I might read, and peeked out from my hiding place to open the messages. The first one I’d received was just a happy emoji, which immediately helped to calm my frayed nerves. Maybe I didn’t completely mess everything up – hopefully she didn’t think I was a creeper or something.

The second message was a little more personal.

SeaKo34: Where are you now?

That was an odd question, since the news would have made it obvious which country I was in. Maybe she wanted me to be more specific, so I told her the town, puzzled. It’s not like she was going to come over and stalk me or anything. Not that I didn’t want her to.

Damnit, sleepy Erin. You’re awful.

We talked a little more, especially about family and what our life situations were. She was telling me how she actually came from quite a well-off American family, and how she was studying in Germany for a year before heading back to the States.

I told her about my time at university, minus the whole transgender angle. Eventually, this segued to Sarah and the problems she’d had dealing with bigots at school – plus the whole mess with our extended family.

It was the early hours of the morning when Casey mentioned that we should probably both be sleeping.

Me: Do we have to?

SeaKo34: We do

SeaKo34: But we can talk more tomorrow

I was already struggling to keep my eyes open. All they needed was a rest, that’s all – I’d be fine if I just closed my eyes for five minutes.

---

- Sunday -

The feeling of tiny claws on my back was what woke me up, making me yelp. Sabina was running around near my head, staring at my eyes. I lifted myself up and away from my phone, which had left a nice imprint on my face. Ugh.

“Do you want to go outside?” I asked the squirrel, pulling myself out of bed, and over to the window. I shoved it open, and she darted out, but not before giving me one last stare.

I grumbled, and sat back down on the bed. Checking my messages, I saw that there’d been nothing from Casey. It was probably pretty early for her, too. It was already light outside, but my phone told me that it was only 5am. Bleh.

A breeze from the window made me shiver, and I tucked myself back into bed. I closed my eyes again, feeling so comfortable.

The sound of someone knocking on my door woke me up. When had I fallen asleep?

“Erin?” I heard Sarah’s voice say from the other side.

“Come in,” I called out, twisting so that I was facing towards her as she entered.

It opened, and Sarah peered in. I gave her a smile, but she didn’t return it. Instead, she looked worried and upset.

That immediately jerked me from my state of tiredness to one of concern, and I sat up.

“What’s wrong?”

She closed the door behind her, and moved over to sit on the edge of my bed, her phone in her hands. I shuffled across to wrap my arms around her, squinting over her shoulder.

“What is it?” I asked quietly, trying to get a look at the screen and what it was that had her worried.

She glanced at me, then held the device up a little higher so I could read it.

The first thing I noticed was that it was a private message session. What shocked me was that the messages were super hostile.

“What is this?” I asked, my eyebrows bunching together, while a cold tension began to grow in the pit of my stomach.

“So, this is Paige’s brother,” she said, scrolling up the page. “He’d always been really chill with me until he found out about us.”

Paige was the name of her ex-girlfriend. I only knew this from things I’d overheard her mentioning to Mum and Dad since she came out.

I gave her a squeeze around her waist, and continued to stare at the screen. The brother’s name was Ryan. Did I know him? I wasn’t sure. The name seemed familiar, but I had always been much better with faces than names.

“What’s he been saying?” I asked. She scrolled a little more so I could make out the end of the conversation.

“He’s been threatening me, telling me to stay away from his sister,” she said, her voice wavering. A few moments later she closed her eyes and her trembling in my arms was the only warning I had. Tears had started to roll down her cheeks, so I wrapped her up tightly.

I made the soft, soothing noises that she’d used on me before, and gently rocked her from side to side. There were tears in my eyes, too. Gosh, she’d been through so much shit recently.

“I’m guessing that it’s not as over between you as you let on,” I asked rhetorically, trying to sound as calming as I could.

There was a quiet sniffle and she shook her head.

What the hell is wrong with people? Who would want to threaten someone as amazing and innocent as my little sister?

It was a few minutes later that I felt her relax in my arms, and I allowed her to be free from my protective embrace.

“So, what has Ryan been saying?” I enquired, stepping into the older sibling role.

She shook her head and tried to shrug – I could tell that this really wasn’t an easy thing for her to be talking about. “He’s just been saying that he’d make my life a living hell if he ever found us together again,” she said, looking me in the eyes.

Make her life a living hell? I could see that the dick was already doing that. Anger was starting to rise up in me at the gross unfairness. What right did he think he had to tell other people how to live their lives?

“Do you want me to talk to him?” I asked, trying to keep my voice level. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but if someone was threatening my Rah then they were going to need to explain themselves.

She stared at me, then asked hesitantly, “Wh-what did you have in mind?”

“Just a chat,” I replied, smiling coldly. I really did just want to talk to him. I had a feeling that it might end up going beyond that, but I did just want to talk first.

A blur of fuzz suddenly landed on Sarah’s lap, making her squeal. I might have joined in. Maybe. The blur then hopped up my shirt and sat on my shoulder, letting out quiet squeaking noises as it started to rummage in my hair.

Muse was giggled softly in my head.

Sarah’s mouth dropped open and she slid away from me, staring at Sabina. “Erin? That’s a squirrel,” she stated. She always was the more observant of the two of us.

“Her name’s Sabina,” I explained, reaching up to try to give her scritches. “She’s a good squirrel.”

---

I’d asked Sarah if I could have some more clothes today, and that made her happy. She agreed eagerly. I knew that she'd been enjoying dressing me up, so I wanted to do something to improve her mood. She was still a dork.

While I liked being able to sit in my room, wearing nothing but a nightie t-shirt, a part of me had to admit that I enjoyed the mystery of what she would be picking out for me.

I didn’t have to wait long. She came at me with the same skirt as I’d worn to the doctor’s, plus one of her cutesy tees. I arched my eyebrows at her, questioning.

“The skirt looks so much better on you than it does me,” she said, dropping the clothes off on the bed next to me. “Your hair is just that little bit redder than mine, so it works super well with the burgundy.”

I mean, she wasn’t wrong, I just felt bad that I was looking better in her things than she did.

I got dressed after a long shower. I'd used it as an opportunity to check out my progress. It really was amazing what Muse had done, and I don’t think I’d ever be able to get over how lucky I was. There was no way anyone would be thinking I had been assigned anything but female at birth.

The dressing part was a bit harder than it had been. One hundred percent of this extra effort was Sabina constantly getting in the way. She seemed to think that me putting on clothing was part of a game, and she’d jump all over me.

Sarah watched me get dressed, laughing at the squirrel’s acrobatics. She tried to grab a hold of her, or at least distract her, but it was no use. Sabina would run up my shoulder, stare into my eyes, then run away again – over and over.

“She’s being a pest,” I complained to Sarah as I was pulling on the t-shirt.

“She just wants to play. You should feed her something,” she replied, holding a hand over her mouth.

I glanced at her once I’d tugged the clothing down. It was all starting to fit super well, and was actually feeling comfy. I had never thought I’d like how tight fitting everything was on the female side of fashion, but it was quite nice.

We hugged once I was finished getting dressed, and went downstairs for breakfast together.

The rest of the morning was spent with me waiting for Casey to talk, to no avail. What was happening? Frustrated, I decided to break the silence between us with a simple message.

Me: Good morning! ^_^

And nothing.

Ugh. I knew that saying she was cute had been stupid, and now she wasn’t talking to me anymore.

‘Hunter would not allow her to cease communications. Something must have happened,’ Muse replied to my spiralling thoughts.

That just created thoughts of her being captured and interrogated by men in black suits. Did she need my help? Why was I so useless?

 

It was midday when I went downstairs to get myself some lunch. Mum and Dad were already in the kitchen, making their own. They kept looking at me strangely the whole time. Why were they being annoying?

“What?” I snapped, reaching the end of my tether. Just fucking talk already.

My parents looked at each other uncertainly, some worry creeping into their expressions. Mum turned to clean up the things I’d been using while Dad looked at me sternly.

Muse was pushing down on my annoyance and anger, although I wasn’t sure where any of it was coming from.

I gave him an apologetic smile, “Sorry.”

He stared at me for a moment, then nodded. I guess that means he accepted my apology?

“Erin. You’d tell us if you were in trouble, wouldn’t you?” he asked me. He was studying my face as I tried to think of exactly what this was about.

Oh right. The news and the artistic sketch of me that was doing the rounds constantly. Oops. It had been really naive of me to think that they wouldn’t have caught on.

“Of course!” I exclaimed, giving him my best fake smile. Inside I was struggling to think if there was any way I could tell them the truth. But nope, not without a lot of explaining.

He didn’t look completely convinced, but he nodded again. My Dad did a lot of non-verbal communication with those nods. It had become an art for me to learn what each one of them meant. This particular one meant ‘alright’.

Mum was watching me too, from her place at the sink. She turned to fully face me, folding her arms across her chest.

“Erin?” she asked, giving me that critical, all-over survey that she employed when she thought I wasn’t being completely truthful.

My eyes slowly turned in her direction, but I couldn’t meet her gaze. I could feel my sinuses beginning to tingle with impending tears.

Why was I getting so emotional over this?

‘I think that something in your chemistry might be improperly calibrated. I am still working on it,’ Muse informed me.

I fought against them so hard, but it was like the emotional wall topped with barbed-wire that used to be there had become a white picket fence. Ever since Muse had started to make changes to my body, I just couldn’t control my emotions as easily. My pitiful defences were washed away, and my bottom lip started quivering.

My hands only just managed to hide my face before the tears started again.

This was Dad’s cue to beat a hasty retreat. Emotional vulnerability was his kryptonite, so it became Mum’s job to try to comfort me.

She stepped up and rubbed a hand against my back, doing her best to reassure me, “It’s okay, it’s okay. We’re just worried about you.”

“Thank you,” I managed to mumble to her. I was getting fed up with crying so much now.

I could feel like I’d have to tell her about Muse at some point, but that time didn’t feel like it was quite yet. She had been noticing all the changes in me, sure, but I wasn’t certain if she was ready to face the truth. My parents were wonderful in their own special ways, but I think that ‘aliens’ would be a very tough thing for them to accept.

‘It would be a good thing for them to know,’ Muse commented.

---

We all sat together after dinner on Sunday. The evening news had become insane! The whole manhunt for me was getting farcical. To be fair, ‘a girl who does lightning’ is going to be someone that the government’s going to want to keep tabs on – ‘a girl who does lightning because aliens’ probably even more so.

My parents were visibly regarding me as the sketch came up on the screen for the tenth time, though they were perhaps starting to doubt that it might be me. Having a face that was still morphing had massive downsides, but…

The phone buzzed in my lap, pulling my attention from the TV. I had been hoping that it might be Casey, but it was actually Rish. He’d been paying attention to the news coverage, too, and was starting to get panicky.

One thing I hadn’t actually given much thought to before was what it meant if I was caught. What would even happen? Films always show aliens being held captive in labs where they’re experimented on, but is that really what would happen in this case?

‘Keeping your fate in your own hands is the best course of action, Erin.’

I texted Rish back to tell him that I saw what was happening, but I was going to do my best to stay out of the public’s eye until everything was finished. I also apologised again for getting him involved in all of this. His reply back, when it came, was a link to some jpeg meme of the crazy alien guy.

My parents looked over at me as I burst out laughing and I gave them a smile.

 

That evening, I was starting to feel utterly miserable. I’d fed Sabina some nuts and vegetables after dinner, and she’d curled up on my bed to sleep. She looked adorable like that and I really didn’t want to disturb her.

Casey still hadn’t responded to me, despite saying that we’d get to talk again today. I checked my messages every few minutes to see if she’d answered me, but a small spike of loneliness and pain would stab at me when she hadn’t.

I was brushing my teeth before retiring for the night when I heard my phone buzz in my room. With the brush still hanging from my mouth, I ran back to look. It was from Casey! At last! Oh Goddess, I was so happy that she was still talking to me.

SeaKo34: Hey

I was already replying when another message appeared. Sabina had also taken that moment to wake up, and was dashing around the window, peering out into the dimness of early Summer twilight. Had she seen or heard something?

SeaKo34: So today didn’t go as planned

Me: Hey!

Me: Oh no what happened?

This didn’t sound good. But at least she was still alive, and more importantly still talking to me. I hadn’t completely scared her away.

Sabina was jumping from the window sill to me and back again. Her claws were actually really sharp and I winced, my toothbrush almost slipping to the floor.

“Ow,” I said, reaching up to pull the brush from my mouth.

SeaKo34: I got questioned at the train station

SeaKo34: Seems I look a little bit like a girl from a video a week ago

Did she mean the one where she was being assaulted? The German authorities had finally found her from that? But she was talking to me. What happened?

Me: But you were released?

SeaKo34: Yeah. The video was too dark to see much

SeaKo34: ANYWAY that’s the bad news

SeaKo34: Do you want the good news?

Who doesn’t want the good news? Well, except when the good news is actually bad news.

SeaKo34: This is all Hunter’s fault btw

I was starting to get concerned again. This wasn’t going to be one of those times, was it?

SeaKo34: Look out your window