First Song

- Erin -

I was quietly sobbing when I woke up, a patch of damp underneath my cheek. The thing is, I wasn’t sure why I was crying. With the back of my hand, I wiped away at my eyes and sat up.

Sunlight was streaming into my bedroom window. It felt so calm and peaceful and I just lay there, thoughts running through my mind. Had the dream last night been real? Who was Muse, anyway? I mean, I know she’s an alien. An alien that was currently in my head, reading my thoughts. Other than that, I didn’t really know what she was.

Can she hear what I’m thinking right now?

‘I can hear you, Erin,’ a soft, feminine voice said in my head.

My eyes widened in surprise as she spoke, but my stomach grumbled at me from beneath the covers, distracting me from anything else. I sighed and rolled off the bed, rubbing at my eyes again while I started to get dressed.

While I was putting on a clean t-shirt and a fresh pair of jeans, I was checking out my body to see if I could notice any changes. I wasn’t certain, and I was a little worried about just seeing what I wanted to see, so I soon gave up the search.

The hunger in my stomach was getting more insistent, almost painful, so I finished getting dressed and rushed downstairs. No one else was around – it looked like everyone had already left for the day. There was a note on the fridge door asking me to empty the bins. Oh yeah. Just like old times. That didn’t take long.

The bowl of cereal I made for breakfast didn’t stand a chance. I felt like I couldn’t shovel it into my mouth fast enough. My stomach still grumbled at me afterwards, and I went looking for more food. This resulted in some peanut butter on toast with a fruit chaser. The hunger pangs subsided at last, and I went to lay down in the living room, already starting to feel exhausted.

Is this what Muse had meant when she’d said that this would be unpleasant?

‘I am only able to help the process – your body still requires raw materials and rest,’ the voice said, startling me again. I guess I needed to get used to hearing her voice.

I turned over to lay on my side, my eyes already half-closed.

About an hour later I managed to open my eyes and pulled myself up into a sitting position. I felt so lethargic and weak that I struggled to make it into the kitchen.

I was halfway through making a sandwich when I was forced to stop. My stomach was letting me know that it was unhappy, and I had to haul myself through the house to the bathroom, pronto. I’ll spare the details, but it felt like my entire body was trying to leave my body.

Struggling to get back downstairs to finish making the sandwich, it occurred to me that maybe I should be in hospital for this. I made sure to get a couple of glasses of water into me for good measure. Did Muse know that it would be this bad?

‘The first few days will be the worst for you, I believe,’ Muse commented as I was just sitting back down on the couch to devour my new piece of food.

“You believe?” I asked, out loud. If someone could see me, I’d look like I was talking to myself.

‘I am still learning, Erin.’

The plate I’d used for my sandwich ended up being left on the floor, and I just flopped back down on the sofa, falling asleep again almost instantly. I wondered if this was what it was like to be a cat. Just lounging around, eating, pooping and sleeping.

My mind was racing even while my body slept. Thoughts of the last few days, plus some things I didn’t recognise seemed to be slamming into me, all merging into one surreal story. Then I was having a dream that I was a cat, curled up on a sofa. Someone was petting my head and it felt good.

I was breathing heavily when I eventually managed to open my eyes, though I could still feel someone petting my head. A quick glance up showed me that it was Sarah, dressed in her smart clothes that she wore to school.

Sixth form pupils at my sister’s school – that is those in the last two years – were allowed to wear what they wanted, so long as it looked professional. All the other years had to wear a uniform. I had always been envious that the girls got to wear skirts and dresses.

She was dressed in a pair of grey, pleated business trousers and a white blouse. She’d left her wine coloured jacket resting over the arm of the sofa behind her.

“You look terrible, Dee. Are you alright?” she asked me, worried.

A quiet grunt and a nod of my head was all I could manage to reply to her. My skin felt like it was on fire and I ached everywhere.

Taking my time to sit up, I eventually managed to rest with my back against the cushion of the sofa. We sat together for a moment, my breathing gradually calming and I gave Sarah a smile. “I think I need to tell you about Muse.”

She blinked, “Muse? As in, the band?”

“What?” I asked, the sudden change of direction throwing me off balance.

“They’re pretty good. I really like their latest album,” she continued on.

“Yeah, their latest album is on point, but no. I mean a different Muse.”

She stared at me blankly again, and I tried to arrange my thoughts. So, where to begin…?

Firstly, I started out by indicating to her my eyes and my face. It was still completely stubble free. She narrowed her eyes at me, but nodded. She was looking thoughtful – at least she could accept something weird was going on with me.

Trying really hard not to feel like I was that meme guy with the crazy hair, I started to explain to her what had happened to me on the way back home from uni. She looked a little incredulous as I made mention of a glowing, zappy squirrel, but she didn’t interrupt. Just wait until I mention the aliens.

“Alright, so what is Muse?” she asked me, still obviously very confused.

It was a good question, too, though not in the way that she meant it.

I braced myself for the inevitable mocking, “This is going to sound like I’m a lunatic but please hear me out. Muse is some kind of alien that lives in my head.”

‘Technically, I live in every part of you,’ Muse commented, quietly.

“Technically, every part of me,” I corrected myself, still looking into Sarah’s eyes for her reaction.

She stared at me, dumbfounded. We sat in awkward silence, her brain obviously processing what she had just heard. It felt like an hour later before she said, “Alright. Let’s assume you’re correct, which… I can’t believe I’m saying.”

I nodded my agreement with her. My stomach took this moment to rumble – I was starting to feel hungry again. Dear Goddess, this was awful.

“So, what part of having an alien inside of you are you so calm about?” she asked, raising her voice a little.

“Hey, it’s okay, Rah. She’s really nice,” I managed to say as I started to feel waves of giddiness rise up, making me feel light-headed.

‘I believe that your assessment earlier was correct. Medical assistance is advised,’ Muse said, her voice starting to edge with concern.

Oh fuck.

“Rah… could you just go ahead and call an Ambulance?” I asked her, trying to sound as calm as I could so as not to freak her out more.

“What’s going on, Dee? What’s happening?” Sarah asked, her voice softening now, her eyes filled with concern.

“Muse is fixing me…” I managed to get out as my entire world went cold, and then turned black.

---

- Sarah -

Erin was talking crazy at me. She’d just told me that she had an alien in her head, and that she’d been given it by a glowing squirrel in a car park next to a motorway. That’s where people get STIs, not brain-dwelling alien parasites.

She looks really sick, though. Her skin is pale and she looks thinner than I remember her being. Maybe she’s just having some kind of fever induced delirium?

She had fallen unconscious after telling me to call an ambulance and I swore under my breath. Leaving her on the couch, I quickly ran over to pick up our landline telephone. Our parents are real sticklers for keeping a landline. Come into the new millennium, guys!

I tapped the keys for 999 and – after asking for an ambulance – told the operator that my sister had just fallen unconscious and that she wasn’t looking very well.

Then we waited. I sat with her, my fingers stroking her hair. I wasn’t sure what was wrong with her, but I hoped the ambulance got here soon.

The wail of the sirens twenty minutes later told me that they were here, and I let the paramedics into the house. They seemed a little puzzled to see Erin after I had told them that it was my sister. I explained that she was a trans woman, which quickly cleared up any confusion on their part. If I could make her time in hospital any nicer by making sure they didn’t misgender her right from the start, then I would.

“Can I sit in the back with her?” I asked, once they had her on a stretcher and were carrying her outside.

They nodded, and I dashed around to pick up my bag and my keys. I followed behind.

Worry was clawing at me as we settled down in the back of the ambulance, and I reached out to take Erin’s hand – that was probably just as much for my benefit as hers. We began moving, and I pressed my free hand against my forehead. What was I going to tell our parents?

‘Hello, Sarah,’ someone said. ‘I am Muse.’

---

- Muse -

<Translation to Human/English>

<Surveillance Log 013>

Everything has been proceeding as I expected. However, I have overestimated Erin’s ability to consume sustenance at the rate that is required.

As I cannot stop the process once it has begun without killing both of us, I have had to ask her to request intervention from local institutions. While their medical technology is laughably crude, I believe that it will be the small nudge that is the difference between success and failure.

I am confident in my ability to remain undetectable to any tools of measurement that they might have. I am not prepared for discovery yet and require Erin’s full capabilities to be able to achieve the next objective.

---

- Erin -

It took me some effort to open my eyes. They were heavy and I ached everywhere. Eventually my eyes fluttered open, and I could see that I was definitely inside a hospital ward. There didn’t seem to be anyone else in the ward, though.

There was some kind of tube running into my nose, and I had several more tubes leading into my arms. I didn’t want to risk moving my head, though. Remembering how feeling light-headed had made me feel, I didn’t want that right now.

I groaned and closed my eyes.

‘You are doing well, Erin,” Muse commented in my head. ‘You’re almost through the worst.’

The feeling of someone wrapping me up in a hug caused me to open my eyes again, and I turned my head a little to see Sarah’s chocolate brown braid running down her back. I delicately lifted up an arm to hold her.

I tried to speak but my throat was feeling a little dry and my voice didn’t sound right.

“Rest, Erin. It’s okay,” Sarah whispered to me, gently stroking her fingers through my hair. “I spoke to Muse. You’re right, she’s nice.”

Perplexed, my eyebrows pressed together, unsure exactly how she’d spoken to her. Her stroking my hair was definitely relaxing though, and I closed my eyes again.

“I can already see some of the different coloured hair coming through,” she said, her voice still barely above a whisper. “It’s going to look really pretty.”

That made me smile.

She sat with me for quite a while, until I heard the door open and someone else stepped into the room. At that point she left, waving to me and telling me that she’d be back soon. The doctor greeted me and gave me his best doctor’s smile, telling me that the tube would be taken out as soon as I was showing fewer signs of malnutrition. He said that he’d ask for some blood tests to be taken, and some scans, then walked out.

Once he was gone, I rested my head back and fell into another sleep.

---

- Sarah -

I had just received a call from Mum, letting me know that she and Dad had arrived at the hospital. They’d both left work early when I’d called to let them know what had happened.

Now I just had to decide how I was going to explain why their ‘son’ was currently signed in as their daughter in the hospital records.

“David. David Reid,” Dad was saying to the receptionist as I approached. He was clearly becoming irritated. “Our son.”

The receptionist was just shaking his head and seemed like he was about to reply as I ran up to stand between them. I gave him an apologetic smile and led Mum and Dad away to some quieter corner of the reception area.

“Hey. I have something that you both need to know,” I said leading them to a quiet corner. This was all my fault and I was going to make sure that Erin didn’t have to worry about any misunderstandings.

I went through what it meant to be transgender with them, explaining that that was what Erin was, and that she’d told me that she wanted to be called Erin now. It took me about ten minutes to answer some of their questions, mostly around the kinds of treatments that she might need. I told them not to worry about that for now.

Dad actually seemed to take it better than Mum. She seemed to be more worried about what everyone else would think, whereas Dad just seemed to be calmly processing.

We then moved onto the topic of why Erin was in hospital in the first place. I didn’t even want to try explaining that, so instead we got up and went to visit their new daughter.