Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse

A/N: So I think I ate something bad yesterday and have been hurling it up today. Fuck Phak Bum, (Thai spinach dish, that I love, but the... effects after can sometimes be squeezy.) Anyway, today was the day to write Quest Maker but I couldn't and this chapter is basically a backlog I have started to keep just for emergencies like this. In fact, I did that because I know there are some who feel a little frustrated at the lack of chaps when they stare at notice so please know this, if I have chaps, I'll always update~!

***

"Do we have to?" Mikoto frowned and looked a little exasperated while Heijo and Kai stood in the courtyard once again after Team Tsunade had freshened up. Tsunade having something to speak with the Uzumaki Clan Head was with the man while Ruriko, according to Heijo, was having her evening nap. This left Heijo to complete the important task.

"Mikoto-chan!" Kai stated, the underlying sternness in his voice making her blink in surprise as she looked at the boy in return, "Heijo-san must have something important in his mind... I don't think we can skip this. We can hang around Uzu later..."

The girl rolled her eyes and sat on the edge of the wooden platform extended from the structure and let her dangling feet sway. "Was there a need to be so serious about a simple skill check?" She pouted.

There was.

[Guardian Quest: The Strong One

Summary: Impress the Uzumaki Clan member approved by the Clan Head and satisfy them with your skills as the guardian of the Uzumaki Princess in the foreign land.

Rewards: 14 SP

Failure: Uzumaki-style verbal lashing; Massaging feet of the Examiner]

"Heh? I'm happy—" The moment Heijo spoke, Kai moved that very instant. He wasn't about to let these freaks of chakra reserves have any moment to draw up some strange seal or anything. His [Chakra Paws] made him silent and deadly rightly enough but he was surprised as his kick easily swept against Heijo and the man... just fell.

"Huh?" Mikoto's expression froze, her Sharingan activating as she tried to examine if she was in a genjutsu while Kai flared his chakra at the same time and they were both stunned by the feedback.

"Woah," Heijo grumbled while standing up, "You really ARE impressive! I mean, I'm almost a Jonin myself but you're too good!"

'No, not really... you were just, too...' Kai wondered as he earned the SP, 'Too...'

---

"— unprepared!" Tsunade glared at the surprised Uzumaki Clan Head while smacking her hand on the table, "Even the shinobi team of the Uzumaki are too casual. They lack the basic etiquettes of cautions!"

Frowning, Ruuji Uzumaki huffed, "Our clan? Unprepared? The moment we got a hint that someone is targeting us, we sent two teams. None of them returned and their triggers in the secret storage showed that they activated their suicidal seals. We closed off any connection with other institutions right then and the only reason we have one space-time seal left in the Land of Fire is that the Konoha has been a long-term ally. We have fortified our island to the last teeth! Even an entire village of shinobi cannot invade us!"

Ruuji remarked proudly as Tsunade's head buzzed.

She heard something entirely different in his words.

"So... you cut off all paths of escape?" Tsunade couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had never been to Uzushiogakure but Mito would always grumble how simple the clan really was. Tsunade wouldn't believe that, of course. Mito herself was an Uzumaki and she was the personification of a dangerous fox. But this... level of stupidity physically hurt the politically inept Tsunade.

"Why would we need to escape when nothing can invade us?" Ruuji scoffed. His temper was similar to Mito, Tsunade noted, but not his deviousness. Even her own Sensei tried to get her seduced by one of the Anbu members so that the Senju would have another genius of some sort. After all, she and Nawaki were the last living blood of Hashirama Senju himself. Every leader must be devious enough to make these hard decisions even if they end up blowing on their faces, that much even Tsunade could understand.

But this...

"Are you... sigh," she groaned, "I'm not even going to try it. Grandma Mito was very clear that the Senju and the Uzumaki clans are being targeted during this war. I don't know if you have all the information given that you so easily cut off your connections with the rest of the world but I'll do you a favor and tell you that Konoha-Iwa skirmishes have been suspended in Amegakure for the time being.

This means that Iwa is either free to antagonize Suna or Kumo. Not to mention that aside from Konoha-Suna skirmishes, we aren't facing any form of difficulties against Kumo in the Land of Hot Water... You understand, don't you? This is a war for resources... and two villages out of three are taking it easy as if this war doesn't matter to them..."

Ruuji had an intense look. The nerves of his forehead popped ever so slowly and he growled, "I don't understand! Can't ya keep it simple?!"

Tsunade blinked.

She had just made some conjectures after Ruuji revealed that two of Uzu's teams were killed off. She hadn't heard anything about it in Konoha and it must be because Uzu suspended any connections whatsoever. But it gave her enough scare!

"You really don't understand, Old fool?!" Even her temper flared as her furious gaze pinned the man down who wouldn't falter in return, "Who the hell are you calling a fool?!"

"You! You old, bearded cur! I'm saying the two villages might be targeting you! One village will be hard-pressed to invade but what about two? Or three? The moment Kirigakure smells the whiff of Uzumaki blood, it'll pounce like a starved shark!"

"Bah! Shove it! Just because you're Mito-sama's blood doesn't mean you say so stupid things! Mito-sama was the smartest Uzumaki ever! Should've learned from her. Just complete your mission and let us honor the departed as we do like usual! Stay if you want and if you're so spooked, leave! Uzumaki blood is never afraid!"

Tsunade's glare sharpened as she snorted and placed her palm on the table again with a sealing matrix spreading and a poof of white smoke revealing two scrolls.

"This is it." Tsunade stated coldly, "This scroll has Grandma's body and this one has whatever she wanted to be delivered. As for staying in Uzu, count me out. I wouldn't wanna end up dead in a funeral itself. You can prepare, that's my suggestion. Just because you don't want war doesn't mean others care."

Tsunade stood up and left the room silently while Ruuji scoffed and grumbled under his breath. He silently checked the authenticity of the seal before disabling the other storage seal with the package Mito wanted to be delivered.

It was a special seal created by Mito herself before her death and only someone with the Uzumaki blood and high enough skill can undo it naturally.

Another scroll was revealed with a poof of smoke and Ruuji opened it silently before his eyelids twitched.

— If you undid this seal before the one carrying me... what the hell are you waiting for? Undo the other seal or I'll be forced to and you won't like it.—

With a sense of dread layering his heart, Ruuji undid the other seal, now not knowing what to expect.

Another burst of smoke, this time much larger than the previous message filled the room but much to the old man's horrified rustic, greyish eyes, he matched the glowing violet orbs that held impatience, annoyance, and worst of all, unbridled fury.

"I heard it," the hauntingly beautiful and sweet voice emerged from the figure, "And thank god I changed the seal so that I can sense everything happening outside. Ruuji... you little bearded cunt... you really almost made the Uzumaki drown with your stupidity, little bitch!"

The old man had heard this voice before. Long, long before. When he was just a boy. His asscheeks twitched in reminiscent pain as the figure still covered by the smoke summoned a bamboo stick.

"P-p-p-please, le- let me explain—" the man stuttered.

"No, I don't think I will."

---

*Slam*

"Bah! That bearded fool!" Tsunade cursed for the umpteenth time with her cheeks heavily flushed as she gulped down the entire cup while glaring at the woman, Kai had to refill the cup and Mikoto had to bring another jar of sake to their room.

Mikoto glanced at Kai, who met her gaze. The next second, she gestured towards Tsunade with her chin as Kai scoffed and shook his head before doing the same gesture as Mikoto.

'You do it!' Both of them glared at one another as Tsunade growled, "What the hell are you two playing around for? Just sit and drink!"

"Yeah, no, that's not happening," Mikoto scoffed.

"Oh, I'll drink—"

"No!" Tsunade and Mikoto glared at the boy in tandem as he deadpanned, "Then why the offer?"

"I wanted to see who's sensible!" Tsunade grumbled.

"You're the last person to evaluate that right now, Sensei," Kai scoffed and sat down still. He didn't touch the sake but also stopped pouring it. It was a fruitless task, after all.

"Why can't we explore the village?" Mikoto finally inquired as before they could even leave, Tsunade dragged them away back into their team's room. It was already dusk outside and Mikoto just felt that it was a shame to not have experienced a land as rich as Uzushiogakure.

"Because I don't want their stupidity to rub off on you twoooo!" Tsunade slurred in annoyance and huffed before pouting.

Kai and Mikoto looked at each other again. Well aware that after the drunk phase came...

"Let's play a game between ourselves! Fuck the Uzumaki's gambling houses, I ain't paying a single ryo to them! Hmmm..." her amber orbs fell on the duo in front of her before she smirked and hiccuped, "Got it... the first rule of Senju Gambling, the greater the odds of unfavourability, the better! Let's bet who among the two of you can land a hit on me first!"

Her boisterous announcement was met by unamused stares as Kai looked at Mikoto, "Hey, wanna go to the village? Sensei gets boring when drunk. Heck, should have just tossed her top away instead of that stupid talk about bet..."

Mikoto looked at the frozen Tsunade and her gaze inadvertently fell towards the woman's breasts and she scoffed, "You know what, would have been better. Come on, I'm dying to explore Kushina's home... she even recommended a bunch of places for us to see."

The two walked out of their room while Tsunade groaned and sat down once again, grumbling under her breath, "Tch, kids these days... And why the hell would I remove my top?!"

"It would have been way better, I agree with Kai-kun. His insight has grown beyond jutsus."

"Hah, like hell it has!" Tsunade idly replied to the familiar and cozy voice, "And if you think I'd flash my students with just four jars of sake then you're wrong! It'll take 25 Jars!"

"So there really IS a number... I thought of you better but you do have your grandfather's blood. He and his boy toy would flash each other after 50 jars..."

Tsunade blinked and howled in laughter before abruptly stopping and throwing a punch back while pouncing at the figure behind her. The next second, her eyes widened as her punch, which would have shattered a Jonin, was caught by a rather delicate hand she stood in her tracks. Gaping in shock, she whispered, "This... isn't transformation jutsu..."

"Of course, not, honey. You didn't think only YOU can get better, right?" The chortle made Tsunade's lips twitch as she was becoming more and more sure of her evaluation.

'A devilish fox!'

***

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