Fighting to be Kind in a Cultivation World

Like an old car, my body struggles to move from its position. I can feel the waves of anxiety wash over me and down my spine.

Ahhh, come on James.

Move. You know you have to do this.

I take a step.

Okay, this is a start. However, I have so much more to go. Shit.

Forcing myself to continue, I trudge up towards the room, through the tunnels.

As I grudgingly make this seemingly arduous journey, a thought crosses my mind and I can’t help but throw a pulse back towards Lin’s location.

She hasn’t moved much from her spot. All that’s changed, is that she is sitting on her butt, her knees to her chest, and her arms crossed around them.

She’s been crying. Her body still shudders from time to time.

I find myself just continuing the scan, clearly able to see the waves of emotion that are flowing through her. Imagining what she is making her sister go through.

I feel ashamed.

I can feel my reluctance and immaturity to the situation melt away.

Right.

This isn’t about me. This isn’t about how I feel about the situation or how tired I am right now.

These women have gone through some real trauma. I nearly died a few times here, and I’ve only been on this planet for a week or two. How many times have they nearly died and gone through countless horrible situations.

Not only that, but they are imagining a pretty selfish situation is going to happen tonight.

No.

I will not let myself make this about me.

My job right now is to help them get through this and understand that they don’t need to worry about such things with me.

That I’ll be making better decisions from now on. That they don’t need to resort to using their bodies to have me be their friend or ally. To give them a better idea of who I really am and where I come from.

I have my issues.

At the very least, though, I won’t betray them. Especially not over sex or anything like that. Hell, I don’t think I could make it through torture, but I would hope I would try.

…

Get your shit together, man.

How many times do you have to tell yourself that, before you do it?

I slap the sides of my cheeks, waking myself up. Mostly mentally.

Moving quickly up the way, I reach the way up to my room quickly. Before getting closer, I scan the room.

Ai is laying on the bed, naked and waiting. Holding an enticing position on her side.

Unfortunately for me, my scan reveals pretty much everything.

… She really is a beautiful woman.

A far cry from the scrawny, malnourished woman I saw in the shack.

The first thing that catches my eye is her long, silvery gray hair, cascading down onto the bed.

For all the time I’ve been here, she’s had it tangled, but still holding a healthy shine. Now, she has it completely straightened. I don’t want to imagine how long it took to do that… especially with no tools that I know of to do so.

Her large, rounded ears are standing out, seemingly creating a crevasse in her hair down to the blankets. As I look closer, I can see her freckles, which appear to dot her face like copper stars. She even has a slight tinge of something that I assume is self-made makeup under her eyes, accentuating them. They draw focus to her intense grey eyes, located under a prominent brow, and staring at the opening.

Waiting for me to come in.

I also couldn’t help but see that she has a pear-shaped body, but is still not lacking in the above department. She has an exceptionally large butt for her size.

… I’ve been subconsciously ignoring it with Lin and Ai, due to what they’ve been through. Not paying too much attention to what they look like. What they really look like as women.

Honestly, I did that back on Earth with women that I knew personally, but I viewed as just friends or people I had known for a long time. I subconsciously tried to avoid looking at them in that way until something caused me to do so. Honestly, I don’t think it is the wrong way to think of things. If you aren’t in that type of relationship with someone, why make it weird?

Unfortunately, I was not always successful.

Like at a beach with my high school best friend. Or one of my old college teachers, when I stumbled upon her personal ‘play’ site that she posted on social media.

The issue is, though, that she is most definitely wanting to change the relationship.

When I walk in there… she’s going to come at me. To attempt to seduce me. To go beyond what she might assume the prostitutes have already done.

And if I don’t get myself in the right mindset, it could be easy to get caught up.

Heck, I got flustered way too many times already with women.

This is the moment to ignore all that and keep a razor focus on my goals, while somehow not making her feel worthless.

I can see I stretch slightly, her eyes still focused on the door. It looks like she’s getting worried and tired. Her eyes are flashing to the string along the wall, inside the room.

It’s clear she’s wondering if something has gone wrong. I have to go in now.

I move toward the door, my footsteps muffled, but audible in the silent tunnels. Normally, I could make them practically silent, but it is better for her to hear them coming.

She braces.

I walk into the doorway, seeing that there is a candle lit in the corner of the room, adding a flickering orange light to the room. Playing shadows across her body.

I can feel my heart stop for a moment, as she locks eyes with me and smiles seductively. Laying back, she stretches and her thighs thicken out, all while she never takes her eyes off me.

I quickly close my eyes, raising a hand to my forehead. Massaging it.

Deep breath in through the nose. Breathe out through the mouth.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

My eyes open, with my heart feeling more centered. They return to Ai, who looks concerned and a little worried.

I move towards the bed, suddenly.

She immediately tenses up and her eyes, hands, and entire body shake slightly. She appears practically frozen, otherwise.

I slow down, just before reaching the bed, seeing the negative effect this is causing. She doesn’t react at all.

She’s still stuck in place, as I turn away from her, now facing the door. I then plop down onto the bed, sitting still, facing away from her.

And I wait, my fingers clasped in front of me, holding themselves together.

Silence.

I can hear her suck in a breath of cold air after a few moments, taking deep breaths, as if suddenly out of breath. My scan shows her looking around in confusion. Clearly wondering why I’m not doing anything.

Contrary to my quiet outward appearance, my heartbeat is moving fast. Slowly, she moves toward me. Her long web-like hair scattering around her.

What do I do from here…?

Do I look right at her? Do I just start talking?

As I panic about what to do, I don’t notice how close she’s gotten.

Right until I feel her overflowing strands of hair, her slightly warmed breath, and her soft arms wrap around me.