Fate’s Pawn

One who wishes to use magic must use caution. The one who shapes the magic is also shaped by the magic.

- The Magician's Primer

Three moons hung in the sky when Raziel first used magic. On a hotter day, his longish dark hair might've been plastered to his forehead with sweat but instead the gentle wind only brushed it across his eyes and tickled at his ears. The sky was a perfect shade of blue, the pleasantly cool air was offset by the sun's gentle warmth. The moons were white, red and green, staring down at him, drawing his mind away to a different time and place.

The old man sitting across from him, still as a statue, cleared his throat and Raziel jumped. Next to Duriel, his mountain of a grandfather, Raziel looked even smaller than he really was. Duriel's bald head gleamed in the sun and the whiskers of his white, neatly groomed beard twitched with the breeze. Raziel hoped that the old man's throat was just dry and glanced back at the sky.

"Concentrate, Raziel," Duriel said, his voice as calm and cool as the stones a the bottom of a riverbed.

"I am," Raziel whined. They'd been at this every day for months. Raziel had initially been ecstatic to learn magic. That was before he'd understood how hard it was.

"Concentrate on the magic, not on getting out of practice," Duriel clarified. Raziel clenched his jaw, biting back a retort. He knew Duriel was right but they'd been at this for so long. Raziel desperately wanted to start using magic, to be able to go out into the forest with the advanced class. He'd tried as hard as he could for weeks but what progress he made was agonizingly slow.

"Breathe," Duriel said. Raziel closed his eyes, inhaled deeply through his nose, then opened his mouth and let it out slowly. It wasn't going to work though. They'd been practicing since his fourteenth birthday. He just knew that he was going to be stuck in the basic magic class with the little kids for years to come while all of his friends moved on to the advanced class without him.

Still, he didn't want to disappoint his grandfather, so he forced his breathing into a steady, regular pattern. The wind played gently across his face, a caress that begged him to move, to run. He did his best to ignore it, but it nagged at him, tugging at the frayed threads of his focus. Even so, he was able to make a stronghold of his mind and, just barely, he achieved the careful state of mind in which he'd be able to begin.

"Good, good. Now, reach out. Feel the world around you. Feel the flow of its energy."

Raziel tried and, as he had only a few times before, he succeeded. But that only fueled his frustration. This was the hardest part, and he had no idea how to handle the challenge. He could feel the magic swirling all around him. It was in the sunlight, falling in warm tides. It was in the infuriatingly inviting wind, twisting in vast cool currents. It was in the grass and in the tree at Raziel's back, slow but bubbling with the strength of life. It was even in the earth and the stone beneath, deep and impenetrable.

And all of it, especially that dense strength of the stone, flowed through Duriel as effortlessly and naturally as a stream feeding a pond before becoming a stream again. Raziel knew Duriel was trying to show him the way but sensing the ease of his grandfather's abilities only redoubled Raziel's frustration. Raziel tried to grab at the energies around him, tried to influence their flow, but he was unable to shift them even slightly. It felt like trying to grab mist or trying to swim without limbs.

"Be calm. You cannot force it. You must let the energy within you mingle with that of the elements. You need to let the magic become a part of you. Be as still and calm as the stone, and it will listen to you."

Raziel wanted to clench his hands into fists, to squeeze shut his eyes against the sun he felt caressing his skin, but with rigid mental control he kept his body physically relaxed. Despite his outward relaxation, his focus began to slip. Wind had blown his hair into his face, and it was tickling his nose. Whatever game the other kids were playing had come closer and was louder than ever. Raziel's sense of the magical energies was drifting away and as it went there was a whining noise that irritated Raziel's already overtaxed willpower. It was only when the magic had left completely that Raziel realized that he was making the noise.

Raziel flopped backward onto his back and draped an arm over his eyes, trying not to cry with frustration. He didn't want to look at Duriel, afraid he'd see his own frustration and disappointment mirrored in his grandfather's eyes. The wind had died away and now the sunlight that fell through the tree's leaves just felt hot. Raziel stayed like that for a while, for a moment sure Duriel would leave in a frustrated huff, but it wasn't long before he began to feel childish.

Cautiously he moved his arm to look at his grandfather. Duriel didn't look disappointed or frustrated. Raziel didn't know why he'd thought the old man would. Duriel never looked at him that way when Raziel was genuinely trying his best. But he also didn't look impassively placid as he usually did. Instead his brows were furrowed, and he was scratching his beard.

"What?" Raziel said, trying and failing to keep the petty irritation he felt out of his voice. Duriel ignored the tone.

"Stand up," he said, a hint of curiosity in his voice.

"Huh?"

"Come on. Up," Duriel said, waving a hand upward. Raziel complied, confused. Duriel had always wanted him sitting and still when they practiced.

"Jump up and down a little."

Raziel cocked his head, but Duriel nodded, insistent. Raziel hopped up and down.

"Bend your knees a little more. Let your arms flop about. Good. Good. Alright, stop."

Raziel did.

"Close your eyes." Again, Raziel obeyed.

"Now, let your head just float on top of your spine. Be loose and free. This time, try not to think about being still. If you want to move, move. Keep your eyes closed and just let go. Don't think about controlling the magic. Just feel what's around you and try to go along with it."

Raziel breathed deep and let his body go loose. The breeze returned, and he swayed along with it, just a little. The sounds of the other kids playing hit him but passed through him, not distracting, just... there. Raziel caught himself sensing the magic almost before he realized it. It came so easily this time that he nearly lost the feeling just from the shock. His first instinct was to grab at it, to force himself to feel the magic, but he let go of the breath he was holding and relaxed. And there the magic was, more vital than ever before, sparkling to his inner eye.

"Look out!"

The words crashed into Raziel. His eyes snapped open and for a frozen moment he took in a world that seemed to have a new uncanny sharpness, everything full to overflowing with sudden detail. Raziel felt he could count the blades of grass in the courtyard in the space between heartbeats or track the motion of a hummingbird's wings.

But none of that awesome detail held Raziel's attention. Instead, he found himself staring at a leather-wrapped ball hovering in the air. Raziel knew it was moving fairly fast and that in less than a second it would smash into his face. That didn't concern him. It was the simplest thing in the world to reach out and grab the ball.

It was so simple, so natural, that Raziel didn't notice that neither of his hands had moved. But the ball hung in the air all the same. Time began moving at its usual pace again and the ball stayed right where it was, spinning slowly but refusing to fall.

"Good job," Duriel said. Raziel turned to his grandfather and as he did, something in his mind gently broke, like an ice cube fracturing in a glass of water. Only a moment ago he'd been able to see with preternatural clarity but suddenly the color of the world seemed washed out like on days where the sun is nearly too bright to see anything. On top of that, Raziel was having trouble focusing his eyes, and worse still the world started spinning wildly.

"Whoa now!" Raziel heard his grandfather's voice say from on the other side of a long tunnel.

The next few moments were a blur of indecipherable sensations ranging from vertigo to feeling sure he could taste the color of the sky like sweet, cool water. Raziel thought he might be oozing into the soil and evaporating up into the clouds at the same time. But slowly Raziel's mind began to make sense of his body's sensations again, a feeling like slipping a foot into a shoe that was just a bit too snug.

"Wow," Raziel slurred after a time.

He found that his head was on one of Duriel's legs like a pillow and the day had suddenly become late afternoon.

"The first time is always a little rough on the mind," Duriel said calmly, a smile and a hint of pride in his voice. "It'll get easier. You're ready for the advanced class."