LIGHTNOVELONLINE V2 C142
“Hollowpoint.”
Oh, for fucks sake.
Night had come, the Waniks thoroughly apologized to and thanked for their aid and patience. Vaughn had most of his work done, and I'd only just slipped out of Beryl's grasp as she lost consciousness. Apparently, she couldn't sleep without having the veritable heat source that I became because Vaughn, the idiot, loves to sleep in the cold with the window open. The oversized snake got too used to my presence after sleeping next to me most of the week, to the point I doubted she wouldn't ask if I slept next to her at the campfire.
And now her, great.
I eyed Sabine, a bottle clenched in one of my hands as I made for the floor edge to drink some of my stress away again. She stopped me just off of the front porch.
“Sabine, I don't have enough patience for this.”
She seemed less taken by the same look of abhorrence that she saw fit to adopt once more the day prior.
For the love of the Gods will she make up her mind?
She stepped aside, arms crossed, as she lifted her chin.
“Well? Are you going to wait until I vanish? Or are you going to deny me the company you promised a second time?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Whatever suits you.”
I exited the porch, joining her as she opened the path. The same silence as ever between us, as we made our way to the same ledge, taking the same seats. I was still deftly afraid of the height, finding myself leaning back onto my some to keep my weight over the floor. The fear of heights cemented itself, just like any of my other memories or tendencies. I uncorked the bottle taking my taking my first smell of it.
“Wine’s good enough.”
I took a small sip, a smoky, almost cherry like flavor following.
“Where even do you keep producing the bottles? I know full well the Wanik’s are not furnishing them.”
She asked, motioning for me to hand it over.
“I can’t drink at home, not yet, so paying some poor fool to fetch me a bottle is my fifty-fifty shot at getting it.”
I shrugged.
“Only one person ran with the coins, which works well enough.”
Sabine smirked, taking the bottle and sniffing as she twirled it.
“You never answered my question.”
I said with a heavy exhale, looking at the sky as the stars were partially obscured.
“And I will withhold my answers until you honor mine.”
What now?
“I could just leave, and go back to bed.”
Sabine suppressed a laugh.
“Hmph, somehow I have come to doubt it. Seem’s you are a margin more sound in mind than when we last spoke.”
I breathed deeply, then exhaled.
“For the worse of it, though, I don’t feel right with it. Coming to hate myself, I think.”
If I could even decide who it was that I was hating now.
“Is that the truth?”
I shrugged.
“Make of it what you will.”
We passed the bottle back and forth as we spoke, small sips, nothing to drown out our minds like the last time.
“So, your question?”
“Two, truthfully. First, why the intervention on lead piping?”
She asked, squinting, searching for something as I answered.
“I simply know that it was a bad idea, one that would do nothing but get people killed.”
I shrugged, lying through my teeth as naturally as I breathed. Sabine held onto the bottle for much longer as she parsed her words, proposing the second question.
“The luncheon, as it went on, was no farce?”
She sat down the bottle after asking. I shook my head, looking down at the base of the fifth floor's main shaft. Sabine leaned forward onto her knees as she locked her fingers together.
“Then you—“
I nodded, taking a sip.
“Dispossessed of my home, somehow coming to Damus.”
I looked back up.
“Va’ren, no harm in telling you that, since you already know I’m high-born.”
Then back down, as I controlled my anxiety from the ledge. I took the bottle in hand once more, sipping from it.
“From which line?”
She asked, and I chuckled.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself. Just because we’re drinking together does not mean that I trust you. Tch.”
I clicked my tongue, the congenial attitude I was sporting for the moment turning sour with the spite that squeezed itself forward. Sabine turned her head to me, and while I couldn't see, I was sure she sported a scowl.
“I meant no offense of it.”
Yeah, whatever, bitch— what the fuck is today?! What? What?!
“Come again?”
I was damn near concerned for Sabine taking such a backward turn in character as to nearly give an apology.
Today is just filled with surprises, holy shit.
“I meant no offense.”
Sabine rolled her eyes.
“Make of the statement what you will.”
I make of it confusing!
“Sabine— would you piss off with the back-and-forth act? I can’t tell if I should keep entertaining this bullshit.”
Sabine looked back at me.
“The bitch act, like, why? Why?! Why pull that our first time meeting? Why the whole act of wanting to call my team out when at the guild?”
I swung an arm out at the open air ahead of us.
“You confuse the hell out of me, all that acting, the stone-walled face you put up around me. Why? Why all that and then this?”
I pointed to the ground between us with my hands.
“Why sit here next to me and drink with me? Why do you act like you hate me and then turn around to talk to me like this?”
I waved back at the open street and the shops behind us.
“This isn't private, so I can sure as shit say you aren’t confident out of prying eyes.”
Sabine shifted where she sat, side-eyeing me before looking back at the sky.
“The object of abrasive extestince on your part seems to be absent.”
She looked back down at the fifth floor, clenching her jowls as she closed her eyes.
“Do your best to keep your secret, and I will also uphold it. With that, things will remain as they are.”
What the fuck even is this cryptic–
“I'm going to bed.”
I took the bottle again, downing as much as possible before placing it back onto the stone.
“Maybe if you’d stop speaking in damn riddles, I’d give you more of the time you won’t even give yourself.”
I could have sworn she muttered something as I stood and walked away.
“Here I was hoping you held the acuity to catch on…”
Alright, please, just don’t immediately wrap around me.
I stood over Beryl, my boots tossed aside as I returned to the room. As usual, Vaughn was splayed across his bed, half under the covers, while Beryl lay in mine.
Christ, girl, I’d swear you’re getting more attached to me than you should.
I lowered myself into the bed, half rolling as I did. It wasn’t even a few seconds before Beryl started plastering herself to me and her tail began curling over my stomach and legs.
Gods damnit, Beryl, hold the—
“Ooof, shit.”
I whispered, the muscle nearly pulling me across the bed itself.
Alright, alright, calm down, jeez.
“Mmn, warm.”
She pulled me towards her torso while her snake-like hiss shook through her body.
Cold-blooded— damnit, give me the covers! You’re not warm by a damn inch! Holy cow!
With the bed settled, I was alone with a mind, as always. But, it was different, absent of any worry, anxiety, fear, or plotting that I’d get up to as I waited for my eyelids to fall. For the first time in living memory, since my waking up here, I found myself falling asleep somewhat in peace.
‘Live it as you will.’
The words played over my mind repeatedly.
Then, if I– If I take this moment as that, then– I choose, to take what help I can.
I shuffled myself into her embrace, her upper arm dragging the covers over us.
Anything to feel secure, in this moment, she’s cool… calming, like Vaughn was too… I’m safe here, with them.
With little else haunting my mind as I drunkenly took in the moment of security.
“Beryl.”
A voice peaked at her ears.
“Beryyyl.”
Beryl instinctively moved her tail, finding it unsettled in her sleep as it usually had when searching for warmth.
“Mnnn, five more minutes.”
She grumbled, pushing her face against her pillow whilst pulling something closer to her chest. The bed hummed to life, and her suddenly acquired shelt of warmth shook as Kiyomi’s laugh rapped at her eardrums.
“That’s my line, Beryl, damn. Usually, you’re the first one up; what’s been with you all week?”
Beryl grumbled, struggling to raise herself by her arms.
“That’s big talk coming from ‘Miss Princess.”
Beryl hunched back onto her tail, and with their conversation, Vaughn roused himself next.
“I woke up before the sun came out, feel like I didn’t get a lick of sleep.”
He yawned.
“Wait, she’s awake first?”
Both of them looked at Kiyomi in surprise, Vaughn swinging his feet from the bed as if he’d have to take flight for something.
“You went to bed after us, I know you did. You’re up first?”
Vaughn asked, looking between Kiyomi and Beryl.
“You okay?”
He asked, concern clear on his face.
“Slept kind of shitty, but I’m okay?”
She answered, confused at the two.
…
…
The rest of the day passed as expected. A hearty breakfast, intertwined by lengthy conversation and teasing between the group and the Wanik’s. Vaughn presented his finished work to Jozef, collecting his notes and the few books he could take. Kiyomi required help from Silwia to peel Mizzel off of her after Kiyomi tried to cut the goodbyes short. And to mark the end of their stay, Beryl presented the last of the gold for the stay to Jagoda, thanking her for her patience before departing.
“For the love of the gods, girl, get a hold of yourself, yer actin' like she’ll never be to this city again!”
Jagoda chastised in the distance as the group made their way from the inn, Mizzel nearly crying as they left.
“I honestly thought she’d never let you go.”
Beryl joked.
“I’d rather not deal with it if she’s gonna be that clingy every time, but the travel here is safer than Francia.”
Kiyomi complained, then, with a heavy sigh, she hefted her bag.
“We’ve got all of our rations, some dried stew, salves, I just hope Michal doesn't— I stand corrected.”
Kiyomi grumbled, the sight making her mood sour, revealing himself in front of the shrine to Tyr.
“Kiyomi, Beryl, Vaughn!”
It was Michal, sporting a sorry pair of boots, trousers, and a tunic, all topped with an open front cloak. He looked well over packed, his rucksack nearly twice the size of the team’s own.
“You said to be here, and I am.”
Kiyomi grumbled, much to the bemusement of Vaughn and Beryl.
“Listen, Michal, this isn’t some game or sudden grand adventure. Our line of work is dangerous, you sure you’re fit for it?”
“As ever, I have my scrolls for studying, a few books on healing instruction I’d learned off of, and plenty of food. I’m not one to shy away, not with our deal.”
“You go with us and it won’t be an easy decision to just take back, it’s a nearly two-week journey.”
Kiyomi kept throwing out excuses and discouraging remarks as quickly as she could manage.
“All within expectation, you think you’ll just dissuade me? Especially after you let me sleep on it?”
He laughed.
“In truth, never been more excited. The father of the temple approved it himself, said a pilgrimage of sorts would do me some good. ‘Doing a service to knowing the heart of an adventurer’ he said. What better way to understand giving communion to the wayward warrior.”
“Gods this guy is too far gone, is this what Aethelwulf warned me about?”
Kiyomi brought one of her hands to her temple.
“Shit.”
She exclaimed, dropping the hand as she looked to the ceiling.
“We still need to come up with an excuse for him joining us.”
Vaughn snickered, tapping Beryl’s elbow with his own.
“Like it’ll matter with Callum, he’ll still make his point anyways.”
Beryl looked to the ceiling as she joined him in the snickering.
“Oh yeah, we can hold his paranoia over him even more now, can you imagine it?”
She leaned over, making Michal and Kiyomi both curious of the conversation as she whispered into Vaughn’s ear, making them both smirk.
“Our competition won’t have to be as subtle with Michal wearing him down.”
Vaughn shook his head, stepping forward and signaling the party's full departure.
“Yeah, like we could hope for that.”
The sun was down now, the cool air of winter keeping with my thoughts. This was my life now, supposedly. For better or worse, I have no escape. Any hope of knowing I could do better for a girl I never met, thrown in my face. My life, as far as my fucked up memory was now concerned, followed one succinct path until this point, birth, life, death, rebirth, and life anew. I wasn't Kiyomi, nor could I just continue as Aidan. Not unless Solah deemed otherwise.
‘Live it as you see fit’, a sick fuckin joke.
I closed my eyes for a moment, breathing in. The feeling of cotton and fur beneath and around me, the air on my skin and in my lungs, the feeling of my tail twitching ever so slightly. And all the while, I could not separate it, the feeling that I somehow never belonged, but at the same time did.
It eases some worries, and with others, it makes them even more terrifying.
Part of me couldn't help but think of it as I waited to fall asleep, what this life would have been like in the void, ended as she said. Was I dead truly? Brought here on a whim? Was I really supposed to live in this body? The senses of dysphoria were nullified a little with her memories, but all the same, I felt it was in large part due to my effort at accepting ‘this.’ The scariest realization was that the smallest part of me, ever so small, wanted all of this to be true now, and wanted to accept it. That I was somehow, deep down, happy to be in this position, to know that this may not have been someone else’s life lost.
I will have to embrace it, like it or not. Being me. A good number of people from earth would kill for this opportunity, surely.
I breathed out.
Well, don’t need to feel like a piece of shit for having wet dreams anymore, as rare as they are.
I counted a small blessing.
Not looking forward to facing that either, as inevitable as it will be.
I thought of Vaughn.
I wonder if I wasn’t here, would he be the one she’d find herself orbiting– nope, told myself I wouldn't! Not ready for that thought! Didn’t need that sense of wonder nor jealousy to cross my mind. If you're going to consider that, do it when you haven't just scrambled your brain!
I shifted where I lay, turning one of my feet to the side.
Can’t say I wouldn't have discounted Beryl, if I was born here the same I was on earth.
I cringed at my thoughts.
Any potential for that kind of stuff in life is gonna be hell– shut up, brain!
I grumbled to myself, rolling onto my back and opening my eyes again.
Her life, as far as I know, is ruined past any recollection of what it could have been. Dad? Dead. Horse? Dead. Anyone she knew save two people? Dead. Her fucking home is in shambles too. I don't feel comfortable with my mind as it is, for now, but fuck.
I stared at the glints of light above, our first night from Krakow’s gates and my second night with this life tossed to the wind. I turned my eyes down to the fire, Michal and Vaughn sleeping on opposite sides of it from Beryl and me.
I guess I’m okay not being okay, give it time. Just give it time.
I turned my head, thinking of Brenton now.
Oops.
I looked over my shoulder, she was still asleep, her tail dragged most of the way under her furs. My own bedding was next to hers, giving her the shield she needed from the wind that came from the north. I was half under my own furs, not feeling as guarded as I’d always made myself.
It’d take something sharper than my humming to wake her.
“Hmph.”
I smirked to myself, readjusting my neck where it sat, using a section of Beryl’s tail as a pillow.
What am I gonna tell Callum, and Mama? Fuck, I’ve got a long trip ahead of me while I try to think that over. And more so, I have a bone to pick.
I brushed aside the feelings of anger, that so much more was known of me, and no one said a damned thing to me.
How much. How much do they know? And who made the decision to keep it from me? Please, please, Solah, if you intend only for the best? At this rate, at least let me understand if I want to beat the brakes off of for the intel leak on me.
I ground two of my canines together.
Just don’t let it be mama… I’d— id be lost.
I exhaled, shifting my arms a bit to give me a better resting position.
Fuck, at this rate, I’d like a vacation to do the shit I want. Maybe they’d be cool with pushing off the renovation of the old church? Maybe take a head or two of stalkers to make up the numbers? Maybe I could go for those guitar lessons? I don’t really have anything productive I need to do anymore except maybe get stronger. Maybe get trained up on another skill or two? If I can find anyone with any worth a damn to learn. That being said, what adventurer wouldn't charge a killing for a service like that? Shit, may not be as easy as I’d hoped.
I yawned, the drowsiness kicking in.
Fuck it, I have a week to think it over, at the least. Time for shut-eye.
“Morning.”
I was the first up, again, woken by my dreams, thankfully utterly confused by the mix of conflicting pasts roiling in my head. No reliving events, just weird shit. Beryl roused shortly after I did, and Michal following, after she yelped for some odd reason. Vaughn was the last to rouse, just barely looking up from the makeshift pillow he fashioned from his extra furs.
“What the hell are you all red in the face about?”
He seemed confused, and I looked over my shoulder to double-take the face she’d made. She was still stuck in it as she seemed to be staring wide-eyed at the ground, beat red.
“She slept on it.”
She squeaked.
You think I wanted to discover that as I was waking up? I’m hoping I can suppress that memory. Time to gaslight her like I’m confused.
“Beryl, I’ve slept on your tail dozens of times. For pete’s sake, just because I slept on it on purpose for the first time doesn't make it worth a fuss.”
Vaughn smirked at my response, and his growing laughter only confirmed my suspicion in that he just simply knew what Beryl referred to out of interpersonal history.
That’s another secret.
“Ahhh-hahahaaa– ah– ho, ho that’s gold. First time? Really?”
Bud, what the hell is even so funny about it?
Deflect and move on, I don’t wanna dwell on this.
“If you haven’t forgotten, Vaughn, I still gotta get you back for the time I woke up on top of you.”
I pulled a piece of jerky from my bag, taking a bite before pointing it at him.
“Bud, your balls are two-ply compared to my shin, I’ll get you yet.”
His laughter stopped immediately.
“You wouldn’t.”
He looked down at me from where he lay, legitimate concern flashing across my face.
“Wait a minute, Vauhgn, she doesn't know?”
Michal asked, pointing across the fire.
Gaslight, the moment they understand that I now know then it’s going to get awkward.
“Know what?”
I waved the jerky stick at Michal now, and Vaughn shook his head.
“She doesn’t know, priest, not a thing.”
Michal raised his brow, then shook his head as he kept packing.
“I’m not touching that with a ten-foot pole.”
He exclaimed, dropping the subject.
“Know what?”
Vaughn smirked, then resumed chuckling.
“Know what?! Vaughn, I swear to the gods, I’ll shove my boot right up your–”
I shot up, nearly leaping across the fire as I made to kick him in the side, only to push him around as he laughed and begged me to stop.
This, this is a good morning, I’ll take this over anything else. A laugh, although I don’t know what over, some breakfast hopefully, and en route to head home for a proper night of sleep in my own bed, alone.