Entertainment Life With A Camera

Chapter 70

Where does it end?

“I’m honestly a useless member.”

“No, you’re not!”

Jung Sejun jumped up at Kim Younghyun’s words.

“Why would you think that… Who said that? No!”

“That’s right, hyung. Calling yourself useless is too much.”

“You’re not really useless. You don’t need to listen to the haters.”

The members of Awi also chimed in with their support. Kim Younghyun smiled weakly. He seemed to be half-drunk already.

“Anyway, our group was doing well when we debuted. Sejun made a really good song.”

“Ah… ‘Long Time No See’? Wow, that was a hit song.”

Jo Taewoong hummed Black Rush’s debut song ‘Long Time No See’. The other members joined him in singing. The atmosphere became lively in an instant.

“Right, that song. Our debut song was so successful and our group suddenly rose to fame. Naturally, people’s attention was drawn to us.”

Kim Younghyun took a sip of wine and continued his story. The noisy Awi members quieted down.

“The company naturally wanted to make the most of it. Of course, Sejun and Wookjin, who were talented and had good sense, were the first priority for casting.”

“Our company wasn’t that big back then, so they couldn’t give us all the opportunities we wanted.”

Jung Sejun added. Kim Younghyun nodded.

“I was honestly worse than the other members in singing and dancing, so I was always in the back for choreography and I had no special skills for variety shows either.”

“No, hyung, that’s not…”

Jung Sejun sighed with pity. He tried to say something, but he couldn’t find the words.

“Listen, Black Rush became famous, but there weren’t many people who knew all the members… And then people started to say things.”

It started with his close family and friends.

“Don’t you appear on TV?”

“People don’t believe me when I say you’re in Black Rush.”

“Black Rush? What’s that? Jung Sejun? Oh! I know him. He’s in your group?”

“Black Rush? Jung Sejun and the kids?”

“That really hurt my self-esteem.”

-What kind of member is Younghyun?

└Just the oldest brother…?

└Acting? Well, that’s vague.

-Oh Kim Younghyun only has tons of photocards ㅡㅡ

-Kim Younghyun is so useless he’s always in the back for choreographyㅋㅋ

He was psychologically dominated by the hateful comments on the internet. And by the words of his closest people, wrapped as concern but cutting like knives.

Do I really have nothing I’m good at? The other members are working so hard, why am I like this? Did I really do something wrong?

“I became obsessed with doing better and developed OCD… I’m still the oldest member of this group. Instead of leaving everything to the other members, I wanted to do something too. I wanted to stand out and be noticed.”

No one could easily say anything at Kim Younghyun’s words mixed with sighs.

“To be honest, I told Ian earlier that it would be okay once I got used to it, but it wasn’t okay. I tried hard, but my skills improved slowly. I tried not to look at people’s reactions, but I ended up seeing them anyway. I wanted to see if I had improved.”

Kim Younghyun said in a joking tone.

“But what is this? They don’t care about me? The only attention I got was hate?”

“No, hyung, maybe you felt that way because you were depressed.”

“That’s right.”

“Hyung, you had a lot of fans. And they reacted well too…”

Jung Sejun tried to console him. His expression was gloomy. He felt like he had done something wrong by reacting like that. Kim Younghyun waved his hand.

“It’s not your fault…”

“That’s right! It’s just those people who have a problem.”

Park Seodam said a word.

“Anyway, as the situation continued like that. Before I knew it, I felt suffocated doing group activities. I felt like I wouldn’t be able to live a normal idol life like this.”

“…”

“So… I wanted to step away from Black Rush for a while and start fresh on my own… Without being swayed by others.”

“No, hyung, if you had told us earlier…”

Jung Sejun couldn’t finish his sentence and sighed. He thought he was just looking for a new dream. He thought he wanted to be free and not tied to the group.

But it turned out he was running away. He never dreamed that he had such a story. Ian asked.

“You could have done solo activities… even if you renewed your contract.”

“Wookjin said he wouldn’t renew his contract first, so the team’s future was already uncertain. And the company had more kids to take care of, right? Oh, I’m not blaming you guys?”

Kim Younghyun winked at Lee Jooheuk.

“Anyway, I had a lot of fans who liked me, so I couldn’t just disband Black Rush… Wookjin and I didn’t want to disband either, but we wanted to do solo activities more seriously.”

“…”

“It was half running away, really.”

He wasn’t sure if he would do well as an actor, even if he left Black Rush for a while. But he felt like he could breathe easier than when he was doing group activities.

Kim Younghyun finished the wine in his glass and looked at the faces of the Awi members.

“Guys, you might be okay now.”

“…”

“But as you get more popular, people’s eyes will change. There will be people who envy you, hate you, and criticize you for no reason. And if your group does well, you might get more greedy too.”

Suddenly, he remembered Park Seodam’s face on the graduation day. Ian looked at Park Seodam’s face. Park Seodam’s face was expressionless.

“I couldn’t do it, but you guys need to keep your balance from now on. If you have something you want to do, ask the company. The company has a good system now.”

The mood became heavy with the serious topic. Kim Younghyun smiled awkwardly. He didn’t want to talk about it because he knew this would happen.

“…Let’s get up if we’re done eating.”

Kim Younghyun pulled his chair and got up.

***

“The hyungs will pay, so you guys go ahead.”

Awi went outside the restaurant after seeing the older members’ signals at the cashier.

It was chilly outside and their breaths were visible, but they didn’t feel too cold after filling their stomachs.

They just felt uneasy.

“…What do you think?”

Lee Jooheuk asked quietly. Park Jinhyuk frowned and said.

“I don’t know.”

Jo Taewoong, who had been hunching his shoulders from the cold, said.

“I think I need to use the internet less.”

“Let’s say everything we have on our minds to each other.”

Kim Hyun said and everyone agreed.

“Let’s not worry too much in advance.”

Lee Jooheuk added.

“We might be in a different situation. Younghyun hyung was just telling his own story, not generalizing.”

“That’s right.”

Ian muttered.

“But… I feel sorry for him.”

When he was with Kim Yongmin, he wanted to debut desperately. And when he finally debuted, he wanted popularity desperately. He never thought there would be other problems when he became popular.

[What are you sorry for? That’s your future. That was our strategy from the start, to gain recognition as idols and then switch to acting.]

‘Why break up the group? You should do both idol and actor.’

Now that he was Choi Ian, he had the experience of his previous life and wouldn’t be easily swayed. But he didn’t know about the other members.

And that ‘him’ who wasn’t swayed by others included Jindo.

‘But the members seem fine now.’

Ian thought as he looked at the members who were joking around with the boss gag.

***

“Thank you for the meal!”

The Awi members bowed to Jung Sejun and Kim Younghyun, who came out after paying. Jung Sejun was surprised.

“Wow, you scared me.”

“Hey, people might think we’re gangsters if they see us.”

Lee Jooheuk said to Kim Younghyun.

“Thank you for your advice, hyung. It seems like it will help a lot.”

“Yeah?”

It really did help. The Awi members would be able to remember Kim Younghyun’s advice if they faced a similar situation.

Kim Younghyun, who had spilled everything, felt embarrassed and rubbed his nose with his index finger.

“Shouldn’t we go practice?”

“Wow! We missed dinner time!”

Kim Juyoung checked the time and jumped up. There was even a missed call from Park Dongsu.

“…Dongsu hyung called?”

“How scary is that?”

The members’ faces crumbled. Seeing them rolling their feet, Kim Younghyun said.

“You guys can go ahead. If Dongsu hyung asks what happened, I’ll make an excuse for you.”

“…Then we’ll go! Thank you for the meal, hyungs!”

“We’ll treat you next time!”

The juniors ran towards the company. Kim Younghyun shouted at them.

“Hey!”

“Yes?”

“Go on for a long time!”

Kim Younghyun yelled and the members looked at each other and smiled brightly.

“Yes!”

They answered well. Kim Younghyun chuckled.

“Sejun, I’ll go too.”

“What? Already? Let’s go for round two.”

“I have to pack my stuff at home.”

“…Oh.”

Kim Younghyun’s home was no longer Black Rush’s dormitory. Jung Sejun called out to Kim Younghyun, who was walking across the alley.

“Younghyun hyung!”

“Huh?”

Jung Sejun opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again.

“…Keep in touch!”

Jung Sejun said with difficulty and Kim Younghyun laughed and answered.

“Okay!”

“Hello.”

“Oh, Ian, hello. Your face is killing me today.”

That was what the staff always said when they saw Ian. It became a greeting that everyone followed.

Ian stretched as if he was used to it. He came early than the other members for personal practice. Awi’s comeback was not far away.

“What’s going on?”

Ian asked the staff. The company was noisy. Ian looked at the desk and chairs that were being moved into the company.

“Oh, this is because the company reorganized and created a new department. They hired a lot of new staff too… Jumin, who brought you here, became a team leader.”

“Oh, Jumin hyung made it.”

The staff who was checking the goods said. Ian whistled.

“What department is it?”

“It’s a rookie development team.”

“Oh…”

The staff said excitedly.

“They’re going to hold a big audition and recruit trainees too.”

“I see.”

“You didn’t know? You guys are on the audition recruitment video as the main attraction.”

Ian felt a bitter taste in his mouth.

‘Well, the company is a profit group…’

They couldn’t rely on Black Rush forever. Popularity changes.

“I’m going to practice.”

“Okay.”

Black Rush’s contract renewal failed not long ago and the company already finished reorganizing and brought in new people and new departments. Ian was seized by an indescribable emotion.

‘How did Black Rush hyungs feel?’

What did they think when they saw the trainees who pushed them back as their group’s growth slowed down?

How did they feel when the company reduced Black Rush’s activities and pushed Awi hard?

“Should I leave soon…?”

Ian looked at the empty practice room and muttered.

‘The other members should come soon too.’

It wasn’t time to laze around in the dorm. Ian opened the phone message app and entered the group chat room that was pinned at the top.

Guys, our company has a new teamㅇㅇ Let’s practice hard

He moved his finger to press the send button, but paused for a moment.

When did he set it as an announcement? ‘Let’s go till the end’ by Jo Taewoong was pinned at the top of the group chat.

‘Where is the end?’

Contract expiration? Renewal? At least 10 years? Will the company support us until then?

‘…I don’t know.’