LIGHTNOVELONLINE Ch 2.94: Out
Elaina was, in a word, disappointed. The sleeping arrangements did make perfect sense, of course. It stood to reason that Elaina and Carly should be in the same room as Shein since they could both help sedate her to some extent, also that they should both stay asleep to preserve their alertness. Not that I’m getting any sleep anyway.
She’d imagined though, when Prisma asked how sleeping arrangements would work, that it might work out that they slept together in the same room, in the same bed. Not like that would even mean anything.
That wasn’t how it happened though, Tira offering up a genuinely sensible rotation, her and Flora taking turns on watch duty, trading turns in the other room that Prisma would stay in. Flora taking first watch over Shein meant that Tira and Prisma were in there now, sharing the same bed. There was no idea what they were doing in there, what they were wearing, what they weren’t wearing. Gods, why does my mind even go there?
She knew it wouldn’t be something like that. Cause… it wouldn’t be, right? Who knew though; Prisma was a type of masochist as well, Elaina was naked herself since she didn’t have anything to wear other than her class gear, so Prisma would be in the same boat. It’s fine though, they can do that if they want.
And that was true, mostly. Tira and her certainly weren’t exclusive, and Prisma, well, Elaina had no say over what she did, who she did it with, and when she did it. Still, something felt wrong about that, Tira and Prisma together, at least… not if Elaina wasn’t there. For the first time, at least.
The first time? Still getting ahead of herself. From what Elaina could tell, Tira still hated Prisma, and Prisma hadn’t even fully agreed to keep the System a secret, much less join the party, and even less so to anything… more. And she’s still engaged to Waine too, regardless.
Elaina’s thoughts came to a halt, her mind diverted as light poured into the room from the hallway, heavy footsteps coming in. Elaina opened her eyes, seeing a still sleeping Carly as she did her best to subtly turn and see Tira walking in.
Except it wasn’t Tira, but Prisma instead, still wearing her own class gear.
“Not the relief I was expecting,” Flora whispered.
“She’s asleep,” Prisma replied. “Doesn’t know I’m here. I just thought that, well, maybe we could take three shifts, you know? Lighten the load on you two a little?”
“Hmmm,” Flora mused, a playful lift in her voice. “Wasn’t it that you weren’t even sure if you wanted to be a part of this yet? Seems awful strange for you to come here offering to take a watch position. Maybe I should wake up our illustrious leader and see what she has to say about it?”
“No!” Prisma said in her best half-whisper, half-shout. “Don’t bother her, I’ll just go back and—”
“I’m awake,” Elaina said, sitting up and holding the blanket to her chest. Carly still didn’t stir, rolled a little as Elaina sat up, but seemingly remained asleep. “Huh, she really can sleep through anything, huh?”
“Just about anything except daylight,” Flora said, standing up from the chair. “Tira would have my ass if I let Prisma take an actual watch shift, but I am a little cramped. Maybe you two could watch the lump together while I go stretch my legs in the hall a bit?”
Flora was already walking out, leaving no time for either Elaina or Prisma to respond in either the affirmative or negative, closing the door behind herself and leaving them in the dimly lit room, only the flickering lantern lighting them up.
Prisma didn’t look at Elaina, instead sitting in Flora’s chair, staring at Shein sitting against the corner. The casino owner, organized crime boss, two-faced aspect wielder had her eyes closed, but Elaina knew that couldn’t be trusted. They had two bracelets on her now, just in case, her hands bound with rope tied over them, but Prisma was right to keep an eye on her; they couldn’t be complacent.
Elaina didn’t care about Shein right now though. “What’re you really doing here?”
Prisma ignored her for a bit, leaving Elaina sitting there while she maintained watch, though she did eventually reply. “We got interrupted before. Didn’t get to finish our talk.”
“Prisma, that’s… This isn’t really the place for that. There’s still too much to talk about, stuff we can’t say in front of her, stuff that—”
“We don’t have to, cause I have my answer. I’ll keep everything a secret, as long as I don’t discover a reason not to, but I’m not joining your party.”
It cut. Words weren’t supposed to be able to do that, but they did nonetheless, as easily as if Prisma had a skill to make it so. “But—”
“You said it yourself. We can’t go into specifics in present company, but that’s my answer.”
Elaina gripped the bedsheets, hands wanting to rip them apart. “You’re doing this on purpose, telling me now so I can’t fight back.”
“Because it’s my choice. You don’t have a right to fight back, but you always do…”
Gods was Elaina mad. At Prisma? At the world? At herself? She didn’t know, but she knew she wanted to scream. “You’re not making that choice on your own. You said it yourself, on the night of the attack.”
“Elaina! You can’t talk about that!”
“Why, you think she doesn’t know? Yeah, she’s awake, yeah, maybe I’ve woken Carly up too, but who cares? You said you chose me, that you would give up on Waine, on everything else. Why not now, when it makes so much more sense? When you know everything.”
Prisma’s stoicism was infuriating. She was always like that, emotional one moment, Elaina feeling like they were finally connecting, and then… this, her sitting there, staring off into the corner without even making eye contact, ignoring everything that actually mattered.
“That’s the worst part of you, you know?” Elaina said.
Prisma’s head actually snapped towards her, mouth agape. “What?”
“You sit there and pretend like things are fine, when you know they’re not. You pretend like we never could’ve been friends, even when we were, if only for a couple hours. You pretend like Waine is fine to be around, when you hate every second with him. You pretend like when we were up there tonight, that you didn’t know how right it felt, us together, like the rest of the world didn’t exist in that moment. All you do is pretend!”
Elaina could feel the warm tears streaming down her face, plopping onto the blanket below, could see Carly stirring out the corner of her eye, certainly awake now, could even see Shein peaking out of the corner of her own eye. She didn’t care about any of that right now though, only Prisma.
“I’m good at pretending,” she said as she stood up from the chair. “Too good, and I don’t want to keep doing it to you. Yes, I know all those things. Yes, you’re more than an acquaintance to me. No, I don’t know what that is, and yes, that scares me. But I have obligations, ones I made before I met you.
“There’s one thing that isn’t pretend though; I can’t look at you without feeling terrible. Every moment we share, in the street, at school, up on that stage… It’s tainted because of what I did to you before. I can’t pretend that didn’t happen, that I deserve to be around you, that you deserve to have to be around me.”
Bootsteps knocked on the floor as Prisma walked away, piercing through the silence of the room until she opened the door. Flora was just on the other side, looking down. “You can have your watch back,” Prisma said, stepping across the hall and towards the other room, one final door opening, one final door closing.
Elaina threw her face into the pillow.