Empathic capacity of a teaspoon (HP Self-insert

was practicing my fire sorcery while leaning on the chair behind the counter of Ollivander's shop.

The dark mark above my hand formed right as the bell jingled and a customer entered the shop. I waved my hand to get rid of the apparition before I got arrested for being a dark wizard and faced my the new arrival.

Well, two arrivals.

A young woman with pink hair that was quickly turning red along with her face, and an old man who looked like he was a survivor of more wars than i'd ever heard of.

Alastor Moody was scowling at me, I sighed.

"I guess you saw my little light show with that stupid looking magical eye of yours." If it was possible Moody's scowl deepened and Tonks was starting to look more apprehensive than embarrassed.

I clapped my hands as if the simple gesture had the power to dispel the heavy atmosphere.

"But where are my manners, you are paying customers, allow me to introduce myself." At this point I stood up and gave a flourishing bow.

Looking upwards I stared directly into Moody's one functional eye and brushed him with just the intent of legilimency.

Enough for him to notice, not enough for him to actually arrest me. I had a plan.

"I am Ergarth." I righted myself and took a look in Tonk's direction but a blue opaque shield sprang into existence before I could read any of her thoughts. Courtesy of Moody

"A bit twitchy aren't we." I gave the man an indulgent smile.

"I forgive you for your senility." The man suddenly stopped scowling and took on an unnaturally calm face. Nymphadora however was gaping at me.

"Where is Ollivander lad?"

"Ah, Ollivander suddenly felt the need for a prolonged vacation." I intentionally made it sound a bit malicious. I needed to goad him after all.

And he apparently recognized my attempt and refused to start anything.

"Me and this auror trainee are here to check our wands, the trainee also requires a secondary wand, here is the paperwork." He pulled out a stack of papers out of his trench coat.

I summoned them wandlessly from his hand and flew through them, it was written quite simplistic, but still managed to take up nine papers. It basically said, we the ministry of magic, allow Nymphadora Tonks, as is her right as an auror, the purchase and usage of a secondary wand.

"Everything seems to be in order, your wands please."

Alastor calmly stepped forward and dropped his wand on my table, I noticed that he was channeling magic into his staff as if preparing for a spell.

"The rumours didn't exaggerate, you really are paranoid."

He grinned at me, his face was too ugly to really make it into a pleasant expression.

I smiled back at him pleasantly and then turned to his wand and started examining it.

After few minutes I was done, but I saw Tonks was fidgeting so I kept staring at the stick as if it would reveal the secrets of the universe to me.

"Oh my, this thing has seen quite some use, have you been polishing it properly as well?" I put on my best innocent expression and used my magical sense directly on his magical eye trying to sense what made it tick.

I heard Tonks snort, Moody sent her a glare that shut her up fairly quickly.

"Aye I have lad, is everything fine with it?" I saw that by this point the only thing he wanted to do was get out of here.

"Yes everything is quite alright." I started twirling his wand in my hand.

He stepped forward and ripped it out of my grasp. I gave him the look usually reserved for naughty children.

"Trainee, i'll wait outside you will manage on your own."

Tonks stepped forward and tried to put on a jovial face.

"Fancy meeting you here. coincidence much?" She said nonchalantly

I gave her my best confused look.

"Sorry am I supposed to know you?" Her eye twitched

"I'm Tonks." I gave her a blank look. She hadn't actually told me her name back then.

"You will have to be more specific."

She growled.

"I'm the girl you took the virginity off at the summer festival 1989, do you remember now!?"

I grinned at her.

"Did you know that Alastor can read lips?" She paled, groaned and put her head in her palms.

"You're a dick."

"Thank you I like to think of it as one of my more redeeming qualities." She gave me the look women gave men when they were unimpressed by their immaturity.

"Your wand please." I said stretching out my hand.

She held it out to me, I took it.

"Just no sexual innuendos."

"I don't know about innuendos but I wouldn't mind something sexual." She sputtered, didn't actually look disgusted by the suggestion though.

I looked her in the eye and gazed at her mind.

Then I blinked violently.

She had projected some heavy metal into my mind.

"I see your music taste has deteriorated since we last met." Now it was her turn to give me a smug grin, which turned into an awed one when she noticed I had both of my hand on the table before me and that her wand was laying next to them pointed at the wall.

"Is there anything you can't do wandlessly?" The question should have been, was there actually much I could do with a wand? Not really, but was working on changing that. She would most likely not be very impressed by my ability to fold all of my laundry with a single spell.

I gave her my patented superior sneer #46 and said in my best drawl.

"If I remember correctly, I already told you that wandless magic is easy, it is simply the fact that other people are too inferior to use it that prevents it from being more widespread" Incue deadpan.

"Any relation to Severus Snape?"

"No I am actually capable of taking care of my hair." As if on cue, my hair unraveled from the ponytail it had been in before and fell down to my shoulders in a wave of fabulousness. I smiled at her and projected before my teeth a sparkle with my fire sorcery.

Her eye twitched and then we both laughed.

A human was a social creature, it needed contact to other people, Bill was gone most of the time. Sure, we tried to have twice as much fun when he was there. But he alone wasn't enough.

Garrick was vacationing, he had been sending me postcards of the places he'd visited. Suffice to say his owl looked mightily exhausted.

In other words, I was feeling lonely. I turned to the 18 year old woman standing before me.

"Go on a date with me."

I would need more aging potions. And a lawyer if she ever found out the real age of my body.