Empathic capacity of a teaspoon (HP Self-insert

I sat in my laboratory looking at the machine that could grant me immortality. It was an ugly thing, cobbled together from many different coloured parts and glowing slightly from its uranium power source. I couldn't really bring myself to feel anything, as this was the goal for which I had abandoned my family, my friends, my normal life...

Always knowing that to achieve something great would mean sacrifice, I wasn't quite sure if it had been worth it. Even if the procedure worked, I felt empty inside. The actual personality, habits and everything that makes a person human are imprinted on the brain through things they regularly do, but for the last few decades I'd had almost no contact with other people. Except for the internet of course.

I had to have some free time or I would go insane, but I wasn't really sure if the internet counted as human contact...

It would be an incredible irony if this worked and I couldn't enjoy my immortality simply because I lost the capacity for human interaction.

Theoretically, once a man was reborn in a new body, he could start acting in a way that made a positive imprint on his brain, but I had discovered that every time a person was reincarnated a small part of their personality branded themselves upon their very soul. This would make them more likely to do the same things, prone to making the same mistakes they had in their previous life.

If this worked my brain would change into a metaphysical entity, latching onto my soul and staying there. My memories, tics, and personality would be in the 7th dimension, making me effectively brain dead since the brain I would be reborn with would never be used. In a way, this would meld my consciousness, my mind and my soul - which was simply a concept of his existence and the impact he had on the world. Probably. To be honest, I wasn't quite sure what would happen.

The soul was what this entire experiment depended on, if it succeeded the filter between mind and soul would be erased, or maybe they would fuse together into one entity, "When, not if," I thought to myself, "I can't afford to harbour doubt."

I sat up from my burgundy coloured armchair and walked over to the machine. It was... unstable to say the least. I should know - I had made it that way intentionally. The decision I had made all those years ago haunted my mind, made me doubt.

"Only one chance, if it fails I won't have enough time to start again anyway, it's better like this so if I fail I won't have to live with the failure".

Damn, my voice sounded weird, like the voice of a coma patient who hadn't used his vocal chords for 20 years. Scratchy and generally unpleasant.

The moment I stepped into the pod, I felt all of my 67 years. My conscience would hurt at what I was about to do if I had one.

I chuckled at my joke. But indeed there were not many people who were willing to kill billions like me. Simply for the small possibility of someone finding my research and using it to reverse my immortality.

"Truly, Paranoia, thy name is Ergarth."

I was justified in my fear, of course in my mind I was always justified - the perks of someone who embodies selfishness. I hadn't been that careful in my youth seeking easy ways to eternity. I had gathered a lot of enemies who only stopped chasing me after I faked my death. Never mind, none of this would matter soon.

"Either dead or ascended, truly a win/win situation."

Had I mentioned that I had become slightly depressed in the last few years?

After the pod had concluded its function, it would explode in a spectacular example of why atoms should never have been researched as deeply as they had been. Ergarth imagined at the end of this day there would be no earth left.

Maybe while all the others died, he would wake up in a new body having cheated death at last. 'NO' never maybe, he repeated his creed, the words he lived by once more before his ascension to eventual godhood. After all, if one had all the time in the world what could one not accomplish!

My words unsure I hadn't had much reason to speak with anyone in.

"It's been 12 years now", "Forward lies eternal glory".

I opened and the door and stepped in, no buttons to press simply closing the door activated it.

Ergarth's lifeless body fell to the ground, and Australia was no more.