Elegy for a Star

It took Tess some time to clean up after her play with Gwen that was cut short all too soon. Why was it just impossible to get some alone time with her?! Everyone seemed to need her the moment that she and Gwen were by themselves. At least this time they managed to have some fun before they were interrupted.

She hoped Gwen had a good time. Sounding all commanding wasn’t intentional the first time, but she saw how much Gwen seemed to love it and leaned into that. She was excited to see how to use that in the future with her, to be all forceful and dominating. She wondered just how far Gwen wanted to go with that.

Regardless, here she was, dressed in her warmest clothing, standing outside, huddled up in the snow. Gwen had offered to leave the room, but Tess didn’t want to make her do that, so instead she and Miri departed to have their talk, and they couldn’t rightly do that in plain sight of those wandering Kravana’s hallways.

“Okay, what the fuck?” Tess said with a furrowed brow, “I’ve needed you so many times lately and, what? Did you just ignore me?”

“No, Tess, I-...” Miri started, standing beside Tess in little more than that black, shifting shadow that was her outfit. She didn’t look even a little cold.

“You what?” Tess pressed on, crossing her arms, half for the cold and half because she was frustrated and angry, “You were too busy to help me when I was scared for my life?”

“I wasn’t here!” Miri shouted, “I wasn’t around. I wasn’t in your head anymore.”

“What?” Tess’ anger was immediately wicked away. If anything, she sounded a little sad, “How?”

“I left,” Miri added, clutching one arm with the opposite hand, “I-...”

“What, Miri? How-...” Tess stammered, “We’re joined, we-... we’re the same body, we can’t-...”

“Yeah, I can,” Miri replied softly, a bit shamefully, “Always could.”

“What do you mean?” Tess asked. She felt like she was about to cry, her throat choked up. What was happening? They were both trapped together. That’s what the ritual did. That’s what everything was about. That’s why Tess was in this predicament, that’s why she joined the Corps, that’s why Miri was having dreams of Krahe too; it’s the reason for everything since she’d been summoned! Miri had been lying since the start?

Miri was quiet for a second longer than she was allowed.

“What the fuck do you mean?” Tess snapped, “You always could?” She was fuming, “You lied to me?!”

Miri nodded her head, but with a panicked look she held up her hands defensively and added, “I had to!”

“What do you mean you had to?” Tess asked, the anger in her voice shakily devolving into a tone that was hurt and betrayed.

Frowning, Miri shrugged and held her arms out to the side, “That was the whole plan, but it’s gone sideways.” Miri let out a frazzled sigh, “It’s all gone fucking sideways.”

“You need to explain, right fucking now,” Tess demanded, though her firm tone was diminished by the shivering cold, “Miri? Right now.”

Miri let out a sigh.

“Miri?” Tess asked, catching the white-haired woman’s attention, “Please.”

“I know, just…” Miri grabbed fistfuls of her hair, pacing about a little bit. Her feet left no footprints in the snow, “Give me a second to think. It’s hard to explain.”

Tess waited a moment, watching Miri move back and forth. The feeling of betrayal was crushing her heart. What did she mean? This whole time, they weren’t actually joined? They weren’t sharing a body? Why had Miri been lying, all this time?

And where was she for the past month?

“We’ve been friends for a long time,” Miri replied, “A long, long time. And-... more than friends, really.”

“Lovers?” Tess asked, wide-eyed.

Miri shook her head, “No. Not really. I mean, we’ve fooled around more than a few times, sure, but I wouldn’t say we’re romantic in the normal sense.”

“Then what are we?”

Miri rocked back and forth on her heels, biting her lip.

“Miri,” Tess urged.

“Look, let me start with this,” Miri said with a soft sigh, “I’m not Miri, okay. I mean, I am. It’s my name now, but it-... I mean, technically I haven’t had another name...”

“Who are you?” Tess asked, fear beginning to choke her.

“We met recently. Well, kind of. You met me recently. Or… you? Or-... ugh, not really, but…” Miri said with a sigh, “Time travel fucking sucks.”

“Time travel?” Tess asked, eyes widening, “How did you know-...”

Miri gave her a look with a small frown, “Yeah.”

“Krahe?”

“Yeah.”

Tess shook her head, “What…” She held her forehead, “She’s dead.”

“She’s missing, just assumed dead, ‘cause people thought I was human and it was, like, forever ago,” Miri explained, “And, well-.. I guess I sort of was human. Gods, this is weird. I never had to explain this to you before.”

“Just tell me,” Tess begged, “I’m tired of doing these mental acrobatics, I just want to know who I am. Tell me what you know.” Tess felt weak in the knees, holding her arms and rubbing them comfortingly.

“You’re me. Or I’m you?”

Tess looked at her like she was insane.

“Okay, not really. Let me start over. We’re both Krahe, is what I mean. Krahe is the two of us put together,” Miri stated with a helpful tone, “Separated, we aren’t Krahe. We’re… well, you and me.”

“Together we’re Krahe, but separate we’re Tess and Miri?”

Miri tilted her head back and forth as if to say “Sort of.”

“We had different names back then. Or you did. I didn’t have a name,” Miri replied.

“What was my name?”

“Hope,” Miri answered.

Tess repeated the word, “Hope?”

“Yeah,” Miri replied, “That’s what your mother named you.”

“Who is my mother?”

“Best you find that out for yourself,” Miri replied, wringing her hands a little, “You’ll see her again soon.”

“Wh-what…” Tess shook her head. This was all too much at once. But she needed answers. She couldn’t stop now. She needed to know, and if she stopped, Miri would vanish again. She needed to soak up as much of her truth as she could from Miri while she was here and willing to talk.

“She’s coming to Kravana,” Miri said, “I told her where you are. It’s a gift to you. Your birthday’s coming up, you know.”

“No, I didn’t know.”

“You’re right,” Miri grimaced, “Sorry, that was dumb.”

“So I was Hope, and you were-... what, some nameless person? Some ghost that possessed me?”

“You’re not too far off the mark there,” Miri replied with a soft smile, “But that part isn’t important right now.”

Tess wasn’t even trying to hide her anger, but Miri must’ve known it was well placed. She didn’t fight it. “So what is important right now?” She was fuming.

“The Black Sun is after us,” Miri replied.

Tess looked dumbfounded, “It’s after the whole world, Miri.”

“No, no,” Miri said, making a ball with one hand and pushing a finger shallowly into her fist, “The-... the actually fucking-... The thing at the center. The person that is the Black Sun, he wants us.”

“What are you talking about?” Tess replied, shaking her head, “The Black Sun is made up of thousands of angry gods.”

“No, you don’t-... you don’t understand,” Miri replied harshly, “The one behind it all. The one driving that whole dark machine.”

Tess was quiet, but she was clearly confused.

Miri drove it in, “Eventide is coming for us!”