Elegy for a Star

“Not ideal,” Gwendolyn said, looking around the castle room she stood in. It was the Great Hall of her father’s keep in Lannercost, her home for most of her life. It was empty, which simply never happened when she was living there. Grand, ten foot tall portraits of every family member were hanging from the walls. It had been a while since Gwen looked at them, but she knew them by heart. She saw them at least once a day. Her father, stoic and proper, looked as though his spine was a steel rod by the way he stood so straight. Gwen’s picture was no different. She’d been painted the same day she earned her knighthood. She’d been so proud, eager to be exactly like her father. To become Lady of the Castle. To serve Lannercost and the Empire. To lead.

But she had changed. She had changed so much.

Her sister, Janette, sat in her portrait, wearing a black gown with her silver hair done up in ringlets and tied behind her head. She looked fragile. Delicate. Gwen had no idea where she got that. Both of her parents were warriors, at least in spirit. Not Janette, though. Gwen took it upon herself to bear the responsibilities of the House, to spare Janette a life of servitude to the Reverend-Father, but mostly to their own father.

Gwen dared not look at the portrait of her mother. She knew it well enough, but was eager for the day when she forgot it. The memory of what her mother did was too much to bear. She was surprised that her father kept the portrait up. Though, perhaps in real life, he hadn’t. Gwen had to remember that she was in the Void, not in her actual home.

The fact that this was a dark and evil place didn’t help to deter her from believing it was home, however.

“Gwendolyn,” came a rough, hissing voice. The once-knight turned to see her father ascending the short stairs from the doorway, rising and approaching Gwen. He stopped about ten feet away.

Gwen’s throat tightened. As angry as she was at her father for initiating her mental break, all of her confidence was drained from her face the moment she saw him. Had it been his fault? She was the one that couldn’t handle his expectations. His words to her were nothing special. Two words; That was all it had been and it drove her over the edge into insanity. It broke her. It was her lack of will, not her father’s.

“I’m glad you’re realizing it,” Rhothomir replied as though Gwendolyn’s thoughts were spoken aloud, “I asked nothing of you that you could not handle. Your squireship was far more challenging than my request for you to stay out of trouble.”

Gwendolyn sunk a little, a weight building upon her shoulders. “Remember,” she thought to herself, “This isn’t him. This is a shadow of him. I’m in the Void and I need to remember that, as real as this all feels.”

“I might not be your actual father, but I am an accurate copy of him. If this conversation were happening in the actual Lannercost, it wouldn’t go any differently,” her father replied, “He is disappointed in you. Confused. Wondering why you betrayed him and the rest of your family.”

It felt like she’d been stabbed in the chest. Gwen shook her head, “I didn’t betray anyone. I was doing my best.”

“You used to do better. You are not supposed to be falling away from your prime but ascending to it. Why did joining the College and Corps cripple your honor?” Rhothomir asked, his face the epitome of disappointment and pain. He cared. Gwen had hurt him, because he actually cared.

“Dad,” Gwen started, her chest aching, “I’m sorry.”

“I want to believe that, daughter,” Rhothomir replied, “I do. But you’ve cursed me. Wished me harm. You’ve been angry at me when all I wanted to do was help you remember your oath.”

“Please…”

“Think of your sister. A disgraced sibling, how will that affect her marriage? I didn’t want to marry her off in the first place, but now it’ll be to someone of even less import.”

“She’ll be okay, dad,” Gwen replied, “She doesn’t even-...”

“And your mother?”

That one wrenched Gwendolyn’s heart. He didn’t even have to say it. Gwendolyn knew that her mother would hear of what Gwen had done. The dishonorable, shameful things. The stripping of her knighthood. That’s all she could think about while she was being punished at Kravana Hall. That and Tess.

“I know,” Gwen said, holding up a hand for Rhothomir to stop, “I’m aware of what I did, but if you love me, I need your help now more than ever. Something broke in me and I need to fix it.”

Rhothomir smiled softly, “So you’ll come back home?”

“Dad,” Gwen said, shaking her head sorrowfully, “What I’m doing here matters. I can’t step away from it.”

“What you’re doing there can be done by anyone. You are only one person. The Black Sun might be an inevitability, but unlikely that it would do anything to us in this lifetime.”

“I have friends that need me,” Gwen replied, pointing behind her as though her party were standing there, “I can’t abandon them, like…”

“Like you abandoned your family?”

“I left with your permission,” Gwendolyn replied with a snap.

“Because I thought you would represent this family well,” Rhothomir replied, “And now I need you home.”

Gwen shook her head.

“Your party will be fine,” her father said with a sigh, “They’ll have another person to replace you in weeks, or they’ll be given easier jobs.”

“Dad, this isn’t right,” Gwen said with a sigh, “It’s not right.”

“But it’s what I need from you,” Rhothomir said, “It’s what your sister needs.” Her father approached, arms out for an embrace, “Isn’t that enough? You’ve known these people for less than a year and you’ve known us for your entire life.”

Gwen felt her throat getting tighter. “I told you, this isn’t right,” Gwen replied, “I’m not going to do that.”

“So you’re cutting out your family?” Rhothomir asked, “Your sister?”

“I’m not cutting out anyone, least of all Janette. You’re cutting me out, and don’t pretend it’s any different.”

Rhothomir held a hand out, a double-bladed staff manifesting in his palm. He clutched it and flourished with it for a moment. “If you think that, then I’ll really have to cut you out,” he replied.

“Dad, I don’t want to do this,” Gwen replied, holding her hands up, chest-high, don’t do this. I don’t-... dad, please.”

“I’m just a copy, right?” Rhothomir replied.

“Right,” Gwen said, nodding.

“So this should be easy.”

Gwen looked into his eyes, narrowing her own, “There’s something else, isn’t there?”

“There’s a soul in me, Gwen,” Rhothomir replied.

“Father?” Gwen asked.

Rhothomir just smiled and shrugged, “Your father. Your mother. Janette?”

“That’s impossible, they’re all-...”

“Distant. Quiet. You haven’t heard from your father in months. Your sister for even longer. Your mother in… gods, how long now? Years?”

“You fuck,” Gwen hissed.

Rhothomir just smiled, “Kill me. An innocent. An innocent you may know. Or keep your life.” Her father gave a little chuckle, “Your pick, daughter.”