Eldritch

 

Chiaki sees me off on my way home.
Actually, she looked still a bit concerned.
And she wouldn't be too wrong to be.

I'm a bit off after this day and there are things I need to think about.
But at the moment I need some quiet for this.

When I reach our apartment complex I notice, worrisomely, the same black streaks in the concrete of the buildings which I found at school.
Naturally, the strongest concentration is around my home.
Seems like I truly just overlooked it while I was heading to school.
They're not too offensive and the building isn't always the cleanest.

I hesitate a bit to enter after this day but ultimately open the door.
Promptly a black shadow rushes at me and I'm stuck in an embrace.

 

"Mum!" (K)

"Hello, Kuri." (I)

 

She's as sweet as ever.
Mum follows soon behind her.

 

"Welcome home, sweety." (S)

"Ah, did today everything went fine, mum? No demonic chaos?" (I)

"No, today was quite quiet. If anything I had less stress. I handled my workload well enough and even Asano stopped bothering me after I looked her in the eyes for a moment." (S)

 

Is she referring to the miasma-filled blackness she emits while glaring at someone?

 

"You weren't exposed, right?" (I)

"If you mean this demonic infestation I've apparently got, no. It's just them being a bit intimidated. I believe they can't even see anything and only get a bad feeling in my presence. Marika even asked me what they've got. So I'd say I'm safe. But what about you? Was school alright?" (S)

"I... I had a bad day. I don't think it will come back at us, but... Do you really want to do this thing where I tell you everything that happened as if it's a challenge to make you freak out?" (I)

"Honestly? I'm sometimes deeply disturbed by the things you're telling me. I mean, under different circumstances it would totally sound like a prank. But you need to know, I'm only worried about you. You don't need to protect me for my sake. The point is that I love you and want to know about all your troubles. I believe that you need to speak about this stuff. As hard as it is, keeping it inside won't help in the long run. So please, I want you to know that I'm always there for you. There's nothing you have to keep from me. I'm strong enough." (S)

 

I know she means it.
I know I have the best mum in the world.
Even if the emanating whirlwind of miasma around her, while she held this speech, might be misleading for outsiders.
I am troubled at the moment by all the stuff I'm confronted with.
And it's nice to know there's still a place of respite for me.
Even if some of the things I have to tell mum are really disturbing.

 

"Uh, okay. But it might sound a bit scary." (I)

 

Mum sits down on the couch.

 

"Hah. Good. I'm ready." (S)

"You see, when I was in school it happened that the local demons invited me to a meeting. I went there. If only to tell them that I don't want to have anything to do with them. Yet things got a bit rough. In the end, I kinda threatened them to stop harming humans." (I)

"This doesn't sound too bad. A bit unusual, yes, but I learned not to worry too much. I mean, you're safe, right? Nothing happened?" (S)

"Well, they can't harm me, I guess. But during this meeting some kids barged in. And before I really could think straight I... I swallowed them. But only to protect them from the demon, I swear!" (I)

"Does this mean you were exposed?!" (S)

"Not on a greater scale. I don't believe they're going to tell anyone. But that's not the issue." (I)

What is the issue?" (S)

"I, I messed up. Badly. I harmed them by having them too long inside me. I did everything I could to fix this, but one girl might have lasting issues with her soul now. I don't know if I did well enough to repair the damage." (I)

"I, I don't really know anything about souls, but is it very bad?" (S)

"It's difficult to say. One shouldn't do a thing to souls as it seems, but I did. When I was healing the damage I can only hope I didn't change too much. Her personality might be affected." (I)

"Okay. That you harmed them is bad. But I know you only had the best intentions. I can't say it's great that this happened, but none of this happened out of selfishness and you did everything you could to fix it. So you should try to forgive yourself. It's not like you're evil." (S)

"Right, about that... There, there might be another thing, I should mention." (I)

"Sigh. What else?" (S)

"It, it started last night. I didn't tell you, but there was a little incident. Some part of mine, ehm, acted independently. And now... I think I have a split personality. Yet a bit more severe than normal cases. Taking my powers into consideration." (I)

"I-Iori, are..." (S)

"My kinda dark side went into me and now, now I can hear it. And worse, sometimes it acts independently. I'm scared. Of what it might do, or what happens to me when we again become one person." (I)

"Does this mean I have two mums?" (K)

"Kuri, this isn't funny. I feel terrible." (I)

"I, I don't know what to say, Iori. How bad is it?" (S)

"Don't know. It's trying to convince me that it's only a fraction of my personality and that I need to become whole again. But it's scary. It does and thinks things I can barely relate to myself. While it helped me to heal those kids it also wanted to punish them. Then again, it's kinda convincing about some points, which is scary in itself. In the end, it told me to accept myself. Not only her but my whole current existence. That I need this power and should stop seeing it as negative. Everything is so overwhelming and I can barely think straight." (I)

 

Mum stays silently at me for a while.
She must be troubled to process all the things I just said.

 

"Mum?" (I)

"Okay. Nothing to do about this. This... other side of yours. Is it present right now?" (S)

"Difficult to say. It mentioned it would be dormant most of the time, but I guess it notices things to a degree." (I)

"Can you wake it up?" (S)

"Don't know. Maybe?" (I)

"Sigh. Then please do. We need to figure this out." (S)

"Mum!" (I)

"Look, I won't force you, but I think suppressing your problems is only going to make them worse." (S)

"Urgh. Did you talk to Chiaki?" (I)

"No, but according to that comment she's a wise person you should listen to." (S)

 

I really don't know if I can wake myself up.
I mean, it's hard enough on me to even interact with her.
Deliberately seeking her out is so much worse and I'm sometimes just so incredibly stupid that I can't figure anything out on my own.

 

"I think she's awake." (I)

 

And occupying my mind.
A part of it, how else would I manifest?

 

"Could you please please come out?" (I)

 

I can do this, as this is what "I" want.
God, this is so confusing!
It wouldn't be if you'd just allow this arbitrary distinction to cease to exist.
Can you then please now get a body so mum sees what this mess is about?

Directly out of my side some kind of worm emerges.
An unformed clunky thing.
It twists and winds and looks overall just gross before twirling little strands to the sides which form arms, legs, head, and ultimately me.
My other me.

 

"And you're still differentiating." (I2)

"Wow." (S)

 

Mum looks as confused as I do at my clone who is still connected by the usual cable.
As far I understand what happens here she never left my main body but instead only uses this connection to remote puppeteer this body around.
She made it very clear that she would never again risk getting completely separated from me.

 

"Hi, mum!" (I2)

"Uh, hello? Ehm, I honestly don't know how to address you." (S)

"Iori is fine. There's no real distinction. If I hadn't so many complexes there would be no issue at all." (I2)

"What does she mean?" (S)

"She's referring to the part where I'm not willing to completely merge with her. You know, because she's evil." (I)

"Necessarily cruel. It's an important difference." (I2)

"Cruel?" (S)

 

Now, mum looks uneasy.

 

"Things like ripping apart monsters without remorse, threatening others to get what I want, playing mind-tricks. This kind of stuff." (I)

"Uh, this sounds a bit problematic." (S)

"If not for this part of mine I would instead let the monsters do the ripping apart thing to me. Which would be to our disadvantage. One can't always play nice. The problem is that I expelled exactly this concentrated part of mine. Only a tiny bit of the whole, which leads to severe issues overall. I would be totally diluted with the rest and like this much more harmless if not for this." (I2)

"You can't tell me that such a small part of me would be capable to do what you did!" (I)

"I only did what I deemed necessary!" (I2)

"You'd swallowed a good part of a dimension when I found you and planned to invade earth by ripping a hole into dimensions!" (I)

"Excuse me?" (S)

"As I said, those fits would certainly decrease if you'd balance me again." (I2)

"This would've killed many people!" (I)

"What? Iori that can't be! No matter what part of you you are, I can't believe that any part would be okay with doing something like this." (S)

"But mum, I was stranded in a hostile dimension and the rest of mine wouldn't show up to fetch me! I left me to rot there!" (I2)

"That doesn't matter! No tearing of dimensions! You understand young lady?!" (S)

"I, I would've been careful." (I2)

"No tearing of dimensions!" (S)

 

And there mum had again a miasma outburst.
It even threw some stuff off the table.
But that mum can even scold my dark side.
It's actually kinda funny and after everything I went through today, it makes me smile to see that she as well now gets served.

 

"And now to you, Iori!" (S)

"Iekh, why me?!" (I)

"What was that about leaving her to rot?" (S)

"I, I was attacked by a demon in this vile nightmare world. And then it cut my arm and the cut-off part killed it. But then it wanted to return, after this horror show and I just ran." (I)

"So you left it behind, even if it protected you? What would be if it was Kuri? Would you've left her as well?" (S)

"Mum?" (K)

 

Ugh. Now I feel guilty.

 

"I wasn't as used to everything as I am now. I completely repressed what happened." (I)

"What you did wasn't right, Iori. Neither that you left her alone nor that you left her to her own devices. That was irresponsible! It comes from you and like this everything it does is your responsibility. Not taking this weird relationship of you two being the same into consideration. Whatever goddess you'll become, don't cause something and then act as if it doesn't concern you. I'm deeply disappointed, Iori." (S)

"But, but mum!" (I)

 

Did my dark side just stick her tongue out at me?!
Oh yes, I did!

 

"I won't even act as if I understand what exactly happens here and what the implications are, but what I sure enough understand is that both of you did something wrong. And so both of you, or only you as a whole are grounded! Into your room! And no dimension-hopping!" (S)

 

Mum became really intimidating and after all, she's still my mum.
So as fast as I can I run into my room.
What surprises me is that my dark side does the same.
Fearing your mother seems to be universal.
From the door, I still hear something.

 

"Me too?" (K)

"No Kuri. You are fine. But leave Iori alone for a bit." (S)

 

Uhh.
That means I'm alone in my room.
Alone with myself.