LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 72: Meaningless
Taking her time to assess the situation, Candy noticed that Cookie, Groovy, and Bones left their table to follow some girls to the private rooms. They glanced at her as they passed by, but they dismissed her with halfhearted nods as she looked at them for support. They left her with a bitter expression, as she now had no one who could help her deal with Frost. But since the area was now clear and there were no distractions to get in the way, Candy gathered the courage to try speaking to Frost once again after a long silence.
–Then what is it? Tell me, I just want to know…– Candy asked cautiously, reaching for Frost’s hands again but hesitating to hold them tight as he already had his attention. And this time, instead of trying to stop her, he began cooling down with exhausted breaths. Candy followed every single one of his movements as he stared into his distraught eyes, trying to get his full attention with an anxious smile that finally caught his eye. He looked up and faced her, and while he struggled to look at her, once their eyes met, he gave in reluctantly and answered.
–Everything is meaningless, that’s what it is. We are sent here for some important mission… It turns out we are only here for a tea party with the princess while the real heroes are out there fighting for their lives…– Frost replied with a disappointed look, sighing multiple times with remorse as he shook his head repeatedly, which both concerned and inspired Candy. She took a while to assimilate his sentiment, trying not to rush into a response, getting a good look at his reaction first to listen properly and understand his head space. But since she had to think hard about how to take it, especially when Frost seemed to be talking to himself more than her, Candy attempted to get him to elaborate.
–So, do you think we should be out there fighting? I get that there is a war going on, and you want to be a part of it, but there might be more important things for us to do….– Candy questioned apprehensively, tensing up as she pursued the topic but with more conviction now that Frost stared back at her. She held her breath as he didn’t break eye contact, but once she noticed him getting agitated and his eyes widening in rage, she realized it was too late to retract her statement.
–Really? What is more important than that?? I should be out there killing Omens and giving my life to the battle!– Frost exclaimed in disbelief, becoming indignant and resentful in an instant, making Candy flinch with his sudden outburst. She looked away after being yelled at, losing even more of her optimism as she frowned, but she hid her insecurity and showed her determination to change Frost’s opinion by quickly turning back and confronting him directly.
–No, I think you try to protect us by doing everything yourself, but you don’t need to. We are all here for you, I’m here for you. That’s why you should instead focus on protecting the team and saving lives here, not giving yours away, it’s too precious to lose for nothing…– Candy replied with resolve, adopting an assertive demeanor but using it in a manner that took Frost by surprise. She maintained her soft, kindhearted, and soothing voice that talked some sense into his unsettled mind, prompting him to nod dismissively at first. But while he seemed to agree, he refused to listen any further, as he was triggered by Candy’s attempt to smile at the end of her sentence.
–You think fighting for our freedom is nothing? This is nothing! And that bastard Snake just wants to keep us here, killing time like we are useless– Frost shouted contemptuously, almost jumping out of the couch in anger if it weren’t for Candy holding him down by both hands. She tried to shush him and calm him down, and while his stare turned hostile, he didn’t dare touch her, allowing Candy to take her opportunity now that he was quiet. She pulled his hands closer to her chest and leaned forward, staring deep into his eyes fondly, but also being perceptive enough to see through the mean expression he put on.
–I know that upsets you, and you have every right to be mad… But in the end, you won’t get anything by giving up hope. We have to keep fighting, no matter how small our role is. It’s our effort that gives meaning to the things we do, you know that. So maybe we can stick together and try t-…– Candy responded compassionately, growing more comfortable with their closeness, not shying away from their intimate position as he submitted to her caring words. But the more truth he seemed to find in her argument, the more disturbed and startled he became, to the point where he couldn’t look at her encouraging smile anymore.
–I try, I swear I try! I try to take everything seriously, I try to do everything I’m told, but I can’t keep going when no one else is trying– Frost exclaimed and interrupted, breaking down between manic laughs, becoming exasperated but in a detached manner. She tried to hold him down, but she had trouble understanding him as he looked around in denial, trying to calm himself down with anything. But as she noticed that venting got some genuine emotions out of him, Candy continued listening closely, keeping her words to herself, and regulating her emotions to only hold his hands gently. She smiled as little as possible, and while she seemed confused as to what to do to support him, she just waited calmly for Frost to look back at her as he took a moment to reflect.
–There needs to be mutual respect, and right now, we are being treated as dead weight, just a nuisance incapable of fighting or getting anything done… I mean, what do they want from us? Has it not been enough? It’s been months, months! Yet it feels like we are never going back, things are just not the same, no matter how hard we try…– Frost ranted in distress, losing himself in his heated thoughts, growing distant as he fixated on a wall next to the couch to talk to himself. Candy stared at him mindlessly, unsettled by his frenzied grumbles, though she agreed completely with his grievances. And while she couldn’t get his attention, she nodded along and tried to think of something to persuade him and prevent him from wallowing in his sorrow.
–I can’t say you are wrong, but I want you to look on the bright side. Yes, we are not doing as much as we could on the battlefield. Yes, we were probably given this mission to keep us busy and shut us up… But there’s always something for us to do, and it isn’t always fighting in a huge war…– Candy suggested in a discerning manner, taking a more flexible and passive approach to dealing with Frost’s doubts. And while it helped to give him the reason, her attempt to be positive couldn’t draw him away from the hard truth, it only brought more questions, mostly for himself.
–But anything other than that is worthless… What is the point of our lives, then? It’s not like we can relax and have a normal life, that’s impossible…– Frost reflected with a lifeless expression, muttering his hopelessness as he lost will the more he thought about it. It came to the point where even Candy seemed to question everything, looking away for the first time in a good minute to think of what to say. But ultimately, she trusted her instinct and kept saying whatever she felt was right.
–I know, and I’m not asking you that, I’m telling you to focus on the other things in your life… You know, your friends, yourself, your dreams, whatever makes you happy… Even this mission, we could have fun here if you weren’t so hard on yourself all the time…– Candy reassured with a promising tone, taking the liberty to hold Frost’s chin to get him to look at her face, which turned things a bit lighthearted as Frost loosened up and forgot about his misery for a brief second, though he wasn’t convinced.
–If you think I could have fun here, you are deeply wrong. Nothing compares to the joys of battling and fulfilling our ultimate mission before perishing for this sinful fate of our creation …– Frost affirmed with a straight face, rejecting every idea with an absentminded stare before letting out a dejected chuckle. Despite not receiving the best response, Candy noticed that Frost was somewhat lenient to listen, as he didn’t continue rambling; instead, he stayed silent and looked at her in a daze, waiting for her to say something.
–That’s exactly what I mean, you force yourself to believe you have to do something unfathomable, something unrealistic that you choose to believe is somehow possible…– Candy responded self-assuredly, almost reprimanding him but doubtful in her tone in fear of offending him. Her opinion took Frost by surprise, but he was able to remain silent and calm, prompting Candy to use more of her positivity and confidence to cheer him up.
–But that doesn’t necessarily have to be your goal. I’m sure you could find something else that motivates you other than the war. Maybe you think that it isn’t worth it, but there’s always a purpose in life, you just need to find yours…– Candy added with a hopeful and slightly playful smile, which didn’t get the same expression out of Frost, but it did garner some interest after hearing her advice.
–And what do you think that is?– Frost asked with curiosity, turning anxious for a second as he struggled to change the defeated and exhausted expression he was wearing. But despite him showing little hope, his question was enough for Candy to feel the need to inch closer to him and hold both of his arms by the wrists to pull him slightly so their legs could be touching.
–I can’t tell you that, but we do need you to stay strong and keep fighting for us… And I don’t mean war, just in general. We need your support, your leadership, your wits, your skills. We need you in our team to keep fighting… And maybe someday we will see the day we win, but together, not by yourself, not without us… Together, like a true team– Candy stated with an appreciative, almost joyous smile as she leaned forward to draw all of his attention.
He couldn’t look away; he appeared to be in a trance with how convincing and uplifting she spoke to him. But as her cheerful nature came back with her smile, Frost’s attitude began changing, although seemingly for the worse. The admiration in her eyes almost made him nervous, prompting him to break eye contact and reflect on her idea. And while he seemed to believe her, Frost couldn’t bring himself to actually accept it, now denying it repeatedly with his head as he refused to look her in the eye.
–You already have Indie for that, you don’t need me…– Frost replied dismissively, returning to his previous demeanor that Candy quickly got to change as she scoffed at him. He looked slightly embarrassed, and since he was trying to hide it, instead of discouraging her, Frost only boosted her desire to express all of her appreciation and affection even more.
–That’s not true, we definitely need you. You are the most valuable player in our team, you are what keeps us going. I know you don’t see yourself that way, or maybe you do, but all that anger of yours turns into passion and courage that keeps us motivated. You are the fire that fuels our team, the one that keeps us safe and warm, the one that burns down the enemy, and the one that lights up our spirits and shows us the way to victory…– Candy professed with an ardent smile, becoming impassioned as she began to lose herself while staring deep into his eyes. She was able to captivate him once again with her fond, attentive, and heartwarming stare, which almost immediately cracked his tough expression. He slowly changed his attitude with an impressed smile, making Candy excited and giggle, but then she realized she might have gone a bit too far with her support.
–But I’m really not… I mean, how am I supposed to do all that when I can’t even protect my own team?...– Frost asked with a sudden, devastated frown, consumed by the absolute regret she saw in his mournful eyes before he started cowering. Candy let go of his arms in shock, watching as grief quickly overpowered and got the best of him. But as confused as she was at first, worried to see his demeanor taking a drastic, dark turn, she quickly caught on to what he was going through, and it all made sense.
–You still blame yourself for what happened last year? Is that it? Do you still think of him?– Candy asked with concern, but she remained fairly optimistic as she kept an empathetic smile that prevented her from breaking down alongside him. He refused to speak for a second, and despite seeing him in such a vulnerable position, she didn’t hesitate to inch closer and reach for a hug, yet she wasn’t able to as her questions only triggered another outburst.
–Of course I do! It’s my fault he-...!– Frost cried in agony, yelling at the ceiling to prevent the tears forming in his eyes from falling. But before he could draw the attention of the people nearby or even drop a single tear, Candy calmed him down by holding his shoulder with one hand, lowering his arm with the other as he clenched his fist in frustration, and began comforting him as best as she could.
–I know, you say that every time, but it was his decision. He made a choice to ensure our future, he did it for us, hoping we would win for him. He did it to protect us, to keep us together, to give us the motivation to keep fighting, and that’s what I want you to do…– Candy replied in a delicate, heartfelt, and soothing voice, speaking without having to put much thought into her words as her deep sincerity conveyed all the emotion Frost needed to hear.
She began caressing his hands to enhance the connection since she was also sharing some of the regret that he was now displaying as he held his hands up to his face, covering his mouth and sobbing while shaking his head relentlessly. Even though he continued to deny everything, he kept listening to Candy as he stopped the whimpers from coming out. And while her constant reaffirmations gave Frost something to think about, they also opened some room for more doubt and remorse in him.
–But I can’t do that… I can’t protect people like that, I just can’t… If anything, I’m the one pushing everyone away, I can’t even keep myself together, I just don’t have it in me…– Frost continued to deny in anguish, struggling to get his words out as he had difficulty breathing. He couldn’t keep eye contact with Candy anymore, but since he tried to ease his mind by looking at everything around him, the overwhelming number of people found in the building only made him more anxious. Candy started getting nervous as well when he started panicking as people passed by. But since looking at semi-naked elven girls wasn’t going to help him, she gathered some courage and held his head once again to force him to look at nothing but her.
–You do, Finn, of course you do. You are the best soldier I’ve ever met, and I’m happy I even get to talk to you like this…– Candy reassured with a sweet, loving smile, somehow not getting embarrassed for once as he stared at Frost up close. It did help him calm down, but it seemed like looking at her adoring, forgiving, and endearing eyes only made him feel guiltier.
–Well, maybe that’s why I’m such a failure, everyone regards me as the best. I can’t believe I’m not able to-...– Frost replied resentfully, giving in to his sorrow and falling deep into a depressive state, quite literally since his head kept lowering lower as he let his body collapse. Thankfully, Candy was there to react despite being heartbroken by him giving up. She not only stopped him with a catch, but she pulled him into a warm hug, one that she made sure to make him forget about the world as she held his head against her chest to give him all her love.
Frost started breaking into tears, and while some people around him noticed and were weirded out, neither Frost nor Candy seemed uncomfortable or troubled to be in this position. It was quite the opposite in reality; it looked like it was exactly what they both needed since there wasn’t any hesitance from either side, not even signs of trying to avoid it. They both accepted the outcome of the conversation, and since they got to share a long, intimate moment, they made sure to enjoy it, with Frost getting to relax even though their embrace was not exactly private with everyone around them.