Earth’s Doom Starts with… Me?

'Chirp, chirp.'

...Is that the sound of birds? Is it morning already?

'Chirp, chirp. Chirp.'

So noisy.

"Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.'

"Agh! What the hell is up with these birds!?" I abruptly woke up from my peaceful slumber and immediately sat up in frustration.

"Ah! You finally woke up, Chae!" A familiar bear-like figure with a blinding smile was sitting on a chair by the window near my bed. He was surrounded by numerous small yellow birds.

"...Dmitri?" I squinted my eyes, trying to adjust to the lighting.

"That's me, haha! Glad your memory is working fine!" He grinned from ear-to-ear.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Me? I'm feeding the birds! For some reason, the birds gather here a lot. I think they probably like you. So, I brought bird feed, haha!" He said with a smile while offering me a bag of bird feed, "wanna try feeding them?"

"No, I mean, where is this? What happened?" I said no, but I still snuck my hand inside the bag and grabbed some bird feed.

"Ah, we're in the infirmary. General Zhang brought you here after you fainted." Dmitri explained.

"How long has it been since I passed out?" I question while I extended my palm to offer the birds some food.

'Chirp, chirp!' They chirped delightfully and began crowding my palm.

"Surprisingly, only 3 days! Haha!" He held up 3 fingers.

"Only!? Oh my god that's a long time! Does that mean I haven't bathed in 3 days!?" I exclaimed. Horror was apparent on my face.

"Ah, don't worry about that, we have nurses here who take care of that, haha!" Dmitri scratched the back of his head, "and, well, general Zhang said the process may take up to a week, so I thought 3 days are good enough."

"What process?" I asked as I grabbed a few strands of my hair and started sniffing them. Hmm, surprisingly, I smell like some kind of thinner.

Wait, thinner?

"I'm also not sure, but general Zhang was talking about fusing or--"

"Dmitri, why do I smell like thinner?" I tried smelling my shirt, but only the smell of thinner filled my nose.

"Um... That... You should probably ask general Zhang?" He looked away and scratched his cheek nervously.

"What the hell is happening?"

"Good morning! I see the sleeping beast is awake now! You're so noisy, I could hear your voice from outside, y'know~?" General Zhang barged in with an apron and a bowl of soup.

"Your appearance is suspiciously right on cue. Were you listening the whole time and just waited for a dramatic entrance?" I shot a glare at him.

"No way~ I would never do that~" General Zhang answered with his high-pitched voice, "I even brought you soup, you see!"

He put the bowl of soup on the table, and the birds immediately flew away. Every single one of them. Its appearance was gross at best, with hideous purple-brown color and gooey consistency, complete with a putrid smell that overrode the smell of thinner that I kept smelling.

"I.. I'm not hungry," I declined, fearing for my life, "rather than that, explain the situation to me."

"Ah, right. Congratulations on your successful fusing!" General Zhang happily exclaimed as he sat on my bedside.

"You know about fusing?" I scooted over to gain some distance from him. Now that I thought about it, the serpent did say general Zhang had a tiger that he got through fusing, too.

"Of course, I fused with Timmy. Tee-hee!" He raised both of his legs onto the bed.

"Hey, don't raise your feet if you haven't washed them!" I scooted over even further to gain more distance.

"Hey, little cub. Do you feel any difference after fusing?" He ignored my remark and asked another question instead.

"Not particularly." I answered while giving him a murderous look for his bed manner. Who even steps on a perfectly fine bed with unwashed feet?

"Try calling your familiar. Y'know, the serpent." He said to me.

"How do I call him? Like, bonjour? Knock-knock, Mr. Serpent? Moshi-moshi serpent-kun?" I tried various ways to call him.

"...Something's wrong with your head. Just try calling him with your mana." General Zhang looked at me weirdly.

Ah, right. I forgot there was only one language here, for some reason. I must've sounded crazy to them.

I nodded and tried to concentrate on my mana as I suddenly felt a surge of fresh energy. It undoubtedly came from my mana, but my mana felt even more... Familiar? It kind of felt like going back to your childhood home. Anyway, serpent dude, could you hear me?

I waited for a response nervously.

[Yes, yes, why did you call for me?] A voice suddenly rang inside my head, followed by a loooong yawn.

"Oh wow, it worked. And honestly, I don't know. This lunatic just told me to." I responded to his question.

[And you obeyed him. The man who drew shit on your face. Sigh, what a troublesome host I've got. Tsk tsk.]

"He did what!?" I turned to general Zhang with a surprised look, and then towards Dmitri.

"Dmitri, do I have something on my face!?" I exclaimed as I pointed a finger to my face.

"Ah... Yes, but... General Zhang said it's an important ritual for the fusing, so we didn't dare to touch it..." Dmitri looked away, but a suppressed laugh was slowly creeping up on his face.

I quickly got up and rushed to the mirror beside the closet.

Oh.

My.

God.

My face was a mess. Strokes of black marker were scattered everywhere. That bastard drew a thick moustache right under my nose. That explained the thinner smell. Aside from that, huge poop-shaped drawings were placed on my cheeks, and cross marks were drawn over my eyes, like those you see in video games when a character dies.

And to top it off, he wrote 'lol is u ded' on my forehead with shaky handwriting.

"You damn eel, are you five!?" I shouted at general Zhang in a mix of anger, shock, and amazement.

"Ahahahahahha!" He started laughing uncontrollably on the bed, while rolling around and holding his stomach.

"And you, Dmitri! How could you believe his lie!?" I grabbed my hair in frustration.

"Um, well..." Dmitri scratched his cheek and looked at everywhere but my eyes.

"I'm going to the bathroom! And I swear, if I have a breakout because of this--" my eyes shot daggers towards the laughing man on the bed, "I'll break your dingydong."

"Ahahah! Try me~" He smirked at my remark.

I stomped out and slammed the door behind me.

"That slippery eel, I'll get back at him one day." I clenched my fist and walked away.

...Wait.

I turned around, walked back, and slowly twisted the doorknob, opening the door that I had just slammed, "...where is the bathroom?"

"Ahahahahhaha!" Another round of laughter came from that eel.

--------

I stepped into the small bathroom while carrying the clothes, towels, and other toiletries that Jeanne had left for me in my room. She really was attentive, even to the smallest details.

I blushed a bit while hugging my stuff. Could this be what having friends feel like?

...It felt nice.

I began washing my face furiously for a long time, until not even a speck of marker was found.

Satisfied, I started undressing and got inside the bathtub full of warm water. As soon as my feet touched the water surface, comfort filled my entire body and I started to relax.

"Ah~ warm bath is really the best..." I sighed happily and immersed myself in the water even more.

[What are you talking about? Cold shower is definitely the best.]

"What the hell!?" I instinctively hugged myself in shock.

[Stop getting so surprised every time I talk. It hurts my feelings.]

"You're a pervert old man!" I screamed.

[Hey, rude! I can't see what you're seeing, so relax! I'm not peeping! And for the second time, I'm just a bit older than you in terms of human age!] The voice inside my head huffed.

"You can't see? Are you lying?" I hugged my body tighter.

[It's true. Our mana fused, and now I live inside your mana, but we are still different entities, so our senses are not entirely connected. Only our mana connected. Understood?] He explained to me.

"...There's a saying that thieves won't admit that they stole." I said. I still had to be careful in case he was good at lying. After all, I have very little info about this fusing thing.

[Sheesh. You're so stubborn. Would you believe me if I say I'm comfortably sitting on a couch inside you?]

"I have a couch inside me?" I questioned.

[I'm inside your mana. Think of it as me living rent-free inside you.] He started explaining, while I just sat there, very much confused.

[By the way, girlie, your mana was hella messy. Don't worry, I've done a makeover while you were out cold. I now have a decent room here with a couch, a bed, and toys. Oh, and my room is blue-themed, if you're curious.]

"...Give me a moment to process all of this info. Today's been a rough day..." I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. Did I just get mana-shamed by a pervert snake?

[Oh. Also, I discovered something interesting.] The voice said.

"What is it this time?" I sighed deeply. I was completely fed up with today.

[You're not from this world, aren't you?]