DXD: Naruto Recreation System

Itachi returned to his small but well-kept apartment, the chaos of the club still fresh in his mind. He casually opened the fridge, pulled out a can of cold soda, and sank into his chair. For a moment, the Uchiha allowed himself to relax, enjoying the carbonated drink's crisp taste.

But peace in Itachi's life was fleeting.

"System," he muttered, summoning the mysterious interface. A glowing red window appeared in front of him, and before he could even process what he was seeing, he sprayed his drink all over the screen.

The glowing red interface was plastered with flashing warnings.

WARNING: MORTAL DANGER DETECTED!

WARNING: MULTIPLE THREATS TO HOST LIFE!

WARNING: PROBABILITY OF SURVIVAL: 1%!

Itachi wiped his mouth, glaring at the intrusive notifications. His Sharingan flared instinctively. "System," he said, his voice dripping with frustration. "Explain. Now."

The system's emotionless voice responded, utterly unfazed by his anger.

[Host is in mortal danger. The probability of survival in the current situation is nearly 1%.]

Itachi's eyebrow twitched. "Mortal danger? Be specific. I just agreed to a fight. How is this already life-threatening?"

[Your opponents include Lord Phenex, a high-ranking devil with a fully awakened bloodline. In addition, Riser Phenex and his brother will join the fray. They are prepared to use all means necessary to ensure your defeat. If they lose, the Phenex family's reputation will suffer irreversible damage. Host's human body is vastly outmatched against devils and will tire long before theirs in an extended fight.]

Itachi sighed, rubbing his temples. "Let me guess. You're telling me I can't win?"

[Correct. With your current abilities, even using the Three-Tails' chakra you purchased, the chances of victory remain minimal.]

Itachi's eye twitched harder. "What about Amaterasu? Black flames that burn until their target is completely destroyed? Surely that can handle a regenerating opponent."

[Negative. Lord Phenex's regeneration is instantaneous, and his pain tolerance is beyond comprehension due to centuries of... perverted training. Mental and physical pain are meaningless to him.]

Itachi blinked. "Perverted training?" he repeated slowly, his tone laced with disbelief. "I don't even want to ask."

[Recommended: Do not.]

He shifted in his seat, trying to calm the bubbling frustration. "And Tsukuyomi? My strongest genjutsu?"

[Tsukuyomi could incapacitate most devils and might even take Riser and his brother out of the fight. However, Lord Phenex's mental fortitude is unmatched. His bloodline protects him from nearly all mental attacks. Tsukuyomi would be ineffective.]

Itachi leaned back in his chair, exhaling deeply. "So, you're saying I agreed to fight an unwinnable battle."

[Incorrect.]

Itachi shot the system a glare. "Then why all the warnings? And how do you even know all this?"

A moment of silence passed before the system's voice finally responded, but this time, it sounded slightly different.

[The Inquiry and Security System feature of the system alerts the host of potential dangers. This feature ensures the host is informed of threats, aiding in survival.]

"Inquiry and Security System?" Itachi asked, his tone sharp. "I don't remember activating that."

A new window appeared, but instead of the usual text, an animated cat with wide, smug eyes materialized on the screen. It was wearing a tiny business suit, its tie impeccably straight. The cat stretched lazily before giving Itachi a professional yet condescending smile.

[Like many subscription services, the Inquiry and Security System comes pre-activated to ensure you enjoy uninterrupted service. No need to thank us! And don't worry, host—charges are also very low.]

Itachi's Sharingan spun dangerously. "Is this costing me shock points?"

The cat tilted its head, its tail flicking mischievously. [Why, yes! Investigation costs shock points, and displaying each warning window also incurs charges. Additionally, premium warnings for critical threats incur additional fees.]

Itachi froze. "Premium warnings?"

Another window popped up.

[Subscribe to System Premium for exclusive benefits!

Real-Time Danger Alerts!

Decision-Making Assistance!

Survival Optimization Plans!

Cost: 1,000 Shock Points per minute]

Itachi's blood ran cold as he quickly glanced at his shock point balance, which displayed only 7 million.

Then he watched in horror as the numbers began to drop.

6.98 million... 6.76 million... 6.53 million...

"STOP!" he shouted, slamming his hands on the table.

The cat avatar hesitated, flicking its whiskers. [But Host, Premium services are highly recommended—]

"I said stop!" Itachi yelled. The system complied, and the deductions halted, leaving him with 6.51 million shock points.

He collapsed into his chair, breathing heavily. "You... You just drained 2/3 shock points I have. Do you have any idea how many ridiculous things I had to do to earn those points?!"

The cat adjusted its tiny tie again. [Premium services provide unparalleled value. Perhaps Host would reconsider—]

"Reconsider?! I'm reconsidering everything right now!" Itachi snapped.

For a moment, silence reigned. Then, a new window popped up, accompanied by the cat's cheerful voice.

[Host may be interested in the "Economy Plan" for just 500 shock points per warning! It will still give you...]

Itachi buried his face in his hands. "I'm being scammed by my own system..."

[Incorrect. The system operates solely to assist the host.]

"Assist? You just told me I can't win this fight and that the Phenex family is likely planning to kill me!"

[Correct.]

"And how do you know they're planning to kill me?"

The cat avatar gave a sly grin, its whiskers twitching smugly. [The Inquiry and Security System includes real-time surveillance of hostile entities. This feature allows the system to intercept communications and predict behavior.]

Itachi stared at the glowing windows, his mind racing. "You're spying on them?"

The cat's tail swished behind it as it tapped a tiny paw on a cartoon clipboard. [Naturally. For example, the Phenex family possesses 136 Phoenix Tears in total. They publicly report having only 90. If Host wins the game, they will resort to eliminating you to avoid losing the remaining Tears—and the Devil King might help them.]

Itachi froze. "You're saying they'll cheat even if I win?"

[Correct. Probability of assassination attempt: 89.76%.]

He leaned back, closing his eyes. "Why do I feel like I'm fighting against the system and my enemies at the same time?"

The cat avatar's smile widened. [Host may feel this way because you have not yet subscribed to Premium—]

"Enough!" Itachi roared. He stared at his dwindling shock points in despair.

"My eternal Mangekyō Sharingan... My kage-level chakra... All wasted on this?"

The cat avatar purred. [Perhaps Host would like to purchase a relaxation potion to calm his mind. Only 2,000 shock points—]

*****

Author's Note: Before anyone complains that Itachi doesn't act like this, please remember: this is not the original Itachi. The character here only has Itachi's body and powers. He behaves like Itachi when interacting with the supernatural world, but his personality and decisions are his own.