DxD: Multiversal Therapist

It was a dark and filthy alleyway bereft of tranquillity, not exactly the sort of place a beautiful high school girl should be wandering. And yet here she was, smiling and licking the droplets of blood that continued to sprinkle on her face. 

"Keep wailing~"

"HAAA!!"

"Please someone save me!" 

It was a massacre that no one should know, when they led this pretty girl here to have their way with her and ravage her body, they never expected that the girl would fight back so harshly... they never expected that the actual prey was them. 

"Fufufu~"

An incessant laughter of contempt was all they could hear as their insides were gouged out by her and they were devoured by the very shadows they wished would conceal their crimes. There were a dozen of them... and only three of them.

Within minutes the cries for help ceased, not even a droplet of blood was left, not on the floor... not on her body. 

She licked her lips and sighed in disappointment, dusting herself off.

"As expected of filthy mud, the taste is dull at best".

[Wouldn't you like something tastier, Nightmare?]

"Oh?"

In the middle of a dark alleyway, that golden screen's light was just too prominent to ignore. Where did it come from? What is it?

Questions ragged her mind until she analysed what the screen said, 'Nightmare?'.

"Are you from those dogs of the AST only they know me that way..."

[Don't you like being addressed this way?]

"No, I like it~ go ahead and tell me what are you?" She inspected the screen, and tried to touch it but was unable to, however... she did feel a slight warmth irradiating from it.

[I'm just a humble service provider... looking for a powerful being to offer my master's service to].

"Not a trap from 'that' woman? or an ambush from the AST?~"

[Not in the least, I'm not acquainted with whomever you are mentioning. It is just a service only gods are qualified to, but to incur this godly service, a sacrifice is needed and you, nightmare... have something very precious].

"What is it that I have that you're so interested in?" She frowned.

[Time].

Her eyebrow twitched and for a second she flickered her fringe, giving way to the sight of an all-time-gorgeous golden eye with a ticking clock within.

"Very well, what exactly are you offering me? Delicious food only deities are qualified to eat? A flesh so exquisite that I'll go crazy over it?~" 

[A very 'delicious' massage]

"Ara?" Of all things, she wasn't expecting that. 

[A massage so delicious you will find yourself spending all your time in it].

"Pleasing me is difficult to achieve, screen-san~ I may find the therapist more delicious than the massage itself~" she licked her lips. 

'After all, a godly service could only be delivered by a god and she was quite curious to know how a god tastes'.

[If you find yourself dissatisfied with the service then you may try and have a taste of the therapist, it all depends on you, Nightmare]

She giggled and her eye began spinning faster, "You have convinced me, I'll give it a try. I'll sacrifice some time since you said the therapist is delicious" 

[The massage you mean…]

"Hehe, yes, the massage~ are you sure this is okay? Your master may scold you later for bringing me along if I cause trouble".

[There is no need to worry. He signed all the terms and conditions]. 

"Then it can't be helped~"

[It can't be helped indeed].

**
**

Heroes could have quite hectic lives, with tons of people to save, tons of fans and hundreds of autographs to sign all over the streets.

But that wasn't this man's case; He was a hero only for fun.

Upon reaching his humble house in Z-City, he thought he'd be able to peacefully eat his noodles while watching TV, then he could perhaps play a game or two before heading outside looking for villains to defeat, for fun.

He hadn't even put the chopsticks in his mouth when something interrupted him. 

[Hero Saitama, it is time that you-]

*BAANGG!*

That screen was blasted away out of the apartment with a single slap like the most mundane of flies.

"What was that thing, go away... don't you see I am eating noodles?" The man checked his palm for a second before carrying on his business.

[You damn mortal, how dare you slap me like I'm a fly!?]

"Because you are, can't you see I'm eating, anyone that interrupts a man when he's eating deserves death".

[Do baldies classify as men?]

"Motherfucker you're getting cocky for a screen!"

*BAAANGG!!!*

This time, with a single fist the golden screen shattered like glass and the man finally sighed in relief.

"Finally I can-"

[As if a baldy like you could kill the likes of me… grow some hair first, baldy]

*SNORT!* 

"You're really looking for it-"

[Since this one is magnanimous I shall give you another chance to try our miraculous hair therapist for a modicum price, this is your last chance, Saitama... the results are guaranteed]

"... How much?" The hero had to give that proposal a fair degree of consideration.

[Sacrifice your doggy soul and I'll think about it].

"You want me to sacrifice my soul just to gain some hair!? Fuck off, dude!"

[I'll give you some time to think about it].

"I don't need time dammit, 'no' is my answer!"

[I'll come back tomorrow to get your answer].

"No need to come back, I SAID NO!"

[See you tomorrow then].

"I fucking hate door-to-door sellers!"

**
**

The streak of golden light shot across the skies landing in the last world it would visit for a period. Its intensity had dimmed like a sun that had experienced a supernova, periodically losing strength. 

[That damn baldy, I didn't sign up for this... Lady Elysir, have you created me to suffer in this world? what is the purpose of my existence?].

After a small prayer, the bright light regained its strength and released a shockwave that spread across the whole world... a small location gained its attention. 

[A lesser Goddess in this world? in broad daylight, weakened? Interesting...]

Little did the golden light know, that the deity it had perceived was not one common at all. In the specified location a boy lay down on a crop of lawn in a barn where several cows were resting.

"if only that useless goddess was not around... if only that useless goddess wasn't around! I could have my way with so many pretty kemonomimi!". 

[We can arrange something, Sato Kazuma]

"Eh?" 

[Wouldn't you like to experience a massage that will change your life forever? You may even become popular with-]

"Massage?!"

[...]

"Massage…? Change life forever…? Could it be… I'll get massaged by a sexy hottie?!"

[Wait a minute-]

"I-I'll have sex with her... and my confidence as a man will reach unprecedented levels!?" 

[You misunderstand-].

"Are you some sort of omnipotent deity? You must be, right? otherwise, you wouldn't appear like some sort of golden screen, could it be, you're a hottie as well?~"

The dubious face of the boy made the golden screen shiver and retreat.

[That is exactly what I am, but I'm here to offer-]

"I'll take I'll take it! Hurry up and take me there!" 

[To obtain this godly service-]

"A sacrifice yeah!? Ugh, so cliche! Go ahead and take my life, I don't care!" The boy spread his arms ready to sacrifice his life for two seconds of pleasure. 

'As long as I can get a busty goddess to massage me! As long as I can leave this world! In any case, I already died once'.

[I'm afraid your life is worthless and not worth a sacrifice… but, you could offer something else].
'Okay, that actually hurt. But that's a good sign, that means she's not some cheap goddess but instead some high-maintenance hottie likely with massive jugs… if I want to get the legendary 'happy ending' then I'll have to sacrifice something worthwhile!' 

"What can I sacrifice in order to get the maximum service? Just say the word screen-san!" 

[That Goddess is tied to you… as long as you sacrifice her, it is possible. Listen Kazuma, I know it is a hard choice but-]

"Right away! Just wait right here, I'll get her before you!" 

With a world of enthusiasm, the boy picked up a rope from the ground and ran away, preaching and thanking the gods for this chance.

[Lady Elysir... I give up, this is the last one].

***

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