Dungeons Just Want to Have Fun

“I don’t like this,” Zaphar whispered urgently. “I hate it. You’re going to get me killed.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, no one ever got killed in a coffee shop,” Kelsey said.

“It’s a coffee house, and—and people get killed all the time in all sorts of places when they’re wanted felons!”

Anton thought he had a point. The hooded robes they were wearing didn’t look out of place and did a good job of hiding Kelsey and his faces, but it barely counted as a disguise. As an additional concession to their criminal status, Kelsey had secured a table at the edge of the room. It overlooked the main area, which made Anton’s job a lot easier. He got to work cataloging Classes, while Kelsey convinced Zaphar to go downstairs and mingle.

“Look, you’re dressed like they are,” Kelsey said softly. “Your Class matches. No one will suspect a thing, and the best part is you don’t want anything from them. You just need to blend in.”

“I’m not cut out for this,” Zaphar muttered. “And that’s only part of it. You know that every time I try this something weird happens.”

“That’s fine,” Kelsey said. “Trust your patron, you know? It will all work out, and you’ll get some experience.”

“The least you could do would be to stay close to get me out of trouble,” Zaphar whined.

“Are you crazy?” Kelsey said with a grin. “We’re wanted felons, we need to get off the streets as soon as possible.”

“Do you really think he’ll be all right?” Anton asked as they slipped into an alleyway that took them away from the bustling street.

“He’ll be fine,” Kelsey said. “Ultimately, he doesn’t have anyone looking for him so even if he gets into some kind of trouble, he’ll be able to worm out of it.”

“And how was your day, dear?” Kelsey asked as Soraya, Aris and Tyla staggered into the safehouse. Soraya glared at Kelsey before she replied.

“Exhausting,” she said bitterly. “Why do we have to trek down every single alleyway in this two-bit town?”

“You need to know the ground,” Kelsey said placidly. “We’ll make maps and plans, but it won’t do us any good unless you can follow the route without stopping.”

Aris stepped over to Anton and hugged him, recharging by resting her head on his chest. Then she moved over to the table and started adding to the map of the city streets, adding some alleyways and correcting mistakes that had been made. Tyla joined her, adding her own contributions in a hushed voice that didn’t interrupt Soraya’s complaints.

“What route? We’ve been going every which way!”

“We need to get the whole picture before we can plan the route,” Kelsey said.

Soraya’s eyes narrowed. “And why force me to do it?” she asked. “Aris is much better at it, and she has Tyla to help her. My presence is unnecessary.”

“You are pretty useless,” Kelsey agreed, grinning at Soraya’s reaction. “But you need to know the area more than anyone else.”

“Why?” Soraya asked suspiciously.

“Because that’s where you’ll be fighting,” Kelsey said smugly. “or… something like that.”

“Fight? I can’t fight!” Soraya exclaimed.

“You’re part of the team, now, remember?” Kesley said. “Don’t worry, it’s all part of my master plan.”

“A plan that you still haven’t explained,” Soraya complained.

“I’m still working out the fine details,” Kelsey said confidently. “You’ll understand soon enough.”

“Does this mean I get a gun, at least?”

“Mnm… maybe? Are you sure you want one? You’ll be washing the gunsmoke out of your fur for weeks after you fire one.”

Soraya wrinkled her nose in distaste. “Well, I want something. If you’re going to throw me to the wolves, I need some kind of weapon.”

“I’ll consider it,” Kelsey said. “I’ll let you know when it’s time.”

“We found it, we found it!” Yaseen yelled.

“I found it,” Haris said scornfully. “You were in the wrong tunnel.”

“We split up to cover more ground! So we both found it!” Yaseen declared.

“Boys, boys,” Kelsey said. “What did I say about coming here after visiting the sewers?”

“That you’d have the spiders eat us,” Yaseen said fearfully. “But! But! They wouldn’t let us in the public bath anymore, even though we had money!”

“Well, at least you tried,” Kelsey said. Then her voice turned cold. “But close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, so it’s spider time!”

“Kelsey,” Anton said firmly. He didn’t think Kelsey would kill the boys over a stink, but she was quite capable of scaring them with a “little nibble”. The boys didn’t scream and run, so they must have doubted her murderous statement as well.

“Fine!” Kelsey said, with what Anton hoped was fake disgruntlement. “Clothes in the basket, get in the tub!”

As she spoke, she made the mentioned items appear, throwing soap in after them when they complied.

“Now scrub!” she said. “Spiders can’t smell you, but I can.”

“Even the hair?” Yassen complained.

“Especially the hair,” Kelsey commanded. She made a bucket of water appear and poured it over their heads. “Scrub!”

Kelsey only started asking them questions once they were clean, dry and dressed in fresh clothes.

“So what did you find?”

“We found the gladiator cells!” Yaseen said.

“I did,” Haris objected.

“How do you know?” Kelsey asked.

“To start with, it was around about the right place,” Haris said. “And we spoke to ‘em!”

“Spoke to them how? Did you get into the prison?”

“Nah, nah,” Haris said. “The cells are underground, see? So they’re real close to the sewers. Reckon they’re built right on top! Gladiators are slaves, so they don’t rate a toilet. They just have a grate right on top of the sewer. Probably smells pretty bad, but slaves don’t get to complain.”

“They could hear us when we shouted!” Yaseen said proudly. “They didn’t speak good, but we got their names.”

“Great work, kids,” Kelsey said. “I’m taking you to the brothel tonight.”

“Kelsey,” Anton cautioned.

“What? No brothel?” Kesley asked incredulously. Anton just gave her a firm look, not bothering to respond to her nonsense. “Wine with dinner? No? Extra desert?”

“Extra dessert is fine,” Anton said over the boy’s disappointed noises.

“You’re weird,” Kesley declared. “This is much riskier than infiltrating a coffee house, but you don’t mind it at all.”

Zaphar glared at her. “Can you keep it down?” he asked quietly. “I don’t normally meet clients in the middle of a job, but if I did, I’ll wager they wouldn’t give me away by talking.”

“I am being quiet,” Kelsey grumbled, but at a much lower volume, Anton noted. “Have you got the goods?”

Zaphar nodded and held out the medallion. “He should be asleep for the rest of the night.”

“Won’t take me that long,” Kelsey boasted. She made the medallion disappear.

“I thought using the… machine shop took longer,” Anton said quietly.

“It does, but I already knew what I was making, at least the rough outline,” Kelsey said. “So I have everything prepped. However…”

She frowned. “Looks like I’m going to have to make a mould, and that takes time. Let’s just spend the mana.”

She held out her hands and a medallion appeared in both of them. They looked identical, right down to the ribbon that they dangled from.

“Whadda ya think?” she asked Anton. He used Delver’s Discernment.

Lala Rank Medallion, Item, Great Quality, Tier 1

Lala Rank Medallion Duplicate, Item, Great Quality, Tier 1

“That one’s the fake,” he said, pointing. Kelsey grimaced.

“How can you tell?” she asked.

“The name is different,” Anton said, shrugging. “Says it’s a duplicate.”

Kelsey growled under her breath. “Stupid magic system,” she muttered. She made the fake disappear while staring intently at the real one. Then she relaxed, and a new medallion appeared in her hand.

“How’s that?” she asked.

Anton blinked, but used his Trait again.

Lala Rank Medallion, Item, Great Quality, Tier 1

“It’s got the right name, now,” he reported.

“We need you to kill a wizard,” Kelsey said.

Tyla looked up from her meditation. It still gave her a small amount of experience so it was worth doing when she was out of mana for spells.

“Will wizards give me more experience than other foes?” she asked.

“Maybe,” Kelsey said. “But Mel tells me that wizards power up their cores by absorbing other dead cores.”

Tyla considered the notion. “Don’t you find that disturbing?” she asked. “Robbing the corpses of your fellow Numina?”

“I am a necromancer after all,” Kelsey said.

Tyla shrugged. “I don’t think it’s necessary right now,” she said. “I don’t have the Traits to make full use of the power of this stone as it is. Adding a few extra types of mana would be nice, but I think my priority should be to work on my Level.”

“Killing a wizard does that too,” Kelsey pointed out.

“I suppose. I shall keep an eye out then,” Tyla said. She hesitated for a moment before speaking again.

“Do you suppose… that this stone has already absorbed other cores?”

“Maybe,” Kelsey said. “Tikin might have known it’s history, but he’s not exactly available for questioning right now.”

“Maybe I am just imagining things,” Tyla admitted. “But when I think about how it feels when communing with the core… there might be three entities in there.”

“Interesting,” Kelsey said. “But I still want you to kill a wizard.”

* * *

“The time has come,” Kelsey intoned. “Zaphar, go and stand in front of the door.”

“On this side, yes?” Zaphar asked, his eyes narrowing with suspicion.

“Yeah, yeah, unless you have an allergy to knowing plans,” Kelsey said. “This isn’t your plan though, it’s hers.” She pointed at Soraya.

“Are you finally going to tell us what we’ve been mapping the ghetto for?” Soraya asked.

“Yep!” Kelsey said brightly. “What we’ve been doing, Soraya, is mapping your escape route.”

“Escape from what?” Soraya asked. The answer came to her as soon as she asked. “Oh no. There is no way…”

“Part of the team, Soraya, remember?” Kelsey said with a grin. “Al-Kadir is our biggest problem. He’s going to be waiting for Anton and me right near the cells, ready to pounce the moment we try something.”

“Can’t you just kill him?” Soraya asked weakly. “You’d be doing the world a favour.”

“I gave it a red hot go, back at the docks,” Kelsey said regretfully. “Maybe if we’d had the decksweeper set up we could have done more, but as it is, I don’t think we can be sure of killing him. What we can do, is make sure he stays out of our way.”

Soraya looked at the exit, but Zaphar was, as instructed, standing in front of it, looking confused. He probably wouldn’t try and stop her, but by the time she got past him, Kelsey would have grabbed her.

Her shoulders slumped. “If I don’t agree, you’ll just trade me for concessions, won’t you?”

“Honestly, I doubt they’d go for it,” Kelsey said. “al-Kadir may be their big bad menace, but I don’t think he’s got enough pull to get our prisoners free in return for you.”

“Some small mercy then,” Soraya said softly. “But I can’t get captured by him, Kelsey.”

“You’re not going to,” Kelsey assured the despondent courl. “He’s going to chase you around for a bit, and then you’re going to get away.”

Soraya laughed nervously. “Are you joking, or just insane? If he chases me, if he sees me, it will be all over.”

“Have little faith in yourself, why don'tcha? You won’t be doing this alone, anyway. You’ll have support from Tyla and Aris.”

Tyla stood up. “I’ll do whatever I can to help, Numina.” Aris just stayed where she was, raising her eyebrows.

“Ooh,” Kelsey joked. “She doesn’t look happy about saving you. Maybe you shouldn’t have eaten all that human meat in front of her.”

“That’s not fair—” Soraya started at the same time as Aris blurted, “I wouldn’t—”

They both stopped and looked at each other. Kelsey just grinned. “Don’t worry!” she said. “I’ve got a plan. We’ll do a run-through and some setup tomorrow, and then al-Kadir will learn for himself why you shouldn’t bite down on every tasty bit of bait that’s dangled in front of you.”