Dungeons Are Bad Business

While he watched the adventurers make their way through the dungeon, Vee toyed with a small chunk of ectoplasm. He knew that he wanted to make a series of small armorsoul-like ghosts to help improve the minion diversity of Crestheart’s early floors, but there were a lot of different variations for “armor”, and he couldn’t make up his mind on what type he wanted most.

Sleek and angular, like Alforde’s current armor? Or perhaps something softer and rounder, like the form his friend had had for most of Vee’s life. Should he include spikes? Icicles? Chainmail-looking pieces? Overlapping scales? [Mold Ectoplasm] gave him lots of options for visual clarity, and Vee couldn’t help but think that all the options were giving him a healthy case of decision paralysis.

Taking a deep breath, Vee closed his eyes and let his thoughts clear for a few moments. He was increasingly realizing that one of his biggest weaknesses was in committing to a given plan. Making contingencies and thinking through implications of a given course of action was easy, but the act of discarding possibilities and following his selected path was much, much harder. It was all too easy to get swayed by a new, shiny thing that promised to be a better and more perfect idea, or to discard the progress he’d made simply because it was flawed in some way. Even now, a quiet, seductive voice in the back of his skull told him that adding armorsoul-like ghosts was a foolish idea. It urged him to try and come up with something better instead.

“Maybe you should make ghost horses, or griffons, or even dragons!” it whispered sweetly. “Think about that! Giant ectoplasm dragons lounging in some of the rooms! Or giant hands that erupt out of the ground and walk like spiders, or floating masks that attack with soundwaves, or maybe even living pots and pans and pieces of cutlery that launch into song as they fight!”

No. Vee told himself firmly, clenching his hands into fists and telling his inner procrastinator-disguised-as-creativity to shut up. Stick to the plan, Vee. You’re making mini armorsouls and that’s the end of it.

Opening his eyes, Vee set down his bit of ectoplasm and took a moment to check the current adventurer’s progress through the dungeon. The axe-wielding kitrekin walked with energetic confidence, and was clearly the type of fighter who smashed through his problems directly. It’d be taxing to try and overwhelm him with brute force, but the [Dungeon Master] was confident that he could trip the adventurer up with a few unusual timings for traps in the rooms ahead; the kitrekin looked unusually clumsy in some of the platforming sections of the dungeon, and had fallen twice in the swing-across-the-pit room. Working quickly, Vee flipped switches and twisted knobs on his control panel until things were as he wanted them, then returned his attention to the small bit of ectoplasm.

Like a child playing with clay, Vee pulled and pinched it into something approximating a helmet shape. He rolled out a pair of rough spikes and jammed them into the top, gave it triangular eyes, and eight tiny arms that were reminiscent of spider legs. These would be the flying ghosts that harassed adventurers while they platformed, flitting down from the ceilings and crashing into challengers.

While he twisted and pulled the rest of the ectoplasm into an oval shape though, he also decided that it’d be a good idea to give the little helmets an exploding attack too. It’d require him to replace the ghosts more often, which would be irritating, but just bumping into adventurers wouldn’t really be that disruptive. He wanted these little ghosts to be irritating.

[Devious Mind +1]

Leaning back, Vee tried to think through how to best craft such an attack. The specific sigil sequence he’d need to use didn’t come to mind right away, but the [Ghost Maestro] was confident that he’d be able to find something related to self-destruction attacks in the reference materials Rortenferry had left him. After all, they were somewhat popular with [Ghost Maestros], [Ghost Generals] and others who specialized in massing hordes of ghosts capable of inflicting the Poisoned or Toxic statuses.

Instead of dwelling on his current lack of knowledge, as he was tempted to, Vee set down the helmet prototype and got to work on another model. This one would be for the bigger and bulkier ghost intended to replace some of the skeleton lancers in a few rooms on the second and third floor. Sticking his tongue between his teeth as he stretched and twisted, Vee hewed closer to Alforde’s design. Of course, he simplified many of the armor pieces so that they’d be easier to mass produce, sacrificing the elaborate details that made Alforde so intimidating. Big pauldrons and gauntlets felt natural, as did oversized conical boots.

As far as intended attacks went, Vee planned to make these “minisouls” capable of attacking and defending in equal measure. He wanted to find a way to incorporate some grappling sequences too, though he might have to try and find a [Wrestler] or other similar classholder for inspiration and reference before attempting such a thing.

When he was satisfied with his progress with his little creation, Vee returned his full attention to the dungeon, and quickly lost himself in the rhythm of his normal duties.

Since only thirteen adventurers visited Crestheart, the day ended earlier than normal. Normally, Vee would have been worried about such a low turnout, but given that he had so much work to do, the [Dungeon Master] didn’t mind at all. Instead, he directed Alforde to hurry in bringing up the day’s earnings and poured another dose of aqua magia into Dheart for the sake of Reginald’s core. The bottle’s level was finally starting to show some signs of depleting, though Vee reckoned he still easily had weeks’ worth of doses if not longer.

The dungeon heart bubbled and gurgled as Vee sealed it back up, and Dheart’s tinny voice echoed through the air. “You have an unread message from the [Dungeon Master]’s union. Would you like to read it now?”

Vee paused, then nodded and said, “Of course.”

One horrifying series of beeps, screeches, hisses, and shudders later, a thin piece of paper emerged from Dheart’s side and Vee picked it up.

In crisp, clear, handwriting, it said:

Attention, Mister Vales.

As you ready yourself to participate in the practical element of a dungeon development committee (DDC), we here at the union want to remind you of proper sportsmanship rules as well as your obligation for ensuring fair contests between your challengers and your [Dungeon Champion].

Please note: this is simply a refresher and not a suggestion of any wrongdoing on your part.

As the owner of a union-sanctioned dungeon, you agree to the following:

Any adventurer who meets the minimum level requirement for dungeon entry in their primary class and follows the proper procedure for challenging your establishment must be permitted to do so.

Acute refusals are allowed in the event that a challenging adventurer is intoxicated or injured before trying to enter.

Every adventurer who enters your dungeon must face an approximately equal version of it. While minor variation between rooms is normal and acceptable, it is not okay to allow certain adventurers to skip floors, rooms, mini boss battles, or [Dungeon Champion] bouts. Exceptions to this rule apply for so-called “side-quest rewards” (See Union Handbook Page 574 for more details).

Dungeon redesigns (defined as changing 50% or more of a dungeon’s layout and content) during a DDC are not allowed.

Dungeons must be clearable. So-called “Softlock” designs are strictly prohibited.

Dungeon rewards must be standardized, and information about their value must be publicly available. The inclusion of so-called “secret rewards” is allowed, but their general presence must be included in your dungeon snapshot (See Union Handbook Page 31 for more details on creating a compliant dungeon snapshot).

“Unique” treasures can be offered as part of promotions or other special events, but must be clearly identified and removed from advertising material once claimed.

You must provide victorious adventurers with their rewards within three days (72 hours) of their run.

Your [Dungeon Champion] will do their best to emerge victorious in all of their contests.

Your [Dungeon Champion] will be under the influence of [Fair Fight].

[Dungeon Champions] are not to receive payments from parties other than the dungeon they’re contracted to. Income from sponsorships, appearance fees, endorsements, and other similar things must be vetted by the [Dungeon Master] and disclosed to the union within 30 days of receipt.

Your [Dungeon Champion] must confirm that adventurers are aware of the rules that govern their confrontation before it begins.

Well, that wasn’t too bad. Vee was pretty sure that Crestheart was in compliance with all the rules. Now, he was a little nervous about tweaking the minions like he’d planned, but suspected that it’d be fine since he was going to be done with it before the circuit started.

Folding up the paper, Vee tucked it into his pocket and thanked Dheart for letting him know of its existence. He returned the aqua magia to its storage spot as Alforde entered the room, summoned Cecil, and counted up the day’s earnings. Not quite six and a half gold fleurs. Not good by any means, but not horrific either. The next payment to Sacre would be tight, but Vee hoped to have some more money in the vault by then. Or the bank.

Shoot. He still needed to go and set up a proper account.

[Leadership -1]

Cursing, Vee scribbled the words BANK ACCOUNT on his palm and double checked all of Dheart’s security measures before leaving the dungeon for the night. He doubted that the mud golems would strike again, but once burned twice shy and all that.

Once he was back in the city proper, Vee resumed his work from earlier that morning. With the benefit of a few hours of diligent thinking, the [Dungeon Master] had refined his pitch somewhat, and he was able to secure a handful of other strong commitments for promotions of some sort.

With his appetite for pitching sated for the moment, Vee decided to turn his attention to another element of his to-do list: securing viewing crystals for the spectator arena. He wanted to find a [Crystal Vender] or [Enchanter] who could sell – or more realistically, rent – them large viewing crystals for the spectator arena. Unfortunately, as the sun set and the sky started growing dark, the [Dungeon Master] failed to see any locations that matched what he was looking for. Such places had been common, or at least relatively easy to find, back in Bardis.

They were apparently extremely rare here in Oar’s Crest.

Had Hanako been around, he might have asked if her dad had any spares laying around, but the girl was still gone and wouldn’t be back until after the circuit was long since done.

Vee threw his hands up into the air, preparing himself to call the search off for the night, but before the words could leave his mouth, Alforde tapped him on the shoulder and pointed at a shop across the street. “How about there?”

The [Dungeon Master] groaned. “A pawn shop? I guess it doesn’t hurt to try.”

Main Character Sheets:

Main Character Sheets

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 32

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 23

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 6

Might: 15

Wit: 39

Faith: 26

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 19

Charisma: 16

Devious Mind: 28 (+1)

Leadership: 21 (-1)

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 23

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 6

Persuasiveness: 6

Bargaining: 4

Patience: 2

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 6 (+1) [Deferred Due To [Fair Fight]

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 18

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 11

Might: 58

Wit: 15

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 32 (+1)

Intimidating Presence: 15

Heart of a Champion: 14

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ??? (+1)

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 42

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 20

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 13 (+1)

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 37

Faith: 18

Ambition: 28

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 46

Patience: 11

Irritability: 24

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9