Dungeons Are Bad Business

While he hadn’t been an academic standout in any field, really, Vee had been spectacularly bad at necromancy. He’d been uncomfortable with every part of the bone-cleaning process, didn’t like the core assembly process, and hated the way every single necromancy lab at the academy smelled. To the [Ghost Maestro], necromancy was a slow, dirty practice taught by people who looked far too much like their subject matter, and was an art filled with ominous threats and vagaries about dangerous buildups of unlife.

His solo projects had been weak and flimsy things that came apart constantly, and he’d totally bombed his final. Instead of creating a skeleton that tap-danced with a cane, as was assigned, he cobbled together an awkward pile of bones that did nothing but jiggle. Vee’s necromancy [Professor], a woman whose name he didn’t recall, had said that she’d never seen anything like it before.

She hadn’t meant it as a compliment.

That was why Vee had only completed the mandatory necromancy course that was a part of his degree’s “Other Undead” focus. He’d never felt more grateful for the truth in the old adage that C’s get degrees than he was after “finishing” that class.

Still, despite his own antipathy for the subject, he appreciated passion when he saw it, and Winslow was full of it, albeit in a rather taciturn way.

The [Necromancer]’s eyes whipped up and down as he walked back and forth in front of the long single file line of skeletons he’d arranged in their menagerie pen. He mumbled rapidly to himself as he did so, but his voice was so quiet that Vee didn’t even bother trying to understand what the other man was saying.

Frequently, Winslow would stop in front of a skeleton and give it a closer examination, running his finger along a stretch of bone or poking and prodding around its eyes or jaw. Sometimes he had a tool to assist him, but for the most part he just used his fingers. Vee couldn’t help but notice that the [Necromancer] didn’t wear gloves.

After each examination, Winslow frowned, and he furtively glared over at Vee more often than not as he pulled away to resume his pacing.

“I’m surprised they’re all staying still,” Reginald said as the [Necromancer] drew out yet another small silver tool – ornately decorated calipers, Vee thought – and used it to check the spacing between a skeleton mage’s ribs. “I thought they would have all run for it by now.”

It was a little odd. The skeletons all stood [Soldier] straight, their skulls tilted slightly skyward and their limbs supremely still. They didn’t rattle, or try to wrestle Winslow down to the ground, or do anything else that they normally did. Even the big lancer stayed put, letting the [Necromancer] examine it without causing any issues, though its purple eyes seemed to burn ever brighter than before. Thankfully, the strange rattle that had filled the air the day before was nowhere to be heard.

With his preliminary examination finished, Winslow moved on to other less direct tests. Reaching into the small bag that he’d brought along, the [Necromancer] drew out a small vial filled with red powder. He uncorked it and tossed a few handfuls into the air, frowning at the way the particles dispersed.

After that, he pulled out a small terrarium filled with worms and waved it around each skeleton’s skull. Vee couldn’t imagine what sort of thing he was checking with such an action, but he knew all too well that the practice of one’s class could look bizarre to an untrained eye.

“Excuse me,” Vee called, getting the [Necromancer]’s attention. “Do you have an estimate for how long your examination is going to take?”

The [Necromancer] shook his head. “Probably another hour or two at the very least. There’s something peculiar here that I don’t recognize, and I want to make sure that I give it a good once over before I tell you about it and start looking for ways to fix it permanently.”

“I see,” Vee said. That presented something of a problem. He’d planned to stay at the menagerie while the [Necromancer] worked, but he hadn’t expected the examination to take so long. He didn’t have an hour, let alone two; some of the other [Bellwethers] were coming to the dungeon to do their second quiet runs.

Feeling rather awkward, Vee explained the situation and told Winslow how to make his way back through the abandoned section of Westown to find the dungeon once more.

“You need not worry about me,” the [Necromancer] said with a deeply unsettling smile. “I’m more than capable of protecting myself in a place like this.”

To prove his point, he gestured to his belt where there were six small black spheres. He took one and tapped the skull in the center, causing it to swell and fill his hand.

Tossing the ball up and down a few times, Winslow said, “These are my best creations. Any single one of them will keep any of the fiends wandering around these buildings at bay.”

Vee nodded, and Winslow shrank the ball and returned it to his belt. Bidding the [Necromancer] farewell, Vee and Reginald headed back to the dungeon.

Much like Neil, the trio of [Bellwethers] struggled against the new threats and dangers inside Crestheart. They were penned in and harried by the dungeon’s traps, struggled to defeat Vee’s packs of minions, and took several minutes to solve the puzzles that the [Dungeon Master] had hastily thrown together.

While all three of them managed to make it down to Alforde’s arena, they were scraped, shivering, and surly after doing so. Glaring at the dungeon, and one another, they put their heads together after finishing their quiet runs and sat outside for several minutes. Vee was sure that they were comparing notes and experiences, and wondered how the rest of their party would adapt the next day.

He didn’t get to ponder the question for long, as the regular runs started up soon after that and the [Dungeon Master] was busy activating traps and platforms.

Once again, the day was a resounding success. Out of the first twelve challengers, only a single adventurer – an elkin [Brawler] – cleared the dungeon and got to fight Alforde. However, since she was so spent from the floors above it wasn’t much of a match; the [Dungeon Champion] took all four of her stocks in under a minute.

Before the thirteenth adventurer could start their run though, Winslow came into the office. He was scowling, and had a strange clock-looking device tucked under his arm.

“Find anything useful?” Vee asked as the [Necromancer] set the tool down on the table and gestured for Vee to approach.

“Put your hand in there,” he said, gesturing to an opening on the device’s side.

Vee hesitated. The gap in question was the mouth of a silver skull that had some nasty teeth. “Why?”

“Need to check something from your side of things,” Winslow explained. “There are a few little anomalies on the skeletons, but nothing that would suggest what you’re seeing.”

He tapped the side of the tool. “Come on. Daylight’s wasting.”

Vee glanced over at Reginald, who twitched his brim in an approximation of a shrug, and with that vote of confidence, Vee went ahead and stuck his hand into the strange device.

The teeth pricked his skin, but even when the mouth closed it wasn’t particularly painful. The machine made a low whirring sound, and gears and pins and all sorts of other things spun and popped and snapped. The [Dungeon Master]’s heart sped up a little bit, and he eagerly jerked his hand free when the mouth finally popped open again a minute or so later.

With a groan not unlike some of Dheart’s, the machine rumbled and ejected a small strip of paper. Winslow tore it free, looked at it closely, and frowned once again.

“It doesn’t make any sense,” he muttered. “What’s your primary class again?”

“[Ghost Maestro].”

“And you’re sure you don’t have any weird family classes that might supersede that? No |Royalty| in your family tree anywhere?”

“Not that I know of,” Vee said. “Why?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure that your skeletons are currently under the influence of a |Call| skill, but I’ve only ever heard of |Royals| being able to use those. We certainly don’t have anyone in the shop who can use them, and your bonsai treant associate definitely doesn’t have any, so by process of elimination I suspect that you’re responsible.”

Vee ran a hand through his hair. “But…but I don’t even know what a |Call| skill is. ”

“Essentially, |Call| skills are buffs that are far more potent than others. They compel people, things, and in some cases, places to change or grow. The most famous ones are |Call For Aid| and |Call To Arms|, but there are a bunch of others out there too like |Call For Submissions| and |Call To Order|. I don’t know exactly which one your skeletons are under, but I’m positive it’s the root of your problem. |Calls| do all sorts of wacky things.”

“Can you fix it or get rid of it?”

The [Necromancer] shook his head. “I can go ahead and repair the technical errors in some of your skeletons if you’d like, but I suspect you don’t actually want me to. Your skeletons are basically immortal so long as you keep them in packs of three or more.”

“How’s that?”

Winslow snorted. “Whoever made them screwed up, which means it was probably Yorick. Your skeletons all have a proximity allowance that we typically only use on higher level skeletons. Maybe he was trying to use up some old parts or something and didn’t properly clean the bones. Regardless, what’s happening is that each time a skeleton’s core tries to activate [Lesser Rebuild], it does so for each skeleton in proximity instead of just itself. The same is true for the next skeleton, and every skeleton after that. So, with three skeletons, you’re getting nine shots at a fifteen percent proc chance for [Lesser Rebuild]. Normally, that’d cause a few extra activations here and there, but it wouldn’t be a big deal. However, what’s really unique about your minions is that the |Call| kicks in if all the rolls miss and overrides our core’s built-in safeguards. Then the rolls happen again and again until [Lesser Rebuild] procs for each skeleton in proximity. You’re sure you’re not actually a [Gravelord] or anything like that? That'd explain things nicely.”

“Of course I’m sure,” Vee said, rubbing his chin. The proximity element definitely explained why his skeletons had all been so eager to get close to one another after Neil defeated them, but he couldn’t imagine which |Call| it was, let alone how it’d gotten into place to begin with.

The Expectation around his shoulders shifted and its burning voice entered Vee’s thoughts.

(In days long past, it wasn’t uncommon for people in this city to heed a |Call To Serve|.)

Vee jerked back at the sensation, which he’d only experienced a handful of times before, and though the snake dragon said nothing further, the sequence of events snapped into place. He still had questions, but he at least had an inkling of what’d happened. He’d have to try to talk to the Expectation about it later.

Winslow noticed Vee’s mannerisms, and a lazy smile played across his face. “I also examined the lancer that your letter mentioned. It’s definitely developing in a way that’s unusual, but I’m pretty sure that’s because there was a crack in its core and there was a leak of congealing unlife. I went ahead and fixed it, and I’m almost certain that it’s just going to be a skeleton shaman in a few more months. Its paraphernalia is different from what we would typically use in the shop, but I’m confident it’ll work the same as a normal kit would. I’ll go ahead and give you some literature on what to expect, but I think that’s all sorted unless it gets affected by another |Call| or interacts with some of your [Ghost Maestro] skills in which case you'd be responsible for the situation. Of course, we'd be happy to lend our expertise for a nominal fee if you request it.”

They paused for a moment, as Reginald had launched into a fiery tirade of insults intended for the adventurer down in the dungeon. When the [Announcer] finished, Winslow blinked slowly and shook his head.

“Heck of a place you’ve got here, Mister Vales. Did you want me to go ahead and fix the [Lesser Rebuild] problem? Technically I’m supposed to make sure it works the way its supposed to, since infinite revives means you won’t need to buy any more of our skeletons for a while, but I figure a [Dungeon Master] like you could use the extra minions, eh?”

Vee smiled. “Yeah, if it’s not hurting anything or going to cause any major issues, I’d appreciate it if you left it alone. Thanks, Winslow.”

“You’re welcome,” the [Necromancer] said. “It’s really not a big deal. Is it safe for me to think that our business is now concluded?”

“I think so,” Vee said. “I don’t know of anything else I’d want you to handle.”

“Excellent. In that case I have this statement I’m supposed to read to you. It’s part of our ‘Commitment to Undead Excellence’ and my boss will give me a hard time if I don’t. It’s got a recitation skill trigger on it.”

He cleared his throat and took a small card out of his coat pocket while Vee leaned back and folded his hands in his lap. “Okay, here we go...We thank you for your purchase, and hope that your expectations have been exceeded by our Triple-Award-Winning Service…”

Main Character Sheets:

Main Character Sheets

Vee Vales (Unchanged From Last Chapter)

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 32

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 23

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 6

Might: 15

Wit: 39

Faith: 26

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 16

Plotting: 19

Charisma: 16

Devious Mind: 27

Leadership: 22

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 11

Citizenship: 23

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 5

Persuasiveness: 5

Bargaining: 3

Patience: 2

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul (Unchanged From Last Chapter):

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 5

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 18

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 11

Might: 58

Wit: 15

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 31

Intimidating Presence: 14

Heart of a Champion: 14

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 11

Vanity: 2

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 42

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 20

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 12 (+1)

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 37

Faith: 17

Ambition: 28

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 46

Patience: 11

Irritability: 24

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

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#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9