Dungeons Are Bad Business

The dunpla boxes were covered in a pattern of gray and blue squares – reminiscent of frostnickel, Vee thought – and hand-drawn icicles covered each corner. In the center of the front face was a silver top hat, which bore the words ‘Crestheart Collection, First Edition’ in wide black letters.

It was far nicer than the concepts Brice had shown him; these boxes looked elaborate and professional. Though he hadn’t had much of a direct hand in their creation, Vee couldn’t help but feel a surge of pride and excitement as he set the Alforde box – which had a little hammer icon under the top hat that had [Dungeon Champion] written on it – down on his desk.

“I love them,” he said, fighting back the urge to yawn. He would have elaborated further to bolster Torres’ ego, but his eyes felt like lead weights and he desperately needed sleep. “Talk to Brice Gilbert about how many he needs, then he’ll figure out how much we need to add to the price of each figure to cover your costs. Depending on how these sell, this might end up being a decent recurring product for you.”

The [Stationer] exhaled hard. It wasn’t quite a snort, but it was close enough that Vee raised an eyebrow. “I am not interested in recurring products, Mister Vales. My heart…burns with artistic fire, and I devote my time and energy to works worthy of my efforts.”

Under less sleep-deprived circumstances, Vee might have argued the point. He was still tempted to, in fact. Where was the line between ‘products’ and ‘works’? How could such a thing be measured?

He started to raise one such question, but ultimately decided against it. He didn’t have the energy to get into the game of hair-splitting that so often masqueraded as discussion.

[Wit +1]

Instead, he bowed his head and said, “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind, Mister Torres. Thank you again for making such lovely packages for the dunpla figurines. I’m truly grateful for them. Please excuse me, the day’s runs are about to begin and I must attend to my duties. I’m sure that you’ll be looking to talk to some of the adventurers challenging the dungeon today to see how their experiences are with the new design, but it would be extremely helpful to me if you visited Mister Gilbert sooner rather than later to discuss the matter of your box pricing.”

“Understood,” Torres said, standing up. “I’ll go visit him right now. I’ve got enough notes from our walkthrough today to start work on my guides. I'll talk to adventurers in a few days, once they’ve had a better chance to see what the new and improved Crestheart has to offer. A good day to you, Mister Vales.”

“The same to you,” Vee said. He forced himself to sit upright until the door shut tightly behind the [Stationer], then gratefully sank back in his seat and closed his eyes.

His thoughts were spinning, and though he knew that the chair wasn’t remotely comfortable, his exhausted body thought it was the loveliest place in all the world.

Soon after, the [Dungeon Master] was asleep, and dreaming.

“Hey, wake up boss,” Reginald said, using one of Dogginald’s arms to shake Vee’s shoulder. “You’ve been out all day, and it’s almost time to go back to the boarding house for the night. Before that, though, the Kartine siblings are here to talk to you.”

Vee leaned forward with a groan, blinking several times and groggily trying to get his bearings. He was stiff and achy, but surprisingly alert, and he found that he wasn’t nearly as tired.

Sure enough, when he looked out the window he saw the sun was already heading back down toward the horizon. While he wasn’t skilled enough to put a specific hour to the amount of light available, he guessed it was three or four in the afternoon.

“I can’t believe you let me sleep so long,” he said, looking over at Reginald. “I didn’t get to see any of the runs.”

“You didn’t miss much,” his [Majordomo] replied. “None of the adventurers made it past the second floor. The new layout and threat combinations worked wonders, and Mister Chills absolutely overwhelmed the handful of people who even made it that far.”

“That’s good to hear,” Vee said, rubbing his eyes and standing up to stretch. “How did the reactions seem when they left the dungeon? Were people mad about the changes or did they seem okay?”

“A few people looked mad as they left, but for the most part people seemed pretty excited. I think a lot of the adventurers in town, especially the lower level ones, want to get stronger, and so they’re happy for a harder challenge that will push them to grow. Whether or not it’ll do better against the [Bellwethers] remains to be seen, but I’m optimistic.”

“I am too,” Vee said. He sat down at his desk and looked through one of the viewing crystals that was focused on the street below. A few adventurers lingered here and there, idly swapping stories and play-sparring with one another. He saw Alisanne Henret – the enthusiastic [Fighter] with two clubs – working with a lanky boy who carried a broom on his back like a sword. She was practicing a stabbing attack of some sort, though Vee wasn’t sure it’d be practical for her given her weapons. Still, she looked like she was having fun, and the boy seemed to be enjoying himself as well.

Before he got too comfortable though, Reginald said, “The Kartine siblings are waiting for you downstairs, and before you head down you should go ahead and give me a dose of aqua magia. You forgot to give me one before you fell asleep.”

“Crap, thanks for the reminder,” Vee said, grabbing the bottle and pouring some of the precious liquid into Dheart. “What do the Kartine siblings want? They did their first cleaning last night, right? Did that go okay?”

“It went fine,” Reginald said. “No issues getting the fiends into the city thanks to those documents we got from Sculla, and there wasn’t anybody out and about so we didn’t run into any issues there either. I think Tracy and Cooper are going to ask you for some more slimes and maybe a place to store them.”

“That doesn’t sound like you're speculating,” Vee said.

His hat grinned. “I’m just doing my job as your [Majordomo], boss. Helping put people into places where they can make our lives easier is my sworn duty. With the power of Dogginald, I can –”

Vee held up a hand. “Enough. I get the gist. How many slimes do you want to give them? Have you gone and talked to Kai yet?”

“Three more for each of them for now, and of course I’ve talked to Kai about it. He’s thrilled.”

“He is?”

“He was actually sad we’re not going to be taking more, because apparently Pretzel has been reproducing like crazy lately. He wanted me to ask if we could start using more slimes in the dungeon too.”

“I’m not opposed to that, but I don’t know where they’d fit,” Vee said.

“Maybe we could have Mister Chills throw them instead of snowballs?” Reginald suggested.

“Maybe,” Vee said. “That’s not a bad idea. Let’s go talk to the twins, shall we?”

Vee headed for the door, picking up Reginald and putting the hat on as he walked.

“Any issues or breakages, by the way? Did all the rooms work alright?”

“A few of the floor orders failed to trigger properly,” Reginald said as they descended the stairs. “I made notes about them and we can go take a look once we finish talking to the Kartines.”

“Thanks,” Vee said. “Good work today, Reginald.”

The hat’s brim tightened around his head as they reached the last landing before the door outside. “Of course, boss.”

The Kartine twins were over by the lobby, wearing silly-looking hats and earnest expressions. They diligently laid out their request, which Vee found funny because he’d already mentally committed to giving them more slimes.

A place to store them, though, was somewhat more challenging. It wasn’t that space was an issue – there were half a dozen buildings within sight of the lobby that would have worked just fine – but Vee was wary about how such an expansion of commercial activities within Westown might be viewed by the council. He wasn’t trying to accelerate his inevitable clash with them by any means, but didn’t want to deny the twins a place to store their extra slimes.

“Have you two managed to get any other customers yet?” he asked, mulling the problem over. So long as he didn’t go around loudly advertising the fact that he’d set the twins up in Westown it shouldn’t be an issue. Right?

Cooper smiled. “A few. We only went to a few places before heading over here though, so we’re hoping to get more in the days to come. Is there a time limit on how long we can borrow the slimes?”

Vee shook his head. “Not really. Obviously we’re just focusing on getting the city looking decent before our circuit-thing starts, but even once that’s done there’s a need for the streets to be clean. You two could keep the slimes forever, as far as I’m concerned.”

“We’re not planning to be here long term,” Tracy said quickly, her voice so full of venom that Vee half expected to see some fangs or a forked tongue inside her mouth. She seemed to realize how forceful she’d sounded, because she coughed into her hand and quickly added, “But we’re glad that you’re not expecting the slimes back anytime soon. The extra mouths will make our work go a lot faster.”

Filing a mental note that there was something else going on there, Vee nodded and asked if the twins wanted to come take a look at the different places they could store the slimes. The twins assented, and the [Dungeon Master] led them to a couple empty storefronts near the lobby.

They spent the next half hour walking through the options, and Tracy and Cooper ultimately settled on one that was relatively empty but for a collection of old rusty storage bins tucked into one corner.

“Those look gross,” Vee said as Cooper went to open one up and take a look inside. “Be careful you don’t cut yourself, eh? Here, actually, just leave those alone and I’ll have my [Dungeon Maintainers] make you some new ones. I don’t want you two messing with those if you don’t need to. One second.”

Lifting up his arms, he focused on the bins and activated [Salvage Materials], which left him with a pile of small metal bars that were a good bit shorter than the bins had been and a pile of rusty bits that were unusable. Closing his eyes, he reached through his bond to Do and gave the fiend his orders.

“Now let’s get you some more slimes,” he said.

“About that,” Cooper said. “Would it be possible for us to pick them out ourselves? My sister and I recently got the [Slime Wrangler] class, and we have a skill that will help us find the best ones.”

Vee shrugged. “I don’t have any problems with that. So long as you don’t pick any of the floating ghost slimes, the entire herd is yours for the picking. Follow me, and I’ll take you to the menagerie.”

With the twins behind him, the [Dungeon Master] headed deeper into Westown, making his way past dozens of freshly blooming flowers over to Kai’s domain. The air was warm and the smell of pollen faint in the air, and Vee’s mood improved with his every step.

Main Character Sheets:

Vee Vales

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 32

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 23

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 6

Might: 15

Wit: 39 (+1)

Faith: 26

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 15

Plotting: 19

Charisma: 16

Devious Mind: 27

Leadership: 22

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 10

Citizenship: 23

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 4

Persuasiveness: 5

Bargaining: 3

Patience: 2

Competitive Spirit: 1

Pragmatism: 1

<3<3 Infatuation <3<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Specialist (Self), Level 5

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 18

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 18

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 11 (+1)

Might: 58

Wit: 15

Faith: 29

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 30

Intimidating Presence: 14

Heart of a Champion: 14

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Vigilance: 10

Vanity: 2

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ??

#$&Q#$)(@#$#@#$%!@#$##%#%()@#$**@@##

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 41

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 20 (+1)

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 11

Additional Class: Hyperthymesiac (Self), Level 5

Might: 1

Wit: 37

Faith: 17

Ambition: 28

Greed: 24

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 42

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 46

Patience: 11

Irritability: 24

Remorsefulness: 17

Expository Prowess: 23

#%$Pragmatism*#$: @#61$5

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 9