Dungeons Are Bad Business

Alforde woke before sunrise and headed outside, doing his best to stay quiet as he crept across the room to keep from waking Vee. He stopped when his right knee made a loud squealing noise and looked over at his friend. The [Dungeon Master] simply rolled over and Alforde thanked his lucky stars. There were times he thought his friend would have happily slept through a dragon attack, though with any luck Alforde wouldn’t ever get the chance to find out. There hadn’t been a dragon attack on the continent in over forty years, thanks to the Treaty of Mcdaefus Moon.

With Slammy in his gauntlets, Alforde hurried down the stairs of the boarding house and stepped outside into they alley. And a cloud of insects. The bugs were everywhere, in a cloud so thick it might as well have been fog. Alforde shook his helmet and ignored them as best he could as he settled into his practice. However, the air felt too thick as he jabbed and swung Slammy, and Alforde turned his attention to how his armor moved instead of his technique. Closing his eyes, the [Dungeon Champion] focused on the way his limbs felt, searching for plates that weren’t moving properly. Loose spots that should have been tight, tight spots that should have been loose, that sort of thing. Whenever he found one, Alforde shifted his smoke until it was fixed, and then resumed his search for others.

The joints beneath his pauldrons were consistently too tight, but that was to be expected. Tuning a new suit of armor was a process that took time, and Alforde really didn’t have much experience with it. By remaining diligent, Alforde slowly made progress, and by the time the sun crested the horizon, he was feeling much better.

[Might +1]

[Skill reactivated: Cyclone Smash]

Alforde used the skill, reveling in the joy of the movement, and after slowing to a stop, decided that he’d done enough practicing for now.

Walking around to the front of the boarding house, Alforde saw that the bugs were just as bad in the street as they’d been in the alley. He wasn’t sure why he’d thought there’d been a chance that they wouldn’t be – the alley was where most of the area’s trash tended to pile up, but the distance between the two wasn’t far enough to really matter – but he was sad to see the critters all the same.

However, despite the clouds of insects everywhere, there was one area that stood out for being bug free: the staircase where Sculla was sitting and smoking her pipe. Alforde wondered if there was something about the smoke that deterred the pests from bothering her, or if there was some sort of other reason, but it’d be impolite to ask and so he stayed quiet as he walked over.

“You’re up pretty early,” the ogre said with a smile.

“I wanted to get some practice in before Vee woke up. Is this sort of insect infestation common here in Oar’s Crest? I’ve never seen anything like it before. Vee probably won’t want to go to Crestheart today.”

Sculla shook her head. “It’s definitely not normal. The city council has directed all the [City Guards] to investigate the cause, and the adventurer’s guild has put out bounties for anyone who can find and eliminate the source. Hopefully they can clear it up soon. Having to stare at all these tiny monsters is getting annoying.”

The ogre put her pipe back in her mouth and returned to wordlessly gazing across the street. Alforde got the message: the conversation was over. He bid Sculla a good day and went back up to the room. This time though, as the armorsoul tried to return to his corner so that he could read until Vee woke up, he accidentally caught his foot on the cabinets and the clunking noise woke his friend. The [Dungeon Master] glared at Alforde across the room.

Alforde held up a gauntlet in apology, and Vee muttered something under his breath – Alforde could only make out the word “clunker” – before rolling over and falling back asleep.

When Vee woke up properly for the day, he rubbed his eyes and looked out the window. The sky was almost black with bugs, and for a moment he thought that he was trapped in some sort of nightmare. Snapping his eyes open as hard as he could – his tried and true method for waking up from nightmares – didn’t work though, even after Vee tried it multiple times. Well, that’s probably not good.

Alforde was sitting down in his little corner of the room, flipping through the final few pages of a book. Once he turned the last page, the armorsoul closed the book, gently set it aside, and then went and retrieved the tattered journal that he’d had since Vee was a boy. Inside was a list of every book Alforde had read – or at least, most of them because sometimes he forgot to write one down – and Vee watched his friend studiously jot down his thoughts.

Yawning, Vee got up and walked over to the window. He looked up and down the street, frowning at the sight of the bugs everywhere. As he watched them buzzing all around, Vee felt the stir of an ancient human instinct.

“Let’s go to the market and see what people are saying,” said Vee after taking a shower, brushing his teeth, and putting on fresh clothes for the day. The desire to rubberneck was strong, but not strong enough to ignore personal hygiene.

Setting Reginald atop his head, Vee and Alforde left the room and headed down to the market.

As expected, others had felt the same primal instinct as Vee, and were all gathered in the square despite the bugs making it unpleasant to stand still for more than a few seconds at any given time.

Vee swatted at his face and hands as he watched the people chat for a few minutes before deciding to walk over to the nearest circle of people – five older men with thick beards and a propensity for cursing – to hear the latest news.

“I’m telling you, if those damned fools on the council think that a few lousy adventurers going down into the sewers are going to fix this, then they’re as dumb as rocks,” said one man with closely cropped white hair and a tattoo of a dagger on his forearm.

“Course they is. Thas why they’re in government, innit? Adventurers is nice, but they ain’t no real peacekeeping force. Iz just like I wuz sayin’ th’other day. We needs the [City Guards] to form up a proper bat-tal-yun to go clean the sewers out.”

A third man, who hadn’t yet spoken so far as Vee could tell, turned to the [Dungeon Master] and raised his eyebrow. “Help ya with somethin’, son?”

Vee shrank back a little bit beneath the baleful glares of the older men, but forced himself to smile. “Sorry, I was just hoping to find out what was going on.”

The tattooed man snorted. “What are you, an idiot? Don’t you see the frickin’ bugs everywhere?”

“Of course,” Vee said quickly. “I meant more along the lines of what was being done about them.”

The men were quiet for a moment, but like all good groups of older guys pissed off about something, they relished the chance to rehash the same five or six points over and over again and over the next fifteen minutes Vee got the whole story.*

It wasn’t anything particularly novel: No one knew where the bugs came from, but there were a few reasonable guesses. Most people suspected that some sort of monster had taken up residence in the sewers, though one man insisted that the bugs – and the rats – were the vengeance of a wizard who lived over in the mountains. The particular transgression that prompted such revenge was never mentioned, and Vee didn’t want to tempt fate by asking. Thanking the men for their time, Vee left one circle and headed to another.

The second circle was full of kitrekins and elkin, and they basically corroborated all of the first circle’s story, except the part about the vengeful mountain wizard. Vee breathed a sigh of relief. He’d basically taken that as a lunatic rambling along, but it was impossible to be sure. Weirder things had happened, after all.

In addition to confirming what Vee knew, the second circle also added that the adventurers were being sent into the sewer in teams of three a few blocks away. Curious as to what an adventuring job looked like in real life, Vee and Alforde headed over there to see one firsthand.

As they approached the sewer, the bugs got worse. After swallowing three or four, Vee covered his nose and mouth with his jacket, making himself look like a vampire in a play written for children.

The adventurers were standing around in little groups, talking to one another and brandishing their weapons. Most of them looked scared or angry, and while scanning the crowd, Vee saw a familiar face.

Luna was a short distance from the entrance to the sewers, bobbing up and down in the air inside some sort of floating pumpkin-shaped contraption. In her hands was a striped spear that looked suspiciously like her hat. Only lance-y-er. Her hair was lighter than Vee remembered, and was accented with streaks of orange and gold. Even through the haze of the bugs, she was beautiful.

I’m not going to run away this time. Taking a deep breath, Vee forced himself to start walking over. Luna turned to him and smiled, and had it not been for a sudden gauntlet on the back courtesy of Alforde, Vee would have turned around right then and there.

“Come on, lets at least go and say hi,” Alforde said. Vee tried to push himself backwards, but Alforde’s gauntlet didn’t budge.

Luna waved at him, and surprisingly, Vee found his steps growing more confident as he drew closer. Careful to keep from nodding, Vee waved back. No wave-nod today.

Standing next to Luna was a girl that looked oddly familiar, though Vee was pretty sure that he hadn’t met her before. She was wearing a simple gray shirt with trousers that looked a little too big for her – though they probably would have fit Luna just fine – and her jet black hair was bundled in a tight bun that rested atop her head. She wore tall boots that almost reached her knees and carried two small sticks in her hands that she nervously fiddled with. She smelled like bitter flowers, and something in the perfume must have been unpleasant to the bugs, because they didn’t bother landing on her.

“Vee! Alforde! It’s good to see you guys,” Luna said once the [Dungeon Master] and [Dungeon Champion] were close enough for talking. “These bugs are something else, huh?”

“Sure are,” Vee said. He paused and swatted at one on his upper arm. It was a perfect moment for a bit of self-coaching. You can do this, Vee. It’s just talking!

“So, uh, are you here to try and find the cause of the infestation?” Smooth as a hot knife through butter.

Luna nodded, and when she looked at him, Vee noticed that there were tiny golden pumpkins in the center of her pupils. For a few seconds, their gazes remained locked. Luna looked away first with a small smile on her face.

“We’re here to collect the bounty. I’m pretty confident that it’s a blightbeast of some kind,” the [Pumpkin Witch] said as she swatted at a fly landing on her cheek. “It smells like one, anyways.”

“Do…do blightbeasts have a distinct scent?” the girl next to Luna asked. “I don’t smell anything.”

She looked genuinely disappointed, and Vee briefly considered telling her to lay off the perfume, but wisely elected to keep his mouth shut. He felt Reginald’s brim tighten around his skull, but it only lasted for a second.

Luna shrugged. “I wouldn’t worry about not noticing it, Hanako. I didn’t smell anything near blightbeasts either until after I…until after I went out and hunted some blightbrutes a while back.”

The [Pumpkin Witch] was prevented from saying anything else by a loud yelling voice.

“TWENTY-SEVEN! TEAM NUMBER TWENTY-SEVEN, YOU’RE UP!”

Luna looked at a piece of paper in her hand. “Oh, that’s us!” she said. “Let’s go Hanako! Take care of yourselves, Vee, Alforde! Hopefully we’ll get rid of these little jerks soon!”

Vee bid them farewell and watched them walk over to the squat man next to the sewer entrance. Luna held up her piece of paper and the man bent down to squint at it. Then he pointed at Luna and Hanako and shook his head before holding up three fingers. Luna held up her hands, but the man shook his head once again and the [Pumpkin Witch] put her hands on her hips. Her spear floated in the air on its own.

Alforde tapped Vee’s shoulder. “We should go see what’s going on,” the armorsoul said.

Vee nodded and they made their way over to where Luna was arguing with the man.

“Why does it matter that we don’t have three people? I’m more than strong enough to handle anything that’s down there. It’s just a blightbeast. I could handle it by myself!”

“Rules are rules, Luna. I know you’re strong, but the guild’s policy is that sewer teams need to be three or more. If something happened to you two down there and it came out that I was the one who let you in without a third team member, it’d be my butt in the fire. I’m not trying to make an enemy of the Maluw family. And yes, girl, before you act all surprised, I know exactly who you are. You look just like your dad. Does he know you’re out here? Didn’t think so. If you’re going to try and take adventuring jobs incognito, you should really buy a mask or something.”

Luna clasped her hands in front of her face and pleaded. “Isn’t there any way you can bend the rules? The bounty is really, really good!”

“Not a chance. No third party member, no entrance.”

Luna cursed and turned around. Vee had an idea. He reached up and rapped his knuckles on Alforde’s side.

“Join up with her.”

The armorsoul looked down at him. “What?”

“I said, go and join up with her. I’d do it myself, but you know I am when it comes to fighting. Besides, this will be a chance for you to get some practice with your new body.”

Alforde was quiet for a moment, then nodded and stepped forward.

[Leadership +1]

“Excuse me,” Alforde said. “Would you be willing to let them enter if I joined their party?”

The man looked up at the armorsoul and rubbed his chin. “You’re the [Dungeon Champion], aren’t you? Technically I’m not supposed to let in anybody who isn’t a member of the guild, but I figure you can probably handle yourself. If you want to be their third, it’s fine by me.”

Luna grinned at Alforde and grabbed her lance out of the air. “Thanks so much! Are you really sure that you want to come with us though? It’s not going to be much fun.”

“It’s going to stink,” Hanako muttered.

Alforde shrugged and gripped Slammy with both hands. “Smells don’t much bother me, and if we get into any fights it’ll be a good chance for me to get more used to my new armor. I’m happy to come along. But you shouldn’t just thank me. It was Vee’s idea.”

Luna looked at Vee and grinned at him. Vee felt his cheeks growing warm, and was grateful for the bit of jacket covering his face.

“Are you going to come along too?”

Vee shook his head. “I’d only slow you three down and give you all something else to worry about. Fighting really isn’t my strong suit.”

The [Pumpkin Witch] looked disappointed once again, and a strange bravery filled Vee’s body.

“But I’ll wait here until you get back!” he blurted out. “We can go out for a drink afterwards or something. My treat.”

A second that felt like it lasted for an eternity passed, and Vee’s heart threatened to beat out of his chest.

Hanako scowled at him. “I’m not old enough to drink,” she said. “And we’ll smell once we get back. We’re going into a sewer, not a rose garden.”

Luna gently shoved the younger girl.

“Quiet you. This is what adventuring is. Sometimes you get dirty. And a drink, huh? I’d like that. We’ll see you in a little while, Vee.”

She really was very pretty, and Vee was glad that he didn’t need to say anything else. He didn’t trust himself with words just then.

As the newly-formed party entered the sewer, Alforde looked back and gave the [Dungeon Master] a thumbs up.

Vee beamed.

[Guts +1]

*Or at least, a profanity-laced gist.

Main Character Sheets:

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 22

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 12

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 4

Might: 9

Wit: 28

Faith: 18

Adventurousness: 6

Ambition: 9

Plotting: 13

Charisma: 6

Devious Mind: 13

Leadership: 13 (+1)

Guts: 9 (+1)

Intimidating Presence: 7

Citizenship: 6

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Afficionado (Self), Level 18

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 11 (+1)

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 10

Additional Class: Clunker (Vee Vales), Level 3

Might: 18 (+1)

Wit: 10

Faith: 24

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 7

Endurance: 12

Intimidating Presence: 9

Heart of a Champion: 2

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 3

Vigilance: 4

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 35 (-1)

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 8

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 4

Might: 1

Wit: 27

Faith: 9

Ambition: 25

Greed: 21

Deceptiveness: 30

Manipulat#$%@: &8

F%^*#@: ~

[*#&$#*#&$--#@$--]

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 2