Dungeons Are Bad Business

With the sound of hammer blows loud in his helmet, Alforde looked down at his new gauntlets and squeezed his fingers into fists. He did this several times, displeased by the sound. Something didn’t feel right. No matter how he tried to pinpoint the issue though, he could find no defects to blame for his discomfort. The palm pieces didn’t scrape against each other, and the knuckle joints were well-lubricated, but they just felt wrong.

Or, well, wrong wasn’t the right word. Weird was probably more accurate, but still not perfect. It was strange, the way words could come so close to capturing what exactly he was feeling but never quite get there. Alforde shook his new helmet and inwardly cringed. That felt…not right either.

“You look great,” Glenda said from behind him. He turned and saw that the [Armorer] was beaming with pride. Looking at himself in the mirror, Alforde couldn’t blame her for it.

His new frostnickel body was incredible. He was roughly three inches taller than he’d been before, and where his old armor had been rotund and bulbous, his new frame was angular and sleek. This was visible in his arms and legs, but was most noticeable in his torso, which was distinctly tapered. The armorsoul quite liked the way that the light reflected off the interlocking plates of his chest and back. He looked like one of the [Divine Knights] from the tapestries! Minus the wings, obviously…but a cape would fix that! Maybe…but even if it didn’t perfectly complete the look, it’d still be sweet! Heck yeah, upgrades!

However, despite how much he liked it, Alforde had to accept the reality that his new body would take some time to get used to. He just didn’t feel quite like himself.

That was mostly because of the stat and skill penalties.

[Change is good…but also bad!]

[Might -10]

[NOTICE: This loss is temporary. Train yourself and adapt to your new form to recover your stats.]

[Warning, because you no longer meet the requirements to use them, the following skills are unavailable:]

[Cyclone Smash]

[Unstoppable Charge]

[Give No Ground]

[But not all is lost.]

[Intimidating Presence +2]

Alforde groaned. Knowing that the penalties were temporary took some of the sting out of it, but it was going to take a lot of work before he was capable of doing his job properly again. And it wasn’t like he had months or years to dilly-dally around with it either; Vee was still on the clock for repaying Sacre. There’s no way I’m letting Vee fall behind on his payments because of me.

He flexed his entire body, moving his smoke around in the armor’s joints and plates, trying to will himself to think of it as normal. It’d been….ten years, seven months, twenty-two days, six hours and fourteen minutes since he’d last changed his full set. Or had it been ten years, seven months, twenty-three days, six hours and fifteen minutes? Whatever. Close enough.

He looked back at his old armor, laying on the floor of Glenda’s shop. It was a strange experience, to be looking at the thing you still thought of as your body while standing inside your new one. He kept expecting to blink and be back inside his old armor.

Alforde shook his helmet. That feeling would be the first to pass, so there was no point in dwelling on it. He idly wondered how other armorsouls handled the experience. Like most things, it was probably tempered by how often one changed form. There were some who liked to swap their bodies every year or two in a constant attempt to remain at the forefront of armor design and efficiency.

However, Alforde had spent his formative years around the other armorsouls at the Vales manor, and they’d all been traditionalists. Most of them kept their bodies for decades, and Elukaiser – the family’s oldest and most powerful armorsoul – had been in hers for over a century.

Thinking about Elukaiser made Alforde briefly miss his life back in Bardis. Things had been so simple back then, when his only worry was watching how the old [Vales Vanguard] carried herself and trying to emulate it as best he could. Though he hadn’t cared for her ruthless dedication to rules, he’d admired her dedication to Vee’s father and the way she always seemed to know what the old man was thinking. I’m still a long way away from that. Vee is more…mercurial than his father. He’s got too much of his mother in him.

But that wasn’t a bad thing. If Vee had taken more after Hawthorne, he wouldn’t have tried to stop Norog in the dungeon. Thanks to his…unique relationship with pain, his fight with the ogre was more than a little fuzzy, but he definitely remembered his best friend's tear-streaked face as he’d flailed against the adventurer’s back.

Enough brooding. That was Vee’s thing! Taking a step back away from the mirror, Alforde bounced up and down. He was so light! It felt like his boots were wreathed in clouds, and it took almost no effort for his smoke to move his arms. He did a bit of shadowboxing to get a feel for the pay his gauntlets and pauldrons stretched on each blow, and then gave Glenda a thumbs-up.

“This is really amazing. I don’t know how I can ever thank you.”

The [Armorer] laughed as she massaged her left shoulder. “The gold fleurs you gave me do a pretty good job. Hey, Jared! How’s the hammer coming along?”

When her husband didn’t answer, Glenda held up a single finger and went to the back. The hammer grew quiet and Alforde heard Glenda chuckle. When she came back out, she held up her hands in a what-can-you-expect pose and shook her head.

“Sorry, but he says it’s going to be another day or so. That modification you asked for turned out to be trickier than he thought, but he promises that he’s on the right track.”

“Oh, that’s fine. It’s not a problem at all,” said Alforde. “I’ll come by and pick it up tomorrow then.”

The armorsoul looked back at the forge, and wondered if there was any way he could inconspicuously make his way over there and sneak a peek at the weapon as it was made. No, he couldn’t do that; looking at a weapon while it was being forged was bad luck for anyone but the one making it. There were tons of books about that very thing!

Bowing to Glenda and thanking her once more, Alforde left the armor and weapon shop and started heading for The Grinning Pig, where he’d agreed to meet Vee and Reginald.

He passed a young man on the street, or rather, he would have passed a young man on the street if said individual hadn’t scurried to the other side of the road. That hadn’t ever happened before.

Vee steepled his hands as he sat down at the table. “We’ve got to come up with a way to get adventurers in the door while you recover,” he said. “Otherwise, we’ll burn through our surplus too fast and not be able to keep up with the repayment. Any ideas?”

The trio bounced a few things back and forth, but nothing really stuck. The problem was that apparently most adventurers came to Crestheart for a chance at testing their skills against a strong opponent without the risk of serious injury or death. They weren’t as interested in the floors or the puzzles or traps. It seemed like a peculiar mentality.

“In some ways, that’s probably a good sign,” Reginald said. “That means we can go ahead and change the floors up as often as we want, since we know people won’t really mind.”

“Yeah, that’s true, though it’s a lot more work for us,” said Vee. “I was planning to make some tweaks once we got the skeletons all equipped and ready to go, but we might as well start thinking about what those look like now. I don’t know where to start though.”

“Let’s make a list,” Reginald said. “We’ll go over our strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats, and then once we have them all written down, we can come up with a plan to make tangible improvements.”

Before they could start though, they were interrupted by Big Simon, who’d brought Vee’s potato and bacon soup topped with garlic bread croutons. The [Dungeon Master] tucked in, and the burly kitrekin admired Alforde’s new look.

“Those pauldrons are so cool! I love the spikes on your arms too. You’re going to strike fear into the hearts of every adventurer who walks in the dungeon doors. I’m glad to see you bouncing back so quickly.”

He clapped Alforde on the arm, but recoiled immediately with a yelp. He frantically licked his paw. “Man, the air around you is cold now! Guess that frostnickel is more potent than I gave it credit for, huh?”

Alforde shook his helmet. “Really? I didn’t notice anything. Vee? Do you feel any difference?”

Vee, however, was staring at his soup spoon with furrowed eyebrows. Ignoring his friend’s question, he lifted the spoon right up to his eye and squinted at it. With a wrinkled nose, he held the utensil out to the kitrekin.

“Is this what I think it is?”

Big Simon looked at the spoon and tried to pretend not to be bothered, but he couldn’t totally keep himself from letting out a small hiss. “What do you think it is?” he asked.

“A bug of some sort. That’s a wing and a pair of legs, right?”

Simon looked at it. “Could be a strange piece of pepper,” he said, but his heart wasn’t in it and after a moment’s hopeful glance at the [Dungeon Master], the kitrekin offered to bring out a replacement meal.

The friends resumed their SWOT Analysis* of Crestheart, but stopped again for Vee’s replacement bowl of soup. However, this one too had insects in it, and Vee declared his appetite officially lost for the night.

“I’m truly sorry about this,” Big Simon said. “There’s been a massive influx in vermin and pests lately. All the restaurants in town are struggling to keep their kitchens clean. We do better with the rodents than most,” – here the kitrekin puffed out his chest a little bit – “but we can’t do anything about the insects. Let me give you a full refund, and the next time you guys come in you’ll eat for free, okay?”

*See Author’s Note for more details on what this is!

After reassuring Big Simon that they’d be back soon, the trio packed up their notes and left the diner. Continuing to bounce ideas off of each other, they made their way back to Sculla’s.

Before they could go up to their room though, the ogre stopped them and pointed across the street at the trio of boxes stacked beneath the tree.

“Take those down to the usual spot,” she said as she blew a wide smoke ring and sent a trio of smaller rings through it. If she noticed or cared about Alforde’s change in appearance, she didn’t say anything.

Vee stood near the steps while he waited for Alforde to go and take the boxes down to the strange nook at the bottom of the boarding house where Sculla kept all of her mysterious packages. He smiled at her and tucked his hands into his pockets, rocking back and forth on his tiptoes to ward off the evening’s chill.

Alforde bent down to the first box and tried to pick it up. He struggled a little bit – that was unusual – but managed to lift it to his chest. Wobbling back and forth, the armorsoul disappeared into the darkness.

“It’s going to take some time before he’s back to normal,” Sculla said. It took Vee a moment to realize that she was talking about Alforde. “He’s having a tough time with the change. I can see it in the way he moves.”

“I know, but he can take as long as he needs,” Vee said as Alforde came back up and struggled with the second box more than the first. “I’ll make things work until then.”

“That’s good to hear,” said Sculla. She took another long drag from her pipe and leaned back. “I was worried that you’d force him back to his duties before he was ready for them.”

“What makes you think I would do that?” Vee asked.

Sculla shrugged. “Nothing in particular. It’s just that some people don’t think of armorsouls as anything more than—”

“I’m not one of them. Alforde’s my best friend.”

Sculla blew another set of smoke rings. This time she made two big ones and sent a half dozen small ones through them both. “Didn’t say you were. You’re a good person Vee, and that’s important. Now go ahead and run along. We both know you’re not going to be much use for picking up that last box.”

Vee laughed and started to head in. Before he could make it too far though, Sculla spoke up again.

“Oh hey, before you go, take this.”

He turned and the ogre tossed him a small silver ring.

“Make sure you wear that whenever you’re not in your room, okay?”

“Why? What’s it for?”

“Let’s just say that it’s my way of looking out for you and hope you don’t have to find out, okay?”

Vee wanted to ask more questions, but the ogre gave him a look that he knew well. She was finished talking for the night.

When he slid the ring onto his finger, Vee felt like he was sitting in front of a roaring fire. He bowed his head to the ogre and thanked her for the gift, and then made his way back up to his room.

Main Character Sheets:

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 22

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 11

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 4

Might: 9

Wit: 28

Faith: 18

Adventurousness: 6

Ambition: 9

Plotting: 13

Charisma: 5

Devious Mind: 13 (-2)

Leadership: 12

Guts: 8

Intimidating Presence: 7

Citizenship: 6

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Afficionado (Self), Level 17

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 10

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 10

Additional Class: Clunker (Vee Vales), Level 3

Might: 15 (-10) (TEMPORARY)

Wit: 10

Faith: 24

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 7

Endurance: 11

Intimidating Presence: 9 (+2)

Heart of a Champion: 2

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 3

Vigilance: 4

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 36

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 8

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 3

Might: 1

Wit: 27

Faith: 9

Ambition: 25

Greed: 21

Deceptiveness: 30

Manipulat#$%@: &8

F%^*#@: ~

[*#&$#*#&$--#@$--]

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 2