Dungeons Are Bad Business

Maluw stormed into the room and headed for Reginald. He looked like he was expecting a fight. The sphere of light in his hand crackled and sent sparks in every direction, and you didn’t have to be a [Psychic] or a [Fortune Teller] to see what the man intended. He held the orb like an [Exorcist] might hold up a holy symbol inside a den of monsters. Though it wasn’t raining, he was veritably drenched, and beads of water flowed from the strands of hair plastered to his forehead before running down his face. Looking closer, Vee saw that it was in fact not water, but oil. He wasn’t sure if that was better or worse.

Hopping up, Vee stepped in front of the mad [Enchanter] and held up his hands to block his path. “Whoa, Mister Maluw, let’s take it easy and make sure that nobody does anything they’ll soon regret.”

Looking around the man’s side, Vee met Alforde’s eyes and wiggled his eyebrows for all he was worth. If this guy doesn’t calm down, knock him out, okay?

As he did not have eyebrows, Alforde could not return the gesture directly, but the armorsoul’s head slid down a fraction of an inch and his forge-colored eyes seemed to glow ever brighter.

“Why don’t you tell us what brings you here?” Vee said. “I think that’d be a good place to start.”

Maluw thrust his empty hand over Vee’s arm and pointed at Reginald as if calling out a thief in a crowded bazaar. “The spirit inside that hat is evil, and dangerous! He broke free of my family’s seal and if he’s allowed to roam as he pleases, the city will fall in a matter of weeks!”

The [Enchanter] tried to push by Vee, but the little [Dungeon Master] dug his feet into the ground as best he could and managed to stay in approximately the same place.

“Step aside, Mister Vales,” Maluw snarled. “You do not know the danger that you put yourself and our city in by keeping company with such a vile creature! He needs to be resealed or destroyed!”

“Sorry, I can’t let you do that,” Vee said. “Reginald’s a pain in the butt sometimes and he doesn’t know when to shut up, but he’s my [Majordomo] and what sort of boss would I be if I let my underlings get destroyed in front of me? I’m afraid you’ll have to go through me, and all that.”

[Leadership +1]

Maluw’s eyes glinted and he seemed to glow a little bit. The sphere grew bigger in his hand. “Then I’ll do just that. You truly believe that you can stop me?”

“Well, not by myself. I’m not really the uh, physical confrontation type. But I’ve got a guy for that! Alforde, a little help here!”

With precision that bordered on delicate, Alforde reached up and thumped Maluw on the back of the head. The [Enchanter] stopped in his tracks and fell to the ground like the proverbial puppet with its strings cut. Vee hurried to craft some ectoplasm ropes like he had for Seidon’s [Bodyguards], and wrapped them around Maluw as quick as he could.

Turning to Reginald, Vee folded his arms across his chest.

“Well, we probably have a few minutes before he wakes up. Anything you’d care to share with us? Perhaps a reason why a wealthy man I’ve met only once is here in the middle of the night claiming that you’re evil and dangerous? That’d be a good place to start, I think.”

Reginald shimmied back and forth a little bit. “It’s all a big misunderstanding,” the hat spirit said.

Vee waited, and when Reginald didn’t continue, he scooped the hat up so that he could look right into his [Majordomo]’s eyes. “That’s all you’re going to say? I’m going to need a few more of the details on that one, friend. Oh, and while I’m at it. [Detect Lie], [Detect Falsehood].”

Maluw gave a grunt and opened his eyes. Displaying an impressive abdominal strength, he rolled over and sat up despite not being able to move his arms. “Stupid [Defend Against Spirits]. I always thought that skill took away an unacceptably high amount of physical resistance.” He flexed his arms, and to Vee’s horror, broke the ectoplasm ropes as if they were nothing. “But I guess it has its uses.”

He seemed much saner as he took to his feet once more and reconjured his sphere of light. This time though, he was sufficiently wary of Alforde and refrained from making his way towards Vee’s hat.

“Reginald claims that this is all a big misunderstanding,” Vee said.

“Hah, of course he would,” Maluw said. “You cannot believe a word he says!”

Vee shook his head. “I don’t know who or what to believe because neither of you will tell me what this is all about.”

No one said anything for a moment, and then Maluw and Reginald both spoke at the same time.

“He’s a body snatching evil spirit.”

“Every member of his family has a screw loose.”

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere,” said Vee. “A body snatching spirit, you say? Please, do tell.”

“You can’t believe that! I only—” Reginald said, but Vee held up a finger and silenced him.

“Mister Maluw? If you’d be so kind.”

Maluw had a bit of that manic gleam back in his eyes, but it seemed more tempered now and less wild. He wiped away a fat bead of oil that was dripping down his cheek and then cleared his throat.

“Mister Vales, I assume that you don’t know much about my family. We have been [Enchanters] in Oar’s Crest for generations, empowering items to make them more powerful or giving them unique properties. It’s good work, and we’re good at it. Despite the rest of the city’s hardships, the House of Maluw has always done well for itself.”

“But none of you would dream to lift a finger to help anyone else,” Reginald muttered. Vee glared at him and he shut up once more.

Maluw had clearly heard the barb, but didn’t respond to it. Instead, he continued as if he hadn’t stopped speaking. “However, that is not the only service that we provide the people of this city. Our other calling is more grim and can be extremely dangerous.”

“And that calling is, what, exactly?”

“We protect the city from [Vampires], [Werebeasts], and evil spirits,” Maluw said. “That spirit, Reginald as you call him, was sealed in a core by my great-grandfather after possessing a high-ranking member of the city council. Now, it seems that he’s broken free, and it is my duty as the head of House Maluw to see him sealed once again or destroyed.”

Vee turned to Reginald. “You possessed a city council member?”

“It’s not what you think! I was only trying to help the city.”

Vee closed his eyes and checked his skills. Neither [Detect Lie] nor [Detect Falsehood] showed any indication that Reginald wasn’t being honest. That was…a little unexpected, to tell the truth.

“Go on,” he said.

“I’ve been around a long, long time,” Reginald said. “My first master summoned me to this world around…two hundred and ten years ago. Give or take. I was here when Oar’s Crest was a beacon of industry and culture for the rest of the continent, and I hated seeing it all fall to squalor and disrepair. For decades, I could do nothing but watch various councils form and claim that they were going to rebuild the economy, or help the people, only for none of them to ever come close to accomplishing what they promised. They simply lined their own pockets, oftentimes with the help and explicit approval of the remaining noble houses. Including yours, Maluw.”

“That’s a lie,” Maluw said, but there was something in his tone that didn’t seem totally sure.

“It’s Gawain’s own truth. The things I could tell you about your ancestors would make your hair stand on end. But that’s not why you’re here. You’re here because eventually I got fed up with watching my city die and decided to do something about it. I don’t deny that I possessed a council member, but I won’t apologize for it either. I simply did as I thought I had to do. The experience was unpleasant, and though I doubt you’ll believe me, I have no intention of ever possessing another body. I’m satisfied with my current status and position. Being a hat suits me. If it’ll make you feel better, you can come to Crestheart and repair the seal yourself, but I’m not going back into that core.”

For the first time, Maluw looked shaken. He stared at his sphere of light, and then back at Reginald. He muttered something to himself that Vee couldn’t hear. When he finally looked back at Vee, he shook his head and the sphere in his hand dissipated.

“I have a hard time believing it, but he’s telling the truth,” the [Enchanter] said. “I don’t sense any evil coming from him, either. Perhaps I’ve been a little hasty. But beware, spirit, I’m keeping my eyes on you.”

“I’d expect nothing less,” Reginald said, with a hint of his usual flippant tone. “But it’s unnecessary. Working for this guy is fun. I want to see how he develops Crestheart.”

With a stiff bow and an apology, Maluw promised to visit Crestheart in the near future and repair the damage to the core’s seal. He assured Vee that doing so wouldn’t affect the core’s ability to power the dungeon, and then left. Once he was gone, Vee put Reginald back down on the table. Alforde walked over and sat down too. Everyone was quiet for a second.

“So, you promise that you’re not trying to steal my body?” Vee said. He was relieved that Reginald hadn’t turned out to be the monster Maluw had claimed, but his own thoughts and doubts about Reginald’s motivations weren’t totally settled either. He too would keep a closer eye on his [Majordomo].

“It wouldn’t do me any good to do that,” Reginald said. “The whole reason I took the council member’s body was that I thought I knew how to revive the city better than they did. Obviously, I didn’t. After being sealed, I offered my services to some others too, but their plans didn’t come to fruition either. Like me, they could only see Oar’s Crest for what it had once been. They didn’t have any vision for the future. That’s why I threw my lot in with you, boss.”

“Because you think I have some grand plan for the future?”

“Not at all,” Reginald said with a chuckle. “But you’re not shackled to the past either. You see things differently than other people do.”

“That’s thanks to [Big Picture],” Vee said.

Reginald quivered. “It doesn’t matter why you do it, it just matters that you do. I promise that I’m not trying to take your body. I can’t even use [Possession] anymore. Too many decades inside that rock.”

Once again, [Detect Lie] and [Detect Falsehood] showed nothing amiss.

“I’ll take your word on it,” Vee said, “but if you make me mad enough, I’ll go running to Maluw as fast as my feet can carry me.”

He was smiling as he said it though and so Reginald and Alforde laughed. Vee looked at the clock. It was just after two in the morning, and while he was revved up and awake thanks to the adrenaline coursing through his body, he knew that he needed to rest before the next day’s return to the dungeon. After bidding his friends a good night, Vee climbed back into his bed and tried to go back to sleep.

It took a little while, but he succeeded eventually.

The next morning, Vee woke up to the sound of Alforde’s morning practice out in the alley below. Well, technically, he woke up to the sound of Mr. Watson’s angry screaming about Alforde’s training regimen. Vee resolved to buy the man a nice basket of bread or something as a means of apology. Picking up his handbook, Vee went downstairs and collected his [Dungeon Champion].

“I’m not going to lose a single match today,” Alforde said as they started walking. “I’m feeling great!”

Vee didn’t respond. He was keenly aware of Reginald’s weight on his head as he looked at the buildings on the way to the Westown gate. Reginald had been here back when the city was prosperous? What must it be like to look at places you once knew and see how far they’d fallen?

“It’s not particularly fun,” Reginald said. “Sorry, didn’t mean to listen in like that. Go ahead and muse in peace.”

Vee was about to ask for more details – if the hat was reading his thoughts, he might as well have a conversation and learn something interesting – but was stopped by his need to pay his orchestra’s upkeep. Grimacing, he instructed Dheart to dispense the required cubes of ectoplasm. He checked his stores. He hadn’t refined any yesterday with all of the opening day events, and while his stash was big enough that he could go for a week or more without making more, he didn’t want to be find himself a victim of circumstances that led to losing his orchestra. The fiends were growing more interesting by the day. I’ll refine some cubes as soon as I get up to the office. There should be enough time for a batch or two before the first adventurer for the day arrives.

Once they were through the gate and heading towards Crestheart, Vee felt like he was kicking pieces of trash out of his way every few steps. The celebrations yesterday had generated plenty of their own debris, and none of the vendors or attendees had thought to clean up after themselves. Some of the gunk was wet and it all smelled terrible.

“This street is disgusting!” Vee said, fed up. “I can’t take all this trash anymore. Adventurers aren’t going to come to our dungeon if they have to walk through a garbage dump to get there. We’re going to clean this street up until you can eat off it.”

But when? There was still so much work to do after running the dungeon each day, Vee didn’t know how he’d find the time. Plus, though he hated to admit it, he wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of going out and doing the work himself.

“Why not have the orchestra do it?” Reginald said. “They’d be great at getting rid of the trash. They don’t get tired, they don’t sleep, and I’m pretty sure they don’t have a sense of smell or the ability to get grossed out.”

Vee grinned. “Now that’s a good idea.” He closed his eyes and started giving each section of the orchestra new orders.

“One thing though,” Reginald said. “You should probably direct them to only clean at night. Even with the uniforms you gave them, most people will probably be able to tell that they’re fiends, and we don’t want any misunderstandings.”

Opening his eyes, Vee nodded. “Fair point. I’ll tell the fiends to wait until after sunset to start cleaning the streets.”

[Ambition +1]

[Congratulations! By resolving to clean up your street, you and all spirits bound to you can now earn points in Citizenship! Citizenship +3]

“Well, now that’s something, isn’t it?”

“It sure is,” Reginald said. Vee couldn’t see it, but he was pretty sure the hat was grinning.

Character Sheets:

Vee Vales:

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 15

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 6

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 1

Might: 6

Wit: 23

Faith: 12

Adventurousness: 8

Ambition: 7 (+1)

Plotting: 6

Charisma: 3

Devious Mind: 8

Leadership: 7 (+1)

Guts: 4

Intimidating Presence: 3

Citizenship: 3 (+3)

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Afficionado (Self), Level 13 (+1)

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 8

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 7

Additional Class: Clunker (Vee Vales), Level 4

Might: 26

Wit: 10

Faith: 24

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 5

Endurance: 8

Intimidating Presence: 7

Heart of a Champion: 2

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 1 (+1)

Reginald:

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 29

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 4

Might: 1

Wit: 24

Faith: 3 (+1)

Ambition: 23 (+1)

Greed: 18

Deceptiveness: 32 (-2)

E$@$: $%

[-------------------------]

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 1 (+1)