Dungeons Are Bad Business

The sound of an explosion rocked the hallway and Dart jumped back at the sound. He snapped his hand up to grab hold of his cavalier hat so that it didn’t fly off his head and watched as a door about halfway down the hall opened up. A great gout of black smoke billowed out, and a pair of slightly singed [Alchemists] followed it.

One of them, a brunette woman with smoldering hair and streaks of ash all over her face, wheezed and turned to her companion.

“Make sure that the rest of the team is made aware that reagents fourteen and ninety-two have such an explosive reaction when the third roll of [Random Factors] goes awry,” she said before a fit of coughing kept her from being able to say any more.

Dart met the other woman’s eyes and fell forward in a sweeping bow as they passed.

“Mesdames, seeing what terrible shape you two are in, I humbly –“

“We don’t need your help, weirdo,” said the second [Alchemist] with a sneer. Dart stood back up, confused. He noticed the way she scowled at his {Cuirass} and {Foldover Boots}, and gave her a sheeptish grin.

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding,” Dart said. “I was simply going to ask you for directions. I’m an applicant for the [Dungeon Champion] position, but I’m afraid I cannot find the interview chamber. I’m worried that I’ll be late if I don’t get there soon and miss my interview.”

This caused the second [Alchemist] to stop, and her cheeks reddened slightly with embarrassment.

“Wait, you’re not trying to hit on us?”

Dart shook his head. “That is correct. While I’m sure you both are lovely…in your own special ways…neither of you are particularly pleasant to look at right now. Besides, my heart is cheerfully pledged to another. If you could simply tell me which way it is to the interview room, I would be truly grateful and leave you to your business.”

“You’re not going to offer us any assistance? Can’t you see we’re injured?”

Dart thought about how long he’d already been wandering around Sapphirica’s hallways and shook his head once more. “Under different circumstances I wouldn’t allow anything to stop me from doing so, but sadly I’m rather in a hurry.”

The first [Alchemist] moaned and opened her eyes. With another cough, she pointed down the hallway. “Take a left up ahead and then continue until you see a painting of a shipwreck. Turn right there and follow that hallway until you see three masks filled with crystal roses. The interview room is right next to them, and you should see the other applicants.”

Dart bowed again and left the [Alchemists] to their business. Whatever they’d gotten into was rather nasty, by the look of it. Hopefully I’ll have better luck than they did.

He quickened his pace as he followed the directions, and sure enough, he soon saw three other applicants waiting next to some chairs that looked rather uncomfortable.

The first of his competitors was a big, burly elkin with madness in his eyes and an impossibly large mace that glowed green with a brand of some kind. He leaned against the wall with his muscular arms crossed over his chest and gave Dart an almost non-existent nod of acknowledgement when their eyes met. Dart looked away as the elkin’s Intimidating Presence tried to overwhelm him.

He wasn’t interested in a contest of wills in the hallway, thank you very much.

In a true testament to the “quality” of the chairs, the second competitor Dart saw was a lithe blue salamander. Based on her ornate rod and the fact that she was nuzzling a small wind tiger, she must have been a [Summoner]. She didn’t look up as Dart walked by.

The third competitor was a molten skinned infernimp, a winged being with a long whiplike tail that she kept coiled around her legs as she floated back and forth in the air. She glared at Dart, and he returned her hostility with an earnest grin. No harm in being friendly.

He figured he didn’t need to ask if it was the first interview for each of them. Based on how nervous they all seemed to be, Dart surmised that all of them were new to process of becoming a [Dungeon Champion]. Though it didn’t mean much, he felt a surge of confidence.

His own fourteen rejections had prepared him well for this moment; his own nerves were virtually non-existent. Every advantage mattered.

Since he knew that he’d be waiting for a while before it was his turn to be interviewed, he decided to make the most of his time and went through his footwork drills. After all, he knew that he was not a naturally talented fighter, and so he’d long since adopted the practice of spending his every waking minute improving himself.

His boots tapped an even rhythm against the ground as he lunged back and forth, sidestepping invisible blows. For the sake of his appearance, Dart refrained from truly pushing himself to go as quickly as he could, but there was a sheen of sweat on his forehead all the same by the time his name was called.

Taking a deep breath, Dart hurried to wipe it away as he walked into the interview room where he was greeted by the [Dungeon Master] and retiring [Dungeon Champion].

The [Dungeon Master], whose name was Hary, greeted him with a firm handshake. “Go ahead and sit down, young man. There’s no need to stand on ceremony here.”

“Thank you,” Dart said earnestly.

Cassius, the [Dungeon Champion] also reached out with his hand. However, when Dart took it, a probing surge of energy filled his body and it took all of his willpower to resist. When he chased the invading energy out with his own inner strength, Cassius chuckled.

“You’re stronger than you look,” he said.

“I try my best,” said Dart.

He handed over his full application and Hary studied it for a moment.

“What an interesting name. You’re D’artag—”

“You can just call me Dart. That’s what I prefer to go by.”

Hary paused and Dart grinned at him.

“Dart, huh? Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Do you know why we’re interviewing?”

Dart nodded and pointed to Cassius.

“You’re retiring soon, right?”

The [Dungeon Champion] smiled and stretched. He’d been in Sapphirica for almost twenty years and while he was still a formidable fighter, he’d seen the writing on the wall. Fights that he should have easily won were ending up as close calls and he was losing more and more bouts that he wouldn’t have only a few years ago.

“We’re looking for somebody who’s willing to spend the next couple years learning and growing stronger under my tutelage,” Cassius said. “Then, once ready, we’ll start having the new [Dungeon Champion] fight a few of my bouts each week, which will increase slowly over time until I’m able to go out in a blaze of glory with one final fight against a well-known adventurer. Does that sound like something you’d be interested in?”

“It does,” said Dart.

“Alright, let’s get started then. First question: why do you want to be the [Dungeon Champion] of Sapphirica?”

“For the money,” Dart answered without pause. After so many failed interviews, he was slightly tempted to make up some lie about how he wanted to test himself and improve his skills, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“That’s…an unusually frank response,” Cassius said. Hary nodded.

“I’m engaged to be married,” said Dart as he folded his hands and rested them on the table. “We need the money for the wedding.”

“Well, I can appreciate an honest man,” Hary said. “Let’s talk about your experience. You’ve worked as [Dungeon Champion] before, haven’t you?”

“I have. I was the [Dungeon Champion] of Bouldersoul for just over a year.”

Cassius frowned. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that dungeon,” he said. “Where is it?”

“It was a small dungeon over in Yalven,” Dart said. “Heist themed, but it couldn’t compete with the other dungeons in the area, so it went out of business after only a few years of operation.”

“And how many bouts did you fight while you were its champion?”

“Just over four thousand. I won almost sixty-four percent of them.”

Hary frowned at that. To be honest, the low sixties was an unacceptably low win rate for a [Dungeon Champion] to have, and as the men’s expressions changed to that polite indifference Dart had seen before, he knew that he’d just failed another interview.

A moment of panic. Should he try and salvage things with an explanation? He was torn between his belief that his record and resume should speak for itself and the desire to make clear that he’d grown and developed substantially since his time as Bouldersoul’s [Dungeon Champion].

He’d sought out and earned another class, abandoning the Might-based [Bulwark] and studiously pursing the Wit-focused skills and techniques as a [Folded Fencer] at his own expense. He’d endured grueling training, and spent almost every free moment he had getting stronger.

But would they care? If anything, his low level in [Folded Fencer] would probably be seen as another downside.

Indeed, Hary finished scanning Dart’s resume and went to put it into one of the two piles by his side. They were virtually identical, but Dart was positive that the one his resume was headed towards was the one meant to be thrown away and not considered any further.

Fifteen rejections.

Though he’d thought himself numb to the sensation of not being good enough, nausea spread throughout Dart’s stomach. Why weren’t any of them willing to ask him about the qualitative parts of the job before writing him off? Every story he’d ever heard about [Dungeon Masters] was about their tenacity, their drive, their will to win. Nobody – okay, not many people – ever mentioned their stats or their levels or anything like that. Why were those the only things interviewers ever cared about?

Hary smiled and his shoulders relaxed ever so slightly. Dart recognized this gesture too; the [Dungeon Master] had decided that the interview was over, but out of a desire to not be seen as rude, he was going to drag it out with meaningless questions and chatter for a little while longer.

“So, did you grow up Yalven?” Hary asked.

Dart nodded, but he wasn’t willing to let the interview die that easily. “Look, I know that I don’t seem like a great candidate on paper,” he said. “But I’m strong, and I know I’d do a good job as the [Dungeon Champion] here. I’m willing to learn and I’ll work harder than anybody else.”

The room was quiet for a moment, and Dart did what he could to control his breathing. Already, his mind was racing with plans for his next steps. Once he was formally rejected from Sapphirica, he’d pack up his meager belongings and leave town. He’d heard rumors about another [Dungeon Champion] position opening up north, and he’d work as a caravan guard or something while he traveled toward it.

He didn’t want to do that though and it must have shown on his face.

Cassius leaned forward and his eyes flickered with a bit of blue light.

“Unfortunately, hard work doesn’t mean much if there’s not enough talent behind it,” the [Dungeon Champion] said gently. “You have the right attitude, kid, but your numbers just aren’t there. We’d be irresponsible if we took you on to succeed me.”

“It’d be foolish,” Hary agreed. “Thanks for coming by, but I don’t think we’re a good fit for each other.”

“Don’t you even want to see what I can do?”

“That won’t be necessary.”

Dart sucked in a sharp breath and felt a familiar sickly sweet warmth spread throughout his chest. He stood up quickly and held out his hand. It was trembling, but Dart didn’t care.

“Give me a chance to prove myself,” he said. “Fight me right now and let me show you that I’d be a good successor. The measure of a [Dungeon Champion] isn’t their level, or their stats. It’s what they can do in a fight, right?”

Cassius folded his arms across his chest and grinned, but Hary shook his head.

“Listen, young man. Your bravery is commendable, but I really don’t think –“

Cassius held up a hand and the [Dungeon Master] fell quiet. The [Dungeon Champion] flexed and his fists began to glow. Water from the pitcher on the center of the table swirled around them and the [Dungeon Champion]’s eyes were veritably glowing.

“There’s no harm in letting him try, is there, Hary?”

“I guess not, he’s the last one for the day,” the [Dungeon Master] grumbled. “I’ll have you know that I won’t miss this headstrong streak of yours once your retired, though.”

“Sure you will,” Cassius said as he walked around the desk to stand on the same side as Dart. He held out his hands and a rod of swirling water formed between them.

“Now, Dart, I won’t make you any promises,” Cassius said as he met the [Folding Fencer]’s eyes. “But if you can land a solid blow on me, you’ll have spoken well for yourself.”

“Have any of the other candidates managed to do that?”

“None of them felt the need to try.”

Dart grinned and activated his skill. Pieces of paper – led by his resume – whistled through the air as they folded themselves into the shape of a blade. Dart took his weapon and settled into his stance. This wasn’t going to be an easy fight. He wasn’t strong enough to clash with Cassius at all, and his foe’s staff meant that he had to overcome a significant range disadvantage. However, he’d drilled his footwork relentlessly in recent weeks, and knew that he could find an opening if he properly controlled his spacing.

Taking a step forward, Dart probed his opponent’s guard with a quick thrust, but Cassius blocked it with ease and snapped the staff of water towards him faster than he expected. The [Dungeon Master]’s weapon found its mark – Dart’s shoulder – and the [Folded Fencer] was knocked back several steps.

He’s not expecting much from me, and that’s fine. Gritting his teeth, Dart launched himself at Cassius as fast as he could, stabbing as quickly as his arm could move. However, no matter which angle he attacked from, the other man simply seemed to shift out of the way just before the blade landed.

Cassius slipped his staff over Dart’s blade and jammed it into the young man’s stomach, knocking the wind out of the [Folded Fencer]. Dart fell to his knees, and Cassius took a step back. His eyes were filled with pity.

“You’re no match for me,” he said. “No matter how you try, you won’t be able to land a blow against me while I’m using [Be Water]. Will you gracefully accept defeat?”

Dart shook his head and forced himself back to his feet. His Heart of a Champion was kicking in, and the pain wasn’t nearly so bad anymore. His body continued growing warmer, and he snatched a few sheets of paper from the pouch he wore around his waist. If Cassius thought he’d give up without trying every trick at his disposal, the other man was dead wrong.

If winning up close wasn’t going to happen on its own, he’d create pressure from afar and forcefully create an opening.

“[Cutting Confetti]!” he cried as he threw the pieces of paper at Cassius. They split apart into smaller chunks that were each as sharp as a razor blade and peppered the [Dungeon Champion], slicing his arms and chest.

Lunging forward, Dart tried to take advantage of the distraction, but the older man was seemingly unfazed by his wounds and thrust his staff toward Dart’s head. The [Dungeon Champion] was clearly bored with the bout and wanted to end it in a single blow.

Dart wanted to laugh. That was the best outcome possible. It’s time to see that you’re not the only one with a cool dodging skill.

“[Flatten]!” he yelled as the weapon snapped toward him. His entire body compressed until Dart himself was no thicker than a sheet of paper. Since he was so flat, the strike missed him by several inches. Before his opponent could react, Dart…well, darted in so that he was well past Cassius’s guard. With an almost casual flick of his wrist, he brought his blade up to rest against the [Dungeon Champion]’s neck.

Cassius went to pull back his staff but stopped as the paper blade of Dart’s weapon nicked his skin and drew a thin line of blood.

“Looks like I win, doesn’t it?” Dart said. “I reckon that counts as a bit more than a blow, huh?”

Turning to Hary, Dart glared.

“What sort of fit do you think I am now?”

To his surprise, Hary laughed, and Cassius joined in soon after.

“You know what? I think we can make something out of you,” the [Dungeon Master] said. “That [Flatten] trick of yours won’t work more than a few times in an actual dungeon bout, but I expect you and Cassius can come up with some other strategies in the meantime.”

Dart raised an eyebrow, not daring to hope that his ear’s weren’t playing a trick on him.

“You really mean that? You’re going to hire me?”

Hary nodded and held out his hand. “You can beat Cassius. That’s good enough for me. Give me back your resume, will you? I’ve got to turn it in to the union as part of the succession hiring process.”

Cassius held out a hand and Dart shook it. There wasn’t any test of internal strength this time.

“Pleasure to have you aboard,” he said.

Dart hadn’t ever been happier.

Taking out another sheet of paper and a pen, Dart wrote a letter to his beloved right then and there.

My love,

We can get married this summer.

Dart's Character Sheet:

Dart Matisse

Primary Class: Folded Fencer (Aporthos Dutonne), Level 27

Secondary Class: Dungeon Champion (Bouldersoul), Level 24

Tertiary Class: Bulwark (Ymanie Lana), Level 1

Might: 50

Wit: 65

Faith: 57

Guts: 36

Endurance: 39

Control: 21

Heart of a Champion: 22

Ambition: 30

Agility: 31

Dexterity: 40

Determination: 50

Charisma: 18

Intimidating Presence: 22