Duelcrest Academy

«AAAAH!»

I threw myself onto the bed, unable to bear the storm of emotions caused by the words I had just uttered.

I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself.

«Love...»

Now that the word was out of my mouth, I had to face reality.

The first step was indeed to accept my feelings.

But I had to be absolutely sure of one thing before I could decide how to proceed.

"Am I really sure that what I'm feeling is love?

After all, I'd never felt anything like this before, I was completely inexperienced.

I had always turned down any advances without a second thought, so I had never even been on a date with anyone.

The only other person that came to mind when I heard the word love was Sir Aldric. But just as I told Celeste, I wasn't sure how I felt about him.

"Can I call what I feel for him love?"

I admired him so much. He was like a beacon of light to me. His story had made me realise that even an ordinary girl like me, living in a small town in the middle of nowhere, could aspire to great things in life. But...

"What I admire is just an image of him. I don't even know him!"

Also, my feelings towards the one who had been my idol were mixed at the moment because of his past in the Academy.

But in any case, even if I could call it love, it definetly wasn't the romantic kind.

As for Sophia on the other hand...

I swallowed.

"Let's change the approach, better to go by elimination."

Could what I felt for Sophia be just a very deep friendship? I had more experience of that.

"Amy..."

The friendship with her had only grown closer since we were locked in here. But...

"It's completely different from the way I feel about Sophia..."

I had thought about this many times.

I always felt comfortable with Amy, we could talk about anything, and she meant a lot to me. One of my biggest wishes was for her to be the happy, carefree girl she used to be. With Sophia, on the other hand.

"I'm not sure I feel comfortable with her."

Every moment we spent together was incredibly precious, but ....

"It's like I want something more..."

And I certainly wasn't ready to talk to her about everything with her. These hidden feelings were proof of that.

Of course I wanted her to be happy, but...

"I want her to be happy, but I want her to be happy by my side."

If that wasn't already overwhelming proof, there was something else.

I felt my cheeks burn as my thoughts went in that direction.

"Physical attraction..."

With Amy there was never a shortage of opportunities for physical contact.

She was an affectionate girl. But her hugs and caresses had never had the same effect on me as when I touched Sophia.

Suddenly a scene came back to me.

Sophia and I, on the bed in her room. Her flushed face inches from mine as we looked into each other's eyes.

"What would I do now in that situation?"

It was too much.

It was like my body was on fire and my breathing became heavy.

It took me more than ten minutes to calm down.

"I'm lucky Sophia's power isn't mind reading, she'd think I'm a creep!" I thought, panting.

There was only one last question now:

"Is it just a fleeting crush?"

But this time the answer was even simpler:

"No".

The way my thoughts kept returning to her, the fact that I would do anything to make her happy, to be by her side, and that I wanted her to be mine and mine alone.

"That... is just love."

Now, having looked inside myself, I couldn't help but accept it.

I was in love with Sophia. I wanted us to be together, not as friends, but as a couple.

And to do that... there were several obstacles I had to overcome.

First, there was the elephant in the room:

"We're both girls..."

I wasn't too surprised about finally discovering that this was my sexual orientation.

After all, it explained why I had never felt any interest in my various suitors.

Maybe if I had lived in a bigger city and known more people I would have found out sooner.

In the end, I didn't find it all that shocking. Maybe it was because I'd never given love any weight before this moment, but I wasn't as deeply shocked as I probably should have been.

And I also really didn't care what anyone else thought.

Here in the Academy, people had other things to think about. If we got out alive, I didn't think we'd have had any problems.

These kinds of relationships were certainly not common, but they were usually accepted, or at least ignored, by ordinary people.

For the nobility, well, it was a different story. For the aristocracy, marriages of convenience and ensuring heirs for their dynasties were extremely important. For this reason, same-sex relationships were frowned upon.

But Sophia, despite her aristocratic background, would certainly not have given such a thing any importance.

No, the problem was something else.

"Does she... like girls too?"

That would have been a very fortunate coincidence. After all, she was the first person I fell in love with.

And than the main issue:

"How does Sophia see me?"

I had no idea.

On the one hand, all the signals she had given me lately made me hope that she reciprocated my feelings.

"I want you to have eyes only for me..."

A sentence like that... What other explanation could there be?

Unlike in her room, when she'd whispered in my ear, this time I was sure she wasn't joking.

But there was one thing I had to consider:

"This is Sophia we're talking about..."

It was clear that the way she had been treated in the past, that girl had a great lack of affection. And now maybe she wanted me, her first friend, to give her my full attention.

"But the kind of attention I'd like to give her right now... it's not that pure," I thought.

In the end, there was only one way I could be sure.

"I have to talk to her..."

This time I would have to tell her clearly how I felt, without mincing words, to avoid misunderstandings. But...

"What if she doesn't want anything to do with me after that?"

Maybe she would feel betrayed and think I had ulterior motives for being around her.

«WHY IS EVERYTHING SO DIFFICULT?»

I knew that facing the truth would only make things more difficult. But now I couldn't go back, or every moment I spent with Sophia, pretending to be her friend, would be a lie from now on.

But there was yet another problem:

"In a situation like this... can I really allow myself to think about such things?"

It would be extremely cruel if Sophia and I got together and then I left her alone again, losing my life in this perverse game.

In the end, all these thoughts did not lead me to a concrete decision.

Fortunately, the many physical and emotional strains of that day soon allowed me to slip into the peace of sleep.

The next morning I was so deep in my own thoughts that I almost struggled to put on my uniform.

Beyond my future plans, there was now a more pressing matter:

"How do I deal with her today?"

Last night I'd practically run away after kissing her on the cheek, so I didn't know how Sophia had reacted once she'd recovered from the surprise.

"I bet she'll try to avoid me today... should I go look for her?"

But how would I have reacted to seeing her after finally accepting that I was in love?

I sighed as I opened the door to my room.

"It seems I can't get a moment's peace these days."

I was definitely right.

Sophia was already there, waiting for me, leaning against the wall.

"HUH?!"

My heart began to beat wildly as soon as our eyes met.

The girl raised a hand to greet me, but I immediately turned and slammed the door behind me.

"WHAT AM I DOING?!"

The panic I felt at this moment was much sweeter than the day before, but no less intense.

I gasped as Sophia began to knock loudly:

«Elizabeth, open this door immediately or I will break it down.»

I had no choice but to obey.

I found myself face to face with her. Sophia had a look on her face that was somewhere between amused and exasperated.

«Looks like you and I are taking turns acting like little girls, huh?»

«Heheh yeah...»

"This situation... oh no..."

I found myself backing away as Sophia made her way into my room. As the door closed behind her, I realised I was in trouble.

"I... we're alone... in my room where... last night..."

As Sophia sat down on my bed and motioned for me to sit next to her, it was as if any vestige of sanity had flown away.

"I'm in heaven... or maybe hell!"

My heart seemed to have soared so high that my throat hurt.

Finally, a little groggy from the force of those emotions, I accepted my sentence and sat down next to her.

«Don't be so nervous,» Sophia began, «I understand, I didn't really know how to deal with it last night either, but... we have to talk about it. You said it yourself, we need to be honest with each other.»

"If I were honest with you right now..."

Finally, thanks to her words, I was able to calm down a little. Sophia usually had so much trouble expressing her feelings. The fact that she had come to talk to me, instead of avoiding me as I had thought... I couldn't respond to her efforts in such a pathetic way.

«Ok, let's talk about it.»

But my decision was immediately put to the test.

Sophia put an arm over my shoulders and pulled me towards her.

«W-what a-are you doing?!»

I tried to wriggle out as Sophia held me back, forcing me to rest my head on her lap.

«Calm down! I know what I just said... but I really don't want you looking at my face right now. Last time you cheated, so... this time I will force you to look away.»

I stopped struggling against her grip. It would have been useless anyway, she was much stronger than me.

I stayed still as Sophia began to speak again, stroking my hair.

«I... Thank you for what you told me yesterday. I honestly don't think I've ever been so happy over just words...»

«Sophia...»

I tried to look up, but the girl covered my eyes with her hand.

«But I didn't think it was fair to leave you alone to say how you really feel about me, so...»

She paused a little.

«You're the most important person to me. And I don't just mean in the Academy. I mean in the whole world.

Every second I spend with you... I feel like I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing. I didn't think I had a right to be this happy, I thought my life would be a constant, desperate search for a place where I could feel comfortable with myself. The fact that I found it so quickly...»

«But don't think that any person who accepted me for who I am would be okay with me,» she went on, «it has to be you...»

She remained silent. She was waiting for me to answer.

Maybe... maybe this was the right time.

But now that she had opened her heart to me, I was too afraid of ruining everything.

«Sophia... what am I to you?»

I wanted to test the waters.

«I just told you... you are the most important person to me...»

"This answer doesn't help me understand what's going on in your head..."

I sighed.

«The same goes for me...»

«Thank you... it means everything to me.»

Sophia's hands moved, but before I could look up, the girl bent down to place her lips on my cheek.

They were extremely soft. Knowing her, it was the first time she had ever done anything like that.

«You thought I'd let you get away with it, didn't you?»

"If I'm meant to die in this damn school, this is the perfect time."

Maybe I really was in heaven.

But I soon had to change my mind.

The next two days were torture for me.

It had started as soon as we had left my room to go for breakfast.

Sophia had grabbed my hand.

«Um... what are you doing?»

«What's the big deal? We did it the other day... And I saw that it's quite common between friends...»

I let her guide me, resisting the temptation to shout:

"YOU DON'T INTERTWINE FINGERS LIKE THAT BETWEEN FRIENDS!"

But that wasn't the end of it. It was clear that our recent conversations had been a catalyst for Sophia to get even closer to me. She seemed to want physical contact all the time and followed me everywhere like a shadow.

When I had asked her for an explanation, she had been uncharacteristically direct:

«I have decided to train more seriously. I cannot allow myself to be knocked out by a single spell. I must find a way to overcome this weakness. But I don't want to neglect you either... I want to spend every free moment with you.»

Part of me thought she really had learned to read minds and was doing this to drive me mad. The other part had gone mad already from how sweet and cute she was.

"If this goes on... I'm going to explode."

But I wasn't the only one who had noticed these changes.

Amy had stopped locking herself in her room and started hanging out with us again.

I knew she would soon ask me for an explanation.

But the way she did it, while Sophia was busy training, was not what I expected.

That evening, my best friend dragged me into her room and, looking at me with an irritated expression, asked:

«I understand that you have only recently got together... but could you please try to behave normally in my presence? I feel like the third wheel around you damned lovebirds!»

My mouth dropped open in surprise.

"HUH?

«Got t-together? W-we didn't do anything like that!»

Amy arched an eyebrow and looked at me with a smug look on her face:

«Do you really think you can keep a secret from me? I was sure you'd do something like this when I wasn't around. Even before the Finch thing, I tried to leave you alone as much as possible to try and get you together. I don't know why you're so afraid to talk to me about it, but at least try to be a bit more discreet...»

«I-I don't... do we look like that?»

«What do you think?... if Sophia gets any closer to you, she'll end up sitting on your lap in class and you... the way you look at her... You should control yourself a bit, Lizzie. I feel like I'm looking at something I shouldn't!»

I blushed furiously as Amy giggled.

"This... this is why this is the one thing I don't want to talk to you about..."

But... maybe it was a good idea to tell her after all. Surely she could give me some advice on what to do.

So I told her everything. Her smug smile disappeared and she rolled her eyes more and more at my words, so much so that I wouldn't have been surprised if her pupils had disappeared inside her head.

«Really?! You just realised that now?»

«I... is that so strange? I had my suspicions for a few weeks, but... we're both girls»

«A few weeks? My girl, you've done nothing but stare at her since the first time you spoke. It was obvious you liked her from the start, at least physically.»

«Oh…»

«As for being in love with her... It probably started that day in your room. And then that day in the infirmary... I felt like I was watching husband and wife fight and make up. Or maybe I should say wife and wife in this case...»

«Maybe... maybe you're right...»

«So?»

«So, what?»

«What are you going to do?»

«I don't know... it's all so difficult. Do you think she feels the same?»

«Unfortunately, I don't know her as well as I know you. I think so, but the only way to find out for sure is to ask her!»

«But... Sophia has had such a hard life and she finally has me as a friend to support her. I don't want her to feel betrayed by me...»

«I think you're just making excuses! You can support her even more by being her girlfriend!»

«But if I'm her first friend... she has even less experience than me in this kind of thing... what if I scare her off and she doesn't want...»

«Don't infantilise her!» blurted out Amy, «she may be inexperienced but she's not stupid. She is the same age as us and can make up her own mind. Even if she doesn't return your feelings, she cares enough about you to want to continue to be your friend, I'm sure!»

Amy destroyed all my objections one by one without a moment's hesitation.

«But do I really have the right to ask her to be with me in a situation like this? We could die at any moment...»

Amy cupped my face in her hands.

She had definitely grown colder lately, but in the smile she gave me I could feel the warmth of her old self:

«Precisely because our lives could end at any moment, we have to make sure we enjoy every happy moment we can.»

I had made up my mind.