Douluo Dalu

Chapter 62

Golden Iron Triangle’s Past

Part 1 (TL by Bagelson)

Tang San followed behind Grandmaster without asking anything, only quietly accompanying his Teacher. He could sense Grandmaster’s complex feelings.

At this moment, letting his Teacher calm down a bit should be the best option.

Walking into the forest, the temperature clearly dropped compared to outside, the fresh and cool atmosphere rousing Grandmaster’s spirit and it seemed even his mood eased a bit.

Stopping, Grandmaster turned to Tang San, calmly saying:

“Little San, aren’t you very curious about my relationship with Erlong, why it is like this right now, why I would evade her for twenty years?”

Tang San nodded.

Grandmaster sighed,

“Let me tell you a story.”

“Twenty years ago, a youth born from a prestigious clan, because of a variant spirit, couldn’t inherit the school’s spirit and was exiled. In order to prove himself, he studied everything about Spirit Masters, researching even deeper meanings, hoping to one day be able to gain the approval of the world. As he travelled outside, he met a like minded young Spirit Master and the two decided to travel the Spirit Master world together.”

“One day, when they hunted spirit beasts in a spirit beast forest, they encountered a beautiful young lady. The young lady was alone, and her lively and straightforward nature very quickly attracted these two youths. The three became fast friends, and two companions increased to three.”

“With the passing of time, the two youths both grew to like that young lady with the Fire Dragon Spirit, but because they thought of each other as brothers, they were unwilling to state it clearly. Especially that youth unable to possess strength because of his variant spirit, buried this affection even deeper in his heart. As a result of the three unexpectedly discovering that between the three of them they were able to use a kind of formidable spirit fusion ability, relying on this formidable strength, they gradually became known in the Spirit Master world as the Golden Iron Triangle.”

Here Grandmaster sighed once again,

“Things like feelings accumulate over time, and the deeper they are buried, sometimes they will instead grow even more intense. As the three grew older their feelings also grew more profound. At last one day, that powerful youth was unable to hold back the torment of his feelings and confessed them to that young lady. But, the result was extremely unexpected to the two youths. The young lady always knew the two youths cared for her, and it was precisely because of this that she was afraid to speak out her own choice and hurt the other. Now confronted with the strong youth’s confession, she was finally unable to conceal it further and called it out in front of both youths. She told them that the one she liked was the youth whose strength was inferior due to a variant spirit, but through perseverance and great effort gained superb theoretical understanding.”

“You should already have guessed that the young lady was Erlong, and the two youths were me and Flender. Even now I still clearly remember Flender’s disappointed expression that time, and still the sound of my own heartbeat. At that time I suddenly felt a happiness I had never had in my whole life. However, me and Erlong were both unwilling to harm Flender, for a while there was silence between the three of us. Like that, a long time passed with a stifling mood over us. Finally, Flender stood up. He was the oldest of us and said that he wanted me to be his brother, and Erlong to be his brother’s wife.”

Tang San couldn’t help saying:

“Dean Flender really is a good person. Perhaps this is the best conclusion.”

Grandmaster nodded,

“For a lifetime I will never forget Flender’s words. He said that he had already lost his love, and he absolutely didn’t want to lose his brother and sister. He blessed us from his heart.”

Tang San puzzled said:

“Since it was like this, you and Erlong should have been able to marry, then why would……”

Grandmaster smiled wryly:

“If everything had gone smoothly, there wouldn’t be a story. Perhaps our children would already be older than you. But, I don’t know if it was Heaven’s joke on us, but everything we had was destroyed.”

“I remember that day very clearly. The stars were especially bright in the night sky, with Flender presiding for us, me and Erlong were finally married. Even if at that time we didn’t have anything, didn’t have the blessings of family or friends, didn’t have a grand ceremony, at that time we all felt incomparably happy. As long as we were able to be together with those we loved, what did other people matter?”

“The three of us were drinking together, Flender intending to say goodbye to us and go out to travel on his own. Suddenly several people appeared. And these were people I was familiar with. The person in the lead was my uncle, the Blue Lightning Tyrant Dragon clan’s present second master, Yu Luomian[1]. At that time his arrival made me extremely startled, but since that day was my day of exaltation, and since he was family, me and Erlong could still relate to this second uncle, and we immediately happily invited him into our house.”

Here Grandmaster’s mood clearly became agitated,

“However, who would have thought that my second uncle wasn’t looking for me. His target was actually Erlong.”

“What? Why?”

Tang San startled asked.

Grandmaster continued:

“Before we married, as me, Erlong and Flender travelled the Continent, we never asked each other about our backgrounds, those were our private matters. Since I wasn’t allowed to speak about my family, Flender was born from a poor household, and Erlong never spontaneously mentioned it. My second uncle’s purpose in finding us, was unexpectedly to recognize blood relations. Erlong, Erlong was actually his illegitimate daughter.”

Tang San stared wide eyed with shock, the Will of Heaven toyed with people, no wonder, no wonder Teacher would chose to leave, all of this was truly too unfair to him.

“When Erlong heard me address him as second uncle her face already paled. As I asked her, not daring to believe it, seeing her nod, I felt as if I’d been struck by thunder from a clear sky. How I hadn’t expected, my affectionate wife, was actually my cousin.”

Teardrops, escaping control rolled down Grandmaster’s face. Even if twenty years had passed, that scene would never fade from his mind.

The joy of marrying his beloved, abruptly becoming great grief, what suffering was that.

His voice choked with emotion, Grandmaster’s expression was hard to make out,

“At that time, second uncle looking at our clothing clearly understood what was going on. His first words were, ‘how can you marry this useless trash’. Originally I’d always thought second uncle was good to me, not looking at me like the others of the clan. Until that time when I learned my mistake, in fact, even he thought of me as trash.”

“I later learned that Erlong was born from my second uncle and a prostitute. Because of Erlong’s mother’s background he didn’t dare bring her back home. When Erlong left to travel the world, her mother had already passed away from illness. She was always brought up by second uncle in the outer territories. He also let her follow matrilineally. Her mother chose the name Erlong after her father. My second uncle’s infant name was precisely Erlong[2].”

“But, Teacher, if senior Erlong is your patrilineal cousin, then her spirit should be inherited from your clan, Blue Lightning Tyrant Dragon. Don’t tell me, don’t tell me that senior Erlong’s spirit is actually also……”

Grandmaster nodded,

“Yes, Erlong also has a variant spirit, only hers didn’t become weak. Although it didn’t become formidable, in the end it’s still extremely strong. Thunder variation has similarities to flame, this is the origin of her Fire Dragon Spirit. It was this kind of coincidence that formed this tragedy between us.”

“Then, I ran like mad. At that time I wanted to die. I already had no one else. Erlong wanted to chase after me, but second uncle stopped her. If it wasn’t for Flender catching up to me, stopping me from suicide, perhaps there wouldn’t be a Grandmaster now.”

Tang San didn’t say anything else, right now even he was inundated in the sorrowful world of Grandmaster’s heart.

Neither of them knew that not far behind them another person equally had a face streaming with tears, helplessly gazing attentively in their direction.

“What could I do? Although afterwards I lost the desire to die, at that time Erlong was my whole life. You’ve also seen that I’m not considered handsome or strong. But she rejected Flender who was stronger than me, and chose me. I loved her so, but spouse changed into little sister. That kind of pain is unimaginable to most people. In the end, discouraged, I could only choose to run. I didn’t let Flender follow, only quietly leaving on my own.”

“Afterwards, I heard from Flender that Erlong and my second uncle had a big falling out after returning to the clan, searching for me everywhere like mad. I wanted to see her so much, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t destroy her reputation.”

“Siblings marrying isn’t tolerated by the world. Even if I didn’t care, Erlong is a woman, how could I let her endure that? Even more, what my second uncle said was right, I’m only trash, a useless trash, that’s all. Erlong and me together, I don’t even have the ability to protect her. She shouldn’t be with me.”

“Year after year passed, I didn’t even dare listen to rumors about Erlong. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to keep from going to find her. In my confusion, I could only throw my heart and soul into spirit research. Only when I met you could I reveal my heart again. I entrusted my heart to you. These years have been a bit easier. I know Flender definitely knew Erlong was here, he’s not a careless person, if he didn’t know in advance, after being provoked at Heaven Dou Imperial Academy just before, how would he have again gone looking for an academy? Only I thought nothing of it at the time. Meeting Erlong again can only bring me more pain. Erlong is far stronger than me. This time, even if I wanted to escape this vortex of pain it would perhaps already be impossible for me.”

Tang San looked at Grandmaster, the edges of his eyes already somewhat moist. Yes, Heaven was unjust to Teacher, even if he had already been deprived of the powerful spirit he should have inherited, unexpectedly even his marriage had to be destroyed.

Part 2 (TL by Bagelson)

“Teacher, are worldly opinions really so important? Who says you are trash? To me, you are the most formidable Spirit Master. Knowledge is power. Who dares say they are stronger than you in spirit lore? Nobody. Teacher, you are the strongest. Aunt Erlong waited for you for so many years without choosing someone else, how deep are her feelings for you? Running away like this again will only bring more suffering to the two of you. Even if you truly care about worldly opinions, you can still bring her to run away along with you!”

Grandmaster painfully shook his head,

“No, that’s too unfair to Erlong. Little San, loving someone doesn’t necessarily mean insisting on having them. I want even more for her to be able to live cheerfully, happily.”

Tang San had already forgotten he was a student. Seeing Grandmaster’s melancholy, he couldn’t help but defiantly say:

“How will running away like this make aunt Erlong happy? If she was happy, would she sing that kind of sorrowful song? Would she weep from one look at you? She didn’t even dare use words to try you out, afraid to upset you. Teacher, your heart is too weak. What are worldly opinions? Aunt Erlong is fearless, but you’re afraid. You should be together with her, bravely going out to confront all this, cutting open all barriers to walk together. Whatever your family, whatever others think, you being together is no mistake. Even if your bloodlines are close, is there truly no room for this kind of match? Teacher, you’re not only afraid aunt Erlong will suffer if she’s together with you, at the same time you don’t dare accept this reality, you have an inferiority complex!”

Grandmaster looked stupidly at Tang San, lips moving but already speechless. Although he and Flender were equally proud, he who possessed an inferior spirit, deep in his heart always had an inferiority complex. Flender and Erlong had never dared say what they really thought, but the agitated Tang San had hit the key point.

“He’s right. Why must you have an inferiority complex, what if ten million people call you trash? As long as I, Liu Erlong, believe you are the strongest it’s enough. Xiao Gang, do you truly not understand? If I cared about the family relation between us, would I always search for you like this? Would I always be in such pain?”

Liu Erlong slowly walked out in the distance behind Xiao Gang and Tang San, teardrops constantly rolling down her face, looking at Grandmaster, firmly approaching step by step with a brilliantly tender countenance.

This time, Grandmaster at last didn’t once again try to escape Liu Erlong’s gaze. Watching her approach step by step, Grandmaster’s heartbeat clearly sped up. The obstruction in his heart gradually fractured under the surges of emotion. The protective barrier of twenty years was already unable to further suppress the love deep in his heart.

Tang San very quietly retreated, gradually moving into the forest. He knew that at this moment nobody should disturb them. Inwardly he wished the best for Grandmaster. How would he not have seen the loneliness his Teacher often displayed.

Now the source had finally been found. If it could be dispelled, letting Grandmaster and Liu Erlong truly walk together, then it would be the best conclusion for all sides.

The forest was dark and tranquil and Tang San was in no hurry to return, only quietly walking in the woods. For some reason, hearing the story of Grandmaster and Liu Erlong, his mind suddenly recalled Xiao Wu. His state of mind wasn’t that of a thirteen year old child, but that of a middle aged man.

Xiao Wu was his little sister, what was really her place in his heart? Ever since getting to know Xiao Wu, Tang San deep inside pondered on this question for the first time.

If, Grandmaster and Liu Erlong’s story had been his and Xiao Wu’s, how would he have settled it? Tang San discovered that right now he was somewhat perplexed, at a loss.

The surrounding atmosphere suddenly chilled somewhat, making Tang San shiver. He couldn’t help but frown in bafflement.

With his spirit power breaking through the thirtieth rank, his Mysterious Heaven Skill had already reached the fourth tier, heat and cold shouldn’t affect him, much less in the summer, so how did he feel cold?

But at this moment Tang San suddenly stopped in shock. Three meters in front of him a man had appeared at some unknown time. A green man.

Green hair, green eyes, green fingernails, eyes as ice cold and vicious as a viper. This person who suddenly appeared in front of Tang San was someone he had met during the day, that Title Douluo with the title of Poison: Dugu Bo.

Tang San almost reflexively released his spirit, but in the next instant Dugu Bo had already arrived in front of him, without being seen to move. Tang San only felt a spell of dizziness, then he didn’t feel anything at all.

But at this moment a spirit power fluctuation roused the not distant Erlong who had just melted into Grandmaster’s arms.

“Who?”

Liu Erlong’s eyes flashed, sharply moving out of Grandmaster’s embrace, her gaze shifting in the direction of that spirit power fluctuation. She clearly felt that while the spirit power fluctuation wasn’t strong it contained a terrifying energy, figure flickering, she instantly covered Grandmaster behind her.

Grandmaster was first startled, then immediately following his expression changed greatly,

“Not good, it might be related to little San. Quickly go look.”

Liu Erlong very naturally grabbed Grandmaster’s hand, abruptly accelerating, relying on spirit power to swiftly reach the location. But besides a chill in the air they didn’t find any clues. Liu Erlong pushed her spirit power to search with all her strength, but she was still unable to find Tang San again.

Grandmaster promptly said:

“Go, let’s first find Flender. This cold air is somewhat familiar. If it’s that person, I’m afraid it will be difficult to deal with.”

Although Grandmaster wasn’t strong, his powers of observation and ability to make snap judgements were far beyond that of ordinary people.

This trace of cold air immediately made him recall meeting Dugu Bo during the day at Heaven Dou Imperial Academy as well as Dugu Bo later meeting his granddaughter Jade Phosphor Serpent Spirit Master Dugu Yan.

……

Head spinning, as Tang San awoke from unconsciousness he discovered his surroundings were completely painted black.

There were only two points of green light that glittered eerily in the darkness.

Silently urging Mysterious Heaven Skill, spirit power gradually condensed within Tang San’s body, his strength once again returning, but he still didn’t move. Grandmaster had taught him that the more dangerous the circumstances the more you had to keep calm, he absolutely couldn’t let himself end up in a crisis because of acting blindly without thinking.

“Having woken up there’s no need keep pretending. Are you really only thirteen? Your mentality resembles someone more experienced.”

A hoarse voice came from the side. Along with his eyes adapting to the darkness, Tang San with the help of the two points of dim light could make out Dugu Bo sitting not far to his side, and that those two points of green light were actually Dugu Bo’s eyes.

Turning over and sitting up, Tang San still didn’t speak up, only coldly looking at Dugu Bo. His heart was already ice cold. No need to ask, he already knew Dugu Bo’s reason for kidnapping him: clearly it was Dugu Yan’s revenge. Remaining in the hands of this Poison titled Title Douluo, how could there still be a good ending?

“Kid, you’re called Tang San?”

Dugu Bo leaned on the stone wall behind him, calmly asking.

“Right.”

Tang San replied very simply. He naturally wasn’t resigned to waiting for death, and sitting there he was quietly amassing his spirit power.

Although he knew that a thirtieth level Spirit Master confronting a more than ninetieth ranked Title Douluo basically didn’t have a chance, if he didn’t at least struggle, how could he be resigned to the result?

Green light flickered in Dugu Bo’s eyes,

“I heard, you broke my granddaughter’s third spirit ring, and even used poison to restrain her. How did you dissolve her snake venom? Just alcohol isn’t enough.”

Tang San calmly said:

“An old freak like you is known as the Poison Douluo, don’t tell me you don’t even understand the effect of realgar on snake venom? Realgar mixed into alcohol can completely show the effects of realgar, further adding flame for heat. Even though your granddaughter’s third spirit ring is very poisonous, it’s still unable to resist all that.”

Dugu Bo suddenly made a strange chuckle,

“How many years, how many years has it been since someone dared talk to me like that? Kid, aren’t you afraid to die? You actually dare doubt an old man’s poison? Don’t you know that even other Title Douluo would change color when talking about my poison.”

Tang San snorted disdainfully,

“Your poison? It’s just trash, that’s all.”

“What did you say?”

Green light suddenly set off in Dugu Bo’s eyes, with just a flick of his hand, Tang San was flung away by an irresistibly powerful force, heavily smashing into the rock wall behind him and almost losing consciousness again from the pain.

“Kid, if you dare wag your tongue like that in front of me again, even if your poison interests me, I’ll still immediately kill you. My poison is trash? I can instantly affect every living creature within a kilometer, not even a blade of grass would grow. If I want to kill you I don’t even need to use my hands, I can kill you with poison at once. In this world, there is still no Spirit Master who has been able to compare to me in the poison attribute. You actually dare doubt my poison.”

Tang San struggled to stand up, resisting the pain and straightening his back,

“I want to wag my tongue in front of you? As far as I’m concerned, what’s even the point of that? Your poison is indeed ferocious, but it’s still trash. A poisoner uses poison on his enemies, but you’ve even poisoned yourself, don’t tell me your poison isn’t trash?”

Part 3 (TL by Bagelson)

Dugu Bo looked distracted a moment, he waved his right hand and the entire surrounding cavern immediately lit up with a dark green flames.

Under the illumination of the green fire, Tang San clearly saw that he was in a round thousand square meter cave. Dugu Bo was dressed the same as during the day, right now simply standing ten meters in front of him.

“Truly laughable. I would poison myself? This year I’m seventy eight, and I’ve always only poisoned others, and still never been poisoned by others.”

Dugu Bo looked coldly at Tang San. Strangely, this time he didn’t attack.

Tang San snorted disdainfully,

“Really? Then let me ask you, when the sky is overcast and raining, isn’t there an ache over two of your ribs, moreover one that gradually grows stronger, flaring up around noon and midnight? In your current condition, it should persist for two hours or more each time. Also, late every night, approximately around midnight, on top of your head and your heart should have a pricking pain like a pincushion. Your whole body spasming for at least an hour. That kind of pain that makes you wish you were dead doesn’t need my description. If you’re not poisoned, then would you have symptoms like these? You’re not just poisoned, the poisoned has even entered your bone marrow. But what baffles me is how you still haven’t died. The poison within you isn’t something that can be suppressed with spirit power.”

“How-, how do you know?”

Dugu Bo no longer held back his shock, speaking subconsciously.

Tang San described it as if he’d seen it himself, and this could be said to be Dugu Bo’s biggest secret. Even his closest granddaughter didn’t know, so how couldn’t he be startled when now hearing it from Tang San’s mouth? Killing intent flared in his eyes, seeming to pierce Tang San.

A Title Douluo’s strength really was too powerful, the murderous aura released from Dugu Bo was essentially the same as a strike at Tang San’s chest. Tang San made a retching sound, spouting a mouthful of blood, retreating three steps before with difficulty standing firm. Blue Silver Grass abruptly appeared under the pressure of Dugu Bo’s killing intent, even his external spirit bone Eight Spider Lances immediately unfolded from his back, releasing its terrifying energy to protect Tang San.

“That’s the way to do it.”

Dugu Bo had already calmed down, he believed that by relying on his already substantial murderous aura, hitting and killing a mere thirtieth ranked Spirit Master was easily done, he had killed people to silence them more times than he could remember. But he hadn’t expected Tang San would actually be able to stand up to his attack. Even though he spit blood he didn’t seem to have suffered any serious injury. This kind of physique clearly wasn’t something a thirtieth level Spirit Master should possess.

“Let me see. This is the spirit that injured my granddaughter?”

Dugu Bo’s figure flickered, already appearing in front of Tang San as he raised a hand to grab him.

Blue Silver Grass acted automatically. Tang San’s first spirit ring abruptly flared, and the first spirit ability, Binding, activated.

Tenacious Blue Silver Grass frantically wound around Dugu Bo with all of Tang San’s strength, in just a moment wrapping him up entirely.

But terrifyingly, those Blue Silver Grass that just now wound about Dugu Bo suddenly melted away like ice and snow.

Sure enough, they were melting, like snow in a fire, without even pausing. Even to the extent that they didn’t even slow Dugu Bo’s rising hand. The next moment, Dugu Bo’s large hand had already grabbed Tang San’s shoulder.

Dugu Bo’s hand was firm, holding on to the shoulder like an iron hoop. The Eight Spider Lances on Tang San’s back thrust out practically simultaneously, with sharp sounds of splitting the air piercing at Dugu Bo. Purple light broke out, toxin already activating.

“Yi——”

Dugu Bo was surprised. At his level of strength, without even meeting the attack, his aura alone was enough to sense that the Eight Spider Lances attack power was far beyond that of Blue Silver Grass. Green light spread from Dugu Bo in a flash, but his spirit still couldn’t be seen. Eight Spider Lances thrust at the green light, but could only cause eight ripples in the dark green light and were unable to penetrate deeply.

“So it’s like that. It was actually an external spirit bone. No wonder, no wonder Yan-yan wasn’t your match.”

Dugu Bo had a flash of insight, looking at Tang San’s Eight Spider Lances his eyes had an avaricious light.

An ice cold spirit power transmitted from the big hand on Tang San’s shoulder. Tang San suddenly felt his whole body going numb, unable to amass his spirit power.

That ice cold stream spread through his body in a moment, just like he had fallen into an ice cellar. Despite Tang San’s astonishing gifts, his strength outstanding among his peers, as well as battle experience and cool head, these were all useless before the absolute gap in strength. Before Dugu Bo’s spirit power, let alone resisting, right now he was even unable to move his little finger.

Dugu Bo clearly also didn’t consider Tang San to be a threat, with a casual motion he threw him to the ground, somewhat disappointed saying:

“Unfortunately it’s already fused. Otherwise this kid would have brought me a great gift.”

Dugu Bo stared at Tang San with the green light burning in his eyes, as if he was looking at a rare treasure, the greedy light flickered in and out,

“I have to admit that you are much stronger than my granddaughter, and even stronger than that kid Yu Tian-Heng. Thirteen years old, more than thirtieth ranked spirit power, external spirit bone, strong poison. It’s a pity, truly a pity.”

Due to the immense gap in strength, Dugu Bo didn’t bother with sealing Tang San’s spirit power, and Tang San once again struggled to crawl up from the floor, coldly saying:

“I didn’t expect I would actually die at the hands of an old freak using trash poison. It’s a pity, truly a pity.”

Dugu Bo’s eyes emitted a viper-like ice cold light,

“Do you want me to kill you on the spot? As far as I’m concerned, killing you is as easy as crushing an ant. However, I won’t be in a hurry to kill you. I’m a bit interested in a spirit bone from a Man Faced Demon Spider, I’ll drain all the poison from your spirit bone, and then I’ll kill you slowly.”

Tang San’s eyes displayed a strong unwillingness. He knew that he wouldn’t have the slightest chance against this old freak even if he used his latest hidden weapons. Going up against an opponent like this was only possible if he could master the top three hidden weapons in Hidden Weapons Hundred Separation, otherwise the outcome would only be death.

He was unwilling to see Tang Sect’s knowledge die without even mastering it, and even more without transferring Tang Sect poison to this world. He was unwilling because he hadn’t even had the chance to cultivate his second spirit. He was even more reluctant to leave this brightly colorful world than that time at Tang Sect.

Since coming to this world he had at last come into contact with the outside, and gained far, far too many attachments.

Seeing the unwillingness in Tang San’s eyes, the old freak couldn’t help but laugh heartily,

“Not reconciled to it? I’ve seen this kind of expression in countless eyes. What I like the most is strangling this kind of reluctance. Perhaps in a few more decades you truly would be able to surpass me. However, now you won’t have the chance. You say my poison is trash? But you’re still going to die by my hand.”

Tang San coolly said:

“This is my greatest regret. If I had time, even without using my spirit, I could still threaten you. A trash poisoner like you basically isn’t equal to farts. Not only did your own skills put you in misery, but you’ll still leave behind calamity for later generations. Trash among trash.”

“What did you say?”

Dugu Bo suddenly became agitated, unexpectedly extending an arm in an instant, grabbing Tang San’s neck and pulling him close.

This time Tang San didn’t even resist at all, only looked coldly at Dugu Bo. Even though it was difficult to even breathe, he still forced out the words:

“You think you will have a good ending? Your symptoms will constantly worsen, even though I still don’t know just how you’ve restrained this toxicity from flaring up, it’s probably by eating some heavenly treasure material. But that heavenly treasure won’t help you forever. Within a few years, even if you’re not killed by poison, the torment of the poison backlash will still torture you to death. You’ll die even more miserably than me.”

In Dugu Bo’s eyes flickered a gloomy uncertain light, what Tang San had described were precisely all his greatest pains right now. Behind the formidable strength he endured torment beyond the imagination of ordinary people. Each time that torment made him unable to choose between life and death, that kind of pain basically couldn’t be described with words.