Chapter 7 — Boss Goes Bananas

Editor: PROCRASTINATOR (E/N So I’m here now… Hi!) 

 

The floor boss door was an intricately carved wooden door. Bananas really seem to be a motif here, as there were several carved into the door and a larger one in a circle in the center of the door. If there were handles, they’d probably be bananas too. This place is weird.

 

Passing through the door we see a massive gorilla. Black hair with some silver here and there. And also large claws for some reason.

 

Monster: Ex-King Bananananananana the Bananananananan the 1st (Bananarian, 2y) 

Condition: Bonkers Bananas

Status Ailments: Bananaboozled, Banana Bonkers

Noteworthy Skills: Banana Magic Mastery, Banana Sage, Frenzy

Info: A Bananarian gone banana bonkers. Everything is bananas to him. There’s a reason he isn’t a king anymore. 

 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRR!!!!”

 

“He seems mad! Let’s put this oversized Bananarian in his place!”

 

“I bet he’s mad. We killed his great-great-great-great-great-grandchild…”

 

“Eh? We did?”

 

“Yep, that other Bananarian we killed.”

 

“...how did you know that?”

 

“Magic?”

“Why is that a question?!?!?!”

 

“Less talking, more fighting.”

 

I pull out my glaive and Luna readies her sword. 

 

“GGOOOOORRRAAAAAAA”

 

*SLAM* *bbbwaaammmm*

 

The banana guy slams his fists into the ground, causing the entire room to shake. 

 

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHH”

 

“Let’s not let him do that again!”

 

“Aim for the arms!”

 

I need something to slice… what should I use… oh I know. Let’s just put a stupid amount of power into [Windblade].

 

“[Windblade]!!!!”

 

I sent a massive slice of wind flying at the gorilla’s left arm.

 

Eh? He dodged? Alright, plan two then!

 

“[Frosty Footing]!”

 

I froze the floor under the gorilla and almost got his feet. But he dodged again!!!!

 

“Luna, my tricks aren’t working. Any ideas?”

 

“I would say rush it, but I don’t know if we can get close! And even if we do, we’ll probably be sent flying by his fist!!”

 

“I’ll create an opening then. Go!”

 

I ran up to the gorilla and dodge his fist to the left, then jump above his second before jumping forward to his face. He jumps back and then jumps over my head with a backflip, landing behind me.

 

“You think that’s enough to hit me, you oversized monkey?!?!”

 

He brings both his fists down but I jump back. The room shakes again, but I’m unphased. Come Sir Banana, join me in this dance of death!

 

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

 

[Luna’s POV]

 

Ei has gone into a battle craze again! She’s laughing maniacally while dancing around the giant Bananarian. She said she would create an opening, but where is that opening??!?!?!

 

The room shook again. At this rate I’m going to fall down! Neither the Bananarian nor Ei seem to be hitting each other, although Ei seems to be holding back… Is she letting me get the kill?

 

*baaam*

 

OOOOOOO!!! EI landed an uppercut on the Bananarian!  He hit the ceiling and fell!

 

Now’s my change! I’ll try using [Gale Burst] like Ei then slice off his arm!

 

“[Gale Burst]”

 

Ow! That hurt, I hit myself too hard. But it worked! With a spinning slice, I slashed off his left arm!

 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

The screams echo around the entire room… I’m going to lose my hearing if he doesn’t shut up!!

 

Eh? Why is there a banana where his arm was?

 

“Ei! Look out! He made a big banana launcher or something”

 

“I see it!”

 

The banana peel grows larger over a few seconds as if filling with something. Then, he ripped the banana off!

 

“Whaaaaatttt iiiiis thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssssssss!?!?!?”

 

His arm just regrew from the banana! That’s cheating!

 

“This just got a lot more annoying… I would use fire magic but then we risk burning the jungle down.”

 

That would be annoying!

 

“Which attributes can you use?”

 

“Uhhh… all of them?”

 

“All of them!?!! How? I thought that it depended on your race?!?”

 

“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t. I was taught it was all from your mind. You think of what you want to happen, will it to happen, and then invoke it.”

 

My teacher had better have not lied!

 

“Eh? But I was told you had to have an affinity to an attribute to use it?”

 

“I don't know who told you, but from what I know it’s all mental. Affinity probably just helps.  Why don’t you try fire magic or something?”

 

*crash*

 

 The floor shakes again as the Bananarian slams his fists into the ground and jumps at us.

 

“Talk later, fight now.” 

 

Ei punches the Bananarian back.

 

“Experiment if you can. Also, which attributes are elves supposedly only able to use?”

 

“Wind, earth, water, and ice.”

“Two of those are the same thing but whatever, Try something!”

 

And then she jumps back into a battle with the Bananarian. But which attribute should I try?! Would it even work?! Also I don’t normally envision anything while casting magic??? Whatever, I guess! I’ll try some lightning!

 

…

 

What does lightning look like? I don’t think of it very often… uhhh…

 

Got it! I imagine a giant yellow and purple ball of energy made of zig zag lines. It’s not perfect, but hopefully it works!

 

“[Lightning Ray]...?” (E/N Yes, spells can be questions) (A/N: It’s more to show uncertainty but OKAY!)

 

*zzzzaaaaappp* *crack*

 

“I DID IT!!!!”

I actually shot lightning… it wasn’t very powerful though. But I did the impossible! …I guess I should have expected this coming from Ei…”

 

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

 

[Ei’s POV]

 

Luna shot lightning. Nice. Wait… why didn’t I think of that? I can just paralyze the oversized monkey.

 

“Nice job Luna! I’ll help you out with your magic later, for now I’ve got an idea. Run in and finish him after this!”

 

I need some form of lightning to stun him. Preferably for a long time. Hmmmm… can I make [Chain Lightning] bounce to the same target? Probably? Let’s try! I imagine an arch of lightning converging onto itself repeatedly, put a lot of will (and magic power too!) into my words and…

 

“[Chain Lightning – Implosion]!!!”

 

*zzzzaaaapppp* *crack*

 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!”

 

*crack* *cra* *cra *crack*

 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-” 

 

*crack* *cra* *crack*

 

“YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-”

 

*crack* *crack *crack*

 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!”

 

*bbbzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

 

That seems to have worked.

 

“Luna! Get him!”

 

Luna rushes up to the gorilla’s neck and slices it. But her sword doesn’t go through.

 

“Ah! His neck is too thick! You try!’

 

…Something feels wrong.

 

“LUNA! GET BACK! NOW!”

 

“Wa- okay!”

 

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGG!!”

 

The monkey stands back up. Oh... this is really bad…

 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!”

 

The gorilla’s eyes turn red. All of his wounds heal. Then, his fur explodes off him as his muscles swell around him, until he is double the size he was previously.

 

Shit. I forgot about [Frenzy]. This will be really troublesome. And fun too.

 

“GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!” 

 

The entire room shakes with the gorilla’s roar.

 

“Ei! This is bad! We should run!”

 

“Eh? Why? This is just starting to get interesting!”

 

“Says the battle maniac!!!”

 

“I’ll let you kill him, Luna. Here, take this. [Flame Heart]!”

 

I made Luna feel warm. This is important. I promise. I also made myself warm, for the same reason.

 

“Alright. Now stand back.”

 

This is going to be fun. I can test out a new spell idea. If I can pull it off, that is. I imagine the molecules in the room. Then I imagine the atoms that make up those molecules. Then, I imagine them slowing down. So slow in fact, that they are barely moving. 

 

“[Absolute Zero].”

 

It’s not absolute zero, but it is pretty close. I can barely move at a run if I move at maximum speed. For reference, I can run around 100 miles per hour without my transformation. In my transformation, I can run almost 10 times the speed of sound. How do I know? ENTITY of course.

 

“Ei! W-why is-s it-t s-so c-cold all of-f a sud-den?”

 

“Don’t worry about it. I made you warm enough to avoid most of the effects of my spell.”

 

The monkey is still moving. It seems I underestimated how much heat those muscles produced. *sigh* I should have put more power into the spell. Oh well. This will just make it more fun.

 

“[Bnaan Bnaan]!”

 

The monkey speaks. 

 

*FWOOOOSH!!*

 

He shot a bunch of steam out! That completely cancelled out my spell! What is this? This shouldn’t be in a basic dungeon. We’ve been lied to! Several of the plants are on fire from the steam explosion. It was that hot! Luna only survived because I happened to be standing in front of her!

 

“You almost hurt Luna. I’m mad now. Die you bastard.”

 

Time to end this.

 

“[Chain Lightning – Implosion]!”

 

Yes… yes!! Suffer at the hands of my lightning!

 

“Ha. You can’t even scream, you’re in so much pain.”

 

The lightning is crackling insanely. It’s deafening. Good thing my eardrums can heal themselves. Oh, it finally stopped. He throws a fist at me and I slice it down the middle in retaliation.

 

“Did you really think that was all I had in store for you? [Ice Prison]”

 

The ice I created is so dense and pure that it appears almost black. I have to use extra magic to keep it from exploding as the interior of the ice is around 5000 psi.

 

“Unfortunately, frostbite will slowly be killing off your limbs. But you’ll feel cold until then. Really cold.”

 

“Ei! Stop!”

 

“...”

 

“Getting hurt is part of adventuring! It’s fine!”

 

“But you’re my first friend! And my only friend!”

 

“I-...”

 

“...”

 

*sigh*

“Sorry Luna. I got carried away. I’ll let you kill it now.”

 

I cause ice to spread over the neck, making it extremely brittle. I also dispel the ice prison. I made sure that all of the monkey’s limbs died before dispelling the ice prison though. 

 

Luna walks over to the monkey, and slashes his head off by shattering his neck. I guess that’s that.

 

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

 

[Luna’s POV]

 

I knew Ei was ridiculous… but this is far beyond that!!! Nobody’s ice magic is black!! Nobody can cool a room so much that it feels cold with the [Flame Heart] spell!!! And people certainly can’t cause lightning to converge on itself while ripping the flesh of a creature off!!!

 

The Bananarian we fought isn’t even recognizable! He’s covered in frozen blood, has holes all over his body, and has been burnt to a crisp! The entire room smells horrible too!

 

I know I thought Ei was a half elf, but I’m not sure at this point. Is she a goddess or something?

 

“Ei, what are you…?”

 

“Your average half elf adventurer.”

 

“...I don’t think so?”

 

“Have you met another half elf before?”

 

“No…?”

 

“Well, you wouldn’t know then.”

 

I suppose that’s true… Half elves are really rare. Elves and humans don’t interact very often outside of official business. 

 

“Alright… Well, let’s continue onward shall we?”

 

“Yep. I’ll collect the corpse.”

 

The entire corpse vanishes into Ei’s storage magic. Really, how big is it?!? I suppose with Ei nothing makes sense.

 

“The chest spawned!”

 

It really makes no sense. A chest just appears after the boss is killed! And the boss comes back too!

 

“I wonder what we got.”

 

“Yep!”

Ei poked the chest with her glaive before approaching it. She thinks everything is a mimic. It’s funny to watch!

 

In the chest there was a sword, shield, dagger, waterskin, cloak that had two weird tendrils coming off it, and a bunch of small silver coins. 

 

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

 

[Ei’s POV]

 

The loot is pretty nice. I’ll enchant some of it later.

 

“Luna, hand me the items? I’d like to take a look at them.”

 

“Sure? What are you going to do?”

 

“Appraise them.”

 

“Oh… so you have that ability! That’s awesome! People would pay gold coins for a service like that!”

 

Huh. Appraisal is useful. Well, let’s take a look.

 

Item: Flame Tongue

Durability Score: A+

Enchantments: None

Abilities: Flame Wreath: Allows the sword to be lit on fire with a thought.

Description: An item stolen from a certain tabletop RPG. A normal sword with a red grip, gold guard, and red blade. It has an elegant feel to it.

 

I’ll let Luna have this one. I don’t use swords. At least not much.

 

Item: Flying Shield

Durability Score: S

Enchantments: None

Abilities: Flight: Allows the shield to take flight and block attacks on its own.

Description: An item stolen from a certain tabletop RPG. it’s a normal looking tower shield at first glance, but it can actually split into five separate parts.

 

I want to give this one to Luna, but it sounds too cool. Besides, Luna can use a normal shield.

 

Item: Self-Poisoning Dagger

Durability Score: B-

Enchantments: None

Abilities: Poison Tip: Poisons a creature when slashed with a paralysis poison. 

Description: Like a snake in dagger form. It even has a snake on its handle!

 

Not sure why I need this. I’ll let Luna have it if she wants. Otherwise, who knows when this could be useful. (E/N FORESHADOWING!!! :D) (A/N: Really.. It’s only paralysis.)

 

Item: Woter Skin

Durability Score: S

Enchantments: None

Abilities: Inventory: Allows this waterskin to carry 60 gallons of water. It isn’t insulated.

Description: Bo’oh o wa’er -ENTITY

 

Why ENTITY? Why?

 

Item: Cloak of Displacement

Durability Score: S

Enchantments: None

Abilities: Displacement: When activated, makes the user appear in several places at the same time within a two foot radius. | Tendrils: Has two tendrils that can be used as extra hands, if trained properly. Otherwise, they are purely decorative. Once this ability has been used once, this cloak will become Soulbound.

Description: An item stolen from a certain tabletop RPG. A dark cloak with two squid tentacles coming off it. Not the lame normal ones, the ones with the, like, suckers or something.

 

I want this one. Actually, I will have this one. It is MINE. Luna gets no say in this.

 

*ping*

 

Eh? What does ENTITY have to say this time?

 

I see you managed to get another item that contains an inventory. Unfortunately, placing things with an inventory into another will not do anything. It will be safe to put your waterskin, should you choose to take it, into your item bag. Also, your appraisal skill is better than the average person’s. They can only see names, enchantments, and abilities. Do not tell anyone else about what you can see, unless you trust them to not turn you in to some noble who will keep you for your ability for the rest of your life. Unless you kill them of course. Have fun~!   

 

Alright then. I’ll keep that secret then.

 

“Luna, I’m done! The sword is a Flame Tongue, the shield is a flying shield, the dagger is a self-poisoning dagger of paralysis, the waterskin can carry 60 gallons of water, and the cloak is a cloak of displacement.”

 

“Cool! I’ve heard of some of those before! And three of those are really valuable!”

 

“Luna, I want the shield and cloak. Do you want any of the remaining stuff? We can split the coins 50/50.”

 

“I’m fine with that. I’ll take the sword and waterskin. Keep the dagger.”

 

“Great. Let’s head to the next floor then!”