Chapter 26 — Into the Lab

Editors: PROCRASTINATOR & GREETER

 

Time to go dungeon diving in a futuristic lab in what is essentially medieval Europe! Does that make any logical sense? No! Has this ever made any logical sense? Only sometimes! (P/N Rarely more like)

 

Anyways, we gathered with Nadia and teleported in front of the lab. Teleporting is nice. We punched in the passcode that Kurui definitely didn’t alter reality to get and prepare ourselves.

 

****gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr****

 

***fwoooo***

 

The doors slide open. How big is this place, anyways? It houses a worm that was probably at least a mile (~1.6km) long. Maybe they squished it up a bunch? Then it would only be… uhhh I don’t know. Not as long.

 

“This is going to take a while, isn’t it?” (Ei)

 

「INTRUDER DETECTED! ACTIVATING SECURITY PROTOCOL. ESTABLISHING CONNECTION TO LAB CENTER」

 

Wonderful.

 

**bzzzt**

 

「CONNECTION ESTABLISHED.」

 

A voice rings out from the system. It’s eerily familiar.

 

“You vermin have broken into my lab? Well then, you may do your only duty as trash and die. I promise to make a chimera out of you that is at least slightly less trashy than you are. Find me, if you really think you can. I’ll give you plebeians something special then. Not that you worthless bags of shit could ever do such a thing. Well then, have fun. I’ll enjoy hearing your screams.” (???)

 

This guy has an attitude problem. Well, time for you to die!

 

「HAZ KORA」

 

… Iron golems? Wait, these are the iron golems that the guy at the magic demonstration showed off! That’s who we’re up against??

 

“Ugh… I think I know who that was. This really isn’t going to be fun.” (Ei)

 

“Who?” (Luna)

 

“It’s the weird scientist guy… Francis von Enolc.” (Ei)

 

“WHAT?! THAT BASTARD!” (Nadia)

 

Oh? Nadia broke character? That’s interesting.

 

“Well, the best we can do now is to take these guys down. It’d be easy anyways, everyone knows the best advertisement dramatises things!” (Kurui)

 

“Indeed. Prepare to become scrap metal!” (Ei)

 

「DRA ZALMAKA」

 

*fwoo* *fwoo* *fwoo*

 

*fwoo* *fwoo* *fwoo*

 

*fwoo* *fwoo* *fwoo*

 

Nine missiles were launched at us. This is going to be tricky. Especially since these things are made out of mithril, at least according to appraisal. We managed to split up and dodge. Nadia and Kurui landed on one side and Luna and I on the other. 

 

“Luna, try to hold it in place. I’ll go for the offense.” (Ei)

 

“Got it! [Frosty Footing]!” (Luna)

 

The golem’s legs are momentarily frozen. It breaks out almost instantly, but that moment is enough. I jump at it, barely breaking the sound barrier and slam my glaive into its eyeball.

 

*tink*

 

I fall.

 

“I’ve got ya!” (Kurui)

 

A black rope wraps around me and pulls me to the ground. Well, it’s actually Kurui’s sword, but it’s surprisingly gentle.

 

“Thanks for the save, Kurui!” (Ei)

 

The golem turns to Luna.

 

「HAZ KORA」

 

It jumps into the air and reaches the ceiling. Aiming itself at Luna, it launches. It glows red as it flies through the sky.

 

Nadia shoves the two of us back a bit and pulls out her crossbow, shoving some weird bolt into it and pulling it back.

 

“Eat this!” (Nadia)

 

**CRA-CRACK**

 

**BANG**

 

Lightning surges from the tip of the crossbow, slams into the golem, and explodes. Luna dodges the golem, barely. She would have been crushed had the course of the golem not been altered. Things would have… not been very pretty then.

 

“Damn… our attacks aren’t doing anything.” (Ei)

 

A slightly sooty golem begins its march towards us.

 

“Well, it’s made of mithril and coated in orichalcum. Whaddya expect?” (Kurui)

 

“Orichalcum? That is awfully expensive… I am not sure we can cut it.” (Nadia)

 

I think I could… Well, let’s take a gamble and use hemomancy. Hopefully it’s just a rare thing and not something limited to vampires… I pull out a bottle of wyvern blood. It’ll make my glaive, who I still haven’t named pretty happy. At least I hope. I mean I have been feeding it vampire lord blood…

 

“Ei? What are you doing?” (Nadia)

 

“A bit of hemomancy.” (Ei)

 

“Hemomancy? What an interesting magic… Almost nobody learns it these days due to superstition.” (Nadia)

 

“Personally, I don’t beli-” (Ei)

 

「ZAL KAMA」

 

Before I can apply the blood, the golem shoots a massive beam out of its eye.

 

“Run!” (Ei)

 

We dash, running circles around the golem. The walls aren’t as fortunate, with them becoming a melty, blackened mess. 

 

“Tsk, tsk. You aren’t being entertaining enough, vermin! Get fighting already and the only part you can, worthless filth! I’ll just have to make the fight harder if I want to see you dance. Don’t disappoint me, worthless fools.” (Francis) 

 

Can this guy say a single sentence without insulting us?

 

「DRA ZALMAKA」

 

This time a grand total of nine missiles per person were launched. He’s not giving me any time to apply the blood.

 

“Luna, Kurui, Nadia I need you to make an opening!” (Ei)

 

“Roger!” (Kurui)

 

“Understood.” (Nadia)

 

“Okay!” (Luna)

 

「HAZ KORA」

 

The golem jumps into the air and charges at me. Well, I can jump out of the way at least. I do so and break the sound barrier once again.

 

「ZAL KAMA」

 

And I land directly in the path of the beam. Mana splitting, go! I slash the beam in half as it reaches me…

 

I pull out the shield to block for me as it sends another beam at me. I get slammed into the wall, but I’m fine at least. Besides, I have regeneration. A few broken ribs are nothing, right? Ah… but now I have to get out another jar of wyvern blood. How dare you make me waste blood!

 

Gah! My vampire instincts are acting up again! I really need to replenish my blood supply…

 

**CRA-CRACK**

 

**BANG**

 

Nadia hit the golem with another one of her crossbow bolts. I take this chance to rebound off the wall and shoot myself to the floor, away from the golem of course. 

 

“Die you stupid piece of junk! [Frosty Footing]!” (Luna)

 

Luna is glowing extra strongly this time… although at this rate she is going to reveal Vadina’s existence which we are trying to avoid.

 

“Hey big metal guy! Wanna see a magic trick?” (Kurui)

 

Kurui runs up to the golem and encircles it with their sword. Then throw it into the air, swing it around a few times, and slam it into the wall.

 

This action gave me just enough time to finally get blood into my weapon. It’s game over now. I even brought the swords out. They’re all covered in a red fire.

 

“Cthulhu, let’s do this. Glaive, if you do well here I’ll give you a name.” (Ei)

 

Is it just me or did my glaive start burning even more fiercely? 

 

I break the sound barrier again as I jump towards the golem in a spin. I slam into it, this time creating a gaping hole in its chest. I do a backflip and slash up with my glaive, widening the hole in its chest with a slash through its singular eye. Cthulhu slashes its arms while I do this, making the golem practically useless. To finish things off, I bring down my glaive once again, splitting the golem and the wall behind it in half.

 

“Ha… That was annoying.” (Ei)

 

Swords still blazing, I turn back to my friends.

 

“What in the name of the Astraeus Kingdom are those weapons… To cut orichalcum-covered mithril that easily…” (Nadia)

 

“They’re just artifacts.” (Ei)

 

““...”” (Nadia + Luna)

 

“It seems you broke Nadia and Luna! It’s been a while since Luna was broken! Nice job, Ei.” (Kurui)

 

“Yeah, but it’s going to slow us down. Snap out of it Luna! Nadia!” (Ei)

 

“Eh? Ah? Wha?” (Luna)

 

“Hm? Where was I again?” (Nadia)

 

“I accidentally broke you guys. Let’s get moving.” (Ei)

 

“Of course you did. Artifacts are not something one easily comes by.” (Nadia)

 

*sigh* I did something ridiculous again without realizing it.

 

“Just don’t tell anyone please…” (Ei)

 

“I will try my best.” (Nadia)

 

“Good enough, I guess?” (Ei)

 

We began moving to the end of the really long hallway. At least it isn’t as long as the worm was, maybe only ¼ of it? Still… must not have been pleasant for that worm. We reached another set of doors and Kurui typed in the password again… I think it was the same one.

 

“I’m impressed that you failures managed to defeat my golem. Not that you’ll survive the horrors ahead, vermin. As penance for destroying one of my masterpieces, I shall grant you the honor of being made into the next golem. Your very soul will ache with its every step. Your screams will become its fuel. Just as things should be with trash like you.” (Francis)

 

“Shut up!” (Ei)

 

“Learn your place, knave. I’ll prepare something extra special for you, wench. You’ll be my new toy. Or maybe your friends will, and I force you to watch?” (Francis)

 

This guy is really getting on my nerves!

 

“Kurui, can you do something about this guy?”

 

“Sure.”

*bang*

 

They shoot somewhere with their gun and the feed goes quiet… I’ll kill that bastard eventually.

 

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

 

[Francis’ POV]

 

That damn whore shut me up. Damn those peasants. I guess I’ll have to give them the extra special treatment. After all, my new pet needs a toy… 

 

Ah, my glorious creation, modelled after true perfection. The ultimate chimera I strive to reach, the form of a god. Those tentacles… how should I use them? That maw… how much can it crush? Those wings… how far will they fly? 

 

All experiments will be run in time. With this, I’ll finally over take Watari… that damn High Elf! Who needs sheer power when you have a pet that can rival a god? 

 

And now, the alpha testing is almost complete. With these pieces of filth serving as the final test subjects, I will begin my ascension to godhood!

 

You better watch yourself Watari. I’m coming for you. Maybe I’ll let you stay as a slave if you beg for it.