Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

"If you're gonna kill someone,

Don't be a dick about it,

Just make 'em dead already."

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Justified Homicide

Hoo. Definitely still feeling the effects of whatever the fuck I got into down near... uh... Rich Man's Port! Right! Down on the boat with Karen. Future Me is prolly gonna have to go back and take a look at this shit real close. Also, no idea who wrote yesterday's. Like, that's some wacky shit that sounds like a kitten wrote it, but not my Kitten, if you take my drift. 'Run and play' does not sound like the Saffron I know. Nor does 'nom it all'. I mean, don't get me wrong, that woman has some serious oration skills, if you catch my drift, but I really don't think she's the sort who would eat someone she killed. Or someone someone else killed.

I guess she'd eat something she killed? Like an animal or something, although there's some really fucked up blurry lines going on at the moment. Like, yes, according to Raven's sketch and what I saw when I got a brainful of whatever fucked up street drugs the Fae have that are strong enough to make Mimic's tentacles go all wonky and high, Marie is a tiger. Tigress. Tiger-woman, I guess, because tigers neither stand upright and walk around the way she do, nor do they have tits. I mean, teats, sure, but not tits. And while Marie's aren't really competition for Saffron's, they're also not, like, small. Either 'small for her size' or 'small in general'. They're a solid handful. Smaller than mine, but mine are kinda big. Wacky big for somebody with as little body fat as I seem to have everywhere else. Which I'm only just realizing now, because whatever this Fae shit is, it is both strong as fuck, lasts a while, and interferes with the 'not seeing things as they are' part of my curse.

Shit, if I remembered everything while high off my gourd on this shit, I would seriously consider asking Saffron and Karen to slow roll the negotiations, because then I'd be, like, me, but with all of future me's cool superpowers and memories and ability to see my lovely ladies as they are. But at that point would I be Me or Future Me? Is there a fuckin' difference? Is Saffron right, and I'm just Me, but with, like, a disability or injury or some shit like that? I mean, I trust her, I totally do, but I still have this fear. Existential dread. Like, the real, pure stuff, I'm afraid that my existence is going to end the moment the curse goes away. I am not copacetic about that, even now, while I am, as noted earlier, high as balls.

So the last thing I remember was falling toward the floor after Marie dropped me. Which wasn't so much scary or upsetting as confusing. Because, as noted, high as balls. Which along with the side effect of repeating things and thinking they're funny every fuckin' time, tends to totally fuck with my ability to correctly identify things as 'scary' or not. Mostly not. Like, with the amount of head spinning I've got going on when I try to move, I'm pretty sure if Marie started eating my toes one at a time I'd be like, 'why one at a time' rather than 'oh god, oh god, she's eating my toes'.

I would hope you'd stop her.

Like this? Not sure I could. Depends on whether she felt hungry, horny, or mad, I think.

So... which of those would cause you to stop her?

Uh... Mad I'd try to figure out why she was mad. Horny I'd try to get her to pause when she got to the upper thighs. Hungry... Y'know, I've never seen her eat all that much. Maybe feed her a tentacle or two?

Daughter, I think you need to stop, as you once said, 'smoking the crack rock'.

Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Thanks, Dad. You're the best.

I know.

So despite my apparent copacetic feelings toward the tigers eating people's faces party when I'm this high, I was still confused when I faceplanted into a pile of pillows covered by a blanket. It didn't hurt, and there were enough stacked up pillows that it was more of a 'oof' than an 'ouch'. Then something Menace sized and shaped whomped into the small of my back followed a pair of warm sweater puppies plonking onto my upper back and the back of my head. I think they kept Saffron's chin from actually hitting my shoulder, but she definitely got an oof out of the deal too.

Marie, fortunately, neither nommed my toes nor landed on me. Instead she just slipped an arm around all of us, gave us a squeeze, and lifted Saffron away.

"Mama! Ma! Mama's awaked ub!"

"Menace?"

"Yeth, Mama?"

"Hang on." Little fingers clung to the silk around my waist, and I pushed myself onto hands and knees. Okay, I tried to, and after slipping and sliding as pillows slipped out from under both my hands and my knees, managed to get myself upright and stable, for a value of upright and stable defined by crawling around the room on my hands and knees with a whole lot of wobble and stagger. "Menace?"

"Yeth, Mama?"

"Where'd you come from?"

Isnomi giggled, then stage whispered. "Ma!"

I snorted. "Yeah, okay, that's not wrong, but I meant that ten seconds ago it was just me, your Mom, Conrad, and Marie in the room, and now you're here and," I looked blearily around the room, but Conrad was nowhere in sight. Also, Saffron had the completely groggy look I associated with her just waking up. "Conrad is nowhere to be seen. Wait, you're not Conrad, are you?"

Menace giggled. "Mama siwwy. I ith Ithnomi, not Conwad."

"Oh, good." I stumbled toward her toddler bed, then leaned my side against it. "Okay, off, Menace."

"Aww..." she whined, but she rolled off onto her bed. I flopped over on my side, glad of the padded floor, and scooched myself around until I could see everyone else in the room.

Saffron had gotten her bearings and said, "back with us, love?"

"Uh... Did I go somewhere?"

"You don't even remember, do you?" She held up a hand, stopping my response. "Never mind. Of course not. This happened once before. Exactly one year ago, in fact." She sighed. "Which makes me think we ought prepare for this happening next year around this time. Both in the sense of making you comfortable and in the sense of making sure none of our enemies know of your... incapacitation."

"Uh... take your time, but... the fuck?"

She sighed, chuckled, then slipped off Marie's lap to crawl over to me. I lost track of anything resembling coherent thought at the sight of swaying Saffron sweater puppies approaching. I twisted myself around so my head pointed toward her, then bent my neck back to get the best possible view. Of course, by that point I wound up staring right into her face. I pushed myself toward her, because there definitely wasn't enough room to fit my head between the floor and those magnificent mammaries of hers. "Tabitha!" she hissed out, scandalized. "Isnomi is watching!"

"Uh?"

"Mama siwwy," cackled Isnomi.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were drunk. Wait, are you drunk?"

"Nah." I shook my head, disappointed when no part of my head came in contact with my current favorite Saffron bits. "High. High as fuckin' balls."

"I can tell." She smirked at me.

"Huh?"

She rolled her eyes. "Something about you fondling me while not seeming like you realize you're doing it."

"Oh, shit! Sorry. I, uh, thought that was Marie?" I yawned hugely, only to have her bat my hands away and sit up.

She shook her head, laughing. "Tabitha, you are not getting your mouth anywhere below my neck with Isnomi awake and watching."

I looked around, blinking. Sure as shit, Isnomi was sitting there doing an amused vulture impression. "Mama siwwy. Whas 'hi'?"

Saffron shook her head. "Your Mama is intoxicated. Like drunk, but different." She paused, then took careful hold of my wrists. "Marie, could you put Isnomi to bed?"

"Nod tie-uhd."

Saffron sighed, pushing my hands back down to my head. "Could you keep our little Menace occupied while I do the same with our intoxicated Goddess?"

I snickered. "Intoxigoddess!"

Marie frowned, whined just a little. "Fine. You keep Isnomi occupied while we do the same with our intoxicated Goddess."

Marie smiled, Saffron let go of one of my hands to reach back and lay her hand on Marie, and the three of us fell back into the Bed. For the briefest moment, I looked up into the mirror to see Marie and I bracketing Saffron in all her curvy glory. Then she got her hands behind our necks and pulled us face first into her.

I don't really remember anything after that. Okay, soft. Warm. Fuzzy. Teeth?

Dreamt of Saffron and Marie and Karen and Siobhan feeding me, like grapes dangled into my maw, only not grapes. Unbeknownst to them, I also found some tasty, tasty weeds while they weren't looking. Totally edible. Nom.

Woke up to Marie wrapped around Saffron and I like a blanket. Not WNBA blonde Marie. But sketch Marie. Tiger lady Marie. Run both hands through her fur, reveling in the soft, smooth, fuzzy texture Marie. Slip my hand into her mouth and press my fingertips, my palm against her fangs, caressing them Marie. "You're so beautiful."

I couldn't say anything after that. Mouth full of tiger tongue. Taste of the sea. Taste of blood. Claws running down my side. I lost track of time as the Bed spun beneath me.

After a while, I had no idea how long, Karen showed up. "Maenad Marie, do you know... Oh! Goddess!"

I rolled over onto my belly, propping myself up so I could see her. "Hey! Karen!" I blinked at her Academy Uniform. Not what I wanted to see at the moment. I blinked again and she stood there in her stripperific wedding dress. Leering, I asked, "s'up?"

"I've established contact with the Port Authorities in Rich Man's Port. I've sent a message to the Overlord requesting a meeting."

"Sweet! Lemme know when you get an answer?"

She looked a little embarrassed. "I... we... already have."

I got a little annoyed, that somebody would be making my Priestess embarrassed. "So what'd they say?"

"That the Mistress of House Crow will schedule our meeting once the Fae Fields in Underhill are no longer being pillaged."

Oops.