Dial H for Heroics

Jack smiled when he guided the cart to the Hole in the Wall. He waved at his

neighbor. The man still hadn’t got his hands fixed.

It wasn’t Jack’s job to force him to help himself.

He pulled up the horses and set the brake.

“Let me offload this,” said Jack. “Then you guys can take the cart back. When you

get back, you will have an undisclosed amount of time to be with your ladies until

Angelica gets done cooking.”

“Remember that Josie and Her Majesty will be arriving whenever they get done,” said

Elaine. “Do not start anything that will cause you problems with your futures.”

“Your very short futures,” said Jack. He grinned at them. “Do you understand the hint

I am giving?”

“Yes,” said Budd. “I would like to not to have an extra hole in my head.”

“Don’t think of it as an extra hole,” said Jack. “Think of it as ventilation for your

brain.”

“I can do without that too,” said Thad.

“All right,” said Jack. “Let me get the stuff. You can eat with us if you keep the

complaints to a minimum. We’re seeing June off with this dinner, and tomorrow we

fish. Do you guys need to know how to swim?”

“I think we can handle that,” said Thad.

“That’s one of the things adventurers get tested on in the exam,” said Case. “If you

can’t swim, you can’t pass the physical.”

“Can you swim, Number Two?,” asked Jack. She seemed to consider the question for

far longer than he liked.

“I think so,” said Alicia.

“Let’s get this done before our time runs out,” said Thad.

Jack transformed into Gravity. He caught up the boxes and dead animals and lifted

them with his influence. He pulled them behind him as he walked to the office door.

He paused when he realized he couldn’t use his key to unlock the door.

“I have it, Jack,” said Elaine. She stepped around the floating boxes and opened the

door for him.

“Come back as soon as you can, guys,” said Jack. He waited for the ladies to proceed

before pushing the boxes inside the opening in the wall. “Just ring the bell when you

get back. Josie rigged up some watchdogs for people trying to get in.”

“What kind of watchdogs?,” asked Case.

“She didn’t say, but she has gotten fond of that head exploding thing she has been

using,” said Jack. “I wouldn’t be surprised if it was some kind of automatic version

of that.”

“Automatic?,” asked Case.

“You know,” said Jack. “You try to sneak in and a spell attacks on its own. We burn

the body when we find it the next day. Take the cart back. I might need one of you

to test the gadget I am going to try out tomorrow.”

“Test the gadget?,” asked Thad.

“Sure,” said Jack. “I can’t have the thing fail with all of you falling from the

Enterprise. I might miss. Then where would you be?”

“I don’t want to know,” said Thad.

“Go ahead,” said Jack. “I have to help Angelica with the cooking if the other girls

aren’t home yet.”

He closed the door and carried his load through the office to the concealed door he

had set up. It opened to let him through. He floated over to the gate. It activated to let

him pass. He pushed the cargo through before powering down and stepping through

himself.

He powered back up, glad that the mana boosters built in the Hangar charged his

watch faster. He carried everything to the elevator and hit the button to go down to

the general quarters. Once he handed everything over to Angelica, his job was done.

He would ask about helping out. He doubted Angelica needed him. Cooking was her

life. If she couldn’t handle things, then no one could.

The other girls were present. He could hear them in the library. He nodded as he

carried his cargo to the kitchen. He wondered what they were talking about.

He decided to concentrate on what he was doing. If they wanted him, they could come

out and find him.

“Milord?,” said Bea, poking her head out of the library. “We have the books you

wanted. There aren’t many. The cost was higher than what we expected.”

“Let me put this down, Bea,” said Jack. “Case and Budd are returning the cart.”

“Can we talk?,” asked Bea.

“Yes,” Jack said. He carried the food into the kitchen. He placed everything on the

counter. Angelica made a shooing motion at him, as she began to sort things for use.

She handed some vegetables to Alicia to be cut up. He let his persona go now that it

was no longer needed.

Melanie and Matilda had joined the kitchen patrol, and were helping Elaine put things

up that weren’t going to be immediate dinner. He smiled at her as he backed out of

the kitchen.

“Let’s go upstairs and out on the lawn,” said Jack. He pointed with his thumb. “We

can talk there without too much of a hassle.”

“Thank you,” said Bea.

They took the elevator up to the top floor. Jack opened the roof and they walked up

the stairs to stand on the grass. June’s practice dummy stood on guard.

“What do you want to talk about?,” asked Jack. He sat down on the grass.

Bea paused at him sitting down. She sat down too. She pushed some loose hair from

her narrow face.

“Thad wants to take me out without Case and Caroline,” said Bea. “I am thinking

about letting him. I think I am a little scared after what happened with Todd.”

“I’m not a good relationship advisor,” said Jack. “Usually I drive women away. Maria

took me for what I am, and Elaine has been good to me and for me. You might want

to ask Elaine about these questions of yours.”

“Would you court me if you didn’t know me?,” asked Bea. “I don’t want to be

courted because Josie adopted me, and she’s famous now.”

“Do you think that is what is going on with Thad?,” asked Jack.

“I don’t know,” said Beatrice. “I’m afraid if it’s true. I just want to be loved for

myself, not what I can do, or who I know.”

“Like Caroline,” said Jack. He knew he had hit the button when she looked away.

“Case is too stupid to look at her as the third most important person in the

government. He just sees a girl he’s trying to sleep with. And that’s what Caroline

wants. Everyone else seeking her hand just wants to ally with the King.”

“But Thad isn’t,” said Beatrice.

“He wouldn’t be Eric’s number two if he was an idiot,” said Jack. “I think Thad

knowing Josie works against your relationship. Probably the fact he knows me is

scary enough. You are going to have to talk to him about what you want and be

honest about it. It will be up to him whether he will give you that. If he won’t, there

are other fish in the sea.”

“Do you think he will be honest with me?,” asked Beatrice.

“There are things you already know about him to help your assessment,” said Jack.

“You know he’s rich, okay looking despite the thing flopping around on his head,

smart, a capable swordsman and adventurer, and brave enough to ask the Ear Ripper’s

sister out. He has no reason not to be honest, and every reason to run.”

“Would you?,” said Beatrice.

“Me?,” said Jack. He indicated himself with a thumb. “Run from Josie Fox?”

“Yes,” said Beatrice.

“In a second,” said Jack.

“You are such a liar,” said Beatrice.

“Trust me,” said Jack. “I have run from Josie in the past. If you want to go out with

Thad, I will support you. I think Josie will support you. I think if you do want to be

an adventurer and do jobs, Thad will set you up in a party with him, or with someone

he trusts.”

“What happened with Emily’s party?,” asked Beatrice. “Didn’t he set her up with her

party?”

“No,” said Jack. “He wanted her to come in with him, but she picked her own path.

It backfired on her, but we got her back before she suffered too much.”

“I don’t know if I am ready to take quests full time, but I would like to travel and see

things,” said Beatrice. “Do you think Thad will let me do that?”

“I think you should ask him if he will form a party with you,” said Jack. “Maybe

Laura, and Emily too, after this thing with Case and Caroline is settled one way, or

the other. I think if they actually get their act together, Case will be stuck as a

governor somewhere and be out of the adventuring game. Eric seems to be trying to

settle down, and that might be the end of his party. If Thad wants to keep going, he

might need people to help him.”

“The rest of the Fighters might be out too,” said Beatrice. “I will ask him, and ask him

to think about it. Laura and I still have a couple of years to get ready for the license

tests. Maybe we can get Alicia in. She is almost as good with a sword as you now.”

“She still has a few more years before I have to worry about that,” said Jack. “My real

concern is Melanie. She doesn’t want to be an adventurer like you, Laura, or Alicia.

She doesn’t have interests like Angelica and Matilda. I want to give her a skill like

your ring, but I want it to be special for her.”

“Maybe she doesn’t need a talent,” said Beatrice. “She is lazy.”

“Everybody needs something,” said Jack. “So we talk to Budd, maybe let you go out

on the town with him, and see if he will want to sponsor you in the next two years.

Sounds doable.”

“Do you think Josie will say anything,” said Beatrice.

“Probably something like bring my sister back in one piece,” said Jack. “Or you will

know the meaning of snicker-snak.”

“Snicker-snak?,” asked Beatrice. She knew he was referring to something from his

own land, but it was close enough for her to try to guess what he meant from the

context.

“It’s the sound of Josie deciding a guy doesn’t need to make children anymore,”

said Jack. He worked the fingers of one hand like scissors.

“Oh,” said Beatrice. “Oh no.”

“Oh yes,” said Jack. “Let’s see if I can get the lover boys here so you can get your

part figured out. Then I’ll talk to Melanie and Alicia while you are doing that.”

“All right,” said Beatrice. “I will send them up when I go downstairs.”

“Enterprise?,” asked Jack.

“Contact acknowledged,” said the machine from high overhead.

“Do you see Thad Budd and Case in Hawk Ridge?,” asked Jack.

“Affirmative,” said the machine.

“As soon as they start walking back toward the Hole in the Wall, pick them up and

drop them at my location with the transporter,” said Jack.

“Affirmative,” said the machine.

A minute later Thad and Case appeared on the lawn next to the archery dummy. They

froze at the sight of it. They looked around. Jack waved at them from where he and

Beatrice sat.

“How’s it going?,” said Jack. “Beatrice is going to take you downstairs so you can

help the girls cook. Don’t give Elaine any trouble. Budd, I don’t know what Josie will

say about the dating thing, probably the same thing she said to Todd and Case. If you

are courting Beatrice, don’t court another woman. If you start looking at other women

and want out, just say it. At this moment, Bea doesn’t have a place to live other than

here, so that might have to go up on the board as something to figure out between the

two of you.

“I can build, or renovate, a house for the both of you if you get that far about moving

in together. I don’t really mind the two of you dating, but as Bea’s adopted godfather

I want Bea to be happy, and God knows what Josie will think about all this. Now is

the time to plan out things instead of trying to wing it. Go ahead and go. Bea, if you

could send up Alicia and Melanie when you get downstairs, that would be good.”

“Adopted godfather?,” asked Case.

“If something were to happen to Bea, and Josie couldn’t deal with it at the moment

because she’s busy,” said Jack. “I would have to do something ugly about the

situation. Elaine and Aviras told me I should be a gentler Jack, and not furious

monster lightning from the sky killing everything Jack. So that is the approach I am

using. And being the godfather makes me a friend of the Fox family. When Elaine

and I get married, she would be the adopted godmother.”

“What about June?,” asked Bea.

“Not my problem,” said Jack. “Go ahead. The sun is heading down to the horizon. We

want to be ready.”

“Come on,” said Beatrice. She got to her feet, and took Thad’s hand. He seemed

amazed at the gesture. “We’ll talk about what we want to do tonight. Case can talk

to Caroline while everything is going on.”

The three of them walked down inside the Hangar. Thad and Beatrice had their heads

together.

Jack wished them the best of luck. He had lucked out himself meeting Elaine. Others

should be able to do the same thing.

He couldn’t wait until Josie found someone she liked. He would be rode hard and put

up wet.

Melanie and Alicia came up out of the hole in the ground. They looked at Jack sitting.

A question was in Melanie’s eyes, but Alicia was stoically neutral.

“Sit down, please,” said Jack. “I want to talk to the both of you, and I figured I should

do it now. Alicia, we talked about the archery and things, and it is clear that you are

only interested as a way to fight, or show mastery in something. I am going to give

you a set of skills other than powers. You’ll have to grow into them, and practice

them until they are the best they can be. I will ask June to get you some books, or

pictures on fighting. I might be able to get her to give you some lessons.”

“Really?,” asked Alicia.

“You’ll have to work on them,” said Jack. “If you don’t, you won’t be able to beat a

mouse.”

“I will,” said Alicia.

“All right,” said Jack. “I will have to make your thing for you. Remember it will only

work while you have the energy to feed it, so it won’t be active all the time. You’ll

still have to work on defending yourself without it.”

“I can do it,” said Alicia.

“Go ahead then,” said Jack. He waved her off. “Quit calling Case pudding head.

You’re better than that.”

“I will think of something else to call him,” said Alicia. She got to her feet and

strolled back to the Hangar’s mouth.

“That’s not what I meant,” Jack said to himself.

“Will you give me something too, Milord?,” said Melanie.

“I thought about giving you karma, but Elaine said you couldn’t use it,” said Jack.

“What is that?,” said Melanie.

“It’s a power, but it gives you bad luck when you act badly,” said Jack. “Elaine said

you wouldn’t be able to use it because you never do anything. I have to agree.”

“What does it do if you act goodly?,” said Melanie.

“It gives you good luck,” said Jack. “But you have to be altruistic. That’s not for

you.”

“You don’t think I can be altruistic?,” said Melanie.

“It requires you to help others for no benefit,” said Jack. “You hardly help out around

the house without prodding from your sisters.”

“I can be altruistic,” said Melanie. “But the downside seems a bit much.”

“So if you wanted to be enhanced, what would you want?,” said Jack.

“A copy of Beatrice’s ring,” said Melanie without hesitation.

“Why would I do that?,” said Jack. “I’m not the loon you take me for.”

“I thought I could slip it by so I could be lazy and never leave my room,” said

Melanie.

Jack thought about the cup she had been given. He had liked Hyouka when he saw

it. It was too bad any more animation would have to be handled by another studio if

it ever got another season. Brilliant, but lazy had been the remark then. His

impression of Melanie shifted even though his memories weren’t exact.

“I wonder if that is what you need,” said Jack.

“What do you mean?,” said Melanie. She didn’t like the speculative look in his eye.

“I wonder if Elaine is wrong, and you need a jinx to motivate you to do things other

than sitting and eating,” said Jack. “It might be good for you. Build character.”

“No, wait,” said Melanie. “Don’t do that. I don’t want my character to be built up that

much.”

“Really?,” said Jack. “I think that is exactly what you need.”

“I saw something in the catalogue that I would like if I can get that,” said Melanie.

“What catalogue?,” asked Jack.

“The clothes catalogue,” said Melanie. “Could you give me a way to move around

like the Spot.”

“The Spot?,” said Jack. “The Spider-man villain? How do you know about Spider-

man?”

“I saw his various designs in the catalogue, and then I saw the Spot,” said Melanie.

“There was a small thing at the bottom to tell you about him.”

“You want me to give you teleportation so you can be even lazier than you are now?,”

said Jack. “Is that what I am hearing?”

“I wouldn’t say lazier,” said Melanie. “It means Laura and Beatrice wouldn’t have to

carry me around.”

“I suppose you have already thought of ways you can use this to steal from people,”

said Jack.

“Yes,” said Melanie. He saw that she had decided to tell the truth instead of lying by

the way her eyes moved.

“If I trust you with this, how do I know I won’t get a quest to take it back?,” asked

Jack.

“I don’t know,” said Melanie. “I’m not that good a person to be honest.”

“I’ll tell you what,” said Jack. “I’ll give you a tiny portion of the power. It will be up

to you to build it up into something you can use. That way you won’t kill yourself

right out the gate. And it will teach you about hard work.”

“How much of a tiny portion?,” said Melanie.

“I don’t know,” said Jack. “I’ll get it ready for you to use. Like I said, it will be up to

you to build it up into something you can use to get across the room.”

“Work?,” said Melanie. “Bah.”