Dark Seduction

When you are in my predicament, you learn to only trust yourself and of course mature quickly, because you only have yourself to depend on, I was ten when I dressed in black and mourned my grandma properly the way she deserved and I visited her grave with her favorite flower which was daffodil,a huge bunch of it and kept her company for most of the day, I told her how well I was being treated unknown to me it would be the last day of such marvelous treatment just like a jinx.

They said when you go to a grave or participate in a funeral evil spirits attaches themselves to you and if your not careful you bring the grim reaper home with you, spiritually aware people usually perform cleansing on themselves or whatever, but of course I did not believe in such things, like who literally in their right mind would believe such nonsense, moreover I felt this was my grandmother, she loved me and would protect me. Moreover she lives her life mostly being good.

I guess to my parent's being ten years of age was old and capable enough to fend for herself and the social workers had stopped visiting so they had won that round. I was just an object they had wanted to acquire and acquire me the had, I had turned from the funny happy go lucky child i was to a dark sombre depressed individual, who craved any modicum of acknowledgement I could grovel for. It was just human nature, the more unwanted your are the more you crave for attention, love and for some reason whatever you chase after in life , it has a habit of leading you on a merry dance.

The wind caressed my hair and it was like the faintest fingers combed through my hair. The smell of Jasmine grandma's smell the smell that never failed to comfort me lingered in the air, as if she had been listening and had heard every word I told her, I refused to cry because I didn't want her to worry about me but I couldn't help it, I had lost this round. A tear rolled down my chin then another and another I just let it go. until it became full-blown sobs.When I could finally gather my wit the sun was already set at the horizon. The view was incredible but the sight of so many headstones, of people gone without their loved only made my heartache even more. Sometimes I wonder the point of it all, you are given something wonderful, you love and cherish only to have it unapologetically torn from your grasp no apology necessary, and of course your opinion would never ever count, only your heart breaking into pieces, why you question the universe and get nothing but complete silence in response.

This was where people, with people who loved them, with dreams and aspirations they would never see fulfilled. I looked at the time, and it made me quicken my pace, if I wasn't at the bus stop in the next ten minutes, I would definitely miss my bus. I had to run as fast as I could all the way to the bus stop and barely made it. The sweat trickled down my back, I was puffing, sweating, and completely out of breath. Thankfully I made it at a nick of time a second later and I would have had to sleep at the cemetery.

You did wonder if I didn't have cash on me or a personal driver, I had all this thing's but I snuck out of the house. My parents would usually not have noticed, but they would have if I had used the driver. They would have been known one way or the other. There is no way you could have smuggled out a car without attracting unnecessary attention or the driver would have ended up reporting It.

The ride to my bus stop which was luckily a walking distance to my house was silent. The evening had slowly rolled in and no one questioned why a ten-year-old would be on her own because even then I looked big enough. I could have comfortably passed for fifteen or older and my dressing was severe a long black gown with dark gloves and a matching dark hat, damn even my hair was dark brown almost black and it was tied severely at the mane of my neck.

My dark sunshade protected my eyes and kept me aloof from preying eyes and I avoided staring directly at anyone but straight ahead. When the bus got to its final destination which also happened to be my stop,I hopped out and went straight upstairs to my room and changed into something more casual but left my hair in its place.

There was nothing I could do about my quivering or the strained pinched look on my face. I attempted to smile at the mirror but it ended up more of a grimace than a smile. My parents would usually be home by 8 pm so I ran downstairs to the dining room.

We had a housekeeper but because it's a Saturday it was her day off. we usually just ate out on Saturday I and my parents. I was still there when the clock struck nine but there was still no sign of them, they must have been partying late again and forgot they had a daughter, I didn't have much of an appetite so I grabbed a packet of chocolate biscuits and made my way to my room, my beautiful prison. 

Honestly I was glad they were not around, I didn't have the strength for stiff conversations where we pretended to be the perfect family, it was better this was so i would never forget i had no one. Although a part of me still craved for their attention but it didn't matter I was used to being alone. At least I lived in a lovely home and everything I would need was at my beck and call most people had way less than that. Sometimes I wished I was not so stiff and actually quite capable of making friend's, I wouldn't miss them, but my wall was raised so high I couldn't just bring myself to let anyone in, I prefer to hide from everyone and everything.