Crimson Instinct

*Xin Lei*

Bai Li shrugged. "Kids these days. But then again it has become quite common to be in a relationship at just what, fifteen? The classic high school love."

I looked at him, curious.

This was a good chance to know about the young Bai Li.

With one hand, I dipped my burger in the sauce, and with the other, I typed. "So you never crushed on anyone when you were a teenager?"

Bai Li raised his eyebrow.

I got worried. Did I touch any painful part of his past?

I was about to type that it was okay not to answer, but he spoke.

"After I lost my parents in a terrorist attack when I was eleven, I became very unruly as a kid. There were my Aunt – my mother's sister and her husband, who took me in, but we never got along. Apart from a little bit of studying in school, I spent my time picking up fights with thugs and beating them into a pulp until I was seventeen. Then one day, I met a man who beat me into a pulp. And then, at eighteen, I joined the Army. So yeah, no teenage love for me."

My jaw dropped as I listened to him, who was calmly explaining his teenage years as if it was one of his happiest times.

"You see, I would go on looking for fights, not girls."

I was dumbfounded.

Wasn't his parent's death and those years how he survived supposed to be a serious talk? He just casually said everything in the flow.

I sighed. He was really too blunt, even regarding his own past.

So, Bai Li also lost his parents at a young age. Just like how I lost my mom.

I felt a little closer to him than before.

And I understood why he picked up fights with thugs. An eleven-year-old boy unjustly losing his parents...

I typed. "Were you venting out your anger?"

He was quiet for a moment.

"Do we know each other from before? Were you spying on me?"

I rolled my eyes. Stupid.

I typed. "I can empathize. Because when I lost my mom, I had become quite withdrawn too."

He said nothing. I continued and typed. "I didn't respond to anybody, and I got often irritated for the smallest of things. At first, my friends let me be, but then they started to ignore me. Some had even started bullying me."

I recalled those days when everyone slowly started to give up on me.

"I didn't pick up fights as you did, but I unnecessarily lashed out at anybody when I was in a bad mood, which was almost all the time."

We were both silent.

Bai Li said, "I see. It must have been hard on you."

I faintly smiled.

It was at first, but then I got used to it.

He made his way towards my head and patted it. "Glad you lost those idiots. You actually got saved."

I widened my eyes.

"Losing a parent is the biggest loss for any child, and if they didn't have the patience to stay by your side, then you are better off without such toxic friendship."

I am so stupid. If I had thought like that at that time, then maybe I wouldn't have felt so bad.

I typed. "And you?"

Bai Li said, "Well, I was tall and strong even I was only eleven as compared to other boys my age. And then I had a lot of pent up energy. My parent's death flipped that switch in me. I was angry. I had no direction. And then before I knew it, I was already punching the next boy on the ground."

A pang of sadness overcame my heart.

I typed. "Is that why you joined the Army? Because of your parents…"

"For revenge? No. It was seven years later when I joined the army. The terrorists were already dealt with by then. Who would I take my revenge on? Dead bodies? I joined because I didn't want any young kid to lose their family in a terrorist attack ever again."

I finally couldn't hold back tears. Damn, my hands were filled with breadcrumbs. I wanted to hug him so badly.

I crossed my arms at my wrist and brought over his head. I pulled him towards me, and his face got buried in between my neck and shoulder.

I saw him widen his eyes in surprise.

Then a tear slid from my eye.

"It's been too long, Xin Lei. You really don't have to feel bad."

I hit hard on his back with my elbow.

"Alright, I will shut up."

I never thought that Bai Li and I went through the same pain at one point in our lives.

There was so much common between us. We both knew the pain of being physically impaired and then...the sorrow of losing our parents young.

I slowly felt his arms hugging my back as well. We were like that for a while. It tickled when his breath hit my neck. His lips slightly brushed on my skin, which made my breath stuck at my throat.

After a few moments of silence, Bai Li said, "This feels...nice."

I couldn't help but blush. I liked it too.

"By the way, I always wanted to say this to you that I really like your sweet smell."

I blinked my eyes.

Sweet? Do I give off a smell like that?

I also wondered if it was alright to kiss him on the cheek, just a light peck, maybe?

Bai Li slowly raised his head from my neck. My heart just went *bathump* because I felt his piercing gaze in my direction as if he could really see through me.

Alright, I should go for it.

While I was dealing with my drumming heart, I felt him planting a soft sensation on my forehead.

I widened my eyes as I realized it.

Bai Li had kissed on my forehead.