Creation: Book 3: Strandbinder Complete!

Edited version published in 2024:

There was an itch on Walker’s soul as he hit the 101 highway.

Smooth green road signs passed by his windows, telling him he was going places, but he knew it was a lie.

Walker couldn’t stop thinking of what he’d done. Was it a mistake? Or the beginning of something new. Something better. There come moments where you feel righteous fury, that you’re in the right, only to come down after the rage is expended and find just how horrible you had acted. Maybe there were regrets buried within him.

But if there were, they’d already dropped to the bottom, never to be seen again.

The road signs continued to pass by.

In a spare moment, he looked at the small notebook sitting next to him. The cover showed the oh-so originally titled “Journal.” He’d just written in it the night before, in his usual stupid style, as he didn’t have anyone to talk to.

His oldest friend, Matt, always said he was too co-dependent in his relationships. The moment he had one, everything else disappeared, and his world tilted on the words of whoever he happened to be with at that time. He hadn’t called Matt in years, and calling him out of the blue right when he and Valerie broke up felt….wrong. Like he was using him. Who only wanted phone calls when you’re having a bad time? That’s not what friends deserve.

“High and Lows,” He muttered to himself, driving down the highway without thinking.

He thought Matt might’ve had a kid recently….but he had no memory of calling to congratulate him. No, now wasn’t the time to call his old friend. Better to let that sit for a minute.

Wrapping up his thoughts, he realized that he had no one to lean on, no one to call, no job to go to, and his gas tank was running low. It's a good thing he had made plenty of money as a teacher in California, right? He hadn’t checked his bank account in a while, but he was sure there were only a few hundred dollars in there.

Paycheck to Paycheck was the life, man. Maybe he could ask Nicholas for notes on how to be an adult in a few years.

What a crock of shit.

He saw his turn and eased over to the exit lane.

Walker wasn’t entirely sure where he was going, but he figured he’d know when he got there. The car and its’ despondent driver made a few turns and wound up in downtown Santa Barbara. Adobe buildings set in a Spanish Colonial Revival style scrolled past. Bright flags hanging from light poles filled his vision as people smiled and spoke to one another while his rusty car drove past.

He had to fight away any tears from forming. He hadn’t known why he was driving here until those flags appeared.

Valerie loved going downtown. Not to shop, as neither of them could really afford the lavish merchandise that sprang up here in the last ten years, but just to walk around and enjoy the area.

A random memory forced its way into his mind, “Walker, you should see what the old Sears building is going to be. I can’t believe they’re tearing down an SB monument like that. Where will people-” He pushed it away.

She was like that. See a dog in the street; feel the need to rescue it. See a homeless man who for all you know is mentally aware and chooses that life, then try to get him into a shelter. That’s just the kind of person she is. Was.

They’d closed down State Street, the main road downtown, during the COVID-19 pandemic, so he had to find a reasonably priced parking garage and hop out. Walker made a mental reminder to quickly get to a gas station as soon as he left, or he’d have to do the walk of shame that everyone claims they’ve never done but just about everyone has.

Stepping out of the garage and onto the thoroughfare, he was surrounded by people going about their lives. His life wasn’t their problem, and he was determined to keep the standardized sad and lost look off of his face. He headed into a few stores, looked at one in particular with fantastic oceanic paintings, and just moseyed along without the burden of thoughts.

Walker knew it wasn’t healthy, that he…wasn’t healthy. He was smart enough to understand that right now, at this very moment, he was trying to relive some semblance of the life he had lived with Valerie. He’d exploded their relationship, he’d blown up his job, and now he was a step off of homelessness as he walked the rich streets of his hometown. He should find some cardboard and a sharpie while he could still afford it.

I’m fucked He thought to himself, only the bitterness never came. It was just a pure statement of reality.

He walked past where the Borders used to be, a fleeting memory of a time he would go inside and longingly peruse the shelves. He always liked to look at all of the books before picking the “just right” one. Barnes and Noble sat kitty-corner to it, each trying to put the other out of business, with B & N winning the final battle. Of course, the introduction of the Nook and Kindle had upset bookstores worldwide, but people still liked the physicality of stepping through the doors and finding a newly chopped-up tree to turn.

That’s when he noticed he’d been carrying his Journal with him everywhere. He had no memories of taking it out of his trusty Durango.

Walker looked over the grey camo splashed cover and thought for a moment of tossing it in a nearby trashcan. He started to head to one on the corner to do just that when a man in a green army jacket holding a tin can walked up to him. He had no idea where the man had come from, as he hadn’t seen him standing there when he’d scanned the area just a moment ago. Walker could smell his unwashed body before he’d even reached six feet of where he was standing.

“Spare some change, young fellow,” the old man said with his striped-bumble bee teeth.

Without thinking, Walker headed over while reaching into his wallet and pulling out a twenty. He slipped it into the nearly empty can, noting a few one-dollar bills poking out. He also noticed the ones that were showing themselves had been taped there by the man holding the can. Smart. Some people would shy away from being the first to help, thinking something was wrong with the homeless man, but if it looked like some cash was already in it, they’d be less hesitant.

He was happy to help. It’s what Valerie would’ve done. He just wished that hadn’t been his last bit of cash.

“Thank you kindly,” he said before heading back to his territory near the street. Walker nodded and looked at his journal again.

“Say, what’ve you got there?” interrupted the homeless man again, pointing one dirty nail at the notebook in his hand.

“Just a simple notebook filled with the deranged thoughts of a madman,” Walker replied.

“Hah, and here I thought I was the only madman left in this absolute paradise,” countered the homeless man with a slight grin that didn’t seem like it was meant to be there. “You don’t know how lucky you are.”

“Yeah,” Walker replied with a false smile in return, “Definitely lucky.”

“Names John Reed, pleasure to meet you.”

“Same. Walker Reed, funnily enough. Maybe we’re related.”

John shook his head and sighed. “No, son, I ain’t got no family left, or I’d not be like this. You know, looking at you.” He said, scanning Walker up and down. “You’ve been through something. Recently, it seems to me. Don’t think I’ve seen many people aimlessly walking around, carrying journals, and staring at trash cans. Most people come here with friends and loved ones or to work.” He scratched the underside of his chin. “What brings you here?”

He’s nosy as shit

“Why do you want to know” Walker asked in a, he felt, not-unfriendly tone of voice.

“Just passing the time,” he said with a shrug, “Got lots of time nowadays.”

With a mental laugh, Walker thought things couldn’t get any worse, may as well give this a go.

“OK, John.” He grabbed a seat near a strangely leafed tree and looked at the sky to collect his thoughts for a moment. With a shake of his head and a grimace, he said, “My life has never been worse. I went from having a smoking hot girlfriend and almost fiancee to unemployed, single, and soon to be broke.”

“How can someone be an almost fiancee.”

“Don’t interrupt John. You asked for it, and I’m giving it. This world is shit. I figured after Valerie, the almost fiancee, and I got out of the military, we’d be fine. We’d both worked hard and got our bachelor's degrees while still serving. We were happy. I was happy….”

He trailed off for a moment. John didn’t say anything and just looked at him.

Walker wasn’t sure what to say next. “So yeah, this world is shit. I was a teacher until ten something this morning. I was going to propose until late Sunday night. And just a few minutes ago, I had twenty dollars in my wallet. Now I’ve got nothing but…I guess this journal, a shitty car, and a half-assed set up in an apartment I can’t go back to as everything isn’t fully packed, and she doesn’t want to be near me.” A flash of fire hit his gut. “She’s moving in with Todd.”

“A Todd, huh?” John said quietly, not giving a smile this time.

“Yeah, a Todd. So I guess you could say I have a lot of open opportunities”, Walker said with bitterness.

“So you really think this world is shit?” John asked quietly, an unseen darkness casting itself across his face.

“I do. I fought a people who didn’t even have clean water, for reasons I still don’t know. Then, I wanted to help the world by becoming a teacher, and instead, I screamed and threw a hissy fit at everyone because my students didn’t have anyone teach them that their behavior wasn’t appropriate. Hell, my behavior wasn’t appropriate either,” Walker ran a hand through his hair, “I lost my almost fiancee because….well fuck I still don’t really know. Forgive me for asking. But you’re homeless, right? This isn’t just some scam?”

“I’m homeless in a literal sense, Mr. Reed.” John replied in a deeper tone of voice, not that Walker noticed as he was so wrapped up in his own problems, ”My home is no longer...reachable”.

Without thinking it over, Walker replied, “That’s rough man.”

John smiled a little. The kind of smile you only see on a person's face before something unexpected happens. It was jilted and wrong. As if the muscles in his face were fighting each other for dominance, rather than working together. Walker was still too self-absorbed to take note of it.

“So what would you do, Walker? How would you change the world? Even better, if you had to build a world from scratch, what would you do?”

“Build a world from scratch?

“Indeed. If you had the opportunity to build a world from the very beginning. No history, no religions, no culture, nothing but you and your thoughts, your dreams. What would you do?”

“This is a weird thought process, man,” Walker replied, a little upset about being pulled out of his introspection. He thought it over for a moment, “I guess I’d want it to be like all the books I’ve read. I became an English teacher for a lot of reasons, but the first one is I love to read. Especially fantasy. The guts and glory. The rescued princess and valiant heroes. A world where anything can happen. Where equality of opportunity isn’t just something that’s used to attract genius immigrants. An entire…place, where people can be recognized for their merits, and not where they were born or who they were born to.”

John helped, “A world where an out-of-work teacher and veteran can alter his path maybe, and take on the idea of who he really is?”

“Hah, wouldn’t that be fun?” He said as he looked down at his worn dress shoes. There was a scuff on the front he’d never dealt with. Not like it matters much now.

He didn’t see it, but John nodded and pulled an ordinary stick out of his belt. In a different tone of voice, he said, “Deal.”

Walker didn’t notice the change of tone as he looked at the concrete under his feet. Only the concrete began to blur, or maybe his eyes were; he wasn’t sure. As his eyes continued to betray him, likely from his manic mood all day, he felt something. Like he was floating. Only, there was something wrong.

A great rumbling could be heard, louder than anything he’d ever experienced. Louder than the bombs of the war or the tears of the students he was forced to fail. A shattering sound blasted out, and after what seemed an eternity, but couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, the world reasserted itself. Walker fell softly onto his ass from a height he had no reason to be at, and his eyes came back into focus.

That isn’t right, he thought to himself What was that? And why am I sitting on grass? Wait...His ears picked up what his mind couldn’t process. There was nothing. No sounds of cars nor people talking.

What?

“Welcome, Walker,” said a deep voice right in front of him. Walker looked up and noticed that Santa Barbara was gone, and in its place were the night sky and a million stars. Standing only a few feet away was a tall, powerfully built man wearing dark green robes and holding a pitch-black staff. The man spread his arms wide as he looked at him with a sad smile on his face.

“Welcome to your world”.

Original version published in 2023:

There was an itch on Walker’s soul as he hit the 101 highway.

Smooth green road signs passed by his windows, telling him he was going places, but he knew it was a lie.

Walker couldn’t get the look in Nicholas’s eyes out of his mind. There comes moments where you feel righteous fury, that you’re in the right, only to come down after the rage is expended and find just how horrible you had acted. He didn’t regret one thing, he regretted everything.

Everything except quitting.

The road signs continued to pass by.

In a spare moment, he looked at the small notebook sitting next to him. The cover showing the oh so originally titled “Journal”. He’d just written in it last night, in his usual stupid style, as he didn’t have anyone to talk to.

His oldest friend, Matt, always said he was too co-dependent in his relationships. The moment he had one, everything else disappeared, and his world tilted on the words of whoever he happened to be with at that time. He hadn’t called Matt in years, and calling him out of the blue right when he and Valerie broke up felt….wrong. Like he was using him. Who only wanted phone calls when you’re having a bad time?

He thought Matt might’ve had a kid recently….he didn’t even call to congratulate him. Better to let that sit for a minute.

Wrapping up his thoughts, he came to the reality that he had no one to lean on, no one to call, no job to go to, and his gas tank was running low. Good thing he had made plenty of money as a teacher in California right? He hadn’t checked his bank account in a while but he was sure there were only a few hundred dollars in there.

Paycheck to Paycheck is the life man. Maybe he could ask Nicholas for notes on how to be an adult in a few years.

What a crock of shit.

He saw his turn and eased over to the exit lane.

Walker wasn’t entirely sure where he was going, but he figured he’d know when he got there. The car and its’ despondent driver made a few turns and wound up in downtown Santa Barbara. Adobe buildings set in a Spanish Colonial Revival style scrolled past, bright flags hanging from the light poles filling his vision as people smiled and spoke to one another while his rusty car drove past.

He had to fight away any tears from forming. He hadn’t known why he was driving here until those flags appeared.

Valerie loved going downtown. Not to shop, as neither of them could really afford the lavish merchandise that sprang up here in the last ten years, but just to walk around and enjoy the area.

A random memory forced its way into his mind, “Walker, you should see what the old Sears building is going to be. I can’t believe they’re tearing down a SB monument like that. Where will people……” He pushed it away.

She was like that. See a dog in the street, feel the need to rescue it. See a homeless man, who for all you know is mentally aware and chooses that life, then try to get him into a shelter. That’s just the kind of person she is. Was.

They’d closed down State Street, the main downtown road, during the covid-19 pandemic, so he had to find a parking garage that was reasonably priced and hop out. Walker made a mental reminder to quickly get to a gas station as soon as he left, or he’d have to do the walk of shame that everyone claims they’ve never done, but just about everyone has.

Stepping out of the garage and onto the thoroughfare, he was surrounded by people going about their lives. His life wasn’t their problem, and he was determined to keep the standardized sad and lost look off of his face. He headed into a few stores, looked at one in particular with fantastic oceanic paintings, and just moseyed along without the burden of thoughts.

Walker knew it wasn’t healthy, that he…wasn’t healthy. He was smart enough to understand that right now, at this very moment, he was trying to relive some semblance of the life he had lived with Valerie. He’d exploded their relationship, he’d blown up his job, and now he was a step off of homeless as he walked the streets of SB. He should find some cardboard and a sharpie while he could still afford it.

I’m fucked He thought to himself.

He walked past where the Borders used to be, a fleeting memory of a time he would go inside and look at all of the books before picking the “just right” one came bursting in. Barnes and Noble sat kitty-corner to it, each trying to put the other out of business, with B & N winning the final battle. Of course the introduction of the Nook and Kindle had upset bookstores worldwide, but people still liked the physicality of stepping through the doors and finding a newly chopped up tree to turn.

That’s when he noticed he’d been carrying his Journal with him everywhere. He had no memories of taking it out of the Durango.

Walker looked over the grey camo splashed cover and thought for a moment of tossing it in a nearby trashcan. He started to head to one on the corner to do just that when a man in a green army jacket holding a tin can walked up to him. Walker could smell his unwashed body before he’d even reached six feet of where he was standing.

“Spare some change young fellow”, the old man said with his striped-bumble bee teeth.

Without thinking, Walker headed over while reaching into his wallet and pulling out a twenty. He slipped it into the nearly empty can, a few one dollar bills poking out. Walker noticed the ones that were showing themselves had beene taped there by the man holding the can. Smart. Some people would shy away from being the first to help, thinking something was wrong with the homeless man, but if it looked like some cash was already in it, they’d be less hesitant.

He was happy to help. It’s what Valerie would’ve done.

“Thank you kindly”, he said before heading back to his territory near the street. Walker nodded and looked at his journal again.

“Say, what’ve you got there?” interrupted the homeless man again, pointing one dirty nail at the notebook in his hand.

“Just a simple notebook filled with the deranged thoughts of a madman”, Walker replied.

“Hah, and here I thought I was the only madman left in this paradise” countered the homeless man with a slight grin. “Names John Reed, pleasure to meet you”

“Same. Walker Reed funnily enough. Maybe we’re related.”

John shook his head and sighed. “No son, I ain’t got no family left or I’d not be like this. You know, looking at you.” He said, scanning Walker up and down. “You’ve been through something. Recently, it seems to me. Don’t think I’ve seen many people aimlessly walking around, carrying journals, and staring at trash cans. Most people come here with friends and loved ones or to work.” He scratched the underside of his chin. “What brings you here?”

He’s nosy as shit

“Why do you want to know” Walker asked in a, he felt, not-unfriendly tone of voice.

“Just passing the time”, he said with a shrug.

With a mental laugh, Walker thought things can’t get any worse

“Ok John” He grabbed a seat near a strangely leafed tree and looked at the sky to collect his thoughts for a moment. With a shake of his head and a grimace, he said “My life has never been worse. I went from having a smoking hot girlfriend and almost fiancee, to unemployed, single, and soon to be broke.”

“How can someone be an almost fiancee.”

“Don’t interrupt John. You asked for it and I’m giving it. This world is shit. I figured after Valerie, the almost fiancee, and I got out of the military, we’d be fine. We’d both worked hard and got our bachelor's degrees while still serving. We were happy. I was happy….”

He trailed off for a moment. John didn’t say anything and just looked at him.

Walker wasn’t sure what to say next. “So yah, this world is shit. I was a teacher until ten something this morning. I was going to propose until late Sunday night. Now I’ve got nothing but…I guess this journal, a shitty car, and a half-assed setup in an apartment I can’t go back to as Valerie is moving her things out and doesn’t want me there.” A flash of fire hit his gut. “She’s moving in with Todd”.

“A Todd huh”, John said quietly.

“Yah a Todd. So I guess you could say I have a lot of open opportunities”, Walker said with bitterness.

“So you really think this world is shit?” John asked quietly, an unseen darkness casting itself across his face.

“I do. I fought a people who didn’t even have clean water, for reasons I still don’t know. Then I wanted to help the world by becoming a teacher, and instead, I screamed at a kid who acted out because he didn’t have anyone teach him that his behavior wasn’t appropriate. I lost my almost fiancee because….well fuck I still don’t really know. Forgive me for asking. But you’re homeless, right? This isn’t just some scam?”

“I’m homeless in a literal sense Mr. Reed. My home is no longer...reachable”.

Without thinking it over, Walker replied “That’s rough man.”

John smiled a little. The kind of smile you only see on a person's face before something unexpected happens. It was jilted and wrong. As if the muscles in his face were fighting each other for dominance, rather than working together. Walker was still too self-absorbed to take note of it.

“So what would you do Walker? How would you change the world? Even better, if you had to build a world from scratch, what would you do?”

“Build a world from scratch?

“Indeed. If you had the opportunity to build a world from the very beginning. No history, no religions, no culture, nothing but you and your thoughts, your dreams. What would you do?”

“This is a weird thought process man.” Walker replied, a little upset about being pulled out of his introspection. He thought it over for a moment, “I guess I’d want it to be like all the books I’ve read. I became an English teacher for a lot of reasons, but the first one is I love to read. Especially fantasy. The guts and glory. The rescued princess and valiant heroes. A world where anything can happen. Where equality of opportunity isn’t just something that’s used to attract genius immigrants.”

John helped, “A world where an out-of-work teacher and veteran can alter his path maybe, and take on the idea of who he really is?”

“Hah, wouldn’t that be fun.” He said as he looked down at his worn dress shoes.

John nodded, pulled an ordinary stick out of his belt. In a different tone of voice he said, “Deal.”

Walker didn’t notice the change of tone as he was looking at the concrete under his feet. Only, the concrete began to blur, or maybe his eyes were, he wasn’t sure. The blur lasted for what felt like a long period of time until he fell softly onto his ass and the world came back into focus.

That isn’t right he thought to himself why am I sitting on grass? Wait...." His ears picked it up. Nothing. No cars, no people talking. What?

“Welcome Walker” said a deep voice right in front of him. Walker looked up and noticed that Santa Barbara was gone, and in its place were the night sky and a million stars. Standing only a few feet away was a tall, powerfully built man wearing dark green shining robes and holding a pitch-black staff. The man spread his arms wide as he looked at him with an excited smile on his face.

“Welcome to your world”.