LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 4
The moment I heard Yuni’s words, I felt a shock as if a huge rock had dropped onto my chest.
We were still at an age where we hadn’t even lived half of our lives. Yet, it was absurd that she talked about death as if it were a given.
“Particle… hypersensitivity…?”
“It’s called ‘Particle Hypersensitivity Syndrome.’ For short, it’s Particle Hypersensitivity.”
But the very person, Yuni, continued her explanation calmly.
“Do you know what materials wizards use when they cast magic?”
“…I don’t know. Don’t they just conjure it from thin air?”
“The atmosphere of Earth contains particles called Vessel particles. They’re invisible, but they definitely exist all around. They’re probably here right now too.”
Yuni waved her hand through the air. She said that transforming those Vessel particles into different properties was exactly what magic was.
And those who could harness that ability were the wizards, and there was a special bodily tissue called ‘Well’ inside them.
“It’s not like wizards can use magic from the start. The body of a born wizard absorbs particles from the atmosphere through the Well. As they grow, their body structure gradually changes to be suitable for using magic. And the moment that transformation completes, they bloom as true wizards.”
But Yuni had a problem with her Well. Normally, the Well would gradually increase its capacity to match the body’s growth, but Yuni’s Well was absorbing particles at a rate far exceeding its limits.
“To take in particles in the body, they must go through a process called internalization through the Well. But I can’t do that. There are just too many particles coming in through the Well for me to internalize them all.”
“…What happens then?”
“The particles that aren’t internalized roam all over my body causing chaos. As far as I know, it leads to a weakened immune system, heart dysfunction, impaired vision, fainting, anemia, insomnia, and pain that feels like being stabbed by thousands of needles from within…”
“…Stop it.”
I couldn’t take any more of those horrifying words.
“But it might be okay, right? You seem perfectly fine…”
“Actually, I have had some symptoms all along. I’ve been managing, just losing some sleep at night… but they say it’ll get much worse during the growth phase.”
“…”
“The average age for a wizard to bloom is 17, but they said that so far, not a single case of someone with Particle Hypersensitivity has survived to that age. You need to be lucky, because almost all of them die before then.”
“What about treatment…?”
“…It’s an untreatable disease.”
Yuni finally showed a somewhat bitter expression on her face.
She said that the reason she came to our village was also because of Particle Hypersensitivity. It was one of the safer areas with lower atmospheric particle concentration, which could at least slow the progression of her illness.
And she noted that even though she was technically on borrowed time, she could avoid sibling rivalries, but being out of favor with the head of the family meant it was essentially like she was exiled.
Although Yuni’s explanation was over, I could only sit there, feeling completely lost.
I finally understood the reason why those lovely cheeks always had a shadow cast over them and why she occasionally skipped school.
On the other hand, I realized the root of that fierce and arrogant personality.
I couldn’t say that her previous words and actions were entirely justified, but if someone had grown up in an environment of sibling rivalry since childhood and even had an incurable disease, I would naturally have developed that kind of personality too.
But despite my curiosities being resolved, I didn’t feel any sense of liberation.
When I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, Yuni carefully spoke again.
“…I’m sorry for keeping it a secret for so long. I just wanted to tell you before it was too late.”
“…Aren’t you scared?”
“Of course I’m scared. And… I don’t want to die.”
Yuni wore a lonely expression.
“When I first came to this village, I thought about giving up everything. But now I’ve changed my mind. I want to leave behind traces of having lived before my life ends.”
“Traces?”
“Yeah. For example… this painting you drew for me, Hyun.”
Yuni’s voice brightened as she looked at the portrait I had drawn of her, as if she was trying to shake off the heavy atmosphere.
“Sorry for putting pressure on you. But you were the only one I could confide in. And… I thought you were the one who would remember me the most.”
As she recalled the past, Yuni slightly lowered her head, seeming a bit bashful.
“Hyun. Can you help me so that I don’t leave any regrets…?”
“…”
It was absolutely impossible for me to abandon Yuni now.
The answer I could give her was already determined from the beginning.
I simply nodded silently.
Seeing my silent agreement, Yuni broke into a wide smile. But there was an unhidden dampness in her eyes.
*
I tried to hold on to the hope that maybe things could get better.
But Yuni’s predictions didn’t miss the mark, and signs of her illness only grew stronger by the day.
As time passed, the days she skipped school increased steadily.
At least she said she felt reassured whenever I was by her side, so on the days she missed school, I would go directly to her mansion after school to spend time together.
I’d draw her as a model at least once a week. Before I knew it, the large wall was filled with the paintings I had done.
Now, Yuni’s room was becoming the space I was most familiar with.
“Hyun… are you here?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m cold… hold my hand…”
“…Here.”
“…Hehe… it’s warm…”
Whenever the pain intensified, Yuni would call my name as if it were a habit.
When I held her hand, she would smile brightly.
Yet Yuni’s skin was as cold and chilling as ice.
Watching Yuni succumb to her illness was painful for me even as a child. It was torturous that the only things I could do for her were hold her hand or keep her company.
The only consolation I could take was that the pain of her illness didn’t torment her all day long.
The symptoms of Particle Hypersensitivity peaked on the nights of the full moon and receded as the moon waned.
During the day when the pain wasn’t too severe, she could take painkillers and manage to maintain her daily life to an extent.
But Yuni’s anxiety about not being able to be with me grew in other ways.
“Who’s that person?”
“Who?”
“Why are you pretending you don’t know? You were chatting up a storm at the school gate a while ago.”
“Ah, that’s Dain. Don’t you remember? She always sat in the front row.”
“Looks like you had a good time talking to her? You two seemed to be laughing and having fun. Then you both went somewhere together. Did you two do something embarrassing in front of others or something?”
“…Yuna, what are you saying…”
“Why do you keep denying it? If you like her, just go for her. Throw someone like me away that easily!!”
As time passed, we gradually forgot the grudges that had formed from our previous antics and behaviors.
I too had almost erased such incidents from my memory, and I had begun to form decent friendly relationships not just with Yuna and Ina, but with other kids as well.
Yet Yuni didn’t quite welcome my changes. Especially whenever I exchanged even a single word with a female student, she would sulk intensely, and I would have to expend a considerable amount of energy to soothe her.
“It’s not like that. I was just helping carry a heavy load in the clubroom. There were other friends around too.”
“Are you an idiot? It’s obvious that it looks like you’re trying to get close to her. Why can’t you see through that… Hih… huuk…”
“…Yuna, are you crying…?”
“You really are an idiot. I told you I like you! I like you so much that’s why I hit you. That’s why I forgave you the special way… Huuk… but now you’re just fooling around… Huh huuh…”
“…? Yuna, what does that mean…”
“I can understand if your heart has changed because you’re on borrowed time… Huuk… but at least don’t do that in front of me with another girl… you’re going to die soon anyway, so can’t you wait until then… Huuk…”
Yuni’s sudden outburst left me dumbfounded.
Only after exerting much effort did I manage to calm Yuni down.
And in the process, I also learned the backstory to what I had remained blissfully unaware of.
That day, several years ago, when I had hit Yuni hard.
My mom, who had come to school, took care of Yuni’s wounds and said such things.
Boys usually show interest in girls they like in that way, and I had been too overzealous because I liked Yuni so much, she said.
For some reason, Yuni was entirely convinced by my mom’s words and came to truly believe that I liked her because of that.
So that day, she told me she’d forgive me specially.
She even said she blocked the anger of the maid who threatened to kill me and the captain of the guards who said he’d imprison me.
However, I remained completely passive, and Yuni thought that my heart had drifted away because she confessed her illness.
“…Huuk… I had understood you… but you… you…!!”
“…”
I found it extremely difficult to gather my thoughts as my mind felt hazy.
No matter how much I was in a situation akin to exile, it didn’t change the fact I had learned about how I had gotten away with hitting the lovely daughter of a prestigious family without any punishment.
Yet at that time, I hadn’t hated Yuni; if anything, I had never entertained those thoughts even once.
What I found hardest to understand was how Yuni could so firmly believe my mother’s ludicrous statement that boys hit girls they liked.
If my mom’s words were true, all husbands in the world would be in prison.
“…Yuna, listen…”
After much contemplation, I decided to honestly tell Yuni about the plot my mom had concocted.
I couldn’t lie about something like this.
Yuni’s expression darkened rapidly upon hearing my story.
The light in her eyes seemed to fade away entirely.
She looked at me and asked cautiously in a sorrowful tone.
“…So does that mean you… don’t like me… It was just me who had that misunderstanding…?”
Tears began to well up in Yuni’s eyes.
Her voice trembled, barely understandable.
I pondered over what kind of answer I should give Yuni.
Of course, it wasn’t that I disliked her.
Perhaps, it was the complete opposite.
I recalled the memories I had shared with Yuni.
And thought about the various efforts she had made.
Overall, in terms of personality or appearance, those traces of her efforts still radiated from Yuni.
She had meticulously stripped everything from me, and before I knew it, she had become the embodiment of my desires.
Without having to remind her that she was a poor soul with a time-limited fate, there was simply no way I could dislike someone making such efforts.
Once a person who hated being restrained, I had started to accept Yuni’s obsession so naturally that I scarcely noticed it.
I had long since become Yuni’s prisoner.
“…That’s not possible.”
As I gave my response, Yuni’s pupils shook as if an earthquake had occurred.
“How could I hold hands with someone I don’t even like like this every day?”
“…Then?”
“…I like you.”
Yuni’s head hung low after hearing my embarrassing confession.
“…You know I’m going to die soon. You still like me…?”
“…I don’t care. If I like you, then I just like you…”
– poof
Before I could even finish my response, Yuni rushed at me and nestled her face into my chest.
“…You idiot… you should have said it earlier… Huuk…”
“…I’m sorry.”
“You dummy. Truly a dummy. Totally clueless dummy… Silly… Huuh…”
I had to comfort Yuni for a while as her shoulders trembled. After that, I tried to ignore the fierce glares of the maid as I took Yuni home, her eyes swollen from crying.
That night, I couldn’t sleep a wink.