LIGHTNOVELONLINE 150. All The Way
True to her word Amethyst was only gone for about ten minutes. It was kind of awkward though, especially after the first minute or two when Theresa started to quietly freak out about something.
The silver-haired goddess seemed fine when she returned, although we all knew something was up since she'd changed her outfit while she was away. She came back barefoot and dressed in nothing but a translucent white gown, which attracted quite a few funny looks and some stares from folks at the other tables.
Amethyst used magic to swap back to her black dress after she'd rejoined the rest of us at the table, then she tried to act like everything was fine. Cassandra and Kaylee and I could tell something was up though, and Tess was still obviously kind of freaked out about whatever happened.
It basically killed the relaxed friendly mood we had going on. I started feeling anxious again, and the fact that I was sort of hanging out with my therapist got me thinking about all the important stuff we talked about at our session the week before. Like about how all our memories and experiences before Club Luna seemed unreal, as if they belonged to someone else.
I was left with the idea that I wasn't really alive until the moment I joined Club Luna. It was like, on top of turning into a girl and unlocking my true form and all that stuff, I also suddenly became a real person. All my memories and experiences since then were more vibrant and real, same with my emotions.
With all that stuff on my mind again ontop of whatever awkwardness Amethyst was up to and the way Theresa was obviously on edge it got my anxiety up high enough that Cassandra ended up taking over again. That kept me calm, but it didn't help Tess at all. And by the time we'd all finished our dinner it seemed pretty obvious that the double-date was over.
The silver-haired goddess and her girlfriend both seemed eager to get back home, and I was just as ready to do the same.
Cassandra and Kaylee thanked Amethyst for the invitation and for dinner, and we all agreed to try and get together again some other time. The four of us headed out after Amy paid the bill, then the silver-haired goddess and her girlfriend set off on foot since they lived nearby. Meanwhile Kaylee and us ducked around the corner into that little laneway next to the restaurant, where we teleported ourselves back home to the clubhouse.
Since it was still early the rest of the gang was all around, so we had some additional awkwardness of telling them what happened and trying to explain why the double-date ended so early. And there was a bunch of speculation about what Amethyst was up to during her brief absense. Kaylee and Cerys were both especially curious about it, and they came up with a few interesting theories.
In the end though it just boiled down to 'private goddess stuff', and Cassandra pointed out that whatever happened it probably wasn't any of our business. And unfortunately we weren't likely to ever find out the truth, since odds were it had nothing to do with Club Luna. So Kaylee and Cerys and the others eventually let the subject go, and the conversation moved on to other things.
After that it was basically just a normal Saturday night with our friends, there was conversation and video games and stuff as we all hung out together.
Now it was around noon on Sunday, and with the start of school less than two days away my girlfriend had a request for me. Or for Cassandra, actually.
"Hey Cass?" she asked quietly as we cuddled.
We were sitting next to each other on our bed with our backs against the wall. My left arm was around her shoulders, while her right arm was around my waist as she kept herself pressed up against my side. And one of her tails was tucked in between us while the other two stuck out in the opposite direction.
"Yeah Kaylee, what's up?" I responded quietly.
She turned her head slightly towards me and asked, "Are you still going to make me fully demonic before we go back to school? You know that's the day after tomorrow, right?"
I grimaced slightly, "Cassandra said you're already three-quarters demon, didn't she? Are you sure you want to go all the way?"
She nodded, "I'm sure. Can we do that today? Like right now?"
"We've got plenty of time," she added. "We don't need to start getting ready for the party for another four or five hours yet."
That was the only thing we had planned for today, the gang decided to have a little end-of-summer or before-school-starts BBQ party tonight. Nina was coming over, plus we also invited our backyard neighbours to join us. And we invited Brooke too, although I hadn't heard back yet if she was coming.
"If it's ok with you I can take over and talk with Kaylee about it?" Cassandra offered. "Assuming you're comfortable with me doing this Cass? I can tell you have some misgivings."
I tried to focus internally so I could respond without speaking out loud. Then I replied, "It's up to Kaylee. If this is what she wants then it's ok with me. So yeah I guess it's ok if you take over."
A moment later I felt Cassandra's calm confidence flow over me, and I knew my other self was in control.
As soon as she was present not-me asked our girlfriend, "Are you absolutely sure you want this Kaylee? Like I said from the start, there's no going back. If we do this you'll permanently lose the last of your humanity."
"I want this," she stated firmly. "I'm positive."
A moment later she asked, "I'm curious though, what does 'humanity' even mean in this case? I'm still me right? I still feel like me. Apart from the physical changes I don't feel any different than I did back when I was fully human. My personality and everything else hasn't changed at all either, other than how my body's changed I'm still the same me I always was. Right?"
I actually wasn't so sure about that. It seemed to me that she'd become more mischievous when she became part demon. I also thought she became a little bolder and more outspoken, maybe a little more fearless. And less modest too, like in terms of how she dressed.
Except I figured the boldness thing might have come from knowing she was a lot tougher as a demon. And the modesty thing made sense too, since I knew she had a bunch of body-image issues related to her human form. If she was more comfortable in her new form then I could see her feeling better about showing it off a little.
Cassandra seemed to be thinking about that stuff as well, before she finally answered Kaylee's question.
"I suppose this is the best way to describe it," she began. "In this context, humanity refers to an aspect or trait that is particular to your soul. It's not about your corporeal form, and it doesn't directly impact your mind or personality. There's a specific flavour or colour or some other intangible quality that marks a soul as human. Other kinds of souls might be demonic, fae, or perhaps even divine?"
Kaylee asked, "So if my soul becomes fully demonic, what does that mean for me? Is there any practical or measurable difference? Is there any meaningful drawback, any real reason not to go all the way?"
My other self replied, "As far as I know, the only real difference is if you're fully demonic then in the unlikely event of your death you wouldn't experience whatever sort of human afterlife you might otherwise have had in store. For instance if as a human you were mean to go to the heavens after you died, or if you were meant to go to some kind of purgatory or anything else along those lines, that would no longer be possible when your soul is fully demonic."
"Likewise," Cassandra added, "If you were destined to go through a normal reincarnation cycle, that would also be broken."
Our girlfriend seemed to think all that over for a few seconds before asking, "So if I died with some of my 'humanity' intact, would I go to your heaven? Would you get my soul?"
There was a bit of an awkward silence for a few moments before not-me replied, "If you were to become a worshipper, then yes. That is probably the only meaningful cost of becoming a full demon? As far as I know, you wouldn't be able to enter any part of the heavens, including mine."
"I don't know what becomes of demonic souls after they die," Cassandra continued. "However, I do know that demonic deaths are incredibly rare, and full demons are functionally immortal. Take Nina for example, she's nearly fifteen hundred years old and in demonic terms she hasn't even reached adulthood yet. As a full demon you would never have to worry about illness, accidents, or old age. The only things that could harm you would be other demons, or gods."
She finally stated, "So if you become a full demon then death isn't something you're likely to have to worry about for the foreseeable future."
The small kitsune was quiet again for a bit as she thought about all that. Then she finally came up with another question, "Will I change more? I mean if you make me a full demon, will my body change more?"
"The only thing that will change is you'll no longer be able to derive any sustenance from human food or drink," Cassandra replied. "You'll still be able to eat it, but you won't hunger for it. You'll need to take all your energy by feeding on humans."
Kaylee grinned as she flicked her tails around, "That just means more humans petting my tails so I can absorb their stress. That's win-win, and I'll bet there's no shortage of stressed students who want to pet some floof at university."
The smile faded as she added, "That's not what I was talking about though. I meant my appearance, will that change again?"
"Do you want it to?" my other self asked. "I don't expect it to change again on its own, but I believe I could make it more likely to happen. If there's something specific you had in mind, you could probably even guide it in that direction with a little concentration or focus."
Our girlfriend bit her lower lip, and her expression looked somewhere between 'trying not to smile' and 'lost in thought'. It honestly wasn't too hard to guess what she was thinking, and my other self was obviously thinking the same thing as me.
"You're wondering if it's possible to become even more of a kitsune?" Cassandra asked. "You're trying to decide if you want more tails, but you're not sure if that might be going too far."
The little kitsune's cheeks went red as she nodded, "Yeah, that's pretty much it. More tails, or floofier tails, or something like that? Like if I'm giving up the last of my humanity and going full demon, I feel like maybe there should be some kind of visible indication of that? Some obvious change so people know I've changed what I am again, become even more the new me."
Neither my other self or I said anything. We just waited quietly for our girlfriend to make a decision.
It was another minute or so before Kaylee finally shrugged, "I guess if it happens, it happens? I'm not going to ask you to go out of your way to do it, but I'm also not going to complain if that's how things play out."
"Anyways yes I'm still sure," she added. "I still want to do this, I want to be a hundred percent demon. And I'm ready right now, if that's ok with you Cassandra? And Cass, if it's ok with her too?"
Cassandra smiled, "Thank you for acknowledging us both. Cass and I appreciate it. And my inner demon has already told me she's comfortable with whatever you decide. So if you're absolutely sure Kaylee, then we can begin right now."
Our girlfriend nodded, "Like I said, I'm sure. I want to go all the way. So let's do it!"
"All right then," my other self stated. "Close your eyes and relax. It will probably feel a little strange again, but I'll let you know when it's all over."
Kaylee had an excited grin on her face as she nodded then closed her eyes. She was still cuddled up against our side, unlike the first time we didn't get her to lay down or anything like that.
The process involved Cassandra using her divine chaos magic, but that sort of flowed through me to pick up whatever demonic signature it needed before moving on from me and into our girlfriend. I experienced it as an intense but soothing warmth that seemed to radiate out from my heart.
At the same time Kaylee's body was engulfed in a golden glow, and for a few worrying seconds I wasn't able to feel her cuddling against us, as if she'd disappeared entirely.
Then the glow faded and our girlfriend was back. And thanks to the big happy grin on her face and the way her tails immediately started swishing around it was fairly obvious how she felt about the way things turned out.
