LIGHTNOVELONLINE Part 11 – Ghosts
Part 11 – Ghosts
Closing her eyes and clearing her mind, she took in the gentle smell of the forest around her.
Having calmed her thoughts, she continued walking, looking for a place to sit down at.
She wanted to try out her new seal, so she needed to find a quiet and secluded place where she would be able to safely let her clones draw on her skin.
A few minutes later, she finally found a rather small clearing surrounded by flowers.
Choosing a shaded spot on the ground, she took out her blanket and her tools before swiftly rushing through the hand signs for her wood clones.
Slamming down her hands onto the tree next to her, 10 clones stepped out of the tree.
8 would guard the perimeter, as it wouldn’t be wise to move during the procedure and her Anbu guard wasn’t here anymore.
After having proven herself to be trustworthy, the council had decided to remove her guard and return him to his usual duties that were much more important than his guarding duty.
She was deemed strong enough to defend herself.
Taking off her shoes and slipping off her black shorts, she lied down on the ground, instructing the clones to start drawing. She judged that she would need two clones for the full seal.
It was a rather small yet intricate seal, situated in the center of her lower stomach. She watched as her clones started drawing the circular seal, making sure to properly move the lines along her pathway system.
She didn’t know what she expected to feel, but it honestly felt quite pleasant to have the chakra infused brush run across her skin.
The procedure concluded without complications and her two clones dispelled once they finished their task.
Looking down at her newly seal-covered skin, she felt proud at her achievement.
Sending a bit of chakra through her pathways and letting it flow into her seal, she felt it activate and the chakra used for the creation of the clones instantly refilled.
However, once her reserves were full again, against her expectations, the seal continued making her body produce chakra. She had not even considered that it would continue to force her body to produce more chakra.
She felt waves of pain assault her body, making her knees buckle as she fell to the ground shivering and gritting her teeth.
Slowly, she forcefully pulled back her chakra, deactivating the seal.
She felt the pain recede and the excess chakra was absorbed into her reserves, widening them a small bit. Even a young child had more chakra than what she just absorbed, so it definitely wasn’t worth the pain.
She closed her eyes, deciding to rest for a bit.
Sending out waves of chakra to assess her surroundings, she noticed that nothing was amiss and that her clones were still faithfully guarding the area.
I need to be careful when using this seal. The strain it has on my pathways is not worth the tiny increase of my reserves.
I need to make sure to only activate it once my chakra reserves are truly nearly depleted …
Though, my reserves are already quite big and with the Byakugo seal, me running out of chakra seems almost impossible.
Maybe creating this seal was a waste of time?
Picking up her shorts, she pulled them back before looking downwards inspecting her stomach.
Only a small part of the seal was covered by her shorts, the rest was clearly visible, giving her stomach a different kind of charm, or so she thought.
She actually wondered if she couldn’t just create drawings or art and have them have certain effects. But even Fuuinjutsu had rules, no matter how versatile it was. She’d think further about this concept in more detail later.
She gathered the rest of her things and stored them in her storage scroll.
Slowly she enjoyed walking back through still early evening atmosphere of the forest.
Walking past hers and Naruto’s usual meeting spot, her senses picked up his presence.
Walking up to him, she noticed that he was asleep, having brought his own blanket today.
It was orange and black, apparently those were his favorite colors as she only ever saw him wearing those.
Sitting down next to him, she hugged her knees and just watched the sun slowly set.
She had initially chosen this place for that exact sight after all …
…
Naruto slept for a long time, only waking up around midnight.
He lazily opened his eyes, enjoying the way the cool wind brushed against his skin and slightly ruffled his hair.
Opening his eyes, a small smile appeared on his face as he watched the beautiful night sky full of stars. He hadn’t actually known when he fell asleep, but he was glad that nightmares didn’t seem to attack him here …
Feeling a presence next to him, he turned his head only to see Uzu sleeping next to him, lying on her back.
He took in her peaceful form, pausing at her stomach where he saw a small bit of ink disappear into her shorts, the rest of the complicated seal she had drawn today was clearly visible on her naked skin.
So, she already applied the seal, it looks good on her. I was kind of worried when she suddenly left earlier. And when she wasn’t at our usual spot …
Not thinking about it further, he inspected her slowly rising chest, his eyes lingering on the outlines of her breasts showing through her black crop top.
He had noticed that she really enjoyed wearing simple black sandals with short heels (that only exposed her toes with their perfectly painted toenails that complimented the color of her hair) but chose to often take them off when in nature. He guessed that she just liked the feeling of grass below her feet.
He had also noticed that on most days she wore black shorts and a crop top that totally drove him crazy most of the time.
Whenever she walked in front of him, he couldn’t help but stare at the way that her hips swayed.
He was really feeling like a pervert more and more lately, had his sensei rubbed off on him?
And that wasn’t even all yet. The soft vanilla scent that wafted into his nose whenever he was close to her always served to calm him down. His nose was stronger than that of a normal human’s mainly due to being the Jinchuuriki of the big, mean fox that was caged … just like him.
Honestly, he felt pity for the fox and if the fox weren’t always insulting the few people that he actually cared about, even though he shouldn’t care about them and actually feared truly showing it, then he would gladly spend more time with the fox.
When he was locked away in the box back at the orphanage, the fox was the only thing keeping him sane with his endless talk about hatred and destruction. Sometimes, when he was at his lowest, he was close to giving in to the fox and just letting him do what he promised him … to destroy those that hurt the one’s he cared about.
But, before he gave in to the fox’s voice, he always remembered the time he spent with his friends and the way that he needed to survive … for them, not necessarily for himself, but for them. If he gave in to the fox … who would remember them and their kindness? Mrs Humura?
He couldn’t help but release a dry chuckle at the thought of that woman.
He moved his sight back to the seal on the girl’s stomach. For some reason he felt so tempted to touch it, wanting to know what it would feel like against his hands.
If her hands are already that soft, then what about …
Slowly, his hand creeped closer to the sleeping girl’s stomach. As he was about to come in contact with her skin, she stirred, and he abruptly regained his bearings. Snapping his hand back, he cursed at himself for even thinking about touching her while she slept.
Holding her hand when she didn’t mind or even offered it was one thing … but touching her when she didn’t know …
Regaining his calm, he turned to look at her face, finding two blue orbs looking back at him.
Thinking about it … if we were to have children, our children would most likely have blue eyes, right? Especially since we both have …
Feeling blood rush to his ears, covering them in a blush, he shook his head, denying that he had even thought about that!
He felt her gaze on him as he heard her say: “The stars are beautiful tonight. This is the first time that I ever saw such a thing …”
He smiled fondly at her before lying back down and letting his hand fall next to hers, giving her the option of taking it, if she so wanted.
Honestly, he felt a bit guilty for showing her his foolish mask that he took on when in company of others that didn’t know that it wasn’t actually real.
Only with people that he felt safe, did he even dare show his actual self and even then, he didn’t reveal anything much about himself, he left that for himself to deal with.
He had been taught, several times, that showing his true self to people that had malicious intent only served to hurt either him or those that he cared about.
If he was honest, he didn’t trust Kakashi or Sakura too much. Of course, they grew closer over the time they spent guarding each other’s backs, but they didn’t know him, and he didn’t know them. And he was quite sure that he didn’t really need to know them.
They had both always focused more on Sasuke, who he clearly realized was jealous about his swift strength gain back during their Genin days.
And even though the connection between Sakura and Naruto was shallow, he still promised that he would bring Sasuke back to the village … though he kind of regrets that now. However, if he were to back out now, if he were to break his promises when he could clearly still fight to fulfill them … what kind of person would he be?
He couldn’t and he wouldn’t just back out of promises.
…
As Naruto was lost in thought, Uzu noticed that he had dropped his hand close to hers. He often did this, giving her the decision to either take his hand or leave it alone.
Until now, she had never once not taken his hand when he offered it.
Slowly moving her hand over to his, she interlocked her fingers with his, feeling comforted by the touch.
He finally seemed to snap out of his thoughts as he gave her hand a slight squeeze in thanks.
For a few more minutes, they lied there, enjoying the feeling of their hands touching as they let their minds run freely, watching the beautiful night sky.
She heard Naruto’s slightly pained voice whisper: “Want to go back?”
Turning towards him, she nodded and they both made their way back to the apartment.
Stepping into the apartment, still interlocking their hands, they never expected to see their two parent figures sitting drunk on the couch, leaning against each other.
If one looked closely, one could see Jiraiya’s hand lazily brushing against Tsunade’s chest as he hugged her and let her rest her head on his shoulder. She seemed to have needed comforting as her eyes were slightly red and seemed swollen.
Uzu watched them with a small smile, happy that Jiraiya was there to comfort her Mom … she just really didn’t know how to comfort someone that was usually so strong.
In her past life it had always been her that needed support and comforting. And whenever she had tried to do the same for the kind people that helped her, she miserably failed and didn’t know what to do.
So … she was glad that Jiraiya was here, keeping her Mom company and helping her with the situation of actually, possibly, knowing the future plans of some of the strongest people alive.
Naruto tugged at her hand, softly dragging her along to leave the two older adults alone.
After letting go of each other’s hand and wishing each other a good night, they entered their respective rooms and prepared for bed.
…
In the early morning hours of the next day, Uzu suddenly found herself lying awake in her bed, covered by the soft blanket she loved.
She wondered why she was suddenly awake and sent out her chakra waves to search for clues.
Weirdly, she noticed that there were several silencing seals on Naruto’s door. They were applied from the inside, so he had clearly applied them himself.
Looking further into his room, she saw that he hadn’t even touched his bed but instead sat on the ground leaning against it.
One of his hands clutched at his chest, seemingly almost desperately gripping onto the fabric of his shirt.
His other hand supported the top of his head as tears streamed down his face.
Did he put up those seals so no one could hear him?
Does he even want anyone to know?
It hurt her to see him like this and she felt cold all over, even as she was tucked under her covers and should feel warm.
I want to help him, somehow.
But … what can I do? What can I do?
He likes being near me, right? … and hugs always manage to comfort me …
Putting aside her covers, she moved to her cupboard, pulling out an oversized shirt that instantly made her feel less cold.
His room is only a few doors away … Mom and Jiraiya are still sleeping on the couch, though they’ll probably be stiff as hell when they wake up …
Stopping in front of her own closed door, she pondered again.
Should I really? But what do I do when he doesn’t even want anyone to know and he doesn’t want anyone to comfort him …?
What if showing concern only makes it harder and worse for him?
What if he turns away from me once he sees that I know of his suffering?
Contrary to her racing thoughts and worries, she still found herself standing in front of his room only seconds later.
Soundlessly she opened the door, slipped inside of his room and closed it again.
Standing with her back to him, she could hear the quiet sobs escaping his throat.
Turning around, she could finally, truly, see his small and shaking form.
Worry warped her expression as she slowly moved closer, focusing all of her chakra senses on only him and carefully analyzing all of his little movements.
She wouldn’t ever forget what she saw here today, her memory would make sure of that.
Dropping down in front of him, she reached out her hands to softly and gently raise his head.
As their eyes met, she could see the red hue that the corners of his eyes had taken on. His eyes were swollen and wet, clearly a sign of a prolonged stream of tears.
Moving her thumbs to wipe away the tears forming below his eyes, she saw his eyes widen in recognition before filling with fear and shame and …
Watching his expression turn from bad to worse just from seeing her, knowing that she knew about his crying that he worked so hard on hiding, confirmed her doubts about even going into this room.
She had made it all worse, as always. She had a real talent for that, apparently … and just gaining a second chance at life did not change that at all.
But … now that she was already here, she might as well destroy all they had by trying her worthless attempts at comforting him. She just really wasn’t made for emotions like this.
Pulling him into herself, she forcibly embraced him, feeling him tense and squirm in her arms, clearly being uncomfortable.
She had always wished to attain true emotional indifference, it would have been easy, so damn easy to just ignore everything and follow whatever meagre goal she put upon herself to live a life she never wanted. Just to keep going.
Because emotions were always the problem, always. She just didn’t ever know what was real and what wasn’t.
It took her years of depression, but she had finally reached a level of numbness that left her staring at the ceilings and wondering just what the hell she was doing before breaking out into random fits of crying, laughing and then staring again. The last of her days in her former life had been the most miserable she ever had.
And it was all because she was so damn numb and felt empty.
She had successfully destroyed herself after years of working hard for it, only to realize that it wasn’t worth it.
She had always used suicidal thoughts as a coping mechanism. She’d tell herself: “it’s okay, if it gets too hard, we can just …” and that would calm her down, make her sleep easy at night.
But when it truly got too hard and she had lost everything, she realized that it had been a miserable life she had led.
All that baggage from her past life, she still carried it around in this one.
But in her last life, she had never once truly, genuinely enjoyed life. She had been unlucky at birth and she just wasn’t fated for happiness. She did not even have the chance at reaching for it. Fate.
This time, however, she had … actually … found a family, and even if that was just one person, she truly cherished her. No, more than that. She trusted her and she truly loved her.
And … as for the boy in front of her.
She wasn’t sure yet and she didn’t know if she would ever be truly sure, but she knew that she cherished him just as much as she cherished her Mom.
Uzu just didn’t know if she loved him. But she knew, when she imagined him being gone, as he would be after today, she would be lonely. And she just couldn’t deal with lonely.
She loved being alone at times, but she just could not deal with loneliness.
At some point, the boy in her arms gave up trying to escape her embrace, but he also didn’t move to hug her back, he just stopped resisting.
Uzu felt tears form in the corners of her eyes just as his sobbing quieted, knowing that she’d need to let go soon.
She honestly just didn’t know anymore. Being faced with situations like these always overwhelmed her, how could she ever deal with other’s emotions when she couldn’t even be sure of her own.
Exhaustion seemed to overcome the boy as she felt his tense body go limp in her arms.
Heavy, she thought, carrying the boy into his bed and tugging him below his covers.
Taking one last look at his messy face and ruffled hair, she used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe away the last bit of his tears before leaving the room and walking back to her own bed.
Tossing and turning, she just could not sleep anymore, and she did not even try creating a few seals to take her mind off the events of the night.
She knew that she wouldn’t find the concentration needed for that.
She just buried her face in the pillow staring out of the window, her eyes unfocused, something she was oh so used to.
…
A/N: Yeah, so, uhm. This was a harder chapter to write … :/