Chapter 92 – Feelings and Frustration
We had departed the destroyed village in the morning with little to no problems, much to my surprise.
But thinking about it, their compliance made sense.
Not only was their village in such a state that remaining there would be tantamount to suicide, but there was also the fact that the girls had a lot of experience in situations like this, with troubled civilians.
...And there was also the fear.
Now, we weren't threatening them or anything of the sort, but when someone who had the strength of a hundred- no, a thousand men asked you to leave, much less a whole group of them, you would likely follow their suggestion.
And my entrance didn't help things.
Either way, with the familiar warm breeze and rolling hills, we were slowly making our way closer to Orario, which was less than two weeks of travel away.
But despite the beautiful scenery, I couldn't stop looking over at the newest member of our Familia, Sophie.
It wasn't for any romantic purposes or anything, but rather... concern.
She looked... fine.
Happy, even.
I wouldn't expressly want anyone to be sad, obviously, but it was a little weird how quickly she seemed to get over the massacre and her parents' deaths.
Just like I had thought yesterday.
But then again, it could all be a facade, and she was only keeping up a front to mask her internal struggles.
But that's not healthy.
Everyone had to deal with their emotions at some point, no matter how much they tried to look away from them.
Well, thinking about a bunch of made-up scenarios wouldn't do any good.
I should get to the bottom of this the only way I know how.
And since we were stopping for lunch, this was the perfect time.
"Hey."
"Hya!?"
Oh shit, I surprised her.
Whoopsie~
"J-Jeez! You scared me!" She says.
"Yeah, sorry about that." I respond.
"No, no... it's fine. I should be more aware of my surroundings anyway."
The mood turns awkward as Sophie fiddles with her empty bowl of soup.
Right, let's do this Sirius!
You're a leader of the Familia now!
"Anyway... how do you like the Familia so far?" I ask.
She takes a moment before answering.
"It's... good. You're all good people, and Haruhime has been making sure I don't feel left out." She says.
"Yep, that sounds just like her. Haru's a good girl, and she's your age too. You should try being friends with her." I respond.
Although she would have to be careful around Ariel...
Those two lovebirds seemed to have somehow gained some yandere tendencies while I wasn't looking.
"Yeah, I will. But speaking of that... why are you... you know..."
"The only man in the group?" I finish for her.
"Y-Yeah."
Hmm, how to explain this...
Thinking about it, there wasn't really any need to.
"It just sort of happened." I say.
At this point, now that I was likely the strongest person in the world, my backstory didn't really matter anymore.
Besides, it was getting kind of old explaining it every time.
"I see... A-And then you got married?" She asks with a slight blush.
Was she still wondering about that?
Well, I suppose that makes sense.
Three-way relationships are all but unheard of in this world, much less a rural village like hers.
"Well, that came a little bit after, but yeah, basically." I say.
"Oh. I could definitely see Alise asking two people to marry her. She seems very..." Sophie says.
"Headstrong?"
"Exactly!" She exclaims.
"Indeed she is, but it was actually me who made the first move. Though she is the one who brought up the idea of the three of us into play... but anyways, I didn't come over here to talk about my love life."
Crouching down to her eye level, I stare at her intently so that I can spot any insincerity.
Trembling pupils, averting of the eyes... I wanted to make sure she was being truthful here with such a serious topic.
"Sophie... are you okay?" I ask.
Her eyes widen in surprise for a moment, before her face relaxes into a soft smile of resignation.
"I'm fine, thanks. Truly... I am." She says.
Okay... how to approach this...
"Sophie... I remember you from when I arrived and killed the bandits. You were, well, pretty upset. Understandably so. That doesn't just change in two days..."
Or rather, it shouldn't.
Sophie just shakes her head lightly in response.
"My parents... they weren't from a happy place." Sophie says.
Waiting for her to continue, I reposition myself so that I'm kneeling rather than crouching.
"I don't know the exact details, but I do know that everyone they knew from their hometown, friends and family, are dead. So they know the pain of losing someone, and they taught me early on that death was just a part of living." She takes a shaky breath before continuing.
"They told me to not mourn their deaths, but rather to move forward and keep them in my heart. To look toward the future with hope rather than wallowing in the past. So that's why I promised myself... before I asked to join your Familia, I promised myself that I would try to stop people like me from being born. Kids that are able to so easily accept death and sadness... I don't want that anymore."
Rather than shaking in sadness, or trembling in doubt, her eyes were unwavering, filled with that same tenacity I had seen yesterday.
Jeez, she really was another Alise, huh?
"That's quite the goal. But right now you're pretty damn weak, so what will you do as you grow stronger?" I ask.
While my words were a little harsh, it was an important thing for her to think about.
Saving the world, removing pain and sadness, and other such lofty goals were all but unachievable unless you were a God.
It was the same trap Alise had found herself in before, and there was no need for Sophie to flounder around like a lost lamb until she realized it herself.
She needed achievable goals, ones that would grow over time alongside her power.
After all, an ideal without an adequate amount of strength to back it up was just that.
An ideal.
"W-What do you mean?" She asks.
"What do you mean, 'what do I mean'? Tell me... what's something you want to do right now, with the limited power you have?" I ask again.
She looks lost and confused, her eyes swimming with doubt.
But a moment later, she looks toward the group of kids that Ariel and Iris were playing with, and I see her eyes once again harden in conviction.
"For now... I'll protect them. I won't let any more harm come to the villagers." She says, with no room for argument.
"That's a good goal. Well, you better stick to it. While it's gotten much better over the years, Orario still has a few bad people around."
Giving her a gentle pat on the shoulder, I stood back up before looking towards a familiar blonde-haired teen, who was standing alone on a hill a few hundred meters away.
One who had been acting weird ever since the village.
Well, that was one girl's problems dealt with, now onto the next.
Releasing a deep sigh, I start walking over to her, my mind going over things I would say and situations that might play out.
----- Ais POV -----
I hate monsters.
I always have, and always will.
How could I not when all they created was death, destruction, and sadness?
Broken families... broken people... broken hearts...
This was why I train so hard, and always seek to improve myself.
Because aside from the Black Dragon, the target of my anger was every monster in the world who had created sad, scared little girls like me.
But what I had seen back there...
The carnage, the despair...
It was just like what happened when monsters attacked.
But that wasn't the work of monsters, but rather, people.
And I had seen this before.
Back then, I was too angry, too weak, and too idiotic to notice, but six years ago... I saw the same depressing sights.
It was frustrating.
I don't know whether I was frustrated at my goal for being too simple, or frustrated at myself for having my conviction so easily shaken by one event.
And this confusion only added to my irritation.
If I could put it into Sirius' words... I felt like shit.
Thinking about it now, that's also what Bete would say.
...I should be careful, lest I become as impolite as that Werewolf.
"Hey."
Hearing the familiar voice, I turn around to see Sirius holding two wooden swords.
What were those for?
Well... it didn't really matter.
"Hi, Sirius."
"You seemed quiet at breakfast, even though I made you hashbrowns. Everything okay?" He asks.
I feel my mouth water a little at the mention of the delicious treat.
A few months without the Loki Familia was bearable.
A few months without Jagamarukuns, however... well, I'm just glad Sirius was able to make something similar.
"Yes. Everything is... fine." I respond.
"Bulllllshit~" He says in response.
I frown at his vulgarity.
Maybe he was more like Bete than I'd like to think.
But didn't he have children?
And was married to Ryuu no less...
"Why, do you think I'm not?" I ask.
"Ais, my precious student... You may be a great fighter with many talents, but lying is absolutely not one of them. Come on, tell me." He says.
Haa... I guess I should have guessed.
He had already talked to me about my parents, and that was before we had grown as close as we were now.
"It's just... I feel a little lost." I say.
"Is it about the village?" He asks.
I nod my head in response.
"...Well? Do you wanna talk about it?" He asks.
I shake my head again.
"No. It's just... frustrating." I say.
"I thought so. But words don't really suit you, do they?"
I give him a glare in response.
"Yeah, yeah, just listen. Do you know how I always stayed upbeat no matter how stressful? Like when I had the kids about to be born." He says.
I was a little curious.
I had never seen him sad or stressed, at least not for a long time.
"No... how?" I ask.
"By beating the shit out of some monsters!"
He then tosses me one of the swords, and as soon as I catch it, I recognize the style.
After all, it was identical to my Desperate, in size, shape, and weight.
"Either that or training. But there aren't any monsters around here, are there? So you'll have to settle with me. Unleash your emotions, Ais. Frustration, anger, sadness... just let it all out on me." He says with a smile.
Grasping the hilt, I swing down at the ground, causing the air to whistle at the speed.
"Are you sure, Sirius? I have quite a lot to vent." I say with caution.
"Oh please, have you ever beaten me yet? Just because you're extra moody today won't change anything."
I feel my eyebrow twitch at his words.
That's it.
"I hope you don't regret this." I say.
"Blah blah blah-"
His annoying talk is interrupted by me thrusting forward, the tip of my sword speeding toward his neck.
But before it can strike true, he lifts his sword to meet mine, deflecting my blade sideways before flicking his wrist, causing his sword to flash toward my exposed self like a whip.
Luckily, I pulled back just in time, feeling the wind from his strike brush against my cheek.
That was close...
How he could gather such power from such a small movement... it was still something I found beyond my understanding.
But I suppose that is par for the course for a master swordsman like him.
Didn't make it any less irritating though...
"Huh? Was that a fly I just felt?" He then says with fake confusion.
Was he actively trying to annoy me?
"Oh, no. That was just you."
He definitely was.
And it was working.
My frustration growing, I felt my grip around the handle tighten.
Well, if thrusting didn't work, perhaps I should move on to more... destructive techniques.
My feet dig into the ground before I shoot forward, my sword held across my body before swinging it as hard as I could horizontally.
The sword, though dulled, still cut through the air faster than the speed of sound thanks to me angling the blade properly and using all of my twisting force.
With a strike like this, even Sirius would have to focus on blocking.
And when he did, I would pivot my feet and-
"Whoop!"
He dodged.
And thus, my plan was thwarted.
But no matter, I just had to do it again.
A vertical slash downwards, a diagonal to the bottom left, a horizontal strike against his legs...
No matter what I did, he simply stepped back from every strike, leaving me stranded as to what to do next.
"Stop dodging."
I eventually complained.
"Oh? Really? So... would you rather I do this?"
As I swung down my sword, instead of stepping back, he stepped forward instead, riding his blade down my own before it eventually hit my arm.
"Smack! Haha, got you~!"
I don't know what changed, but right now he was being really, really annoying.
"Grr." I growl.
"Waa! A wild boar! Oh wait, that's just Ais. But what's with that glare? Is it perhaps that time of the month~?" He taunts.
...
That's it.
I'm using my magic.
"Tempest."
This might be going a little too far for a simple sparring match, but he brought this on himself.
My wind gathers around my feet as I feel the magic power spread throughout my body in a gentle flow, yet ready to turn into a cyclone at my command.
The martial and magical prowess you had helped cultivate... I will make you understand it clearly, teacher.
I leap forward, my figure blending into the passing air, before appearing right in front of Sirius.
My sword arcs down, only for me to feel a light shock run up my arm as his wooden blade meets mine.
Like this, we continued exchanging attacks, and before I knew it, I had a small smile on my face.
I was... having fun.
Eventually, my sword succumbs to the constant beatings, shattering into a cloud of splinters as Sirius gently tapped my forehead with his own.
"Boop!"
I choose to ignore his playful remark.
I lost.
And quite badly at that.
But for some reason... it didn't feel that way.
Looking around, I could see a few people had gathered to watch our little spar.
There was Lefiya, Haruhime, Ariel, and that new girl, Sophie, as well as a few of the villagers.
I couldn't help but notice Sophie staring at me with admiration, much like Lefiya often did.
Or maybe that gaze was directed toward Sirius?
I didn't know...
"Well, do you feel a little better now?" Sirius asks.
Returning my focus back to my teacher, I think over his words.
...He was right.
Throughout that spar, I hadn't thought about my internal conflict once.
And now that I could think about it once more, the previous frustration now felt... muted, dulled.
I don't know if this was exactly what he intended to do, but it did help either way.
"Yeah. I do..." I say.
"That's great!"
His big smile causes a feeling of warmth to erupt in my heart, but at the same time, I also find it a bit annoying.
Hmm...
Oh.
I know just how to get back at him.
"But I'm telling Ryuu and Alise what you said during our fight. What was it again? Something about 'that time of the month'?"
His smile slowly disappears at my words.
"I wonder what they would think about that..." I say while tilting my head.
"Fuck... Please don't." He pleads.
"Too bad."
I then begin walking away, ignoring Sirius' desperate appeals for mercy from behind.
My steps were noticeably lighter than before as if a large weight had been taken off my shoulders.
The air seemed a little easier to breathe, and the sun shone a bit brighter.
I felt... good.
Yes... I still had unanswered questions and convictions to revise... but that was okay.
I didn't have to sulk and agonize over such things to gain progress, and in time the problems would eventually be solved.
And if I felt frustrated again?
Well, I could just take it out on Sirius.
Hmm... Lefiya wanted to have a picnic together, right?
I guess I was getting a little hungry.