Chapter 31 – Feelings and Love
Taking a deep breath to calm my nerve, I lightly knock on Mother Astraea's door.
"Come in."
Hardening my resolve, I enter the room to be met by Mother Astraea, sitting on a rocking chair with a book opened in her hands.
She really loves reading, doesn't she?
"Is something the matter, Sirius?"
Breaking me out of my reverie, I sit on the couch I always use for updating my status before responding.
"Yes, actually. I have a few questions and concerns, and I'd also ask you for a favour."
I then explain everything I could about my feeling for Ryuu, her probable feelings for me, and the issues that entail a relationship.
The age situation where I'm mentally 19 years old, or 20 now, and despite Ryuu being 17, she has the maturity that I would be comfortable being with.
How the Familia would feel about our relationship, especially Astraea herself.
The Elven customs involve romance.
At this point, I'm confident in being with her for life, I truly love her.
But I don't know all there is to Elven romance, and what practices Ryuu would still follow after leaving her forest.
And finally, Ryuu's own feelings that she herself does not completely understand.
Although mature, she is incredibly innocent.
And how I'd like for Mother Astraea to help her figure out her emotions.
After saying everything I needed to, with Mother Astraea calmly listening on, she takes a moment before answering me.
"Well, I should first thank you for talking to me first, and for taking such matters seriously."
Adjusting her position, she starts rocking in the chair.
"As for age, do not worry about that. People become adults once they are 15, and their maturity grows to reflect that. Most of the time at least. So I don't believe you need to wait for her to turn 18. After all, being an adventurer means you can die at any time, so it would be best to not keep any regrets."
She then continues.
"In regards to the Familia's thoughts, I did not create an all-female Familia because I hate romance and men. It is simply because male adventurers are often not the greatest characters, and even if they were I wanted to create a safe space for good girls in Orario, who wished to enact justice. You have already proven yourself to be respectable enough to stand proudly amongst them, so I would trust you with Ryuu's wellbeing, as would the girls. In fact, I bet they would be ecstatic to hear of such a development."
Chuckling lightly to herself, Mother Astraea resumes her advising lecture.
"And the difference in culture, well, that is something you two would have to figure out. The only thing I know she would want is an engagement, symbolized by a bracelet, and as you already have the resolve to marry her, I see no issues with that."
I breathe a sigh of relief as all my concerns have been adequately addressed.
"Now, I will have a talk with Ryuu about her own feelings. Although I wanted her to discover it on her own, it seems she needs some help."
Sensing the end of the conversation, I get up to take my leave.
"But Sirius, do you not feel any attraction towards Alise? You two are similarly close after all."
Feeling my face heat slightly at how obvious my emotions were to detect, I take a moment to formulate my answer.
"Well, yeah, especially when I first started feeling attraction towards Ryuu, I felt similarly towards Alise. In fact, I think I still have feelings for her. But she obviously doesn't feel the same, at least not to the extent Ryuu does. And ever since learning about the fact Elves don't really 'date', I've suppressed those feelings. I don't want to imagine what Kaguya would do to me if I hurt Ryuu like that."
Mother Astraea gives me a warm smile.
"I see. But be warned Sirius, if you hurt Ryuu it won't be only Kaguya you have to worry about."
Feeling the air turn cold with the not-so-thinly veiled threat, I decide to make myself scarce.
"I-I see, well, thank you for everything, Mother Astraea, see you in the morning!"
Shutting the door behind me, I head towards my room, thinking of where the hell I could find an engagement bracelet in Orario.
----- Astraea POV -----
Seeing Sirius scatter out of the room after releasing a portion of my divinity, I form a light smile that soon morphs into a frown.
"'She obviously doesn't feel the same', huh."
I guess it would be asking too much for him to be able to see past Alise's facade, especially without knowing her when she was still inexperienced.
Alise Lovell, my beloved child and captain of my Familia, and known for her positive personality no matter the situation.
And not known to all, a master at masking her emotions.
Of course, she would not be positive in every situation, she is human, a kind human, after all.
But her being downtrodden in such a situation would only worsen morale.
Thus, she lies.
Masking her feelings to be the constant guiding light for her fellow Familia members.
But a goddess like me, one that has seen her slowly improve her deception, knows how to see through it.
Most likely seeing the obvious affection Sirius and Ryuu hold to each other, she used her mask to hide her own feelings, whether a conscious decision or not, the result remains the same.
Haa, it seems like I'll have to step into this bizarre love triangle before any of my children get hurt.
If they do... well, I'm blaming Sirius for being a natural flirt.
He should be thankful he hasn't snared any of the other girls, or this goddess of justice might have had to do something... unjust.
Setting my newest book down and getting to my feet, I head toward the common room to find Ryuu.
It's time our beloved Elf gets a lesson on love.
----- Sirius POV - 1 Day Later -----
After the slightly embarrassing, but extremely necessary, talk with Mother Astraea last night, I woke up prepared to complete today's task.
Finding an engagement bracelet.
Knowing that this holds the same importance as a ring from Earth.
No, wait.
It's even more since Elves value their romantic bond much greater.
Anyways, I'm searching the city for an acceptable piece, carrying quite a bit of valis to ensure that price isn't an issue.
Going through all the shops I could think of, I finally find the one.
A wooden band and an assortment of beautiful gemstones, glittering blue and green under the sunlight.
Asking the store clerk, I also learn that it's meant for adventurers, thus is durable enough to survive most combat situations.
A charming piece.
But most importantly, it fits Ryuu perfectly.
After buying the bracelet for a reasonable 30,000 valis, I then make my way back home with a pep in my step.
Arriving at the front door, I see Naaza holding a large bag, struggling to get up the steps.
Naaza Erisuis, the young Chienthrope I had saved from the irregular Infant Dragon six months ago.
Shortly after becoming level 2, she had come over to thank me for saving her, joined by her god Miach, where we became acquainted.
With most of her Familia members killed by the irregular, and Naaza herself discovering a new fear for the dungeon, the Miach Familia stopped exploring the dungeon, the final few members focusing on making and selling potions of great quality.
And due to the Astraea Familia using them for all their potion needs, I've met Naaza many times when visiting her shop.
Of course, I'm not blind to her obvious affections, but I can only see her as a little sister much like Haru.
I can only hope that her feelings pass with time, especially once I and Ryuu become official... hopefully.
Besides, I'm fairly certain her affections are born from admiration and gratitude, not love.
And also, while cute... Ryuu's better.
"Ah, Sirius! I-I came to deliver some potions that Lyra ordered!"
----- Ryuu POV -----
Leaving Mother's room, I head toward the garden to seriously ponder the conversation we just had.
A conversation regarding my feelings...
Kyaa!
Just thinking about it makes me bury my face in my hands!
I've always felt the heat of embarrassment when thinking about Sirius, as well as another heat...
Is this 'love'?
Truly?
I know the emotion I hold towards my Familia can only be described as love, but according to Mother, this feeling is different.
For me, romantic love was only something seen in fairy tales, a fantasy that doesn't belong to Elves such as myself.
After all, such a hateful and prideful race could never feel the passion other races do towards their loved ones, especially not with those of another race.
In my homeland, love was not passionate or romantic.
We choose our lifelong partners based on stable and lasting emotions, focusing on the good of the forest and the blood of our children.
Not such fleeting and shameful desires as lust and yearning.
But... I then think back to another thing Mother said.
"Ryuu, you've long since left your forest out of hating their strict and hateful customs. Why do you think you must continue to follow such practices?"
Indeed, I can't deny the warmth I feel with Sirius, it feels nice.
A warmth I haven't felt with any boy or man before.
But! I've felt that before with the other girls!
Especially with Alise.
The only difference is with him, I feel warm whenever he looks my way, when our eyes meet, when he compliments me...
Gah! Stop!
I... just need some time... yeah.
Besides, if there's one belief I keep from my Elven heritage, is that I do not want a fleeting relationship.
No.
My 'love', or whatever this feeling is, I want it to be eternal, I would want our bond to be eternal.
With such an important decision I would need to be absolutely sure I'm making the right choice and have absolute clarity in my emotions.
And besides, how can I be sure Sirius feels the same?
Looking past a bush toward the front door, I see the man in question, along with a young girl.
Naaza, I believe.
The nice girl of Miach's Familia who Sirius saved a while ago.
It looks like she came to drop off a delivery.
Observing their conversation, I notice Naaza displays certain habits while talking to Sirius, habits that I have occasionally shown with him as well.
Avoiding eye contact, playing with her hair, swaying from side to side, a constant smile, a constant blush.
Does, does that mean she likes him?
Thinking that, a sharp pain shoots through my chest.
Why...
Why!
Sirius, why are you talking to her like that!?
You damn lecher!
And why...
Why does it hurt?
Wait...
Is this... jealousy?
Stumbling back toward the gazebo, I try to make sense of everything.
I'm jealous, at least I think so... does that mean, I do love him?
But then, what does love even entail?
Flowers? Dinner dates?
Or even s-s-that thing?
I begin to tear up at the stress, the strangeness, and most notably, the fear.
Dammit! I don't understand!
Why can't I understand?
Taking a few deep breaths to calm down, I decide to seek Mother's advice once again.
----- Sirius POV -----
After bringing the potions to Lyra, storing away the bracelet, and having a nice lunch, I decided to get some training in for the day.
Starting with my usual routine of hand-to-hand and swordsmanship, with a focus on control, I slowly got better and better at using my newly improved stats.
The spar with Ryuu yesterday had already done wonders for my practice, but being able to fully understand my new strength and speed without the focus on fighting was a necessary experience.
Done with my general practice, it was now time to practice concurrent chanting.
Leaving where I left off, I chanted Aqua Corona while slowly walking, noticing that I had no problem remembering the chant.
Is my memory enhanced by the falna?
Or it may be an instinctual ability to remember the chant of one's magic.
After all, no point in a chanted magic if you forget the chant.
Three actions, done together in perfect harmony.
Actions that I have mastered.
Chanting, learned from my initial practice of it yesterday.
Mind control, from my extensive use of Celestial Ascent in battle.
And walking, from, well... you know, walking.
In tandem, however... that is the crux of the issue.
Now, what will I need to focus my attention on?
Well, later on, it will be the surroundings and the battle.
For now, though, chanting is what is 'newest' for me.
And simply let my experience and instinct guide my mind control and physical movements.
Most importantly keeping my mind under control, lest I mess up and create an Ignis Fatuus.
I learned that term yesterday with Ryuu when learning about concurrent chanting, it's when the user loses control of the mind powering a magic, causing the magic to self-destruct or lose control, often harming the user.
Although it's unheard of to happen with chantless or short-chant magic, it still would have been nice to know, Alise.
Anyways, when concurrent chanting, the probability of an Ignis Fatuus increases greatly, though, with my great mind control, I should be fine as long as I'm mindful of it.
From Ryuu's envious gaze while explaining that part, I can guess she had some trouble with Ignis Fatuus when learning concurrent chanting.
Welp, here goes nothing.
----- 3 Hours Later -----
Done with my shower, I make my way downstairs after dressing in some casual clothes, pocketing the bracelet meant for Ryuu, just in case.
Entering the common room, I see the girls resting after dinner, all having finished their day's patrol.
Before I could sit down, I take notice that a certain Elf is not around.
"Hey, anyone seen Ryuu around?"
Alise's expression shifts into a slight frown.
"She's out in the garden. But she seemed a little... off. We tried talking to her but she said she needed some alone time. I think you should try to talk to her, maybe you could help."
"Oh, ok."
Looking over to Mother Astraea, she gives me a small smile before nodding her head in the direction of the garden.
I guess they had that talk, huh?
Welp, might as well get this over with, the last thing I would want is to mess up the Familia's dynamic.
Walking through the familiar stone path, I find Ryuu sitting against the gazebo wall, staring up at the dusking sky with an anxious expression.
"Hey."
Fuck.
So awkward.
Jumping at my presence, Ryuu quickly forms a blush while looking down.
Sitting next to her with a gap between us, I try to start a conversation.
"So, what's wrong?"
Haa, it seems my experience with women did not translate well into this world.
"-on't know."
"Hmm?"
"I don't know!"
Raising her voice, I look over to see misty sky-blue eyes and a quivering red lip.
"Ever since coming to Orario, ever since meeting you, these... feelings I haven't felt before keep coming up! Over and over and over again! What am I supposed to do!? Mother said to figure out these feelings, but I feel so lost! And scared! I was fine with the heat that rose from my chest... I-I even liked it! But now it just scares me! Whenever I see you or Alise, all I can think of is what Mother said about love, and it's confusing, Sirius! So, damn, confusing!"
Okay...
Well, I am very glad I asked Mother Astraea to talk to Ryuu about this.
I don't even want to imagine what it would be like if she kept unknowingly bottling everything up.
Letting her take some deep breaths after pouring her heart out, I review everything she confessed.
So she's confused and scared.
Of course she is, I felt the same with my first relationship and that was after growing up in a loving environment.
With her old forest being so... disconnected from emotions, and suddenly having all these new feelings grow at once, it would frighten anyone.
Hold up.
Did she just say...
"Ryuu?"
I turn my head to see a familiar set of flaming red locks stepping into view with a hesitant expression on her face, cheeks dyed red with a blush.
Hoo boy, is this a fucking soap opera or something?
No matter the outcome, I'm absolutely getting as drunk as possible tonight.
----- Alise POV -----
I felt ashamed listening in on their private conversation.
I wanted to know what was wrong with Ryuu, and knowing how she feels about Sirius, I figured he was the best way to get her out of her funk, or at least talk about it.
But I never expected their private conversation to be this... private.
And I never thought I would continue to eavesdrop despite this fact.
But I did.
Hearing her outburst, multiple emotions rushed to my head.
First was worry over how Ryuu felt so scared and... vulnerable.
Second was shame.
Shame that I hadn't thought the Elf anything about love and feelings despite knowing she was lacking in that knowledge.
Some captain I am, huh?
Lastly, of course, was embarrassment.
She... has feelings for me?
I... never would have thought.
In our world where female relationships are few and far between, never would I think she would reciprocate my feelings.
But... she feels the same way about Sirius.
And from how the two look at each other, there's no doubt he feels the same.
It hurts, knowing there's no room for me.
But I had already expected this.
Masked my emotions behind a veil of cheerfulness.
Hid the ache in my heart when they had a moment by teasing the two.
Now that she's essentially confessed... my fantasies of being with the two can finally be put to rest.
The rare, shy smile of the beautiful Elf that captivated me for so long.
The fierce, heroic expression of the white-haired teen, making me fall deeper in love each time.
I can finally, finally be free of these feelings that plagued my heart.
So... why?
Why am I walking towards them?
Unconsciously, the name that's been stuck in my mind for so long flows through my mouth.
"Ryuu?"
Her eyes widen in fear, making me feel even more guilty.
This was a moment meant for them, where the two confess and get married under the moonlight like in all those romantic novels, and I ruined it.
How could I-
I feel a familiar warm, loving hand rest on my shoulder.
Turning to the owner, I see Mother giving me a warm smile.
"Now, I want you all to be truthful, and I'll know if you're lying. And Alise, it's ok to be selfish once in a while, I'm certain everything will work out."
Huh?
What do you mean 'it will all work out' you virgin goddess!?
The hand on my shoulder tightens its hold while Mother's smile turns... scary.
"Alise~"
Haa, fine.
Sorry to complicate things, you two, especially Sirius, but I guess this might have come out eventually.
So it's fine, I'll tell everything to the two of you, Sirius will confess his love to Ryuu, then the two will let me down softly.
Easy.
And this whole... thing will be over.
"Alright. Umm... I like- no, I love you two, the both of you. Ryuu, I've loved you for a while, who knew that you might have felt the same, huh? And Sirius, I think I started crushing on you right after your astonishing introduction, and have grown to love you for everything you are."
Feeling my eyes tear up slightly, Mother brings me into her embrace.
"Thank you, Alise. Now, Ryuu, how did that make you feel?"
Turning my head, I see that Ryuu is sporting a large blush and playing with a strand of her long, golden hair while Sirius is wearing a shocked expression, cheeks slightly flushed.
Hmm~ I quite like the faces they're wearing~
"A-Alise, you l-love me?"
Nodding to the confused Elf, she then starts playing with her ear which was now glowing crimson.
"But, why!? You know how horrible I was at first! How could you love such a stupid, hateful Elf like me?"
"Because you changed, overcame your past. I think that overshadows how you were before, and besides, I've grown to love who you are now, not the Ryuu of the past. Although, it was really cute seeing your past self grow out of her stoic shell."
A silence then permeates the surroundings, broken by a long sigh.
"Haa... what the hell is this development. And I bet this is playing right to your tune, Mother Astraea."
"Fufufu, I do enjoy seeing my girls wear such rare and genuine expressions. Now, don't you have something to say?"
Removing his hand from his forehead Sirius then looks toward Ryuu before turning toward me, his eyes calculating, as if deep in thought.
Kya~ Why is he looking at me so seriously like that!?
And why do I like it so much!?
"Alright. Ryuu, I love you, and have for a while. I held off with my feeling because I knew you couldn't understand love, and I didn't know how the Familia would react. I also needed to be sure of my love since we would be life partners. As for you Alise, I like you, honestly, I can confidently say I love you the same as Ryuu."
Huh?
My heart starts beating rapidly and I can see Ryuu's face grow somehow even redder.
But... why did you never look at me like you do with Ryuu?
"It's just... I didn't ever think you would feel the same, so I decided to suppress those feelings. And- agh! Is that all Mother Astraea!? Are you happy now!? I love both of you, a lot, and I have no idea what the hell is going on!"
Looking down, I close my eyes and breathe deeply, trying to calm myself down.
My meditation was broken by Mother pushing me toward the two.
"Now that all of your feelings are out there, I can leave you all to yourselves. I hope to hear some good news!"
----- Sirius POV -----
And she just leaves.
Mother Astraea, you, you...
Haa, ok. Alright. Let's get things straight.
"So... just to be completely clear. I love both of you girls. And Alise, you love Ryuu and me."
Receiving a timid nod, I turn to Ryuu.
"And Ryuu, although these feelings are all new and scary to you... do you feel the same?"
Her eyes widen slightly before turning her head to the side, hiding from both of us.
That's very cute Ryuu, but now is not the time for that.
"I-I think so. Y-Yes, I do love you, both of you. I-I don't really know what to do with these feelings, but-"
She then turns toward the both of us with a shy expression, her eyebrows turned upwards in slight apprehension.
"-I want to discover this love with both of you."
The breeze picks up, blowing her golden hair across her face while the falling petals of the surrounding flowers dance through the air.
A picturesque cliche confession scene.
But extremely powerful nonetheless.
Wait wait wait.
"So... all three of us? Together?"
Ryuu then looks up at me, her eyes watering.
"Is that... no good?"
Agh! Critical hit!
Since when were you this kind of character, Ryuu!?
"I-I'm ok with it, I was just asking! And Alise? What do you think."
The ever-confident captain, her face nearly the same colour as her hair, looks at the two of us with... hope?
"R-Really!? I mean, yes! Absolutely yes!"
She then takes us both into a tight hug, burrowing her face between my and Ryuu's chest, an expression of pure bliss on her face.
A few moments later, she separates from the embrace, wiping her slightly teary eyes with a large grin.
Feeling the familiar heat rise from my chest, there's no doubt I do indeed love the red-headed beauty.
Looking up at the newly-darkened sky, I reach into my pocket.
"Well, that was quite eventful. Now, Ryuu, I'm not sure if this qualifies as 'being under moonlight', but it feels like the time to give this."
Pulling out the bracelet, I hear a sharp gasp escape both girls' mouths before taking the Elf's hand and fitting the bracelet onto her wrist, just like the books said Elven proposals go.
"Before I finish, let me preface this by saying I'm just as serious about you, Alise, just give me some time to find a good ring."
The blush on Alise's face that had receded comes back in full force as she gives me a demure nod, her mouth open in shock.
"Now, Ryuu. I promise to reach level 7 and join you through every trial our boundless lives shall endure. I will love you, and only you- wait, I guess you and Alise. Shit, I messed it up."
Ryuu's wide-eyed look of wonder shifts to a smile as she giggles in amusement, Alise joining in.
"Whatever. I'll be with you for all of our lives and love you unconditionally until the end of time. So, will you marry me and become my life partner?"
Wiping the single tear from her fairy-like face, she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear before taking both my and Alise's hands, bringing them both up to her face and giving them a light peck with her lips, sending a shock through my arm.
"It would be my pleasure."