Cat With a Raygun

Cancer sucks!

That was the last thought Joe had before losing consciousness for the final time in his life. Still, he was grateful for a couple of bright sides to his situation: he had enough time to say goodbye to his wife, children, and grandchildren, but not so much time that his retirement savings would all be eaten up by medical fees in the estate. Joe didn't believe in an afterlife, even so, he had some weird thoughts going through his subconscious. He heard a strange voice speaking in a language he'd never heard before, yet he was perfectly able to understand it, almost like it was English.

“Soul migration from U-573-LMT commencing. Error! Destruction of U-782-NRF affecting soul recycling system. One soul unit has been rerouted to U-540-REW without cleansing or the guidance of the recycling system. Without guidance or an open receptacle the soul will be lost.”

Sucks to be that guy, Joe chuckled to himself in his semi-lucid state.

- - - - -

The next thing Joe was aware of was the pain he'd been feeling for the last couple of months was gone. In its place was a burning in his chest and he couldn't breathe. He felt wet and like he was lying on rocks rather than the hospital bed. Joe quickly flipped over with strength he hadn't had in weeks and expelled the water in his lungs. Death was something Joe had already come to terms with, yet here he was fighting to survive again cause he felt different. After an agonizingly long time he was finally able to get air into his lungs.

Finally opening his eyes Joe noticed a lot of changes. For one, he was outside, on the rocky bank of a small river next to a forest. His clothes were weird, like something from a movie about frontiersmen. He had weird physical sensations that he'd never felt before, like he had different, extra muscles than before. Oh, yeah, and his hands were covered in wet fur.

Flipping around to the river Joe looked at his reflection and wasn't quite prepared for what he saw. Staring back at him from the river was a cat. Not like a house cat or a lion or something you'd see in a zoo, but a humanoid cat with gray and white striped fur and big blue eyes. The extra things he felt were his whiskers and tail. Apparently they were both feeding new sensory input to his brain.

Joe sat back on the rocky riverbank trying to understand what happened. Was that weird voice he heard a real thing? Or was this whole thing just misfiring neurons in the last moments of his life? It certainly felt more real than a dream or hallucination. It couldn't hurt to go along with it.

Suddenly Joe heard a chime, but not with his ears, he heard it in his head.

What's that? Joe wondered. As soon as he focused on the chime, he saw another new thing. A screen appeared in the forefront of his view, a 2-dimensional screen like the kind he saw in video games he used to play with his kids. Words began to write themselves onto the screen.

CWEST Guidance Service initiated.

Unique situation detected.

Please stand by during extrapolation.|

The message ended with a blinking cursor, like it was just waiting to write more. With nothing else to do, Joe decided to wait. The screen took up most of his view and was rather intrusive, but it didn't seem like he could do much with it. On second thought, he noticed a small X in the top right corner. Reaching out to touch the X, nothing happened. He felt nothing as his hand passed through the screen, nor did he feel anything at the X itself. Well, he had focused on the chime to get the screen to appear in the first place, so he focused on the X and tried to hit it mentally. That did the trick and the screen disappeared.

No sooner did his vision clear up than he noticed a large crab about the size of a breadbox scuttling up to him. Apparently the crab felt like it owned the riverbank, cause it immediately tried to pinch Joe with its claws. Joe looked around and saw a decent piece of driftwood that could be used as a club. Quickly dodging the crab and grabbing the club, Joe tried to hit it. Before the club could make contact with the shell of the crab it intercepted it with its left claw. The crab was shockingly strong and Joe couldn't push through its grip. Worse than that, the crab squeezed its claw shut and sheared right through the thick wood like it was a vegetable.

“Glad that wasn't my leg.”

Joe quickly backed further away from the crab, hoping it would back down once its territory was clear. That chime rung out in his head again, but Joe was in no position to open up the screen, he didn't want his vision obstructed until he was safe from the menace of the crustacean before him.

Just like the crabs he's used to back on Earth, the large, extra sharp variety in front of him had problems with forward movement, so he was able to retreat off the bank of the river. Joe turned around and ran towards the closest tree large enough to support his weight. Unfortunately the lowest branches were too high for him reach. A quick glance revealed the same state on all of the large trees around, and the smaller ones didn't look sturdy enough to support his mass.

Again the chime sounded in his mind, and Joe continued to ignore it, but the slight distraction did let his thoughts to move in a new direction. Joe remembered that he was now a cat man, and sure enough he had extendable claws at the end of his fingers and toes. Hoping they were strong enough to support his climb, Joe tried his best to find purchase in the rough bark of the tree and start climbing up to the branches. It hurt cause he was pretty sure he was doing it wrong, but Joe was able to make his way up to the branches of his safety tree before the crab could get to him.

Hoping the crab didn't have similar skills, Joe looked down and saw it snapping its claws in futility in his direction, like a warning or a curse for the potential meal that got away. The chime rang again and Joe finally acknowledged it and allowed the screen to open.

Extrapolation completed.

Unique situation of Joseph Pinkerton warrants slight allowance in starting abilities.

Passive ability Tongue of All has been added to your ability list.

Welcome to the CWEST Guidance Service. As a sapient creature beyond the age of physical maturity you are granted an initial class. Please review your starting statistics and choose a class that appeals to you and your strengths.

Joe continued to stare at the screen expecting it to change to show his statistics, but it remained the same.

“Uh, how do I view my statistics?”

As soon as Joe said statistics a new screen appeared, covering the old one.

Individual Statistics

Name: Joseph Pinkerton

Age: 18

Race: Felinoid

Class: Level 1

Profession: N/A

Hit Points: 6/6

Stamina: 10/10

Strength: 4

Agility: 8

Vitality: 3

Toughness: 2

Intelligence: 9

Wisdom: 5

After reviewing the information provided in the screen Joe hoped the scale of attributes wasn't too large, otherwise he was sorely lacking. Figuring he had to mentally activate the prompt next to his class, Joe did so and was rewarded with a third screen being opened.

Starting Class Options:

Warrior- key attributes Strength and Toughness

Scout- key attributes Agility and Wisdom

Mage- key attribute Intelligence

Deciding to go with the class that matched his highest attribute, Joe picked Mage.