LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 104 — Y5: Annoying Old Pervert
Okay~
Are you ready for me taking this a touch more… seriously, this time?
Hehehe~ Too bad! Let’s go!
Mmmph~ You lasted a bit longer than I thought you would.
Here, let me just… help energize you a bit…
Haaa… haaaaa… okay, you… you took to those enhancement spells a bit better than I thought you would…
…Well done, very well done.
I’m going to need some -- haha, hooo, I’m going to need to adjust my tactics for the next time. Ramping you up like that is amazing fun, but I seriously need to be able to breathe, you know?
Not to mention you need to figure out how to last longer on your own. The stronger the base, the more effective the enchantment, after all.
Okay. Okay.
Ready for storytime?
Great! Let’s go.
Now, where was I…
…Oh, right.
That… fucker.
Ugh.
Ugh!
I say again: UGH!
Look, this is just -- it’s really, really dumb, do you really want to know --
Uuuuuuuuuuugh.
Fine, fine.
It’s just -- ugh, you know?
Before I get into it, let me explain shards and minting in more detail.
So. Let’s say you stumble upon a floating shiny thing of infinite power. Naturally, you poke it, because you’re a human and humans can be really dumb.
Oh come on, I’m including myself in that, succubus skin or no!
So you poke the shiny thing and it wants to enter your body. And merge with you. And grant you POWER! In exchange for taking your soul.
What it actually wants to do is replace your soul. It’s a different storage format -- it copies the soul into its own archive, and then it takes the place of it. That’s how somebody becomes a god.
As a quick side note -- if you take possession of a shard, have it residing inside of you without letting it encroach on your soul, you become a demigod. You technically have the full powers of a god, but without the instinctual usage of it. That's what Sumiko had, what a demigod is.
…Um. Right, back on track.
You poke this shiny thing, and you know it wants to eat your soul! OooOOOoooh!
But you, poor human you, don’t really know that, so you force it back out.
But! But but but buuuut~ it touched you, and it knows what you think. And in that moment, it changed reality based on your thoughts.
For example, it might have given you, say, a jolt of energy, or say, a flash of insight into the ‘truth’ of things.
…But it only works how you expect it to work, and how you want it to work.
So for gaining, say, an ability, you'd only be able to get things you find believable, that fit how you think the shard and world work.
And if you're granted insight into 'the true nature of reality', well.
It doesn’t grant actual insight into any kind of truth.
It just tells you what you want to hear.
So if you’re an old pervert who never managed to have nearly as much sex as they wanted in their life, and had or was still bemoaning how they could never push themselves to cross certain moral boundaries to get more of what they wanted, then -- well.
As a ‘random’ example, it could make you utterly convinced that the shard grants power based on perversion. That to reach it, you must have a certain level of lewd degeneracy. And that it only grants power equivalent to how much ‘pervert power’ you have managed to accumulate.
Then, following this completely random example, you might decide to set up a hot spring spa specifically so that you could perv on the girls that visited it through a well-hidden peephole. Thus gaining more ‘pervert power’ to use to have this floating thing grant you more wishes.
You know.
As a random example.
And completely by chance, that’s exactly what happened to the old pervert!
…I stand by all examples being theoretically random.
I know what I said.
As for how we figured it out, well.
Zaylee had her time to shine.
Why?
Because she has two bodies, and everybody wants to fuck twins.
Well, everybody with a sex drive, at least.
If you think you don’t then you are not nearly perverted enough to be hearing my story.
By that point, Zaylee had had plenty of practice at acting as if her two bodies were separate entities. One could fight while the other did paperwork, for example.
After an intense brainstorming-slash-blowjob session with Takeo, we came up with the perfect plan for her to get the old pervert's guard down:
Act as moronic as possible.
You know, things like, ‘Ahn~ Sis, stop groping me!’ ‘But siiiis, I’m pretty sure your tits are bigger than mine!’ ‘No way! Yours have always been bigger, let me compare them!’ ‘S-sis, we shouldn’t be touching each other like this…’ ‘You started it, sis!’
And then they start kissing and groping each other and fingering each other and they end up cumming and --
-- a-ah. Um.
Right.
… … …
Y-yeah, yes, them being specifically like that was my idea.
But so what?! It worked!
'Zay' and 'Lee' went to the old pervert -- Takeo had helped him build his hot spring before we let her loose -- and they got his guard down with pathetic ease. From there, it was a simple matter of using one body to distract him, while the other snooped around -- or having one body follow him while the other set up an alibi.
The shard turned out to be in a cave hidden behind some bushes, vines, and trees that he had… ah…
…’Decorated’.
With crudely drawn images of sexy ladies, tits, and dicks.
And also with what appeared to be something masquerading as holy cloth set up on the walls.
Zaylee reported that she couldn’t actually enter the cave, but she could watch as the old pervert struggled to get in further, and further, and just barely reached out of sight before he started walking back, panting.
Once we knew where the shard was, it was a simple matter of distracting the old pervert so we could all get to the cave. It’s amazing how easy it is to distract a man who thinks more with his dick than his brain.
At the time we wanted to explore the cave, Jessica, Sumiko and Shimizu were busy; leaving me, Zaylee, Takeo and Yuki to try to enter the cave.
We walked in and Zaylee found she couldn’t even enter the cave. Yuki felt a slight pressure, but nothing more.
We decided to walk further in, to see what would happen.
Yuki managed to reach a bit past the bend that left the inner cave unviewable from the outside, before she decided she'd had enough and just walked out.
Oh she could have gone further, that was obvious.
She just didn’t want to bother doing so.
Takeo and I glanced at each other, shrugged, and continued on.
Neither of us felt even a hit of resistance, after all.
The shard was deep in the cave, and the cave wound back and forth in an odd, serpentine pattern that I’m reasonably sure was manufactured instead of natural. Just a hunch.
By the time we saw the shard, Takeo was only just starting to feel some pressure while I still felt absolutely nothing of the sort. We both sped up upon seeing it, rushing forward, and we managed to reach the makeshift pedestal that the old pervert had created for it.
The pedestal was raw stone sculpted to look like a giant, erect penis. That was spraying out cum. In a wave. A wave that made the flat top upon which the shard rested.
…Because of course it was.
Takeo was breathing a bit heavily, but I was still fresh as a daisy as we discussed who should take it.
I wanted it for myself; I had a lot of things to do, after all!
But Takeo was --
-- well at the time I thought he was so handsome and polite and -- s-stupid brainwashing!
…And he also made a very good argument.
Which was that I couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t impulsively use it to, for example, make myself more attractive to Takeo.
Which was.
…Uh.
Fair, really.
Though Takeo did say that he would absolutely murder me if I didn’t take the damn thing off his hands once I was minted.
…Which, uh.
…Was also, you know. Fair.
Ultimate power is great, but Takeo had no interest in further power beyond what he already had.
We headed back, and as we reached the entrance of the cave, we found that Yuki and Zaylee had tied up the old pervert. He must have realized, somehow, what we were doing, and he rushed to stop us… but when he saw us just walking back out, he cackled a bit about how our perversion was ‘weak’.
Remember my 'theory' from before? Yeah, the cave was set up so that the less perversion you had, the harder it was to enter.
Zaylee who at most had fun doing self-cest with her two bodies wasn’t allowed in. Yuki, who enjoyed dominating others but was surprisingly okay with just not, was allowed part way through the cave.
Takeo, who had entire time loops of dealing with me, managed to make it to the end -- albeit a bit out of breath.
And I managed to get to the end without even trying!
…
I’m still not sure if ‘pride’ or ‘embarrassment’ is the right reaction to that…
Regardless, with that shard in hand, it was relatively easy to clean things up in a manner that the gods most likely wouldn’t notice.
We all had Atlantean Alloy with us the entire time, of course, just to be sure.
And with that annoying side quest over, it was time to deal with the Sexual Submission School for Sluts.
Well, I say ‘deal with’.
In practice, it’s actually fairly easy to dismantle; you just need to sneak through the hallways, avoid the truancy officers, have ear plugs so you don’t get drawn into the classes, find your way into the principal's office, and smash a pretty, if fragile, glass orb.
And never, ever, ever go anywhere near a cheerleader.
It’s a bad idea.
Now, the complicated part comes from how much you want to salvage from the school.
Even the school uniforms can be pretty useful alchemy ingredients -- so long as you can avoid putting them on, of course. Things like the projectors, the chalk the teachers used, the grading books -- oh goddesses above, the grading books are amazing.
You can use them to get, and alter, detailed stats of your entire party! The kinds of things that are normally hidden, like encounter chance rate and evasion percentage! One book per edit, and you can’t do much, but they’re still amazing!
…Provided you can get them out from under the teachers noses, that is.
…And if you're playing the game. In real life MISSY, they're kinda, uh, a lot harder to do things with? They're kinda -- mobile one-use debugger screen shardcraft-y reality bug things…?
Yeah, I don't know. Takeo had never been able to figure them out in his loops, we used them all up by the time I became a goddess, and Sumiko and Mini were the ones who poked at the ones we got.
Anyway, they were going to the Sexual Submission School, and -- uh.
…
I wasn’t allowed to come with.
Which -- come on!
I’d be awesome at helping out! I have all sorts of blessings that can help me deal with mind control, but nooooo, it was a ‘very precise plan’ and I’m ‘not good at following detailed instructions down to the letter’.
I mean, I’m not, I know that, but still!
It would have been so hot!
…I mean, uh
I would have been so useful!
…Shut up.
S-so. The point is, it was mostly dealt with without my interference. Takeo led the team that handled it, as there are significantly less traps for men in the school than there are for women.
And Takeo managed to, in the process, get a series of items he was going to use to get my blessing from the goddess of mind control.
Which was a fun time, let me tell you.
Unlike usual, let me tell you what the blessing is first, before I go into how I obtained it.
[Rare Blessing: Piper’s Gift]
[Requirements: Break reality’s limits due to overlapping instances of willingly embraced mind control on your own self]
[Effects: I could make this sound super fancy but bleck. Here’s the deets: Having your mind fucked with is super hot, but sometimes, you want to have you mind fucked with in different ways, you know? One day you want to be a maid, the other day a succubus, and no, a succubus maid doesn’t count. Frustratingly, erasing past instances of brainwashing is super hard, and also not fun, so now you don’t have to!
Now you can have as many different brainwashed edicts, rules, limitations, roles, memories, what-fucking-ever you want, even if they contradict!
Especially if they contradict~
You’ll just swap between them based on context and stuff.
You’re welcome~]
…I’ll admit, I’m not fond of the ‘effects’ section. The actual effects are great, but how Piper made it is…
…Though I must say that I do kind of respect her just being herself there.
Well.
As much of ‘herself’ as Piper ever is.
Seriously, it flips by the hour… anyway.
Anyway.
The point is, that Takeo knew exactly how to get me that blessing. It’s simple, really.
He just had to ensure that he brainwashed me to view him in a dozen, a hundred different ways, until MISSY couldn’t handle the contradictions on its own anymore.
And that’s why he helped with the Sexual Submission School for Sluts.
I swear he would have scavenged the sinks if he thought they would have been useful… he practically stripped the school to the ground to prepare for this.
I’ll get into the details next time, but suffice to say?
It was a fun month~