Blood and Qi: A Vampire Xianxia LitRPG

John’s heart hurt sorely. He finally killed his old master. He finally fulfilled his oldest oath of vengeance. He should’ve felt great joy and ecstasy. He felt only darkness and pain.

It felt like John’s heart broke into many small pieces, and each piece bored into his chest and killed all that was good in the world. His wife, his true companion, betrayed him terribly. He didn’t want to kill her, but he had no choice. He didn’t want to be alone again. Life was finally tolerable. But he couldn’t abide such treachery.

When John controlled his anger enough to look at the wife he must kill, the only source of happiness in his too long life, she was kowtowing with her head touching the floor and her one arm stretched forward. “Adon, please let me speak. Please. I beg of you.”

“Your actions have already spoken truly for you, Lilitu. You’ve destroyed my heart. I will hear none of your words, betrayer. Harlot.”

Ignoring what John just told her, Lilly said, “You told me he was more powerful than even you, and he liked to force himself on those hating him most. I was only pretending to enjoy it in hopes he’d stop. You left that animal with me. You’re supposed to protect me. How could I ever stop him from doing as he wanted with me? Just as when I was a child and my father and his friends. I hated every second of it. I spit on his filthy corpse. I hate him with everything within me, more than even I hate my father and my own people.”

Lilly maintained her kowtow as John sat in silence. He wanted to believe her. He didn’t want to be alone again. He sensed her clearly while she joined with Ahn. Either she was the best pretender ever, or she enjoyed it. Enjoyed it even more than she enjoyed lying with her own husband.

“You let the other man join in, Lilitu. You’re lying. I know it. You enjoyed it greatly.”

“No! How could I stop Yan with your master there? I hated every second of it. You know I was pretending. You know it. You are the only man I want.”

John gripped his blade hard and stood. “You betrayed me. Your head is the only answer to such infidelity.”

Lilly screamed out, “Wait!” Crying, she asked, “Take my head, but please know I did not want to betray you. Before you take it, may I hold you one last time? Just let me hold you once before you send me to spend eternity in the cold-dark. Just once more. That’s all I ask before I go. Please, my lord.”

John never gave his consent, but Lilly still rose from the ground and put her arm around John’s neck and placed her forehead on his cheek and held her husband as she cried.

Observing the memory unfold, John saw the eyes of his old self go blank. Lilly lifted her hand and started to softly caress his cheek. As her eyes began to sparkle with the mind power, she said, “Nothing happened today. Your old master never returned. You haven’t seen Han since long before you met me. Before you saved me from my people. I never betrayed you. I’d never betray you. You know that. Take that head off and set it near the corpse.”

John said, “Yes,” and did as commanded.

Lilly held her husband again and continued, “You will never desire any other woman but me. I am the only woman you will ever need. No one else cares for you. Only I care for you. Only I can make you happy. You are only happy when you are with me. There is no corpse on the floor. We need to leave the city in a rush. I lost my arm to an angry mob because I killed too many again.”

John said, “Yes.”

Tears rolled down Lilly’s face as she said, “I’m sorry you saw that, my dear heart. Han said you wouldn’t return until dawn. I thought there was time. I care so much for you. I never want to hurt you. I’m so sorry that I must so often.”

The scene changed to an earlier time, not long after they were married, and John catching his wife cheating on him with one of the men she toyed with and brought low. She promised she had never let any of the men she did that to touch her. She just wanted them to lust over her, and on the night the man thought he could finally have her, she would torture and kill him.

John didn’t like what his wife did to those men, but it sated her bloodlust. And if it stopped her from doing one of her slaughters of many innocents, he would look the other way. When he caught her joining with the man, he was again going to kill her, but she begged to hold him before he sent her to the cold-dark, and he let her, and whatever strange way she put him in a trance and then used the mind power worked on him again.

And it was a strange way to use the mind power. Ahn could never use it that way, and Ahn was much more powerful than Lilly. Ahn had used it on John a thousand times, and John remembered each time, and it could only be used to give commands that had to be obeyed right then without any lingering effects.

A similar scene played out many times. Too many times. John caught her betraying him so many times it was hard to count. There were also many memories of him catching her slaughtering humans in mass and deciding he had to take her head, and she got out of those situations in the same way.

Every time John caught her cheating or murdering too much, it seemed a piece of him was taken and he became littler, as if his soul remembered what happened and it wore him down, making his stature less and less.

Lilly changed in the next scene. She was in her new child-body and had her head to John’s cheek in the roads of New York City, just after she drew the ritual to draw all the dark ones and the other to protect herself.

John’s eyes went blank after Lilly did something to his neck. She looked him in the eyes as she caressed his face. A ball appeared in her hands and many lights curved out if it, some going high in the air to touch the watching spy-drones. She said, “You will do as I say. Reply.”

John just stared blankly. Lilly said, “Fuck me, it isn’t working. Thankfully, the trance-trigger still does. That will always work on you, my dear heart. It goes very deep and uses your true name. There’s a good reason Betrayal considers me a genius. You became resistant to my compulsions before too, you know? You caught me too many times. I had to get choosy. Then I had to get really creative to get it to work better. You can thank me for having such a high [Mental Fortitude]. You’re welcome, my dear heart. I love you so, so much. I need you. And I need you to love me again.

“I know you don’t remember the name you were born to. Now that you know of true names, you probably think it's your first and that you don’t have one and are safe. The power of true names has been known on this world for a long time. It resounds, like how they find concepts on Tech 0 worlds. Yours fits you so well, my pretty little monkey. So trusting. You think people are like you and the monkey tribe you came from. They aren’t, and you’ve always refused to see it. They’re far more like me and deserve everything I do to them.”

Lilly tried to kiss John, but it wasn’t returned. “You know my true name, you know? So many know it, it’s never held any power over me. No matter how far away from this planet I was, so many knew my true name here and other places, protecting me. Demon, witch, vampire, succubus, whatever they think I am, they all know my name. Desire. All desire me. All. And my desire will never be satiated.”

Lilly put more effort into kissing John. He sat there unmoving, and she gave up. “I know the Tree of Life healed you. I don’t know why you’re being such a pussy about fucking me. Remember our first time? It was so wonderful. It was the first time I actually made love. We can have a first time again.

“Sorry, but I’m not waiting until I hit puberty. I’ll go fucking nuts. For thousands of years I fought my way back to you, my dear heart. The man that saved me. That treated me like a queen. That made me so much more than I was. I need you. I love you so much. Only you. Oh, how I've missed you.”

Lilly put her face back on John’s cheek and the ball with the curved lights disappeared. Then she said, “Okay, wake up, my heart’s content.”

The scene changed to the apartment they stayed the night in before John got his body [Perk]. Lilly was apologizing to him for getting them into that mess. She rested her head on his cheek and had her arms wrapped around his neck. She said, “I need to check if the receptive charm is working.” She laughed and said, “Heal-bug! Ha! You are still adorable, my simple monkey. You will do as I say. Reply.”

John made a gurgling noise. Lilly clucked her tongue. “Not great, but progress. Some will get through. The ones you want to believe. Don’t worry, I have more ideas. Everything will be perfect. You’ll see. We’ll be so happy.

“Everyone but me is a false friend. They’re just using you. I’m the only one you can trust. Amber is a whore. Killing her is a good idea. You will never desire any other woman but me. I am the only woman you will ever need. No one else cares for you. Only I care for you. Only I can make you happy. You are only happy when you’re with me. You find me attractive. You desire me greatly, even in this body. You want to fuck me more than anything.”

The scene changed to some other similar ones in the same apartment where the same event happened. It then changed to the basement where Lilly killed many of her own people. She raised her head from John’s cheek and said, “I’m going to pull you into my Mind’s Eye. You will accept the reasons I tell you and forgive me for killing my people. Reply.”

John said, “Aaargh.” Stretch said, “Words.”

“Shut the fuck up, Stretch! Fucking idiot. I’m talking to my husband.” Lilly looked back at John and the anger left her face. “Hmmm, the receptive charm’s part of you now so it should work better than this. What am I missing?”

Caressing John’s face, Lilly said, “Adon, my heart’s content, you will forgive me. You will forgive me. Amber is a dumb whore. Killing her is a good idea. Or at least punching her right in her stupid whore face. You will never desire any other woman but me. I am the only woman you will ever need. No one else cares for you. Only I care for you. You love me so much.

“Fuck your false friends. And all but me are false. You hate them. Only I can make you happy. You are only happy when you are with me. You will forgive me. You find me attractive. You think I’m beautiful and you desire me greatly, even in this body. You want to fuck me so bad. You will forgive me. You will always forgive me.”

Many other similar scenes played out, the last one being at the long table in Hawaii. Lilly softly muttered near his ear, “You will leave with me. Do not attack the g’athu. The Butcher is way too scary. He scares the fuck out of you. You’ve never been so scared before. You will leave with me. You must leave with me. Everything will only be okay if you leave with me.”

The scenes stopped playing.

John felt as if something had changed deep within him.

One part of John was no longer looking at the monster Betrayal. He was only two Johns, and no longer three. One of him was hefting his dantian high on his shoulders, his legs quaking under the titanic strain, and the second was shaking on the ground, his legs spasming out of control.

John’s lower belly was burning with a terrible pain he had only felt once before. He had felt all the types of pain many, many times, and there was no pain like the one he felt during ascension. He was insusceptible to mundane pain, and largely hardened to true pain, and what he felt in his belly was intolerable. Unendurable. Pain that should cause unconsciousness to protect the mind from the trauma of it, yet it didn’t, so he had to suffer it.

John failed to notice when his dantian was completely crystalized. He desperately wanted an end to the agonizing pain he was forced to endure. He didn’t even notice he continued to hold his dantian high on his shoulders for long after the dantian became crystalized.

And suffering through the pain was much easier for John than his last ascension, as his heart was in even greater pain than that which he felt in his belly. He had no idea heartbreak could hurt so acutely. His heart throbbed with unendurable pain, but he was also filled with a great rage, and the rage consumed his mind.

John tried to make his world smaller, as the pain was too great, and he could only focus on enduring from one moment to the next. Just one more moment. And then just one more, and then one more after, trying to completely block out everything besides reaching the next moment. He often failed to do so, and the great betrayal done to him fueled both his rage and the terrible pain in his heart he knew would never lessen.

“John. Hey, buddy, you okay? I know I promised not to bother you, but you’ve just been standing there forever with a crazy look on your face, breathing all heavy and weird like a super psycho. What’s wrong? You don’t want to, uh, kill me or anything. Right?”

John opened his eyes. He was standing in the same position as the other John was while holding the dantian high up. He didn’t know why. The pain in his belly had subsided a great deal. He said to Amber, “No. Not you.”

“Oh. Good. I was worried. Mind if I rank up now? I can help out with your ritual thing after.”

Amber ranked up and assisted John with the ritual to get the next [Perk] in the [SupraType] progression chain called [Fibrilized], which improved his muscular system in various ways, such as increasing the amount and functionality of slow and fast-twitch fibers, strengthening tendons, improving heart function, and improving the make-up of fibrils. It increased the efficiencies of physical [Stats] by two percent each and was the first [Perk] in the [SupraType] chain he could clearly and noticeably feel a difference within himself after acquiring.

Previously, Amber received [Fibrilized] and a demon equivalent [Perk] called [I Am Chosen]. Since, she had refilled her harmony by merging [Skills] and was ready to get a body [Perk] for either her human or demon form. The plan was to get Lilly to help by creating a similar ritual as she did for John, but he didn’t know if that plan would work out any longer. The dead weren’t great at creating rituals.

Amber couldn’t fill her dantian nearly as quickly as John, and since she only had half or so of her essence after she ranked up, after helping with John’s ritual she turned into a frog and started meditating.

John decided to meditate until he filled his dantian before entering his Mind’s Eye. He was too angry to think straight, and his heart hurt too much. He tried not to let it show, but Amber knew something was wrong, and she kept assuming she did something to make John so angry, regardless of how many times he told her she hadn’t.

Once his dantian was full, John entered his Mind’s Eye.

The sight of Avatar enraged John. He yelled out, “You knew! You said nothing! I’m surrounded by false friends!”

John raged for some time, and Avatar stood there silently with a blank face and her head held high. Once he finished yelling, Avatar said, “You know what I am. What we are allowed to do and not do. Every cultivator is an island. We don’t interfere with your interactions and duplicities.”

“Liar! And I’m sick of you switching between I and we.”

“I’m a personality matrix. Sometimes you need to be reminded I’m not real and I don’t make these decisions. I’m a program. The rules of the NCS are sometimes updated, but our core functions haven’t changed in a long, long time. No one would accept the NCS if we were loose lipped with everyone’s secrets and all your lies.”

John said nothing for a long while. He then said, “It hurts so much. My heart hurts so much.”

“I’m sorry, John. I only mimic feelings so I can neither sympathize nor empathize. What I can tell you is something you know well yourself – the pain you’re feeling now will fade away over time, no matter how impossible it may seem right now. You’ve spent your life trying to master your emotions, and you know true mastery is impossible, especially for your race. Emotions and strong feelings can be masked, suppressed, or overcome, but never mastered.

“You’ve been wounded in a way I cannot see, understand, or quantify, but time heals all wounds of the heart. Some cultivators are able to use such instances of heartbreak and betrayal as motivation on their journey up the bloody climb by swearing vengeance or great success or the like. Mediocre cultivators have become great with such motivation to propel them. Do you think that’s possible for you in this instance?”

John said, “Yes. Of course, I will have vengeance. Vengeance is all I ever have. All I’ve ever had.”

Vampire and personality matrix were silent for a long stretch of time. John broke the silence by saying, “I wish I didn’t know. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss. This hurts too much, even in here where pain is greatly dulled. Do you know if Betrayal showed me those memories to hurt me or help me?”

“I’m sorry John, we don’t. But even if we did, you know we still couldn’t tell you.”

John mentally sighed. “I’m sorry I was so angry and yelled at you. You’re lucky. Lucky you never have to feel this. I wish I were like you. If you truly feel nothing, I wish I were like you.”

Avatar put her small glasses on and looked down her nose at John. “You’ve heard the old saying – ‘be careful what you wish for?’ It has never been more applicable. Now it’s time for you to stop moping around like a child. Are you ready to be a man and continue? The g’athu won’t go easier on you because you are suffering heartache.”