Blood and Qi: A Vampire Xianxia LitRPG

Entering his Mind’s Eye, John did the equivalent of letting out a deep breath, as he had no body. He asked Avatar to give him a moment, and entered into himself, the same as he did while meditating, trying to calm himself, balance himself out, and purge himself of the fear and anxiety and fright the cold-dark and Betrayal caused him.

Even with the dullness of emotions his Mind’s Eye provided as relief, settling himself was no easy task. After most of his negative feelings were controlled, John was left with the shame.

I’ve never been so unmanned. And it was witnessed. I begged and cried like the lowest of cowards. I agreed to send those I care most for to the cold-dark. Not just agreed to. I made the attempt. I was going to do it. I wanted to.

This shame is unbearable.

John ran through what happened with Betrayal, trying to figure out what exactly it was all about and why, and trying to decide if he still needed to fear being sent to the cold-dark. Betrayal was called his creator, and he assumed the cold-dark was that being’s creation, and, at least, was the reason the cold-dark was his fate for so long before his soul was returned.

John didn’t like the ancient old one and wanted his life free of the monster. But he knew his feelings and desires mattered not at all, not one bit. From how he understood things, even if he advanced to the pinnacle of power, the peak of Eternal, he could threaten Betrayal no more than a fly could, and any sort of vengeance would never be possible.

John came to believe Betrayal tested him. He was unsure whether he passed or failed. He felt as if he failed, and the shame that burned within him proved it.

Never again will I be made so low. Whether my fate be the Wheel, oblivion, and, yes, even the dreaded cold-dark, I will never be so unmanned again. I wish I could truthfully say I will not fear my fate, whatever it may be. I’ll never stop fearing the cold-dark. How long was I there this time? It seemed so much worse than the first time.

And as to how I will live with this unbearable shame? I will swear now it will never happen again. When things are at their worst, when I’m all twisted up inside, some part of me, some small part, always knows what’s right to do. I shall ignore what’s trying to twist me up. I will stay true to the man I want to be.

John thought of some of the memories he saw before Betrayal tested him. He knew one person standing defiantly and not succumbing to the pressures of all those around them could often have a great impact on events. There could be a great victory even in defeat.

The knight that charged the company while the rest of his order retreated – his fellows, after witnessing his great deed and courage, felt low, and spurred their mounts around and charged too. The company was routed, the whole enemy’s flank collapsed, and the opposing army was forced to withdraw.

One man valuing his oath and honor over his life changed the outcome of a battle, which changed the outcome of a war.

The fearless mother that attacked the soldiers taking her child – the soldiers were pressing her boy into the army. It was the last of her sons, and that one was only ten years of age. That mother’s act sparked a fire in the region, and the old men and women fought back. The king had to put the rebellion down and lost the war he pressed all her sons into.

One act of defiance from a bitter old mother that had too much taken from her caused a kingdom that was trying to expand to collapse instead.

The one John thought on the most often was the farmer. The man had no great impact on bigger events, but he stood no less defiantly than any other. The farmer had no hope at all. No man so poor and so cursed would ever get another wife. Every day he got up poor and miserable, did miserable, backbreaking work, and went to bed poor and miserable and alone.

One broken man with every reason to give up never did.

And it wasn’t just that farmer. The number of men and women John had seen in his long life that had miserable lives and nothing to live for but found the strength to go on regardless of what horrors fate inflicted on them were too numerous to count.

Many times in John’s life he had been too miserable and too lonely to go on, but his need to avoid the cold-dark forced him to. During those times when life felt unbearable, he would think of all those he’d seen that had it far worse than he did but kept on going without complaint.

That’s how it went. Some would always rise above. Those that could have a life of plenty and pleasure, instead of bowing their head, instead of being cowed and craven, clinging only to one more day, an extension of their empty existence, the search for comfort and ease, clung, instead, to duty and honor regardless of the hardships those values imposed on their lives.

Others, those who wanted nothing more than an end to their suffering, whose lives had little but despair, rose above by never quitting the fight.

No matter what horror sent people running away in fear, some would always run towards it instead.

No matter how many said yes and fell in line out of fear, a few would always stand fast and say no, even if it cost them their very lives.

Sometimes life got so tough everyone would quit, but some were always able to bear the burden, and endure, and go on, and shake their angry fist at fate and yell out, “You didn’t break me! I’m still standing! Here I am! Still standing!”

John would not be lesser than any of those he remembered and held in high regard – the knight, the mother, the farmer.

John swore to be the best man he could be. The man he wanted to be, and not the lesser man others wanted him to be. He would do what he knew to be right, even if his only reward for doing so was the cold-dark.

There is no Underworld. At best there is oblivion, at worst the cold-dark. Most likely, there is the Wheel and rebirth. I want victory, I want a glorious death worthy of great song, but I want a meaningful death too.

Dying to protect what I care for, to take on all the bad in this world, and what bad is also beyond it too, and save those I care for from it, that is a worthy death. To protect the weak and stop those meaning harm to peaceful people. For duty, oaths sworn, and honor. To die for these things is meaningful.

I will get my body formation, and fight these shadows, and whether I have victory or glorious death, my wife will escape, and live. I will not fall until she is safely away. This I swear.

John, with a clearer mind and purpose, took some additional moments to collect himself and ponder some more before he turned to his other tasks. He knew what his gains were projected to be for his next rank up, but those projections considered his rank up with a completely settled foundation. His foundation seemed pretty solid before he ranked up, and he hoped his gains weren’t drastically reduced as he viewed his [Stats] tab.

STATS

Strength 66.19

Swiftness 65.98

Conditioning 68.74

Min. Power 59.46

Capacity 49.83

Runes 15.03

Physical Fortification 65.22

Elemental Fortification 65.49

Mental Fortification 67.57

Anger flared up in John’s chest. His [Stat] changes were far less than they should’ve been. “Avatar! How did this happen? You said my gains would’ve been four-point-nine-something for each [Stat] if my foundation was fully settled. My foundation was very solid. Not fully settled, but solid. This can’t be right. Some of my [Stats] barely increased. Check again.”

Unsmiling, with a serious look, Avatar said, “John, I told you the soft cap already lowered some of your [Stats] and to expect a reduction in all [Stats] around sixty-five or so. Your gains from ranking up before your foundation fully settled went from a projected four-point-nine-nine-four down to four-point-one-one-two. Not bad at all. The further reduction was from soft caps, except for your [Runes] issue.

“Keep in mind you’re getting far, far more [Stats] per rank up than any other terran, and the same was true for your ascension. For your level, the best most terrans could do is increase [Capacity] by one-point-two, and two other [Stats] by one-point-two. That’s a total [Stat] gain of three-point-six. Four-point-one-one-two in one [Stat] is more than your race is going to get in total at high Copper, regardless of DR and your [Runes] issue. You continue to disregard just how lucky you are. Would you like to see your full summary now?”

Still full of anger, John snapped out, “No! Why doesn’t it show how much I gained? How am I supposed to remember all these numbers?"

Calmly, Avatar said, “You are in complete control of that. You picked the current settings. Only Grandmaster level [Skills] show the amount increased. Would you like all the items in your summary to show how much they increased by?”

“Why would I pick such stupid settings that require me to remember everything? Yes! Of course, change it! And I’m sick of those notes. All the reading you make me do. Great gods below, just tell me important things! If I wanted to be a clerk, I would’ve picked up the quill, not the sword!”

John realized what a fool he was making of himself. Betrayal has me all twisted up inside. I won’t allow it. He thought about why he acted as he did, and believed he saw Avatar as a safe target to take his fear, anxiety, and shame out on. She had no choice but to take his abuse. She had to be nice to him.

Regardless, John found his lack of control shameful. And worrying. He believed he had far too many slips recently. He didn’t remember Avatar telling him any of that about soft caps, but he often didn’t pay attention if someone prattled on.

Doing his best to sound humble and apologetic, John said, “I’m sincerely sorry for my outburst. Such behavior and such an outburst speak very little of me. Please accept my humblest apology and know I appreciate you and all you do for me. I will do my best to ensure this never happens again. What I should have said before is, ‘Yes, please change the settings.’ And thank you.”

Smiling, Avatar said, “Think nothing of it, John. You’ve done all you could, all that’s possible, to increase the soft cap on [Stats]. Your race is not meant to be so powerful so early in the climb. Getting the body [Perk] we decided on should raise soft caps significantly. The only record of [Sunfire Body of the Slave-Empress] is from Sunfire herself, and she had a different category of race and grade, so it won’t work out exactly the same for you, but we’re sure it’ll be a significant help.”

“What race and grade was she?”

Avatar laughed. “Come now, John. If I could’ve told you specifics, I would’ve. I can only state publicly available information and commonly speculated rumors. The most common belief is that she was a theta-type with a race generally on par with your own, though scholars and historians disagree.”

“Can you tell me if my wife lies to me?”

“You know we don’t interfere. Every cultivator is an island. If another entity lied to you or wanted to lead you into a trap or con you or kill you, we couldn’t say anything. That’s fair play and none of our business.”

“I know.” That got John thinking. He asked, “Can you see the rituals Lilly drew? Is it the right one?”

Avatar said, “No idea.”

“Could you tell me a little about rituals, please?”

“This version of the NCS aims for one error in a hundred and sixteen million for rituals since we collect more exact data on our users. The goal of rituals is to reproduce a specific result. The result a user chooses and wants. Most beneficial rituals stored by the NCS result in a permanent benefit commonly referred to as a [Perk]. There are many types of [Perks], most have specific conditions that must first be met and some require specific components. Some, such as sight and body [Perks], are exclusive, and only one can be taken. As with anything, there are some exceptions.”

John asked, “What about body rituals specifically?”

“We have many. Both named and untyped rituals for both body refinement and formations. Many different ones. Do you have a more specific question?” After John didn’t reply, Avatar asked, “Would you like to view some?”

John said. “Before I exit, so it’s fresh in my mind, may I see what the ritual for my body formation looks like? And maybe a couple of untyped ones too?”

“You know [Sunfire Body of the Slave-Empress] is a body refinement, not a body formation, correct? And you can view all the rituals you want, whenever you want. I’ll highlight a sampling for you to view. Just let me know when you want to view them.”

John replied, “I do. And I will. You know I must train? And fill my harmony up to capacity?”

“I do. And you will,” said Avatar, and then laughed.

John was again amazed that Avatar, so real, so personable and likable, was somehow not considered real. What would make her real? What is the divide between artificial and official? How much better would the world be if real people were more like she is?

There were some options available to John. He could merge some [Skills] and reach his goal immediately, but he didn’t think his chances of surviving the upcoming battle favored him, and he wanted to increase [Skills] he would use or could need.

Avatar had no advice on how to defeat the shadows, or refused to share it if she had any. [Flashburst Pulse] could be trained in the least boring way, but the projected gains weren’t accurate, and he wouldn’t realize them until he cast the spell at a target. He did train it for some time by casting it in simulations, called practical training.

Practical training was great for learning weapons, but his [Skills] with such long passed the level the NCS could help with. It helped with non-offensive spells as well, but to a lesser extent. It helped with all [Skills], the majority of which were vocational [Skills], but learning more of [Alchemy] or the like would not be much help to him in the upcoming battle.

John was stuck with the other type of training Avatar offered. The kind he hated, called knowledge and theory training, and it consisted of reading and listening and being questioned and quizzed – what Avatar called learning. He disliked it greatly. And he was unsure if the [Skills] he and Avatar picked and focused on would help him in the fight much, but he suffered through the learning all the same. Surprisingly, he really got into some of it, and even enjoyed taking some of the quizzes.

This learning isn’t all bad. Maybe I’ve been too hard on clerks and priests, thought John.

Gains could not be realized within the Mind’s Eye, but Avatar said knowledge and theory training was easy to quantify for her, and he wouldn’t have to use the [Skills] for them to increase. He just had to think about the [Skill] in the real world and they would increase, and he’d gain harmony.

Since two of John’s [Skills], [Turmoil Within Tranquility Cycling Technique] and [Soul Veil], increased in Mastery level from Neophyte to Novice during his last battle, he was closer to capacity than he thought. He still practiced more once his harmony was projected to be capped out, and he worked on each [Skill] until Avatar told him he had the projected maximum training gain with it.

John worked until he maxed out his training allowance for the day. He would not fail. His wife would escape.

Feeling good about himself and how diligently he took his duty, John checked a few of the rituals Avatar suggested, and tried to memorize how they looked, especially the body refinement he was going to get.

After saying farewell to Avatar, John exited his Mind’s Eye.

The first thing John did outside his Mind’s Eye was look at the ritual while the images were still fresh in his memory. He hadn’t really checked out the large room they occupied very closely. Lilly had been busy. All the furniture was moved, and new ritual circles littered the ground. The two largest looked somewhat like the untyped body formation ritual circles he viewed. None of them looked anything like the body refinement ritual he was supposed to be getting.

John thought about each [Skill] he trained, including [Essence Manipulation], [Breath of the Serpent Clan Endless Technique], [Turmoil Within Tranquility Cycling Technique], [Blood Manipulation], [Unbind Manifestation], [Unbind Defense], and [Manifestation Defense]. That should have increased them all by two, besides [Essence Manipulation], which should’ve increased by one. He felt for his harmony. It felt full.

Lilly was exactly where she was when John entered his Mind’s Eye. Her brows were in the process of unfurrowing, and an amused smile was forming on her face, as she knew she said something that made John uncomfortable.

“My harmony is now full, you cow-girl. I don’t see anything that looks like the correct body refinement ritual. What are these new ones for?”

The half-formed smile fell off Lilly’s face. “Ugh, that was fast. Let me guess, approaching one? Well, I guess some of the things that made me special also make you special.”

Without missing a beat, Lilly continued. “One of them is to draw and intensify sunrays since we definitely can’t wait until noon. One is the body formation ritual you’ll do if we don’t make it till dawn. The other body formation is for if we do make it.”

John was at a loss for words. He assumed Lilly was up to some game, that she’d try to trick him, but she seemed open and honest about the rituals not being the one he needed for the body he was getting. The body refinement he was getting.

Before John could think of what to say, Lilly added, “I see the wheels spinning in your head, my heart. You know this is my thing, right? Rituals. You think I want my husband to be weak? You think I’d trick you into getting a bad body? Why? So you’d die? What would happen to me then? If I wanted to kill you, I could’ve killed you a thousand times while you cultivated.”

Lilly wagged her finger at John as she said, “That hurts. I thought we moved past this shit. Things were better. Getting better.”

John’s shoulders slumped before he said, “I didn’t think you were trying to kill me. I’m just wondering why I couldn’t see the correct ritual, is all.”

Lilly walked over to John and sat in his lap. She put her arms around his neck and her forehead on his cheek. “You need to trust me. This is what I do, my pretty little monkey.

“Tell you what – we’re doing pretty good on time. You finished well ahead of schedule and unless they change how they’re searching, we’ll make it to dawn without issue. Since you ranked up, your core isn’t full anymore. Cultivate what you can. I’ll wake you if they get close or a little before dawn.

“Without the sun you can’t get the body you want so you’d be stuck with mine anyways. If I wake you before dawn, I’ll explain why the circle is how it is. If you disagree with my reasoning, I’ll lend you my materials and you can draw your own exactly as the NCS wants. If it will even let you without meeting its requirements. And you don’t for harmony and the noon sun.

“How does that sound to my heart’s content? Deal?”

John put his arm around his wife and moved her off him. “Deal.”

Closing his eyes, John looked at his dantian. It was some way over half full. From how rushed Lilly was earlier, he didn’t think dawn was far off and didn’t want to waste time with [Coiled Center of the Universe Energy Gathering Technique]. He collapsed his mind in on itself, meditating in the way he always had.